Chapter 13
Louise's breathing slowed after a few minutes and she turned to look at Spencer. He'd lain down beside her so their heads were side by side, his arm across her waist, hugging her to him. His dark eyes were staring at her intently, trying to commit this moment to memory. She smiled, feeling a little awkward at what had just passed between them.
"Hey", she said quietly. She turned onto her side and he readjusted his position so they were facing each other. She reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers.
"That was incredible," she said, unsure how to proceed. Spencer smiled and looked down at their hands.
"It was certainly new for me," he said.
She was unsure how to take that so she touched his cheek, trying to figure out his facial expression. He pressed his cheek into her hand and closed his eyes.
"I feel a bit selfish," Louise said, "that was all for me..."
He shook his head and held the hand she had pressed to his face.
"No it was perfect," he kissed the back of her hand and stifled a yawn.
"Are you tired? Do you want to go to bed? Here, I mean, do you want to stay? Just to sleep..." She trailed off unsure of his expression.
He leaned forward and kissed her softly, tangling his hand in her hair again. She moaned and kissed him back harder, pulling him to her. She wanted him, she just wasn't sure what he wanted. He slowed their kissing down until her pecked her on the lips and rubbed his nose to hers,
"I'm going to head home," he said, "thank you for a wonderful day,"
Louise tried not to show how disappointed she was that he wasn't staying. She knew he wanted to take things slowly though she thought tonight had been anything but. She was suddenly very aware of their state of undress and she hastily pulled her bra back up, straps safely back on her shoulders. She sat up and slid down past Spencer to sit on the other end of the sofa and reached out to the floor to retrieve her vest top and handed him his t-shirt. He took it wordlessly, worried that she seemed to have put up a bit of a wall around herself. He put his t-shirt and shirt back on while she stood and readjusted her clothing.
"I'll just take these through," she said indicating the mugs.
He watched her go, hating this awkwardness between them. Was it always like this after you'd been intimate with someone? Maybe it was because they didn't know each other very well or that she had been vulnerable with him. After he put his shoes back on, he gathered his jacket, phone and keys and went through to the kitchen. She had put her hoodie back on and was pottering about at the sink. He walked up behind her and slid his arms round her waist. He felt her stiffen against him, he didn't get it. He kissed the back of her ear and felt her shiver,
"Are you ok?," he said quietly into her ear. She nodded. "Tell me?" he asked her simply.
She took a deep breath and leaned her head back on his shoulder.
"I'm just a bit thrown. We had this really intimate moment, but you didn't want me to reciprocate and now you're leaving. It just feels strange. Like I've read this situation wrong."
She hated how emotional she sounded. They were having the "where is this going" chat on their first date. She didn't think Cosmo would approve! He turned her to face him and enveloped her in a hug. He had so much he wanted to say, but he struggled with expressing his emotions so it was easier not to look her in the eye when he said what he needed to,
"Tonight was the first time I've been this close to someone, I'm a little overwhelmed and just not quite ready for that next step. I would love to stay and lie with you and hold you, but sleeping with someone, like just sleeping and sharing your space with them, that's all new to me, I want to take my time if that's ok."
Louise pulled back,
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to rush you, I just don't want you to go, that's the truth,"
"That is very good to hear, I will be thinking of you, lying in that incredible bed," he kissed her cheek and she laughed.
"You really like my vintage furniture don't you?!" He nodded and laughed a little.
"Goodnight Louise."
"Goodnight Spencer."
She walked him to the door where he turned and kissed her so deeply she felt like she was in a film. When he finally pulled away they were both breathless and he was dealing with some discomfort in the groin region. He opened the door, stepped out then turned back to kiss her again before finally making his way to the outside stairs and up to his front door. Louise stood listening to his footsteps and realised how tired she was.
When she went to bed a few minutes later, she heard her phone buzz. It was from Spencer,
"Goodnight Louise, thank you for a great day. Can I take you to dinner tomorrow night even though it's a Sunday?"
Louise felt so excited, but she already had plans.
"Night Spencer, thank you too, and for tonight. I'm meeting my brother and Derek tomorrow evening, he's cooking for us at his new place and my Mum might be coming too. How about Monday? There's a great restaurant near the museum called The Outsider. I'm leading a seminar at the museum until 6pm so I could meet you there. I think I miss you already."
She hesitated before she pressed send. Was it too much too soon? No, she didn't want to play games and Spencer Reid was making her feel things she'd never felt before even though she acknowledged she had been in love in the past. This was definitely different.
"Monday it is. Hopefully I might bump into you in the garden tomorrow." (He added a winky face) "I know what you mean"
Louise closed her eyes and smiled, sighing deeply and letting out a little moan as she replayed what had occurred on her sofa. She fell asleep remembering how good it felt to be with him.