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Mettle

Courage and fortitude.

"It will be fine. I promise. I'm okay."

"You might need more time."

"It's been two weeks."

"That's not long enough."

It had been the same argument between them for the last four days, ever since Ron had told Hermione he wanted to go back to work. She had been against it straight away, but he suspected that was more to do with the fact that she was going to be left alone than worrying about how he was going to cope.

Truthfully, he didn't want to have to face the sympathy everyone would give him, or the special treatment he knew he would receive, but he wanted to go back to work so things would feel normal again. He was sick of moping around, feeling sorry for himself. Their loss still hurt, but he needed to move on.

Hermione, of course wouldn't even contemplate it. He wondered when she was going to feel up to going back. He didn't think it would be anytime soon. She had taken what had happened harder than he had. She had been more emotional about it from the beginning.

She still wasn't coping.

"I'll survive ," he promised her. "Harry said the Auror Office isn't coping without me," he added, half humorously.

"He only said that so you would come back," Hermione argued. She had no pity. Just determination for him to stay at home with her.

"You mean, you don't believe him?" He smiled. He knew Hermione spoke the truth. His absence from the Ministry would have made absolutely no difference.

"No, I didn't mean... are you sure you want to do this?"

Ron smiled, kissing her cheek as a goodbye (he was still too scared to kiss her properly after feeling nothing last time.) "I love you. I'll be okay."

Of course he didn't want to. He just knew he had to.

"You're braver than I am," Hermione replied softly. Her eyes darted to the floor. Despite finally being able to talk about how they were feeling, she would still occasionally revert back into a state where her eyes filled with pain and tears and he knew she was thinking about it again.

They were always thinking about it.

"I'm not brave, just determined," Ron told her. And that was true. Every part of him wanted to stay at home and to never see the outside world again. But they couldn't live like that. There was no point.

"Well... say hi to them all for me, then," Hermione sighed, obviously coming to the conclusion that she wasn't going to be able to change his mind. He could tell she still didn't want him to go; to leave her.

"I will. I love you and I will see you later, okay?"

Hermione nodded weakly and swallowed. "Okay."

"Bye, daddy," Rose said as she flung her tiny arms around his waist. "I'll miss you."

"See you, Rosie. I'll miss you too," Ron replied, also kissing her cheek. This felt normal. This is what used to happen.

Before Hermione could change her mind again, he Disapparated, appearing moments later inside the Auror Office at the Ministry. He was greeted by Harry, who smiled warmly at him.

"I wasn't sure if you had changed your mind," he said. Once again, he seemed unsure of what he should say to them. Harry never was one to understand how Ron was feeling. It had always been like that. They liked it that way.

"Hermione didn't want me to go, but... but I did."

"Is she okay?" Harry asked. He and Ginny had stayed away from them for a while; upon Ron's request. He thought not having them around all the time and constantly asking Hermione if she was okay would help her to move on faster. He didn't think it had worked, though. She really wasn't any better.

Ron shook his head. "I don't know. She's talking now, but it's obvious she's still really upset about it all."

"And so she should be," Harry said.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them and Ron wasn't sure why. Harry was his best friend; they had been best friends since they were eleven. Things shouldn't have been awkward. What had happened had nothing to do with him.

Eventually, Harry spoke again, "Ginny said Hermione thinks you still blame her. You don't, do you?"

Ron had had no idea Hermione was talking to Ginny. He had thought she was too depressed to communicate with anyone. But maybe Ginny understood things in a way he couldn't. Maybe she came with a comfort he couldn't provide.

The idea warmed him slightly.

"No, I don't," he answered Harry's question. " I don't blame her. I never did. Not really. I was just..."

"Hurting?" Harry suggested.

Ron nodded once. "Yeah. And angry." He was angry that it had happened. He was angry that so much pain existed and that he was feeling it. But most of all, he was angry that his child had been taken from him. How was that fair?

Thankfully, another potential awkward silence was interrupted by Kingsley barging into the Office, a huge grin on his face. He held out his hand in welcome, which Ron accepted. He liked Kingsley. He had a way of seeing the bright side of things, even if no one else could.

Maybe I should send him Hermione's way, he thought.

"You're back!" he exclaimed obviously. "Welcome. Things haven't been the same without you."

Ron highly doubted things had changed at all, but he accepted the compliment anyway.

"Well, your absence for two weeks has left a great pile of unanswered letters," Kingsley continued as if Ron was coming back from a holiday. He didn't seem to consider that he was only there because he felt like he had to be. Ron wanted nothing more than to go home and be with Hermione and Rose.

"Great," he complained, staring at the mountainous pile of letters. Did they really get that many in two weeks? Why hadn't someone else answered them?

You can do this, he reassured himself, although the idea of reading letters from people who thought there was someone in their house, or they were being attacked by a non-existent Dark wizard didn't really appeal to him. They didn't know what fear was.

"It's good to have you back," Kingsley repeated, before vanishing from the Office, probably in pursuit of someone else to boss around.

"I can do it if you like," Harry said sympathetically. "I probably should have done it earlier. But, we were kind of busy."

Ron shook his head. "No, it's okay. Most will probably go unanswered anyway and I will throw them away. And I can't wait to see what near death stories Marcus Wills has to tell us this week."

Harry laughed. "He was nearly attacked by a four-headed, six-legged cat last week. A flesh eating one at that."

Ron laughed too. This was how he used to spend his days working, before he had lost so much. Laughing at the things people would do, laughing with Harry. Other times, Hermione would come to see them. He missed those times. Her missed Hermione.

Even though he laughed and even though he smiled, underneath he still felt the strong, heartbreaking pain that would probably never disappear.

But he needed to put on a brave face. Even if it felt wrong.

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