(A/N: A boost blast from the past. Uncle Gunner has updated the story.
So yeah... my bad about taking several months to update... I'm not gonna lie, my motivation has been lacking. I think I might have accidentally killed myself when I accepted the OCs... I was so busy trying to make them in character that my drive to finish started to wane. Well, after this chapter, we will never see them in this story again.
Thanks to BlazeOceanDragon, Kingsparky, Shadow-Rukario, and Pokefreak59 for letting me use their characters. I'll be lucky if the 1st two even read this chapter. Also, thanks to House-of-sleep for subliminally reminding me of this story when we were talking on DA.
Hopefully, after this chapter, my motivation will come again, now that I'll start following the plot once more (YES this story has a plot, it's just hidden in all the references,) and it'll start getting good.
And lastly, sorry to all my... now Old Skool readers, who have supported me in writing this fic.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story and my Autopilot imagination.
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Oh, The People You'll Meet.
The Originals Part 2
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Meanwhile...
Shuyri was enjoying the last bit of Oran berries as he found a seat in the quiet cafeteria. It was far past lunch but too early for dinner.
To his surprise, two walls on opposite sides of the cafeteria both imploded at the same time. From one side came Ike, being smashed in by a bulldozer on steroids, also known as Narc. And from the other came side, came Snake and Terry being mauled by a large Aura Sphere; however, due to the fact that this fiction is rated Teen, nobody died, and there was absolutely NO BLOOD. Boo- hoo, if you want blood, go play Mortal Combat or watch 'Oh, The People You'll Meet: The Movie EXTREME EDITION' coming soon to theaters near you. Rated M for MANLY.
"What the hell? How is it possible that we both landed in the same place despite all of us running in a different direction?" Ike said as Terry snuck out of the current situation by walking away and whistling. Sneaking would be WAY too predictable, nobody would ever expect he was escaping by making it blatantly obvious to where he was at.
"Video game logic, don't question it." Snake answered.
"But," Ike objected.
"Don't question it." Snake interrupted.
"Okay..." Ike responded, only to realize, that he and Snake were, in fact, surrounded by two pissed off jackals, and a little flaming... uh... what the hell is Quilava anyways? The Author never figured that out. (Don't hate me; I'm a loser who names cars, not animals.)
"Wow, we pissed off the whole crew of OCs in one third of a chapter." Snake blurted, earning him even more pissed off looks, and confused ones at the same time. I don't think the OCs realize their in a Fan-Fiction yet. The third wall is for losers.
"I'll figure out a way out of this!" Snake yelled, as he HEROICALLY put his hand on his chin and went into a thinking pose. "Just... give me a minute."
"Uh... Snake, they're closing in." Ike reminded.
"I've got it!" Snake yelled as he shuffled his hand into his front pocket. He brought out a grenade canister that had "WARNING: Do NOT let a child under the age of three devour this grenade." written on it. This label, of course, was approved by the FDA or what ever agency your country has for the regulation of medicine.
"Another flash-bang?" Ike asked, recalling the incident 50 chapters ago that nobody remembers anymore; when Snake knocked himself, and a whole village of Lucarios, out with one flash-bang. Good times.
"No, even more useless! The smoke grenade!" Snake informed, as he dramatically pulled the pin and threw it at the ground next to him.
"And now we play the waiting game..." Snake stated as the smoke barely started to pick up, and choked out of the can.
If you're wondering why Shuryi, Iris, and Narc haven't attacked by now, it's because they can't. You see, they're all from Pokemon; and therefore are ruled by Anime Physics, and everybody knows that Anime characters can never attack in the middle of a dialogue scene. Hey, The Author didn't make the rules; he just bends them or breaks them to his liking.
"Any day now..." Snake said, agitated, looking at his non-existent watch, waiting for the smoke to come out. This is what Snake gets for using a 15 YEAR OLD smoke grenade. Seriously, he picked that grenade up on his first mission to Outer Heaven, back in 1993, even carrying it all the way though Shadow Moses (never using it, that's how useless it is) and NOW he decides to use it. Then out of complete nowhere, the can erupted in a violent explosion, even though smoke grenades don't have any explosive potential within them, and threw smoke everywhere, effectively making everybody cough.
A few seconds went by to reveal that Snake and Ike are still standing in the same place as the smoke clears.
"Oh yeah! That's right, we were supposed run after we throw the smoke grenade, weren't we? Damn, forgot about that." Snake recalled. Of course, all of the OCs by now, have had enough of the disaster that was: Solid Snake.
Now we get to play a fun game, called: 'Guess which character said these lines.'
"I'll tear Snake apart myself for interrupting my sleep!"
"Give me back my Oreos!"
"Finally, a decent fight around here!"
Okay, there are your quotes. You now have 30 seconds to figure out which character said them, as I turn on the Jeopardy music.
Dun da dun duh da dun da dun... dun da duh dun dun dun da.
I'm not going to give you the answers, if you can't figure it out; then you haven't been paying attention to my horrible attempts to give other people's OCs some characterization, (which I find hard to do.) Now back to your scheduled programming.
"Damn, my first fight at Smash Mansion, I hope I don't get horribly mauled like that one time..." Snake recalled
(Flash Back to Shadow Moses)
'Okay, I need that guard's attention.' Snake thought to himself.
Snake knocked on a wall, thinking that the guard would come around the corner and he would easily be able to choke him out. Of course, Snake THOUGHT he was playing on the Very Easy difficulty. Suddenly, TEN THOUSAND GENEOME GUARDS ran towards the source of the sound. Correction, he accidentally picked European Extreme difficulty. Basically, if you get seen in this difficulty, it just ENDS.
"I hate my job..." Snake started.
--- End flashback ---
"I still think I've got, like 40 percent of the bullets from that day still in my body," Snake recalled. Because you know, Snake learned percentage in 5th grade and applies it wherever he can, cause he thinks it makes him sound smarter.
"Your first fight? What about when you fought Calibra in front of the mansion?" Ike blurted out.
"Who?" Snake pondered.
"Never mind," Ike declared as Snake pulled out his FAMAS and Ike pulled out his Grenade launcher, with the tension currently rising. Snake, Ike, Shuyri, Narc, Iris, and the Pizza guy entered a staring contest. Wait, forget the pizza guy, I don't pay him enough to be in this fic, maybe some other chapter. Mmm... Pizza Hut.
"Oh crap, here comes Terry." Snake interrupted the tension.
"Hey guys, guys?" Terry started, "You want some Co-Co Cola? Drink it?"
"No." Snake responded.
"Why n-?" Terry asked before being interrupted.
"Cau... cause I'm Fat, I'm on a diet." Snake stuttered" Snake interrupted. Can you really imagine Snake being fat? I hope not
"How about some Bologna. You want some Bologna?" Terry asked.
"No, I don't want no Bologna." Snake retorted. Terry just shrugged his shoulders and started eating his bologna, until he started to cough.
"Hey, shut up, I don't wanna hear that!" Snake demanded in response to Terry's coughing.
"Don't tell him to shut up! He's choking!" Ike pointed out the obvious.
"Oh no! I didn't know he was choking!" Snake addressed the situation, "So what do we do?"
"I don't know, the guy's choking." Ike commented as he shrugged his shoulders. Terry was currently coughing in Ike's face.
"Hey, don't do that in my face." Ike objected. Terry of course continued to cough in Ike's face, because let's face it, a choking dude doesn't really care or hear what you're saying. Nevertheless, Ike pushed him away, into Iris. Iris didn't appreciate this sudden breach of personal space either, and promptly threw him to the ground.
"Get off me you freak, I don't care if you're in trouble or not; you don't touch me that way." Iris reprimanded.
"Uh... RUN!" Snake yelled, taking Terry's coughing as a distraction to escape.
Snake and Ike took off from the cafeteria into the smash Mansion corridors, and they split up. Snake ran right, Ike ran left.
Iris ran after Snake, Shuyri ran after Ike, and Narc's attention span ran out 20 minutes ago, so he was just walking along, looking for chicks, you know, the normal thing to do when you're his age... what ever his age is. Let's follow him for a while since Snake and Ike are in a chase scene and the Author sucks at describing those. Of course, Terry is still choking on the floor. That's right; none of these characters have the decency to help a choking man. But since helping Terry out of his predicament would be horribly boring and repetitive with some stupid stuff like CPR, (Mouth-to-Mouth resuscitation, even though that's for someone who's nearly drowned, not choking on bologna,) we're just gonna skip over to Narc.
Every where Narcissus went, he found females way out of his gauge, and height for that matter. Most of the females around the damn mansion were human, or human shaped to say the least. Princesses, Eskimos, and a robotic chick, and yet, not a single female Pokemon. Well, his luck instantly changed when he walked into the Smash Lounge, needless to say anybody could walk in there, it's not like Smash mansion has any guards or security or anything like that... Cheap-O-Depot Master Hand. He spotted a completely, and strangely, healthy female Pikachu near that robotic chick he had seen earlier.
'Okay, first plan of action, need to separate the mouse from the robot. Then I'll meet the young lady.' Narc surmised in his head.
Samus and Pikachu were watching TV. First, Narc tried the subtle approach: he tried to find a frequency he could whistle that could disrupt the robots machinery and cause it to spontaneously combust. Needless to say, that was a dumb idea.
'So... time for Plan B,' Narc said to himself. Narc waited for the robot to get up to use the bathroom, which actually worked. Don't ask why robots need to use the bathroom, it's IRRELEVANT. 'Why is Plan B always the better one?' Narc said to himself. Notice the HUGE drop in IQ in Narc's transition from his original story to here... it's pretty apparent of the effects. He continued on to approach the female Pikachu.
"Well, hello there lovely," Narc roused.
"HI!!!" the mouse yelled.
"Um, what's a nice girl like you doing here?" Narc asked, trying to regain his composure.
"Just watching MEDIEVAL TORTURE DEVICES on the History channel! Would you like to join me?" The mouse again yelled.
"Uh..." Narc hesitated.
"Why personally, I like Electrical shock torture, it's soo soothing for the one administering it." The mouse let out.
Back away Narcissus; back away and never come back. Well, Narcissus can't read this, but I think he got the message, because right after she said that, he was in the parking lot already. I don't care what you say, he COULD beat Sonic in a race, he just needs a little motivation, like crazy electric mouse girls. Well, he was in the parking lot, when he spotted a man in a blue suit with golden accents and red helmet looking through a pair of binoculars, with a perverted smile on his face as he stares at what ever he is looking at.
"Maybe I can join him in looking at what ever he seems to be... enjoying," Narciuss huffed.
Narcissus walked behind the man, only to startle him.
"Woah little dude, didn't hear you coming," Captain Crunch... er... Falcon babbled.
"What are you looking at?" Narc queried.
"Oh, I know somebody who wants a peek, well if you're that interested, look for yourself," Falcon indicated, dropping the binoculars on the floor. The binoculars just sat there for five seconds, Falcon doing that dumb smile of course, when Narc broke the news.
"I have no thumbs," Narc specified.
"My bad," Falcon said as he held it for Narc.
"She's a beauty isn't she?" Falcon admired.
"I can't see who you're talking about," Narc stipulated.
"Really? You should be starting right at her," Falcon speculated.
"I only see a parking lot with cars," Narc declared.
"She's the big, muscular one," Falcon described.
"Where? I don't see a female at all," Narc hissed
"What are you talking about? She's got a perfectly blue paint job with 2 white stripes," Falcon described.
"Paint job?" Narc asked, confused.
"Yeah, you can't see that beautiful 1969 Camaro Z28?" Falcon testified.
"What?" Narc cried, really confused.
"Yeah, I'm gonna win that car in a pink slip race, just you wait, then I'll have the most beautiful thing in the parking lot," Falcon explained proudly.
"Are you romantically attracted to cars?" Narc dared to ask.
"Who isn't?" Falcon remarked.
"Uh... I think I can hear the stove burning," Narc answered.
'Gotta get out of here, a bunch of weird people around this mansion.' Narc thought to himself.
Narc ran into the mansion, into a corridor with six rooms, three on both sides of the walls.
The first door opened and Snake flied out of it and ran to the room opposite the hallway.
Iris also exploded though the same room, but when she went to open the door Snake had just went through, she saw a TRAIN coming at her. She shut the door immediately, heart pounding. Snake then exploded from room parallel to the door she was at and ran immediately into the room opposite that one. As she went to open the door, it exploded opened and she got flattened, old school American cartoon style (think Johnny Bravo,) by a rampaging Ike, Shuyri not too far behind. After finally regaining her composure (and height), she went to open another door, when suddenly, she saw Snake run out of the door furthest away from her. She immediately followed, and all hell just broke lose. Ike and Snake were running into random doors, and Iris and Shuyri gave chase. After about 3 minutes of random doors, Iris finally got the hint, and instead of going though the door Snake went through, she went to the door adjacent to it. As she opened it, she saw a brown dog, a scruffy dude with a green shirt and brown pants, a nerdy chick in an orange sweater, a girl dressed in blue with reddish-orange hair, and a guy with blond hair.
"Like, ZOINKS! Run for it Scoob!" The scruffy dude yelled.
Iris was then flattened by the Mystery Gang. By now, Iris didn't like the American cartoon's style, which she found so much more childish than even kid's anime. After she had one again got back on her hind paws, she looked right to see Shuyri explode from a door with Ike giving chase. Then she just gets randomly trampled.
"Opps, sorry about that." Snake said as he ran into the next room.
--Long story short--
They ended up in the cafeteria (yes, where they originally started in the first place,) and Iris, Shuyri, and Narc had Snake cornered.
"Hey, guys, are you gonna sit down and eat or what?" They heard a voice from across the room. The entire group's attention turned to Captain Falcon, and the rest of the cafeteria, which was a war zone full of different Smashers, that accurately depicted a battle from World War II. Snake of course, used this as a distraction to break away from the assailants/ass-whoopers. Of course, he's a bulldozer, so any insignificant obstacle on the road would get bulldozed Mr. I'm-late-for-an-asswhooping-and-I'll-never-arrive-while-I'm-at-it. Snake, managed to get across the cafeteria, very noticed, but far away from the crazy OCs.
"Snake?" a soft voice called from behind him.
"YOU WANT SOME TOO!?" Snaked yelled at the top of his lungs as he swung around, rocket launcher in hand, to what he thought was an attacker. Luckily for him, the cafeteria was so loud that his yell just managed to fit right in. To his surprise, it was the pink mini- freaking bi-pedal jackal, the thing Snake can step on. "Oh it's you... uh..."
"Corsa," the riolu answered.
"Right," Snake confirmed.
"So, how are you doing?" Corsa asked with genuine concern.
"Can't talk. Must defend self," Snake blubbered as all the OCs started closing in on him. Apparently, Snake has the most distinctive yell, because these OCs heard it across a WWII Battleground. Snake's first instinct, to grab the pie of some fatman dressed in yellow with blue overalls and chuck it at the sliver jackal.
"Barbarian" Iris scoffed as she wiped the pie of her face. Snake however, wasn't an anime character, and therefore he was allowed to run at full speed away from them. In the middle of a battlefield, three OCs were chasing Snake. Snake, in pure desperation, started throwing what ever he could find at them: a cake, Co-Co Cola, rocks, a soda machine, a guy in a little space suit, Optimus Prime, and finally, some liquor from the bar. The problem was that Snake threw alcohol on Narc, and pretty much ignited the whole cafeteria on fire. Perfect for a 4th of July celebration, IN HELL. Snake managed to lose the OCs in the ensuing confusion and ran back to where he was originally at in the cafeteria. By the time he had found a safe place to be, almost everybody had promptly shuffled out of the cafeteria. Yes, Snake would rather be in a burning building than get an ass-whooping. Snake could see the cafeteria start to deteriorate and pieces of roof falling from the ceiling. Snake formulated the idea that he'd escape out of the nearest wall, instead of right into the path of the OCs. Snake readied his rocket launcher, when he though he heard a voice.
"Help! Please, anybody!" the voice weakly whined. Snake looked across the cafeteria, to see Corsa buried under a part of the collapsed ceiling. Normally, Snake would have left anybody behind, but his adrenalin was pumping now, and that meant he HAD to get the most action out of an experience before it faded. Both heroically and suicidally, Snake sprinted towards the rubble, and instead of pulling her out of it, he head-butted it and cleared the debris, because let's face it, rationality isn't what saves lives. He pulled her out of the wreckage and placed some C4 on a wall, then stepped back and detonated it. Snake ran though the hole in the wall, thinking he was clear of danger, only to notice that he was ON FIRE. Snake's first instinct... he ran across the WHOLE mansion, Corsa still in his arms, and waited in the elevator quietly as elevator music was playing. When he arrived at the top floor, Snake ran towards and jumped into the swimming pool. The fire on Snake extinguished and he was home free. Corsa, being a canine, wasn't too fond of water and opted to get out immediately. As she shook the water out of her fur, she saw an AIRPLANE crash into the pool, Snake still in it. The moral of the story is: you can put out the fire, but the planes WILL GET YOU. You are never safe.
"Snake? Snaaake? SNAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKE!" Corsa cried when the realization of what just happened hit her, odd as it is. Because you know, a plane crashing into a pool on top of a mansion isn't an every day-to-day occurrence in the Pokemon world. What a strange world these Pokemon live in.
(A/N: For my reappearing act, you've been cliffhanged...
Yeah, I know it makes people hate me, but be glad I found some motivation to write this again.
If you didn't see my LARGE reference to Knox, they you've obviously have never seen his claymations. If you did immediatly notice the reference, then you get a salute from me for watching some of the best Claymation ever.
And if you wanna talk with Uncle Gunner on your down time, you can check me out on DeviantArt, under the name OpenGunner.
Now Uncle Gunner Wants YOU, to review. I'll reply to all of your reviews, unless you don't sign it.)