NOTE FROM AUTHOR: Things are about to get pretty rough in this story. Over the next few chapters a lot will happen to drastically change Olivia's life. Things will be pretty bad for a little while, but if you stick it out I promise it will be worth it! Remember, the title of the story is 'Beautifully Broken' you had to know that there would be trouble in there somewhere. Thanks to everyone for reading and for the great reviews! Please keep them coming! ~ Detective Olivia Stabler ~

Now, on with the story…

Beautifully Broken

(Chapter Thirteen: Love Letters)

Olivia sat at a table in the courtyard on her lunch break munching on carrot sticks and reading over one of Elliot's letters for the hundredth time. She had flipped through the pages, this one having three, so many times that the paper was worn thin in places.

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Dear Olivia,

I think of you every second I am not by your side. I miss you so much and cannot wait until you are in my arms again. I got your letter and the pictures you sent from San Diego. I reread each word every night before I fall asleep and say a prayer that I will be home with you soon. My only regret of that weekend was that I was unsuccessful in my attempt to make you my wife, but in my heart we are already bound forever. I love you so much my angel and thinking of your beautiful face is what brings me through each day.

Not much has gone on so far. Things are actually pretty peaceful here. The desert is blistering hot during the long days and surprisingly cold at night. Some days we see nothing but sand in all directions and that makes for extremely long hikes in the heat. We walk until we feel we cannot go any further, then we walk some more, now and then catching a glimpse of a wild dog or a mirage on the horizon. Most of the men report seeing water in the distance, only to be disappointed. My visions however, all include you. Occasionally, in a string bikini bringing me a beer. (Ha ha.)

A buddy of mine jokes that he would think that this was hell, only hell wouldn't be this hot. Hot does not even begin to describe it. Someone said that we are in the peak of the summer season and that by mid September it should cool down a bit. I really hope they are right. I also heard that ii is unusually hot this year. Some of the locals were saying that on average it only reaches temperatures of about 97 to 100, during the supper peak. Today it reached 104.

Luckily they took it easy on us due to the extreme heat. They woke us around five in the morning for our usual three mile jog, then breakfast. We took shifts walking the streets of what appeared to be a ghost town, inhabited only by those who were unable to move with their village after it was destroyed. There are now only about seven families in a village that used to be home to hundreds of people. Most of these families contain young children and elderly members who were too ill or stubborn to leave their homes. We are afraid they may come under attack again, so for now this is our post.

I write to you each night by flashlight as my buddy Willis and I stand guard over the only road into the desiccated town. Willis or Davis Willis, Davis being his first name, often asks me about you. I showed him your picture once and he said he now understood why I referred to you as an angel. He said he has a girl back home as well, so he understands how I feel being away from you like this.

But I don't think anyone could ever understand. Anyone except you. My heart misses you so much that the ache has settled into my soul. I lay in bed trying to free my mind of thoughts of you long enough to catch a few hours sleep, but it is no use. When I dream, you are there as well. You are a part of me, Olivia. I carry you with me every where I go.

I miss the sound of your voice saying my name. You are the only one I have ever liked to call me El. I miss your pretty smile and the way your beautiful brown eyes light up when I kiss you. God I miss your kisses. And the smell of your hair and the way you feel wrapped up in my arms. I miss holding you and making love to you and watching you sleep afterward. I miss you so much sometimes I could cry. Marines don't cry. They teach you that in basic. But physical pain is nothing compared to the pain in my heart from missing you.

I carry a picture of us in the brim of my hat. The one Courtney took of us at my graduation from basic training. You are wearing that blue sundress and look incredibly sexy. Willis' girl is pretty, but she is nothing compared to you.

I have to go for now my love, it will be daybreak soon. But I promise to write again as soon as I can. We don't get much downtime, but I write to you every chance I get. It takes me a few days to finish a letter and they only send out letters on Thursdays. I will have a letter out to you every Thursday if it kills me. Don't ever think for a second that I am not thinking of you.

I love you and intend to marry you as soon as I get home.

With All My Heart,

PFC Elliot Stabler

Olivia took a deep breath and brushed away her tears. The letter was a few days old, but it still made her cry each time she read his sweet words. He was right, she knew exactly how he felt from missing her. She knew, because she felt it too. Sometimes she found it hard to breathe and it felt as if her heart were broken and a large portion were missing. She would not be able to put the pieces back together, until Elliot could make it whole again. He had to come home safe to her, because if he should perish in this new found hell, she would surely die as well.

She folded the pages neatly together and kissed the letter before placing it back into her pocket for safe keeping. She would carry this letter with her everywhere she went until she received the next.

"Liv, we're gonna be late for English. I thought you were going to meet me at the café for lunch today?" Courtney asked.

"Sorry Court, I guess I just wasn't that hungry. I just grabbed something from the cafeteria."

"You ate cafeteria food? Do you feel the sudden need to have your stomach pumped? I know you miss Elliot, but there is no need to be suicidal."

Olivia laughed. "I just got some carrot sticks from the salad bar. Everything else looked questionable."

"That is an understatement! Look, I know you are worried about Elliot. But you have to eat. Otherwise you wont have any energy for all that sex you are going to have when he comes back home."

Both girls laughed.

"I'm just so worried about him. It has been two weeks since I received a letter. He sends one out every week. He promised he would, because he knew I would worry. What if something is wrong, Court?"

Courtney brushed her thumb over Olivia's cheek and wiped away her tears as she hugged her best friend. "I am sure the mail is just slow. It must take an awful long time for a letter to travel all the way from Iran to Manhattan. And he has only been gone two months. Give it a little time. Why don't we blow off the rest of the day and go to the mall. I saw this great pair of earrings that I am sure would cheer you up."

"Well, these have been the longest two months of my life. And what if the school calls my mom?"

"Easy, just go in to the nurses office and tell them you ate a hamburger from the cafeteria and it made you barf. Then they will send you home sick. Trust me, they don't want to take the chance on having to clean up barf if it can be avoided. And I think a little retail therapy may be just what you need."

Olivia laughed. "And the note I will need from my mother to get back into class on Monday?"

"I'll write it."

"You?"

"Sure. Your mom is usually pretty sloshed anyway when she writes them, so I'll just make it all shaky. Problem solved."

"And your note?"

"Rick writes my notes every time I miss school. My mom and dad are never home to do it anyway. He'll cover for me."

"Rick will write you a note for skipping school?"

"Olivia, if my parents ever really wrote me a note for missing class, the people in the office would never buy it. Rick has always wrote my notes for me. Trust me, it will be fine."

"Alright."

"Give me a minute. I just need to visit the ladies room and take care of a few things," Courtney said with a goofy smile as she slipped the strap of her purse over her shoulder.

Olivia followed her down the hall to the bathroom and stared into the mirror as Courtney went into the stall.

"Great," Courtney growled from behind the metal door. "Do you have a tampon? I forgot to put some in my purse."

"Sure," Olivia said unzipping her purse and slipping the item under the door to Courtney.

"You know, we could be in for some serious shopping. Maybe you should umm…take care of your business while we are in here as well."

Olivia laughed a little at Courtney's delicate way of discussing personal matters. "No, I'm good. I haven't got mine yet."

"Really? I am like three days in and we are usually right in sync."

"Nope. Not yet."

"Probably just stress and nerves and stuff. Depression from Elliot being gone. You're just running a little late. Are you having any cramps yet?"

"No, but I do feel a little nauseas."

"That would be the carrot sticks!" Courtney laughed. "No see, it is probably PMS. Sometimes I am sick to my stomach just before I start. I am sure it's nothing. I mean you and Elliot use condoms, right?"

"Yes."

"Did you umm…have one…last month?"

"Yup, right on time."

"See. Stress. I am sure you will be getting a visit from your little friend any day now."

Olivia laughed. "You are so crazy."

"Yeah, but you love me."

Olivia spent the weekend at Courtney's house to avoid her mother and Bud. That night as Courtney talked to Steve on the phone, Olivia wrote another letter to Elliot.

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Dear Elliot,

I miss you so much sometimes I think I might go crazy. I have literally managed to worry myself sick about you. I don't sleep and I can barely eat. Each day I pray that you are safe and know how much I love you.

Things here are as good as can be expected. The usual, really. I hang out at Courtney's every chance that I get so that I don't have to be at home with Bud and my mother. Sometimes I really think that I hate them both. I know she has a sickness, but I also know that she will never find treatment for her condition if she doesn't choose to change her lifestyle. She and Bud are always dating and then breaking up, so much I cannot keep up anymore. I am just sick of them both.

Sometimes I wonder how it would have been being raised by at least one parent who believed in me. Who loved me unconditionally and told me that I could be something great. I guess I will never know. They say you can learn a lot about your own future by looking at your parents. If that is true then I am really in trouble. If my mother is a drunk and my father a rapist, what does that say about me? I know that who I am and what I am are two very different things, but sometimes the thin line between them blurs so much it is hard to tell them apart.

I have been kind of sick lately, I'm sure it is nothing. I am so tired, but I cannot sleep. And when I do eat I get nauseous. Maybe it's the flu. Courtney says it is just depression from missing you. Makes sense, I guess. We read about depression last year in health class and it has been known to have all of those symptoms. I guess I just miss you.

School is going well. Courtney and I are both on student council this year. It will be nice to actually have some sort of say in what goes on in our school. We had our first meeting last week. First order of business, the disgusting food in the cafeteria. I was really having a rough day today, so after lunch Courtney and I ditched school to go to the mall. I remember when shopping could fix any problem. But even that has seemed to have lost its power.

I love you so much and I cannot wait for you to come home so that we can start our lives together. Courtney kind of thinks I am crazy for wanting to get married before I finish school. But Courtney just doesn't understand. I know she loves Steve, but there is no way that love is half of what I feel for you if she cannot see why I cannot wait to be your wife.

Besides, Courtney still lives at home with her happily married parents and amazing brother. I mean I guess they have normal family problems like every other family. Her parents work a lot and leave her and Rick at home alone. Rick parties a bit and Courtney has been known to be a little wild at times. But they are a family, none the less. She has two parents and a brother who care about her and would do anything for her. I however am raising my alcoholic mother and left with all of the responsibilities of a household at the age of sixteen. Court doesn't realize how good she has it, sometimes.

I went to visit your mother this weekend. I took her one of the pictures of us from San Diego. She is so sweet to me. I know she doesn't fully comprehend what is going on with you and why you are not here, but I talk with her about you each time I visit. I took her some flowers, daisies from the flower market down the street from my apartment, she really seemed to like them. I love how they made her smile. I know she likes having visitors and I try to go see her as often as I can.

We had tea and she showed me a photo album with pictures of you as a baby. You were adorable. As we sat talking I couldn't help but wonder if that was what our children will someday look like, that beautiful little blue eyed baby smiling at the camera. Steve and I still attend church with her every Sunday. She really likes getting out and visiting with everyone at church. Sometimes we take her out for lunch or for a walk in the park before we return her home. I love spending time with her, but it is so hard sometimes. Each time I visit I have to explain to her where you are. Each time I do, I have to fight off tears. God I miss you so much!

I have to go for now so I can get this letter ready to mail in the morning. I really hope to get a letter from you tomorrow. Of course I always hope to receive a letter from you. But it has been a while since I have gotten one and I am really worried. I love you so much and cannot wait to see you again.

I will love you always,

The Future Mrs. Olivia Stabler

xoxoxoxo

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Olivia closed her eyes and said a little prayer as she slipped the letter into the envelope and addressed it, then sealed it with a kiss. She fought off tears as she climbed into bed and turned off the lamp on her side of Courtney's room.

"I am sure he is fine," Courtney said as she hung up the phone.

"I hope you're right," Olivia replied softly.

"Do you want to stay up and watch television for a while? We can make popcorn."

"Not tonight, Court. I am just really tired."

"Maybe, tomorrow night."

"Yeah."

Courtney exhaled and turned off the lamp on her side of the bed as well.

"Good night, Liv."

"Night, Court."

The next morning when Courtney woke up Olivia was in the shower. A few minutes later Olivia returned to Courtney's room to get her tooth brush.

"Geez, are you alright? You look like crap!"

"Thanks, Courtney. I feel like crap. I think I am getting the flu. It's going around."

"It is? Nobody has had the flu."

"They haven't?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, it is something. Every day for the last week I have felt sick. Then this morning I woke up with the overwhelming urge to throw up."

"PMS," Courtney said with a concerned look as she closed her bedroom door. "And you still haven't gotten your period?"

"Not yet. But I am only a few days late."

"Liv, how many days?"

Olivia stood thinking for a minute. "Well, what is today?"

"The eighteenth."

"Seven," Olivia replied.

"Seven?"

Olivia nodded.

"Have you ever been this late before?" Courtney asked her.

"No. But you said it was stress and PMS."

"Liv, are you sure you and Elliot always used condoms?"

"Courtney, I'm not…you don't think I am…" Olivia's eyes filled with panic as she stared at her best friend. "I can't be pregnant. I am just a kid."

"Honey, you are sixteen and you had sex. You can be pregnant."

"But we used condoms!"

"Every time?"

"Most of the time. I never got pregnant before!"

"Shhh! You are going to wake my mother and she will freak out. You only used condoms most of the time?"

"Well, it had been a while. Thirteen weeks is a long time. I got one from the machine at a gas station the day we got to San Diego. I figured we would…well, you know. And we did. Then a few hours later we woke up and did again."

"Without a condom?"

"I only had one."

"Elliot didn't buy any?"

"Where would he get them? They aren't standard issue with the uniform, you know!"

"Apparently they should be! Hot guys in sexy uniform, what the hell did they think was going to happen?"

"Courtney…."

"You might be okay. If it was just that once."

"Well, that once…"

"And?"

"And the time in the shower."

"Wait…you had sex in the shower?"

Olivia nodded.

"Go, Liv. Kinky little thing aren't you?"

"He was in the shower and I woke up alone. So I got in there with him. But we were standing up, I guess I didn't think we would need a condom."

"Olivia, you are a very smart person. Where the hell did that idea come from?"

"I don't know. I guess I wasn't thinking. I don't know this stuff. Elliot is the first guy I have ever slept with. Do you really think I am pregnant?"

"I really think we aught to at least get one of those at home testing kits. You should really find out and soon."

"How am I going to tell Elliot?" Olivia asked picking up the letter she wrote the night before.

"Don't! At least, not yet." Courtney exhaled deeply. "Mail him that letter first. We will get a test and then if by chance you are you can write him and tell him. And if not, then you don't have to worry him over nothing."

"So you don't think I should tell him at all if I'm not?"

"What's to tell? Besides, you know he is over there worried about everything. He is worried about this war situation and you back here and his mother, this would only add to the pile. Look, I am not saying don't ever tell him. I just think you should wait until he comes home and you can actually discuss it. Then maybe between the two of you will remember to use condoms every time."

"Maybe," Olivia exhaled. "So what do I do now?"

"I have an idea, come on."

Courtney walked into the kitchen and pulled a chair over to the refrigerator. She stood on it and opened a cabinet above it pulling out a coffee can and taking off the lid. Inside was a big ball of cash. Olivia watched as she flipped through the bills counting them.

"How much do you think a pregnancy test is?" She asked looking at Olivia.

"I don't know, I have never had to get one before."

"You think twenty will cover it?"

"I'd hope so. Courtney, won't your parents notice the money missing?" Olivia whispered.

"Na, it's my dad's emergency fund."

"That is for emergencies."

"Well, what do you call this?"

Olivia stared at her for a moment. "Better take thirty just in case."

"Good thinking. It might take more than one test."

The girls stopped at the post office on the way to the drug store to get Olivia a pregnancy test and mailed Elliot's letter. Olivia checked her mail box and still no letter from Elliot. She exhaled softly and locked it as they walked to the subway and took the train across the city to a part of town where they were sure no one would recognize them. Two blocks down from the subway entrance was a small drugstore run by a couple who barely spoke English.

"How do you even know about this place?" Olivia asked looking at the tiny store.

"I saw one of my brother's friends bring his girlfriend here for a pregnancy test, because they didn't want anyone to know."

"How did hers turn out?"

"Well, after she took the test he took her over there," Courtney pointed to a rundown looking place that was well known for performing cheep abortions.

Olivia shuddered. "I don't know if I…"

"Liv, you don't have to make any decisions right now. We just go in and buy the test. Just take this one step at a time."

Olivia nodded as they walked into the store. She followed Courtney toward the back wall of the store where they sold personal care products razors, toilet paper, tampons and pregnancy test kits.

"Eight ninety five," Courtney said looking at Olivia. She reached down and picked up two of the tests. "Do you need anything else?"

"Yeah," Olivia said reaching for a bottle of Pepto Bismol. "The entire thought of this is making me feel sick again."

"I know what you need," Courtney said as Olivia followed her around to the counter to pay for the pregnancy tests. "We also need….four of these," Courtney said to the man sitting bottles of soda up on the counter.

They paid for their things and the man put the items in a plastic bag. He watched as the two teenaged girls walked out the door and he shook his head.

"I hate being judged by people who don't even know me," Olivia said as Courtney used the bottle opener on the soda machine to pop the cap off one of the sodas and handed it to her.

"Exactly how thirsty are you?" Olivia asked.

"They aren't for me, they're for you. For this," she said holding up the bag. "Now get to drinking."

"Courtney, if I drink four sodas I will really be sick to my stomach."

"Yes, but you will also have to pee. Bottoms up."

They caught a bus to take them back across town to Courtney's apartment. Lucky for the girls her parents were already up and gone buy the time they got there and they had the place to themselves. Two bottles of soda down and Olivia headed into the bathroom with the first kit.

"What do I do?" She called to Courtney from the bathroom.

"Pee in the cup, then we have to use this little thing to mix the urine with this stuff."

Several minutes later Olivia sat the specimen cup on the counter and opened the bathroom door. "This is disgusting."

"Here it says to add a few drops of the pee to this…maybe you should do this."

"Why?"

"For one, it's your pee. For two, I failed chemistry."

"You're right. Give me that." Olivia took the eyedropper from Courtney and placed some of the urine into another small bottle, mixing it with another liquid.

"Now put some of the mixture on the test strip."

"Okay, now what?"

"Wait."

"How long?"

"Umm…place the tester level and wait forty five minutes for results."

"Forty five minutes!"

"Hey, I didn't make the test. I just read it off the directions."

"Should we do them both now? Or wait until we get the results of that one first?"

"Let's get it over with," Courtney said as she walked back into the kitchen and opened another soda for Olivia.

An hour later Courtney paced the floor of her bedroom looking at the results of two positive test strips. Olivia however, sat in the floor of at the foot of the bed and cried.