Warnings: Sex, violence, talks of child abuse, talks of physical abuse, talks of murder. I'll probably add more as I write, but if you see anything you want me to add just tell me and I will!
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Yawning widely Callen scrubbed a hand over his face before reaching out to pick up the coffee mug he had on his desk. At this point he was pretty sure that his blood was now mostly coffee and that his body was going to give into caffeine overdose.
Exhaustion had taken up residence in his bones as he went between his work and his home trying to get everything figured out. It wasn't as if he was upset about any of it. Hell, he was thrilled about it. Just dead tired as well.
The progress was slow, but he was finally seeing more of the man he had fallen in love with in his husband. He was smiling more often and doing things around the house or even just surfing online for things the baby was going to need.
Most days that was. He still had his bad days where there was nothing that was going to drag him out of their bed. It broke Callen's heart to see the strong, intelligent man that he knew turn into someone else.
Those days were getting further and further apart though. For the most part they only really happened whenever Deeks was forced to leave the house. It was usually to go to the therapists, but the idea of leaving the house just set him in a sour mood.
Callen wasn't really sure if it was the fact that he was out of his comfort zone or because they were going to a therapist, but the man hated it. He had actually tried to get out of it a few times earlier in their sessions.
They couldn't afford that though. Mostly because it wasn't just talking about how everything had changed. The therapist was actually the one teaching Deeks how to live with his disability and how to understand sign language.
The younger man had argued that he could just have someone on the team teach him. That wasn't untrue. Sam and Eric both knew sign language and he was sure that Hetty herself knew it as well. That wasn't the point.
At least not according to the doctor. He wanted Deeks to learn how to live around people outside his circle. Something that sounded like it made sense, but only made them both more frustrated with the whole situation.
Callen had no idea what else he could do though. He couldn't just sit back while his husband locked himself away. He also couldn't continue to watch as he got more and more frustrated with everything that was happening.
Dropping his head to his desk he resisted the urge to bash it in. Maybe a little more pain would stop the pain that was already there. Yeah, that didn't make any sense in his mind, but that was par for the course for him lately.
"Callen," Kensi called resting a hand on his arm causing his head to jerk up.
Sky blue eyes darted around the bullpen and saw both Kensi and Sam watching him. If he was a little more awake he was sure he'd be able to tell what they were thinking. He didn't have the energy for that though.
His mouth opened to tell them that he was fine when his eyes locked on the empty desk across from him. Even after all this time he wasn't used to not seeing his husband staring right back at him with a smile of his own. He doubted he ever would be.
It felt so wrong to not have the man there at work. The whole space was just empty without him sitting there snarking with Kensi or being teased by Sam or just sitting there quietly working on the days paperwork.
One of the reasons Callen had been a little more willing to enter a relationship with the man was because he knew that at the end of the day he didn't have to lie. When they went on a date or got home from work they both knew what happened that day.
They could talk about anything under the sun and there was no risk. Or they could sit there in silence and know why the other person just wanted to not be alone. That was something he had never had before. Something he had lost.
No one on the team would care if he continued to tell the younger man what happened on their cases. Whether or not Deeks worked with them he was a part of the team. Nothing was ever going to change that.
It was Deeks that told him not to tell him what happened at work. He wasn't ready to have the life he used to live thrown in his face. So Callen didn't talk about the day he had and he made sure no one else did.
Right now the younger man needed superficial things that didn't remind him of anything he had lost. It wasn't the easiest thing to do since their lives revolved around work, but they all made it work. For him.
That didn't mean it didn't hurt. Callen missed that connection that he had with his husband. The ability to finally have someone there that he didn't have to pretend around. He could be himself and know that that was good enough.
He knew that it would take time to get back everything they had, but at the same time he… He was thinking too hard about it all. He was a man with a lot of regrets. He didn't want any of them to be about his husband.
Not that Deeks was really letting that happen. The man was working overtime at their home. Everything was perfectly cleaned and there was always something freshly cooked whenever he came home. He had turned into a real homebody.
Which wasn't who the man was, but it was how he was coping so Callen couldn't complain. The younger man had also gotten a jump start on the babies bedroom. Which was good since they on had sixteen weeks before the baby was born.
A small smile came to his lips as he thought about the room. It was so beautiful. Light purple walls with dark gray trim. The bassinet and other furniture was a lighter gray color while the curtains were a dark purple.
There were some books and stuff animals around the room as well as a rocking chair placed by one of the windows. They still had a few things they wanted to get, but it was perfection in Callen's eyes. Absolute perfection.
"Callen," Kensi repeated a little louder knocking him from his thoughts.
"Sorry," he mumbled before clearing his throat and sitting up fully, "Sorry."
"Maybe you should go home and get some sleep. We're just waiting for a lead from the Super Twins. We can call you when we get something."
"No, I'm fine."
He watched as Kensi and Sam exchanged a worried look causing him to sigh. Everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around him. Not that that was surprising, but he was starting to get more than a little annoyed.
People worrying about him and acting as if he was going to explode made him want to do just that. He knew that things weren't alright at the moment. They were better than they were and they were getting better. That was all he could ask for.
"Are things not getting better with Deeks?" Sam asked his voice low.
"Guys," Callen glared at his team feeling each one of his years, "We're… We're as good as we can be right now. It's not as if this is easy. He's trying to learn his new way of life while both of us are trying to learn sign language. We're having some ups and downs, but we'll be fine once all of that works out. Which it will."
"We know that," Kensi jumped in with a crooked smile, "We're just concerned. You seem really stressed and Deeks is..."
"I know. I'm appreciate the concern, but it's unneeded. We just have to find a pattern. After we learn sign and the baby's room is completed then everything will be fine."
"THE WHAT?!" Sam and Kensi yelled both jumping to their feet.
Callen looked between the two of them for a moment before his words sunk in. He couldn't believe that he had forgotten to tell them about the baby after all this time. His mind really was starting to go.
Shaking his head the agent started to laugh to himself. He had no idea what it was that he found so funny, but as he sat there he found himself doubled over in laughter while his team sputtered in confusion around him.
When he finally started to calm down he wiped the tears of joy from his eyes as he got to his feet as well. As soon as he was up Kensi pulled him into a bear hug before pulling back and placing a kiss to his cheek.
"You and Deeks are having a baby?" she asked as Sam hugged Callen.
"Yeah," Callen grinned happily feeling so much lighter than he had before, "We're having a baby."