A/N - sorry for the delay, and thank you for reading. Big love to lisamichelle for sending me PM messages. She's one of the sweetest people in the fandom. If you have any questions about face blindness, feel free to ask! I don't mind.

"What's your problem?" Eli yelled, stumbling back a couple steps. My lips were still tingling from his kiss; I hadn't expected to like it very much, and even as I watched Edward rage - all fire and blazing temper - I felt dazed.

"What the fuck?" I barely squeaked, lowering my eyes to my feet. This isn't happening.

"Calm down, Ed."

"Don't tell me to calm the fuck down. You calm down!"

I heard Eli sigh, but my eyes remained glued to my feet in cowardice, the ground receding as cold panic gripped my nervous system.

"I am calm," Eli explained. "At least, I was until you charged me like a raging douchebag."

"You shouldn't be kissing her."

"She kissed me."

I lifted my head and muttered out an apology. "I'm not usually that forward." And I wasn't. Except where Edward was concerned.

Red hair in my periphery distracted me. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on my breathing, filling my lungs, releasing, counting.

Eli laughed. "Oh, it's cool. I know the effect I have on women."

"Ugh!" Bile literally flooded my throat. I doubted either man would be very interested in kissing me if I puked on my shoes. Wait, Edward didn't give a fuck - if he had, he would've kissed me when I was practically begging for it. So why was he lurking in the bushes and acting psychotic?

"Edward..." I stammered over his name, not sure how to phrase my question. "I mean, what the fuck? You ignore me for two days and then show up in my bushes like a deranged lunatic..."

"I'm not a lunatic."

"Famous last words from every deranged lunatic in the history of lunacy." Eli continued to laugh like an idiot.

"Oh my god, get lost! Both of you."

Edward stared at his hand, his eyes glazing over. "If that's what you want, Bella."

"No... I mean, it's not what I want, but... you obviously shouldn't be here. Why are you here?"

He held my gaze in rapt confusion. "I... We need to talk."

I snorted and reached for Eli's hand in an act of desperate stupidity. I had so few weapons in my arsenal, and jealousy burned in my gut. Goose and gander and all that; I wanted him to burn, too.

"Don't touch her!" Edward yelled.

"Fuck you, man!" He stepped forward as if to punch Edward, but only flexed his fist before dropping his arm. It swung at his side, a pendulum as time seemed to stop.

The three of us stood, unmoving in the world's strangest Mexican standoff.

"Tell me the truth, Edward, about Tanya. Tell me now, or I'm gonna kiss Eli again." I turned, looking directly into Eli's dark eyes - an odd, murky blue. "You don't have a problem with that, do you?"

"I suppose not. Could we use tongue this time?"

"Yes," I said, my tone flat. "Edward?"

"Why are you doing this?" he asked with a slight whine.

"What, kissing Eli? I don't know... a Denali for a Denali, I guess." I shrugged.

"I'm not with Tanya in the way that you think. We broke up... the last time I visited we both decided the distance was too much."

My jaw dropped. "Wait, so you guys broke up? Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"They didn't break up!" Eli scoffed. "He's lying. Kiss me, Bella. Kiss me! Edward must be punished for his dirty lies."

I lowered my head into my palms. "I suppose the kissing thing wasn't one of my brightest ideas."