Tenchi Muyo! Witch World
Episode 13: The Trial (and Tale) Concludes
"Your witness," said Ramia to Tsunami.
Tsunami only rose long enough to say, "No questions," before sitting back down.
"You may return to your seat," the judge told Ryo-Ohki.
Ryo-Ohki hopped down and rather unhappily did so. As she took her place beside Sasami once more, Sasami gave her a comforting pat.
"I call as my next witness, none other than the accused, Washu Hakubi, herself!" said Ramia.
If Washu was experiencing any doubts as she got up and approached the stand, she certainly showed no outward signs of it. In fact, she was the perfect picture of calm as she sat down on the witness seat.
Before Ramia could utter a world, Washu's attention was suddenly diverted to where the visitors were seated, by a cry from one of them.
"YOU!"
Everyone turned to behold little Liam, the leprechaun, who had jumped up upon his seat and was now pointing an accusatory finger at someone in the jury box.
Liam's face was twisted in rage. His eyes were glowing red and he projected an aura that made everyone in his immediate vicinity scooch away from him in panic.
Washu then looked toward the jury box and saw a human male juror, most likely the one to which Liam was pointing, jump to his own feet with a startled look on his own face. Judging by his expression, this fellow had never seen a really angry leprechaun, either.
"Liam, you know that guy?" asked Washu.
Liam began rolling up his sleeves. "Oi'll say Oi know that spawn of a human harr! He's the one whut assaulted me, an' stole moy pot o' gold!"
With a roar, Liam jumped into the aisle and charged toward the jury box as rapidly as his small legs could move - which was surprisingly fast, actually.
Though the human juror did make an attempt to flee, Liam leapt into the air and floored him with a two foot landing on his chest, whereupon he commenced beating the human's face with both fists.
"Wow," said Washu, to no one in particular. "And he ended up serving on the jury? What are the odds of that happening?"
She looked over to the judge, who heard her remark, but he merely shrugged his reply.
"Say, not to be a killjoy or anything, Your Honor," said Washu. "But shouldn't you be banging your gavel? 'Order in the court,' and all that stuff?"
"What's your hurry, Washu?" asked the judge. "Personally, I want to see how this plays out, don't you?"
Washu admitted that with a nod and a raised eyebrow.
The human juror threw Liam against a wall and tried to make a break for the exit. A crude-looking walking stick magically appeared in Liam's hand.
"Have a taste of moy magic shillelagh!" said Liam, tossing it at his foe.
The stick flew into the legs of the retreating human, first tripping him, then proceeding to soundly beat him. Until Liam caught up to him, brushing the stick aside and causing it to disappear, then grabbing the human by the neck to begin throttling him.
"Okay, that's enough," Azusa banged his gavel. "Bailiff, clear the court of these two."
As a large beefy lion-faced fellow split them up, Washu had to ask Liam a question.
"Liam! If you had powers like that, why did you let him rob you in the first place?"
"Saints preserve us!" cried Liam, reverting to his usual appearance. "'Tis news to me, as well! Somethin' tells me Oi'm goin' ta need a good lawyer! Is there one in the house?"
Both Ramia and Tsunami came running over, presenting their cards. Liam pointedly ignored Ramia's card with a distasteful look to her, before taking Tsunami's card with an appreciative smile. Both combatants were ushered out of the house.
"I imagine Liam must have been too scared at the time, and, obviously, anger is what releases his powers," surmised Tsunami. "I guess the lesson here is never make a leprechaun mad at you."
"Boy, I'll say!" said Mihoshi, seated among the spectators. "You wouldn't like him when he's angry!"
Ramia faced the judge. "Your Honor, does this mean the trial must now be postponed to a later time?"
"Why?" asked Azusa. "What for?"
"Uh, because the jury is now short one human member?"
"Nonsense!" barked Azusa, directing his gaze back to Mihoshi. "You! The blonde woman! Stand up, if you please."
"Who? Me?" Mihoshi arose, pointing to herself.
"Yes. You look like an unbiased sort of human. Are you?"
Mihoshi smiled. "Why, yes, I guess you could say that."
"Good! Take your seat among the jury."
"Oh, wow!" Mihoshi hurriedly went up and took her new position.
Azusa cleared his throat. "There. Matter fixed. You may now continue, prosecutor."
Ramia shrugged, then faced Washu once more.
"So, Washu, I ask you, what is the purpose of a death penalty?"
"To kill people, I imagine," answered Washu.
"To kill innocent people, or guilty ones?"
"I suppose that the intent is to kill the guilty, but, in practice, a lot of innocent people have died, too, haven't they?"
"I'll be the one to ask the questions, for now. Your job is to answer. When Ryoko's guilty verdict was handed down, was it a fair or unfair decision?"
"To answer that, I'll need a clarification of the question. In what context do you mean?"
"How much more plain can I make it? Was Ryoko's punishment a just one or not?"
"Well, from a mother's perspective, I'd say not. But the jury clearly thought otherwise."
"Yes! They certainly did," smiled Ramia. "Did Ryoko break the law? Yes or no."
"Yes. But -"
"And that's the only context that matters in a court of law," interrupted Ramia.
"True, but the reason why we have trials at all is because every case is unique, and the law must be interpreted accordingly," said Washu.
Ramia paused only for a moment to gloat. She moved in for the kill.
"Did Ryoko understand that she was breaking the law when she broke it?"
Washu frowned. "You should have asked her that when you had her up here."
"I'm asking you, the one currently on the stand! Answer the question!"
"What can I say? Ryoko is a natural rule-breaker."
"Then, motherly concerns aside, you agree that Ryoko was aware of breaking the law, did it anyway, and suffered the punishment legally prescribed, which was death by hanging. Now, Washu, what is it that makes a death sentence different from a life sentence?"
"Um, the fact that one is still breathing in a life sentence?"
"You know what I'm getting at! Which one is more permanent? Prior to the development of your restoration technique, of course."
"Well, death, of course."
"So you understand now, as well as then, that what the law required of your daughter was the permanent sentence?"
"Sure."
"Yet, here we all are. Because of what you did. You agreed to not interfere with justice. But there sits the plain proof of just the opposite," said Ramia, pointing to where Ryoko was sitting.
Ramia looked at the judge. "No further questions, Your Honor. The prosecution rests its case."
"You may step down," said the judge to Washu.
As Washu returned to her seat beside Tsunami, the judge continued.
"Tsunami, the defense may now present its case."
Tsunami rose up, facing the judge. "Thank you, Your Honor. The defense waives this phase - and requests to go immediately to summation."
There was a gasp in the crowd. Ryoko rolled her eyes in disgust. Even Ramia was looking at her opponent in disbelief. Was Tsunami resigned to losing this case, so she wasn't even bothering to defend her client? Or was she that certain that her client needed no defending?
"Very well," said the judge. "Ramia, you may present your summation."
"Gladly, Your Honor," smiled Ramia, who got up and moved before the jury, in order to pace up and down in front of it. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. Only a few moments ago, we had an admission from a shape-shifting demon that she used her power to obstruct justice. Why? Because there is justice to obstruct! The witch, Ryoko, did knowingly violate our laws and paid the price for it. But did she really? How could she when she lives and breathes among us? The law is clear. It demands the permanencyof death for her crimes. Something that the accused, the witch Washu, admits to understanding fully well, when she violated the law in order to bring her daughter back from the dead! Both mother and daughter agree that this was Washu's doing, and in so doing, has made a mockery of the previous trial, and a mockery of the law, and, no less than a mockery of the Treaty, as well! In so doing, Washu has invited the harshest penalty that the law allows, and, like her daughter, does not deserve any mercy. And the only way to do that, ladies and gentlemen, is for you to do your civic duty. To do the right thing, the clearly obvious thing. Find the defendant, Washu Hakubi, guilty."
Ramia returned to her seat, and sat back down.
"Um..." came a voice from the jury box. "Um...excuse me?"
Ramia looked up to see Mihoshi, the latest juror, waving at her for her attention. This both annoyed and perplexed Ramia.
"Yes?" answered Ramia, giving Mihoshi an odd look, as a juror wanting to speak during this phase was highly irregular.
"Um...aren't your supposed to thank us, at the end of your speech?"
"For what?"
"Well, for listening to you. I've covered a few trials in my career as a journalist, and it's been my experience that the lawyers always thank the jurists at the end."
"Yeah," and "That's right," said a few other voices in the jury box.
For a moment, Ramia was stunned speechless.
Then, sighing, she decided to give this dimwit what she wanted rather than argue with her. Ramia stood up and bowed to the jury.
"Thank you." Then Ramia sat back down.
"That's better," someone in the jury grumbled.
The judge paid no heed. "Tsunami, let's have your summation."
"Thank you, Your Honor," smiled Tsunami pleasantly at the judge, as she made her way to stand before the jury. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'll make this brief so that you may quickly begin your deliberations. Firstly, I would just like to say that Ryoko did pay for her crimes with her life, as the law demanded. The law also states that the remains are for the next of kin to do with as they will. The law, however, - and this is important to stress - fails to address the possibilities of what may or may not be done with the body and soul in the aftermath of an execution. So there is no law to apply. This is virgin legal territory. Additionally, Washu never had any guarantees that any of her way out ideas about possibly bringing Ryoko back would work. No reasonable person can nor should penalize her for trying, because there was and is no law against it. And certainly no intelligent person can nor should punish her for succeeding. Because, ladies and gentlemen, if you vote to destroy Washu, then you also vote to destroy what she has discovered. A way for each of you to bring back a loved one, as well. Thank you for your attention."
There was a hush in the entire courtroom that was so quiet, as Tsunami bowed and returned to her seat, that one might've been able to hear a dandruff flake hit the floor - had there been one falling, that is. Until Ramia broke that silence.
"I object!" she shouted, jumping to her feet and pointing at Tsunami. "She's...she's...bribing the jury!"
Azusa banged his gavel. "You know very well that there's no such thing as objecting during this phase! Now sit down and be quiet!"
"Yes, Your Honor," Ramia paled and dropped back onto her chair.
The judge then faced the jury. "You will now be escorted to another room where you will begin your deliberations. Please take all the time that you need to reach a verdict, and understand that your verdict must be unanimous."
Thirty minutes after the jury had filed out, they filed back in.
"Will the defendant and her counsel please rise?" asked the judge.
Both Washu and Tsunami got to their feet.
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury," announced the judge. "Have you reached a verdict?"
Nobuyuki stood up and cleared his throat. "Yes, we have, Your Honor."
Everyone inside the courthouse held their breath, intent on hearing what his next words were going to be. The silence was gripping.
"On the count of violating the peace treaty, we find the defendant, Washu Hakubi...not guilty. On the count of disobedience to the council...not guilty."
Most of the people, beings, creatures, whatever you want to call them, erupted in hearty applause and cheers. Tsunami and Washu hugged one another.
"So noted," said the judge, banging his gavel once. "I declare this trial concluded. Have a pleasant evening, everyone."
With that, the judge left the bench via a nearby exit.
Ramia shot to her feet in shocked indignation, looking straight at Nobuyuki. "Not guilty? I had her dead to rights! How could you possibly arrive at such a verdict?"
"Well, it was unanimous," explained Nobuyuki. "We all agreed that we just don't like you."
Ramia just stood there with her mouth hanging open.
Washu took that opportunity to yawn and stretch. "Works for me. Hey, Tsunami, whatta ya say we go grab a bite somewhere before we go our separate ways?"
But before another word could be uttered by anyone, a sudden huge, sparkling, swirling effect engulfed the courtroom. Tenchi, and everyone else who had arrived with him into this world against their will, felt an oddly familiar sensation in the pits of their stomachs as they were torn away from it again, flailing and screaming their way down through another artificially created inter-reality wormhole.
vvv
Tenchi, dressed only in his favorite briefs, arrived at the breakfast table with his hair in a just-awakened uncombed mess, and groggily poured himself a bowlful of Admiral Crunch cereal.
Kiyone was already there, pacing back and forth impatiently, and rolling her large single eye at Nobuyuki, who currently had his claws stuck inside the garbage bin, foraging for any might-be left-overs to eat. He managed to find something that was suitably disgusting to humans, but which looked perfectly scrumptious to him. But before he could eat it, Ryo-Ohki sailed past him through the air and snatched it from his grip - devouring it, herself - with a fairly loud belch. In the same leap, she managed to land on the nearby litterbox in order to produce another spherical lump of dark matter, which she promptly buried.
Ayeka was on the couch snuggling with her alien hubby, Kif, while Katsuhito was busy smoking a cigar and polishing his shiny metal ass. Mihoshi was hard at work, stamping papers at her desk, when she exclaimed, "Sweet banana of Tijuana!" at the sight of Ryoko's disembodied head floating quietly in a jar full of liquid right beside the tallest stack of unstamped papers, and looking at Mihoshi with an annoyed expression - almost as if Mihoshi had something to do with her current condition.
Sasami, for some strange reason, had a mustache, and was rinsing a mop in a bucket in a far corner of the room, indifferent to being ignored by the others.
"Good news, everyone!" exclaimed Professor Washu upon entering the room. "I've invented a device that lets you create the perfect world of your dreams...and then it teleports you there!"
"Oh, Lord," moaned Kiyone.
"Here we go again," sighed Ryoko.
THE END...?