When I Think About You
Lemons!
EPOV
When I left Bella's house for the second time, I was almost hysterical, if it were possible for a vampire to experience such a thing. Never had I felt so many unfamiliar emotions at any time, and now I felt them all at once. I felt hurt and hope in equal measure. I felt disappointment and relief. I was determined, and yet my resolve flickered and wavered like a candle in a storm. Bella wasn't in love with me, which broke my heart yet made me glad. Being in love with me wasn't good for her, it spelled only death and destruction in her life. A life with me would be no life at all for her. At the same time, I was giddily happy, perhaps smug, to have brought her pleasure without hurting her. I had told her I would be whatever she wanted me to be, and I would. If she wanted a friend, she could lean on me. If she wanted a lover, I would tenderly embrace her. If she wanted a magic carpet, I would fold myself into a rectangle and learn to fly.
As I sped home through the woods, moving fast even for me so that I was a pale blur against the marching rows of greenery, my mind wandered back to the events of the night, my perfect vampire memory bringing back the perfect vision of my beautiful Bella waiting up for me.
When she interrupted my stammering attempt to explain myself and pulled back the covers and revealed the pale smooth skin of her long legs, I tried to be a gentleman and look away. It was impossible. My eyes raked up her body of their own accord, drinking in the curve of her hips, and the inviting swell of her soft breasts imprisoned tightly in a lattice midnight blue lace. I wanted to free them. My fingers actually twitched with the urge to rip the fabric away. My eyes traveled up further, I forced myself to skip over the slender curve of her white neck, dangerous territory for me, and landed on her dark glittering eyes. My breath quickened as I stared into her gaze and I simply . . . drowned. She moved slowly closer to me, swaying her hips, and had I been human, I have no doubt my mouth would have gone completely dry. Instead, monster that I am, venom flooded my mouth and I had to choke it back to keep from drooling.
I clearly saw her moving toward my lap, yet I was completely unprepared when she pressed her small practically naked body against me. She wiggled slightly and coherent thought left me as pleasure coursed through me and my body responded to her. I was rock hard and pressing painfully against my pants, as my body tried desperately to fight through the few layers between us. I heard a creak and distantly registered that I would need to buy Bella a new bedframe. Or perhaps an entire new house, if things kept progressing at this pace.
Desperate to accomplish my purpose in coming, yet unable to think in complete sentences, I stuttered out the one crucial point I had come here to communicate, though I had meant to explain the entire story, why I left, why I agreed to return, and why I would never leave again unless she ordered me away. But as usual, my beautiful Bella surprised me. She sweetly explained that she did not love me. And since she clearly didn't want me to love her, I made no attempt to force the point upon her. Instead, I gave her what she wanted. I would always give her whatever it was that she wanted.
Her kiss had started out innocent enough, her soft lips pressed gently to mine, igniting fire within my cold body. But as I started to move my mouth against hers, even sliding my tongue inside her mouth as I was unable to resist the memory of her taste, she responded quickly. She moved her mouth down the side of my jaw, and opened her lips against my neck, sucking intently. I was instantly even harder, and she slid her small hands down my chest and deftly slid the button of my pants free. I grasped her wrists as gently as I could to stop her.
"Bella. We have to do this my way. I can't trust my control if you are touching me that way."
She opened her mouth to argue, but I interrupted her. "Lie down," I instructed her firmly. Holding my gaze the entire time, she leaned slowly back to lie flat against the mattress, obediently resting her hands above her head in surrender. I wondered briefly if it would be safer to handcuff her, so that she would not be likely to tempt danger with her distracting caresses, and my dick twitched enthusiastic support at the mental image. Not helping.
"Spread open your legs," I heard myself say, and again she obeyed, bending her knees up so that she was completely exposed and vulnerable to me. "So beautiful," I whispered reverently, wishing I could say aloud that I loved her. The delicious scent of her arousal flooded around me, and she shifted her hips impatiently beneath my stare. I carefully unlaced the ribbon crisscrossing down the front of her top, sliding it off of her in a movement too quick for human eyes. The pink tips of her breasts hardened beneath my gaze as I drank in her exposed form bathed in pale moonlight. Entranced, I lowered my mouth to her nipple, flickering my tongue across it as my fingers caressed up her smooth thigh, skimming over her almost bare hip and then gently covering her other soft breast. I lost myself in the sensations of touching her, feeling almost lightheaded with desire and need as I massaged her soft breasts and stroked up and down the sensual curve of her waist. She made delightful moaning noises in the back of her throat as I kissed and stroked her, but she kept her hands compliantly crossed at the wrist above her head. I paused for a moment as I struggled against the longing to press my body urgently against her, to grind and thrust against her fragile body the way that my body desperately ached to. Instead, I closed my eyes against temptation and gripped the bed on either side of her, ripping apart sheets and covers, perhaps the mattress too, I didn't care.
Bella shifted beneath me, but instead of reaching out to try to pull me back down to her as I expected, she slipped her fingers beneath the silky edge of her satin thong, pulled it off, and tossed it aside. Christ. All. Mighty. She was completely. Naked. That was my last coherent thought as my mind was overtaken by one syllable commands from my body. Look. Touch. Touch. Look. Touch. Look. Taste. Taste. Taste taste taste taste taste.
"Be very still," I rasped in a voice I barely recognized, as I lowered my head between her legs. I gently brushed my nose against her, and she whimpered in response. More. More more more. Gently, mindful of my razor-sharp teeth, I pressed my tongue against her hot, slick opening.
"Oh God!" Bella exclaimed breathily. I lathed over her most sensitive parts, over and over, licking and thrusting with my tongue, tasting her incredible flavor, while my thumb pressed at a gentle pace against her. I was rewarded with a steady rhythm of noises from Bella. "Oh God. Oh Edward. Oh fuck Edward God Edward Edward God Edward, Oh, Oh, Oh!" she cried out. That medical degree was finally coming in handy, I thought smugly. I slowly slid one finger and then another inside of her, nearly losing it at the heat and pressure of her tight, slick center. Harder. More. Harder farther more more farther. My mind raved incoherently, seeming to think that if my long fingers penetrated far enough that another more sensitive part would make it inside as well somehow. I thrust into her repeatedly with one hand while my mouth still worked on her, and my other hand caressed her soft smooth skin, ghosting over her with slow and trembling progress, not daring to grip her closer to me for fear that I would not be able to control my strength. Another voice insinuated itself into my lust hazed consciousness, a voice I had been battling for a hundred years. Taste, harder, more, bite. Bite. Bite, bite, bite, bite. I clenched my jaw in determination. Bella's voice got louder and higher as I thrust my tongue and fingers into her at a more and more furious pace, building to such a frantic speed that I was more vibrator than vampire as I drove her to her climax. "Oh God fuck fuck fuck Edwwaaaaarrrd," she cried out, and her body clenched around my fingers while she writhed and shook as she rode out her ecstasy. The mind-blowing tightening sensation of her climax around me drove me over the edge moments later and the next thing I knew there was a wet sticky feeling in my jeans and the taste of cotton in my mouth. The first was embarrassing, the second terrifying, I had come so close to tearing into her soft skin, and managed to sink my teeth into a chunk of the bed instead at the last possible moment. My dead heart went cold at the mere memory of the near miss.
I shook my head to clear my head. The pleasure was the most intense of my life, I'd never known anything could feel like that. But far better than the pleasure was the time afterwards, a brief moment when Bella felt like mine again. She'd teased me about actually needing to use the bathroom for once for a "human moment". She'd playfully ruffled my "sex hair", which for once was aptly named. But after a few minutes she seemed to remember herself and she refused to look at me properly. Then she dismissed me so politely that I felt like I should shake her hand in parting.
When I walked in, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were waiting for me expectantly. Of course.
"So what happened?" Rosalie demanded disapprovingly.
I was glad that vampires couldn't blush. They had moved half way around the world and back for this relationship, and Alice had risked her life in Italy because of it. I suppose they had a right to take an interest.
"I believe that we have come to a new . . . arrangement," I responded. Alice narrowed her eyes and looked almost surprised and I wondered if she had seen any other futures. "There is progress. We're incorporating friendship and, well, at least . . . I think it is progress—"
"Is that a hickey?" Emmett asked, interrupting.
"What?" I said automatically bringing my hand up to where Bella had been kissing my neck. Where of course there was not a hickey since I was a vampire. They all dissolved in peals of laughter, slapping their knees and breathlessly yelling "a hickey!" at each other in between bouts of hilarity. Only Emmett could still catch me off guard after all these years, because he so rarely thought about what he said before he said it.
"Oh, bugger off," I muttered to no one in particular and I went up to my room.