Disclaimer: I own a car. A house. A flying saucer. Yet I do not own Desperate Housewives. Marc Cherry does. Lucky Guy. Ever had days when you wish you were Marc? I do.

This is following the same basic events in series 3 but slightly changed…okay, a lot. Almost completely, get off my back…please? This part is fairly random, and it has Danielle's first few months at the nunnery. This is the 13th part and hopefully entertaining. Only Danielle. Kinda bad.

Just Danielle's Adventure at the Nunnery

"You're leaving me…here?" Danielle squawked, staring at the large stone building, with no wires, or satellites or…anything resembling the modern world.

"Mom! No!" she whined.

"Danielle," Bree said sternly, "You got yourself into this mess, and we're getting you out."
Danielle frowned, "Send me to Paris! Rome! New York! Whatever, just not here!"
Orson leaned into his wife, and whispered something Danielle wasn't supposed to hear.

"No jelly-babies!" she shrieked, "Liars! Traitors! It can't be true! Mommy?"
Bree nodded, "It's true."
Danielle's sad face turned into one of twisted fury, "This is no nunnery! It's jelly-baby rehab!"

"Honey!" Bree smiled, "It's like killing two birds with one stone!"
"What bird? What stone? Why are you torturing them?" Danielle cried. Orson rolled his eyes.

"So, you little lovebirds get to go skiing in Europe while I'm stuck in some stupid-stone-no electricity-pretending-to-be-a-nunnery-jelly-baby-rehab hell!" Danielle yelled, gesturing wildly at the nunnery. Nuns strolling around the grounds attempted not to look offended.

Orson bit his lip and attempted to change the subject, "When shall we meet possibilities for Danielle's adoptive family?"
"Now you're getting rid of me?" Danielle wailed.

"I mean for your baby!"

"Oh. Much better."
Bree sighed, "We've met them."
"We have? Who?"
Bree smiled, "I'm pregnant!"
Orson's mouth fell open, "What?"
Danielle rolled her eyes, "You can stay here with me, if you really want to, Mom! We'll both meet people after our babies…ooh! A mother-daughter activity! Giving up our children! And we can fight against the jelly-baby hating nuns!"

Bree frowned and shook her head at her.
Orson took Bree's hand, "We're having a baby?"
"Urm…" Bree shrugged, "No…sorta…-ish…Danielle's."
"What?" Danielle and Orson cried.

"I'm going to be pregnant. Or pretending to be. Padding. Then, when the baby's born, it'll be ours. Or so people will think. And the baby will never know I'm it's grandmother…" Bree grimaced, "…and it's sister is it's mother…"

Danielle laughed, "This kid'll be more twisted then me."

Bree scowled at her, then beamed at Orson, "We're adopting it as our own."
"Oh," Orson frowned, "Do you think it's right?"
Bree's face fell again, "Orson, none of this is right!! My seventeen year old daughter is pregnant! This is not how I planned it at all! It's what we're going to do no matter how much you complain, or how little I'm going to want to do it…or how fat people will think I am…it's for the good of Danielle's child. It'll be with its family. No matter how twisted it is."
Bree sighed, trying to hold back tears, and beamed again, "Now. We're going to forget this matter and enjoy our honeymoon. Danielle…"
Bree hugged her daughter, "Have fun, Danielle. We'll be down to see you."
As Bree tried to pull away, Danielle hung on, "Don't leave me here, momma!"

Bree hugged her back, remembering when she left Andrew by the side of the road and he'd said almost the same things, "I'll be back soon, sweetie. Try to look after yourself."
Bree finally detached herself and climbed into the car with Orson, breathing deeply to stop herself from crying. Orson drove off, leaving Danielle with her suitcase.

The Head nun, Sister Elizabeth, approached her.

"Danielle Van de Kamp," she said sharply, "Do follow me."
Danielle's eyes widened, "Whoa! Were you in The Sound of Music?"
"Pardon?"
"You look like you were in The Sound of Music! Quick, sing!"
"What?"
"Sing!"
"No!"
"Sing! Please!"
"Fine!! The hills are alive, with the sound of mus--…"
"Nope. Not you. C'mon then, where's my room, sister?"
Danielle beamed and headed for the front door. Sister Elizabeth frowned and looked at the girl's suitcase.

"Oh!" Danielle called back, "Do bring my suitcase. I'm a pregnant woman and you don't want to hurt one of God's creatures…do you?"
Sister Elizabeth nodded and picked up the suitcase, "As you wish."

The next morning, Danielle was sleeping when suddenly she heard singing. She glanced at her clock.

"Six in the morning!" she moaned, sitting up. Sister Elizabeth rapped on her door and called, "Breakfast, Danielle."
"It's six in the morning!"
"Yes. You slept in."
"You what?"
"Our mass was at five thirty, and has just finished, and now the sisters are eating. Come."
Danielle sat up, in her teddy pajamas and curlers in her hair, and she slipped her feet into puppy slippers. She put her hand on her stomach and murmured, "Morning, roomie."
"You have a roommate?"
"No, sister…just saying good morning to the baby that…" Danielle faltered, "I'm…giving…up…"

Sister Elizabeth walked in and looked at Danielle's guilty face, "Danielle…"
Danielle suddenly spluttered and ran for the bathroom. Sister Elizabeth sighed and stood by the door as Danielle threw up.

Danielle finished puking and sat by the toilet, wiping her mouth. She could hear the sister pacing by the door and called, "If I had a child, I was going to name a boy Rex, after my father. I was going to call a girl Scarlett."

"Those are nice names," the sister called, starting to like the girl…

"Or Jelly! Baby as a middle name!"
…or not…

"The first names are nicer, Danielle."
Danielle came out and shrugged, "I'm giving it up anyway. I don't get to name it. Mom does…and she'll name it Mary or Magdalene or Paul or…or something."
The sister smiled, "You seem jealous that your mother gets it."

"No! This thing is an accident!"
"God never has accidents on this world."

Danielle shrugged, "God has failed me. He killed my dad, made all the men I've loved not love me back or disappear, made my mother obsessive-compulsive and a control-freak, and got me knocked up with my best friend's boyfriend."
"Maybe it's because of all these sins he's punishing you."
Danielle gasped, "Sins? What did I do?"
"Well, you slept with your best friend's boyfriend. He made you pregnant from that to teach you a lesson," Sister Elizabeth said, "Perhaps you deserved this."
"Are you saying I'm a slut?"

"Well…I wouldn't use that word…"

"Oh!" Danielle snarled, completely overreacting, "Some nun you are! It's on!"

From that moment on, Danielle and Sister Elizabeth were locking horns almost everyday, much to the chagrin of everyone else. When Danielle slept late, she went hungry. When Danielle ever spoke back to her, Sister Elizabeth made her kiss the floor twice.

"Yuk!" Danielle cried, sitting up from her latest floor-kissing episode, "Tastes like…like feet!"
Sister Elizabeth sighed, "I made a mistake enraging a hormonal pregnant teenager. Even if I did it by accident!"
"Yes! You did," Danielle snapped, resting her hands on her slightly swollen stomach. "Good day."
Danielle walked away, wondering why her mother hadn't visited in two months. She was four months pregnant, and was getting fat! Danielle walked away, and she marched out of the corridor into the hall…where Bree and Orson stood, chatting to a nun.

Danielle gasped, "Mom!"
Bree turned to her and beamed at her, "Danielle!"

Danielle ran across the hall, dodging nuns and pillars, straight into her mother's comforting arms.

"Mommy, mommy, mommy…" Danielle whispered, breathing in her mother's scent of fresh-baked cookies and perfume.

"Oh sweetie," Bree grinned, stepping back, "Look at you. You're…bigger."
Danielle nodded, smiling, but then frowned, "Where have you been for the last two months!"
Bree and Orson glanced at each other as Danielle ranted on, "Not only have I been getting fatter, going through morning sickness and swollen ankles, I've been locked in arguments with Sister Stick-up-her-Butt every day, my pajamas are too small so I have to wear in your sort of nightdress and I've gone cold-turkey on jelly-babies!"
Orson handed her a packet of jelly-babies, "I got you something."
Danielle took them, eyes wide and glittering. Bree looked surprised, "Orson. When did you get those?"
"I thought she needed a treat, so I got them yesterday."
Danielle burst into tears, and hugged Orson, "Thank you so much, Orson!"
Orson patted her back, "It's…okay, Danielle."

Danielle wiped her eyes, "Thanks. So, what kept you?"
"Well, we never found the time," Bree explained.

"What were you doing?"
Bree and Orson shifted, uncomfortably, "Erm…skiing…and whatnot…"
"And by skiing, you mean having se--"
"Skiing as well!" Bree cried. Danielle smiled, "I'm just so happy to see you. Now you're here, I don't have to kiss any floors."
Bree and Orson frowned, but followed Danielle out into the grounds for a walk.

"So, do you like Sister Elizabeth?" Bree asked.

Danielle, who had crammed the jelly-babies into her mouth, shrugged, "'he's 'o'y."
"What?"
Danielle swallowed, "She's okay."

Orson saw a nun heading for them, "Is that her?"
"Yes." Danielle groaned as she approached.

"Hello, Mr and Mrs Hodge." Sister Elizabeth smiled, shaking their hands, "Good to see you."
"Hello, Sister Elizabeth," Bree said, "I do hope Danielle hasn't been particularly bothersome to you."
"Oi…"
"No, she is a good girl. A worthy opponent," Sister Elizabeth joked.
Danielle coughed, "Sister, did you eat garlic for lunch?"
Bree nearly choked from the rudeness, but the Sister nodded, "Lasagna and garlic bread. Oh, sorry dear. Go."
Bree and Orson looked confused as Danielle covered her mouth and ran off.

"Garlic makes her nauseous." the Sister grinned.

"Oh," Orson muttered.

The Sister smiled, "So, you are going to adopt the child?"
"Yes," Bree sighed.

"Can I ask you something on Danielle's behalf?"
"Sure," Bree said, "What is it?"
"Don't name it Scarlett or Rex,"

Bree visibly stiffened, while Orson looked confused, "Why?"
The Sister smiled, "She's saving them for her own. Good day,"
Sister Elizabeth moved away, while Bree looked at Orson.

"You…don't think she wants to…keep the baby?" Bree whispered.

"I don't," Danielle scoffed, appearing behind them, "Why would I?"
"Sister Elizabeth told us not to name it Scarlett or Rex."
Danielle shrugged, "I like those names."

Bree patted her shoulder, "It's good to think about that now. Anyway, we should be off now, sweetheart."

Danielle hugged Bree and Orson goodbye and watched them leave, both Danielle and Bree welling up again. As they drove away, Danielle found herself silently cradling her bump. Did she want to keep it?

Okay, lame ending much. Hope you enjoyed. Please Review.