Notes: Decided to link together a series of short pieces which will look at feelings after each episode. Different characters used and different feelings. Each will be added on as I progress. This is Tosh's POV after 'To the Last Man'. It uses ideas about what may have happened while Tosh was in that UNIT cell. I've always thought there should have been more about this as conditions looked inhuman. There are some references to past non-con.
Duty
Tosh had experienced many terrible things in her short life. When they'd put her in that bare cell she'd spent days covered in her own faeces, urine and blood. Every day one guard, or two guards, or more had used her. They'd forced their cocks into her mouth until she'd bitten one and then they'd punched her and threatened to break all her teeth if she didn't comply. When they'd held her down and raped her she'd learnt to shut off, to separate herself. She'd heard the abuse and felt the pain and afterwards curled up into a ball but she'd kept one small part of herself apart, shut off, safe until they day he'd come. Captain Jack Harkness had appeared at her cell door like a hero out of one of the comics she'd read when young. He'd got her out of there. She owed him her life. He had saved her. She'd sworn that she would be loyal to him always from then on so today had been the hardest day of her life.
Of course, she'd done her duty, her duty to Jack, to the team and to the world. She'd sent a man back in time to his death. It had torn her apart as she persuaded him to turn the dial that would bridge the tear between then and now. She knew that Tommy would die; in some foreign field he would say no and they'd shoot him for it. Poor shell shocked Tommy would be put in front of a firing squad and she'd helped send him back to his death, his duty and there was nothing she could do about it.
As she walked away from Owen she hoped that he was right, perhaps this was worth all the sacrifices she'd made and the pain she'd endured. In the end it was simple, she was Torchwood and saving the world was what she did no matter what the cost.