Chapter 13: Conversations
Don't miss any chapters, dear reader. I published 4 last week, including one last night, and now this is the 5th.
Everything except my plot in this chapter belongs to Stephenie Meyer and Summit. The music belongs to its respective owners. Please find it on my playlist.
While you're there, leave me a comment. And if you don't comment there, do it here. Do it somewhere. I often wonder if anybody's listening. I'm a sap, you know? Sorta like Edward.
youtubedotcom/jmollytwilight
'Time After Time', by Cyndi Lauper
'Into the Ocean', by Andy McKee
A short, but important chapter, that went in a direction I wasn't expecting and was complete in one hour. And I've been bawling my eyes out, as though Edward were real. So go get your tissues, and then? Let him know he's loved. Review.
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
and think of you
caught up in circles confusion--
is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
almost left behind
suitcases of memories,
time after--
sometimes you picture me--
I'm walking too far ahead
you're calling to me,
I can't hear what you've said
Then you say--go slow--
I fall behind--
the second hand unwinds
(chorus)
if you're lost you can look--and you will find me
time after time
if you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
time after time
after my picture fades and darkness has
turned to gray
watching through windows--you're wondering
if I'm OK
secrets stolen from deep inside
the drum beats out of time--
(chorus)
you said go slow--
I fall behind
the second hand unwinds--
(chorus)
Thursday, August 17th , 7:30am
Edward's pov:
"Hello, Esme?"
"Edward! Hello, dear. How is everything?"
"Uh, it's good, mother. A little perplexing. Something's up with Bella. She seems really healthy, I'm sure she's fine, but there are things happening that I can't explain. I wondered if I could speak to Carlisle. Is he there?"
"Oh, sweetheart. I'm sorry. He's asleep."
"Carlisle is taking a nap?"
"It has been known to happen."
"Once. So I'm told."
"Well, there's been a lot of stress in the past few years, sweetie. As well you know."
"Sure." I inhaled the salty air, sitting on my rock beside the cove, watching the small whitecaps come in. Might rain later today, I decided. I liked to sit there because when Bella slept so long I got fidgety and it disturbed her. If she woke up alone, she'd know where to find me.
"Um, Edward? Alice called in the night and left a message for you."
"She did?"
"Yes. She says to tell you that Bella is fine and everything is going well. You don't need to worry. Apparently, uh, whatever she's ... experiencing is rare but not unheard of."
"Well, that eases my mind. But there's something on my conscience."
"Whatever is that, kiddo?"
"Um, I'm kind of nervous to tell Carlisle. I'm afraid he'll be upset."
"Tell me."
"Bella and I, well, Bella and I don't want to fake our deaths. We want to, uh, tell Charlie and Renee the truth. We think the chance of the Volturi finding out are minimal and life would be so much happier with Bella's parents in it."
"Well, that's a relief."
"Huh?"
"Carlisle and I were discussing this yesterday, actually. He's afraid of the impact Bella's death would have on Charlie. And you're right. As long as they don't tell anyone, the risks are minimal."
"I am astounded."
"I am having fun, watching you find your feet. You've changed a lot since Bella wrapped you around her weak little finger, haven't you?"
"I'm still finding my feet, mother. She knocked my socks off. That's a fact."
"You don't hate yourself anymore. It's a joy to see, dearest."
"See, I knew I was your favourite kid."
"But you're still arrogant, aren't you?!"
"Guilty."
"But you're happy."
"Yes."
"And you like yourself now."
I thought about it. It wasn't something I'd considered. But mother was right. "Yes. I guess I do. I like who I am when I'm with her."
"Then your marriage will thrive. It's vital to feel that way, dear heart."
"I think I'm beginning to comprehend that."
"Where is our darling? Can I talk to her?"
"Uh, she's still asleep. It's one o f the things that's got me worried. She slept all evening yesterday, and then she woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. I massaged her back for two hours, and she finally fell asleep just before dawn. I know she can sleep all day if she wants, but I don't get why her clock is turned around."
"Oh, um. Yes, well.... Maybe it's just a hazard of being married to someone who doesn't sleep. I'll tell Carlisle, but I wouldn't worry."
"I'm worried she's changing. And that she won't be able to sleep anymore."
"Worse things could happen, dearest."
"Yes, I know." I sighed and looked about me. "It's uncomfortable, not knowing what's happening. Not following the ... normal script. I can't make plans to keep her safe."
"Nobody ever said God didn't have a sense of humour, Edward."
"Yeah, um... okay." I couldn't picture God with a sense of humour, actually. God was all powerful and a tough disciplinarian. He wasn't friendly, He was serious. His only jokes were sarcastic as far as I could tell. I had to admit to myself that He scared the shit out of me.
"I have to tell you, child of mine, how gratified I am that you have changed so much."
"How do you mean?"
"You used to bottle yourself up. Oh, once in a while you'd share something with me. But not like this. Not to tell me in one short phone call your worries and your joys. Bella has opened you up, and for that alone, I will love her forever."
"Um, Esme? I have to say ... that's not all Bella's doing."
"Really?"
"Um, no. Something Bella and I discussed really made me think about it. We were talking about how Jacob had no mother during his formative years, and how important a mother or a mother figure is, to teach boys about how to treat women."
"Oh."
"And, well, I had my mother during that stage. She was a great friend to me. And I do miss her. But Esme? When I introduced you to Bella, and said you were my mother for all intents and purposes? I wasn't joshing. I just ... want to say 'thanks'. Thanks for letting me be your son. For treating me like any mother would when I've gotten into scrapes. For listening and for being there. Especially at the beginning. I didn't think you'd accept me, and you did. So thank you. For being my Mom."
I could tell Esme was a little soggy when she answered. I was having some trouble with that, myself. "Edward? Thanks for saying that. You have always treated me with respect, and trust me, I was afraid you wouldn't accept me at the beginning. But you always were kind to me. And when ... when you came back home after running away? You made life better. You have enriched all our lives. And you know, you could have chosen not to. You could have been petty and mean-spirited and jealous and immature. And you never have been. You know, you tease me a lot about picking favourites, and parents shouldn't play favourites. But there's a special place in my heart for you. A place only you can fill. So thank you, for being my son."
"I love you, Esme."
"I love you, too. And now I'm all silly and emo and I have to go soon and make sure Carlisle doesn't try to get in the car again."
"Get in the car? While he's sleeping?" I goggled at the thought.
"Yeah," Esme sniffed. "This morning he tried to drive to work. You know how he loves work."
"Oh, boy. I thought I was bad, eating human food."
"Oh, he does that, too. He drinks endless cups of coffee, heavily loaded with sugar. Last time, I took him to a diner and let him drink bottomless cups all morning. Then, I told him he had to stop or he'd be awake all night, and he came along quietly home. Nobody at the diner realized he was asleep. But he was wired on caffeine. I wish you had been there. It was so funny. Like, who knew caffeine would work on us?"
"Wow. Yuck. Coffee." I smiled. "So it sounds quiet, now. Did the others go out?"
"They've all gone away for the week. Em and Rose are in Morocco, enjoying the night life, and Jazz and Alice are in Peru."
"Peru? That's not that far from us. She hasn't called me."
"Well, I guess Jasper took a nap, too. All of you have just been so stressed with all the events of the past year, and Jasper was truly upset when our prank frightened Bella so badly."
A flare of resentment passed through me. "I must admit I'm not over that yet, Mother. Why would you and Dad go along with something that could have gone so badly wrong?"
"Trust me, dear. We will not be encouraging or permitting potentially harmful pranks again. To be honest, we just never foresaw any situation where Bella might be out of contact with us. I guess there was a problem with your phone supplier's satellite network. Not something Alice could foresee. We did phone, you see, trying to figure out why we couldn't get through. The whole network was down. So really, we just weren't thinking it through. We couldn't see the consequences that might happen due to an unforeseen event. And now we know better. It was a sobering lesson.
"I hope so."
"You do forgive us, right?"
"Yes, but I'm still thinking about giving Jasper a piece of my mind."
"No chipper-shredders?"
"Bella's choice. Not sayin'."
"Brat. No killing your repentant brother-in-law. It isn't done in the best circles."
"Yes Mother."
"Give my girl a kiss, and tell her I said that she has her hands full, keeping you out of trouble."
"Yes ma'am. Give my love to Dad. Maybe he can call me tomorrow?"
"Yes, I'll tell him you called. Say 'goodbye' to the mother."
"Goodbye to the mother. I'll talk to you soon."
"Okay, brat. Bye."
I turned off the phone and ruminated for a few minutes, hesitating. Then I punched in Alice's cell number.
"Hello brother of mine!" she squealed.
"Hiya, you evil pixie. Hear Jazz is still asleep."
"Yup. He should be awake by this afternoon, though. Then, I'm going to drag him shopping."
"Aw, gee. I was hoping he'd do something totally humiliating and naughty in his sleep, just to pay you both back for pranking me, and to keep you on your toes."
"No such luck. But Edward? He's really afraid he's done permanent damage to his relationship with you and Bella. He ran through it in minute detail when he was fussing in his sleep. You're going to forgive us, right?"
"Tell the sappy date I still love him, and if he ever scares Bella again I'll be introducing him to her chipper-shredder."
Tinkerbell's laugh was my only response.
"So I hear you're in Peru."
"Yes. We've been here since yesterday."
"Care to stop by for a short visit?"
"Well, I would love to do that. But it's always best to consult your mate before making plans, okay? It's a good thing to do from now on."
"Oh, okay."
"So you ask Bella, and I'll ask Jazz, and you can tell me later. Just text me the day and time and confirm if she says 'yes'. Then I'll confirm or deny, okay?"
"Sounds like a plan," I smiled.
"Happy, Edward?"
"You already know I am."
"But it's nice to hear it."
"Yeah, I'm happy, Shorty. Bella's happy, too."
"I know. You two are going to have a life most of us can only dream of."
"I dunno about that. You and Jazz seem pretty happy."
"I'm not kidding Edward. If you embrace the good things coming your way, you are going to have a life with Bella that is highly enviable."
"Why? What have you Seen?"
"If I tell you that, it will spoil everything. You have to discover it on your own. Incredible things, that are going to be hard for you to accept. But please, don't reject the things that are coming to you, even if they scare you. I kid you not. Your happiness will make a lot of other people's happiness complete. Got it, Einstein?"
"Yes, ma'am. Thanks, sister. Everything's really fine?"
"Totally peachy. Stop worrying so much. Go and enjoy."
"Okay. You don't need to twist my rubber arm. Talk to you later."
"Okay. Thanks for the invite."
"Chat soon?'
"Chat soon."
I sat on my rock, smiling out to sea, thinking of how wonderful life was. I considered whether to say 'thanks' to God. Surely He wouldn't strike me down if I spoke to Him politely. Even if it were being uppity.
"Hey God? You hear me? Edward Cullen again. I just want to say 'thanks' again, you know? For Bella? I'm gonna keep assuming you sent her for me and you're not going to strike me dead for saying it."
I thought for a few minutes, and continued. "You know? Yesterday was hard. I worry about her. About her health, particularly. Please give me some answers soon so I can protect her. It's weird. If I didn't know it was impossible I might actually consider the possibility that she's pregnant. But we all know that's impossible." I sighed sadly, but checked myself. I had no right to complain. I had blessings that better men, innocent men, deserving men, did not.
"God? I ..."
I didn't dare articulate my thought. It made it too real. Too painful.
What the hell. What's the worst thing that could happen? The worst had already happened. I was separated from God. Probably forever.
"God, I wish ... I wish... that she were. That it were even a possibility. I know it's not. I resigned myself to that years ago. I don't know if it's a sin for me to talk to You. If it is, I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb. I hope You won't mind. Just my continuing to be standing upright, breathing in and out, is an affront to You. I know it's hubris. I wish it wasn't. I wish ... I wish I belonged to You. I miss You a lot. So I'm going to spend my life trying not to offend You. There's Quixote tilting at windmills, right? Hopeless. Anyhow, even if You don't love me anymore? I love You. And I always will."
I got up off my rock, and went back to the house. Back to my mate. To the one thing that made everything painful disappear. To watch her sleep. To count her freckles and breathe in time to her sighs and listen to her precious heart beating. And I smiled, and was content.