Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Human were staring at each other, waiting for the other to make their move. The tension was so great, you could literally feel it in the room as they had broken up in their fight. Doof's heart was pounding hard and his eyes darted across the room, looking for something, anything to turn the tide in his favor. He kept looking back at Perry to make sure he was there and was curious what Perry's next move would be. When he felt like he finally found something that could help him, Perry quickly broke out into a dash and pounced on Doofenshmirtz, sending the two of them to the ground and they quickly began to roll across the floor, punching and kicking, trying to pin one another. Perry finally caught the upper hand for only a brief moment before Doofenshmirtz pulled back his arm and punched Perry in the jaw, sending him flying back some. Perry sat up, wiping the blood off his mouth but wasn't able to act fast enough as Doofenshmirtz jumped on him and pinned him down finally. Doofenshmirtz chuckled evily and Perry turned his head away, understanding he had been defeated in this fight.
"It looks like I finally win Perry the Looser-pus!", he said triumphantly.
Perry sighed but then did something...odd. He smiled. Before Doof knew it he was even laughing a little bit.
"After all this time.. I didn't think you were capable of actually stopping me.", Perry said, smiling up at Doof. "And this time you're stopping me before I even start."
Doofenshmirtz heard his heart in his ears as they began to burn. Perry's eyes drooped a little and suddenly, it didn't matter to Doof. The fight, the long struggle to rule the Tri-State Area, his past, his hatred for everyone and everything, his hate for Perry. It didn't matter any more. His elbows bent and he felt Perry's soft, warm breath tickling his face. Perry's lips were so close to his. Doofenshmirtz's heart pounded harder and harder as their lips fused together. He felt a spark run up his spine and he moaned some with pleasure. Perry's hands slid up his arms, reaching down his body causing him to shiver. He ran his own fingers across Perry's body when he realized he wasn't grabbing clothes, he felt bed sheets and jolted up in bed, panting and sweating. He peered into the darkness, not seeing Perry's face. He looked over at his alarm clock, not really caring about what time it is, he reassured himself that he wasn't fighting or kissing, he was in bed. Waking up from a dream.
"Oh man what a nightmare...", he groaned to the dark of night. "I'm glad that's over.."
He felt a hand on his and he looked over only to have his heart jump up to his throat causing him to nearly choke on it.
"Doofy, are you okay?", Perry asked sweetly from his spot in bed next to Heinz.
Doof let out a scream and woke up yet again in the same room.
"Okay that was weird...", he said.
He looked over and nearly choked again as his eyes found Charlene laying in bed next to him and then woke up once again in the same bed. He looked over fearfully at the bed sheets covering whoever may be under it and pulled them aside to find it was the red-haired girl he dated and accidentally hit with the deloveinator.
"...Okay I can get used to this one.", he said slyly with a matching smile.
He suddenly woke up again to look over and find Monogram flopped across the bed, drooling, and snoring.
"...Oh come on!", he groaned.
He woke up yet again but this time was greeted by the sun shining through the window and his alarm blaring on and on. He turned it off and looked over to his side finding no one there. He sighed some with relief and got up to get dressed. He scratched the back of his head and looked around some.
"I wonder what I was dreaming about.", he said to no one in particular.
When he was dressed and came out to the living room where Vanessa was having a bowl of cereal and Perry was having some of Norm's crunchy eggs, he stretched some and smiled at the scene a bit.
"Hey Dad.", Vanessa said.
"Heinz.", Perry greeted with a nod.
"Good morning, Dad! Would you like some eggs?", Norm asked cheerfully.
"Norm. I'm not your dad and I don't like your eggs. Get it through your thick metallic head already!", he groaned. "Morning Vanessa. Perry. How'd you guys sleep?"
"Fine.", Vanessa said.
"I had the craziest dream last night.", Perry said. "Can't even describe it."
"Yeah, me too.", Doof said pulling up a chair.
"Here's your coffee!", Norm said setting the cup down.
"Thanks Norm. It's not CRUNCHY is it?", he added sarcastically. He took a sip and soon spat it back out coughing out coffee and eggshells. "Oh! Oh! Aahh! It IS crunchy! Oh! that's just GROSS! Ulgh!"
Perry and Vanessa snicker, high-fiving eachother.
"Next time let's reprogram Norm to put sugar in it.", Vanessa said.
"Yeah it may make him a little nicer.", Perry replied.
"Very funny you two, reprogramming Norm. It's like the kids playing a prank on Dad, right?", Heinz groaned as he brushed off some coffee from his lab coat.
"Actually, Perry, Norm, and I were talking about it and thought it seemed more like Perry was the father, you're the mom, I'm the daughter and Norm's my little brother.", Vanessa said.
"Hey wait, why am I the mother?", her dad replied indignitly.
"Mm.. let's see, who's holding down a good job?", Perry asked.
He took a sip of his own cup of coffee.
"Uh hello! CEO of the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorperated!", Doof replied.
"And when did you SELL anything?", Perry snapped back.
"But I'm already Vanessa's dad!", Doof said thinking he gained a point over Perry.
"So invent a Mominator.", Perry took up the paper and scanned through it as Doof scoweled at the come back.
"I wanna be the dad! I want to be the dad.", he said.
"Well, 'Hon', you can be if you want, but I wasn't the one wearing the dress."
"What does that even mean?", Doof asked, unsure of where the conversation was going now.
Perry chuckled and took out a picture from his pocket. He held it out to the doctor who squinted at the two figures on it.
"Remember? The dress?", he said.
Doof took the picture and felt his cheeks burn hot with embarrassment as it was back when Perry was still a platypus. Back when Doofenshmirtz gathered all of the city's dirty laundry and they were in the middle of a fight, having just popped up from a pile of dirty laundry with Perry wearing a tuxedo and Doofenshmirtz in a wedding dress. Vanessa looked over his shoulder and couldn't help but laugh.
"Ah we were so happy back then, eh?", Perry said chuckling some more.
"Where did you even get a picture like this?", Vanessa asked.
"You'd be surprised what 'Daddy's' job is all about.", Perry said.
"You're not her father!", Doof said thrusting the picture across the table to Perry.
Perry slid it back in his pocket, disregarding Doofenshmirtz's frustration.
"Heinz, you know I'm too busy at my job and the children would be in school all day. Someone should be staying at the house, cooking and cleaning.", he said not taking an eye off the paper.
"That's Norm's job!"
"No, our son would be in school. He needs a good education after all."
"He's not my son!"
"Well then I'll adopt him. Norm, how would you like to be a Flynn?", Perry offered, finally setting it aside.
"I thought it was the Doofenshmirtz family", Norm said.
"You take so much after your mother.", Perry chuckled.
"YAY!", Norm's smile lit up.
"You are NOT a Doofenshmirtz, Tinnochio!", Doofenshmirtz growled. "And this IS the Doofenshmirtz family!"
"Too late, 'Mom'." Vanessa said, laughing at the ridiculousness of it all.
"Well no seriously, why can't I be the dad?", Doof asked. "I'm a boy. I can hold down a job!"
Perry, Vanessa, and Norm just give Doofenshmirtz a plain look and it didn't take long for him to get the message.
"...Good point.", he finally sighed, leaning his head on his hand as he picked up the coffee mug with his free hand and took a sip. He soon spat it back out. "AAAH! Oh man! Ulgh! Not AGAIN!"
After breakfast was spewed as well as eaten, Doofenshmirtz returned to the lab where he began working on the trueforminator. Perry soon joined him, a book in hand to keep him entertained as he handed a tool once in a while when his book didn't attract so much of his attention. But soon the book became consuming and Doofenshrmitz worked long into the day on the invention, while Perry was trying hard to keep his own mind off of last night's thoughts and on the book which was, unfortunately, a romance book as it turned out to be. Doofenshmirtz sighed, sitting back in his chair, rubbing his eyes from concentrating so hard on the piece of machinery infront of him. He looked over at Perry who hadn't taken his eyes off the book and almost felt his blood boil. He was working his butt off to redefy the laws of science and physics and Perry was just reading a book, passing the time away. The least he could do is get a sandwich for him. He sat down his screwdriver with a small thud and Perry looked up from what he was reading.
"What's wrong?", Perry asked.
"...I'm not going to turn you into a platypus.", Doof said definitely.
Perry eyes widened and then narrowed down. He shut his book and sat it on the desk.
"What do you mean?", Perry started to say, trying to keep his voice tempered. "What, you're not going to turn me back?"
"As far as I'm concerned Perry, you can just stay a human.", Doof said. "I don't HAVE to do anything you tell me to. What are you going to do? Punch me? Kick? Bite, scratch, threaten to break a bone or KILL me? Without me, you can't turn into a platypus and besides, why be an animal that hardly does anything when you can be a human that-"
"DR. DOOFENSHMIRTZ.", Perry's voice had lost all other emotion than rage and malice. He stood up, looming over Dr. D with a terrible scowl on his face as his hand slapped the table to catch his attention. "WHAT is it that all living creatures love more than anything else?"
Doof paused for a moment, not really sure where Perry was going with this. He shrugged, looking away but Perry snapped his fingers with his other hand to catch his attention.
"Don't play dumb, Doofus! What do all creatures have?"
"Why are you asking me this?", Doof asked.
"You're the one with all the psychiatry books. ", Perry snapped. "All creatures have FAMILIES. All humans love to feel loved! I, however, can not BE human because I'm NOT human! I have a FAMILY that LOVES me, but I can't love them back when I'm something I'm NOT!"
"Okay so they lost their platypus!", Doof said, standing up and pushing Perry back to give him space. "You don't need to get all huffy about it!"
"Doofenshmirtz you IDIOT!", Perry yelled. "You NEVER get it do you? You SAW my family. For real life! Right there in the grocery store! Why the heck don't you understand that THEY can't see ME? Think you have your OWN family issues? They're the only people in the world that decided to adopt ME. Decided to care for ME. Out of all the other animals in the adoption agency, all those agents that kept coming in and getting a new home, all passing me, I was finally chosen. There's no one else that would care for me and now I can't even VISIT them! Why? BECAUSE A MORONIC, LUNATIC DECIDED IT WOULD BE FUN TO TURN HIS NEMESIS INTO A COMPLETE STRANGER TO HIS FAMILY! THEY SEE ME; THEY LOOSE ME! END. OF. STORY! GET IT IN YOUR FREAKING EXCUSE OF A TRIANGULARLY-SHAPED HEAD ALREADY!"
Doof had stumbeled back into his chair, completely shocked at Perry's sudden burst of rage. Perry stood there panting for a moment, his eyes not moving a moment off of Doof's. A moment of silence passed between them.
"They...They're always making sure I'm okay.", Perry said finally. "That song you heard the first night? That was THEM. Calling for ME. Last time they did it was because I had to take care of Regirgutator and I was able to freely return to them. They're worried stiff that I'm gone and..."
A tear weld up in his eyes and Perry yelled in frustration and stormed out of the room, kicking over his chair as he did so. Doofenshmirtz stared down at the machine on the table, unsure of what to do next. Unsure of what to really think next. He finally punched the table in his own frustration and held his head in his hand.
"They're not the only ones...", Heinz mumbled under his breath.
Perry stormed through the building, pushing aside Norm and storming by Vanessa who asked him about the odd yelling they heard. He marched into a bedroom where he slammed the door behind him and stared at the bed in the middle. He knew this wasn't Vanessa's since it wasn't covered in black. He wasn't really sure whose it was. At the moment, he could care less. He collapsed on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as his mind churned on and on about his family. He felt himself hating Doofenshmirtz more and more than he really realized he did.
'I'd murder him if I could.. I swear, I would.', Perry thought to himself. 'I'd really show him what for for keeping me away from Phineas and Ferb... Man.. They must really miss me right now. I wish I was at home. I wish I was in my pet basket with my bowl of platyfood, listening to Candace trying to bust the boys and Linda missing out on all the fun.', his eyelids grew heavy as he thought more and more. 'Why.. why can't things...return to normal.. Why did Dooofus have to force me to live in something..I hated?'
Perry rolled over in his sleep and a dream began to form in his mind. He was back at his house. HIS house. A regular platypus with his regular family back in the more or less regular days. He woke up to Phineas' alarm clock and morning stroke and chattered happily for it.
"G'morning Perry.", a voice said soothingly to him.
It wasn't the normal voice Perry heard. More like something he'd hear...later. Perry paused for a moment, not opening his eyes yet but then relaxed again at the voice.
"How did you two sleep?", Phineas' voice said to him.
Perry worried again. It was further away than normal. Perry eyes flew open as he heard the first voice yet again.
"Oh we're just fine.", it said.
Perry rolled over to find Heinz. Or something like Heinz. A brown platypus with disheveled hair and shadows under his eyes. It stretched out happily chattering towards Phineas and Ferb who were smiling down at the duo in their pet basket-for-two. But instead of worrying, instead of wondering what Doofenshmirtz was doing as a platypus, Perry leaned over to gently nuzzle him as Phineas pat his back. The two loved on each other affectionately and headed out with Phineas and Ferb for breakfast. Perry felt happy though he could feel the soft buzz of the obvious question in the back of his mind. He tried to ignore it. He didn't want to face it. But then suddenly everything in the room seemed to grow dark as they headed into the kitchen and began to eat their breakfast. Doofenshmirtz sat at his bowl while Perry was eating out of his. Smiling widely. Perry looked up with confusion, unsure of what was going on. Suddenly Doofenshmirtz stood up and pulled out a familiar looking ray gun. Only platypus size now.
"Hey, whatcha doin'?", Phineas asked Doofenshmirtz as he aimed it at them.
Perry stood up instantly, he knew what Dr. D was thinking. He tried to yell at Doof, saying it would be crazy for him to actually do it and asking why he would, but nothing came out of his mouth. He couldn't yell, he couldn't talk, he couldn't walk. Doof turned back, a wide malicious grin across his face.
"Say 'good-bye', Perry the Platypus...", the evil platypus said to him.
He pulled the trigger. Phineas, Ferb, and Candace all screamed in pain and fell dead to the floor as Perry fell to his knees in horror.
"P-Perry the Platypus.", Phineas said with his last breath. He repeated it again and again and then his voice changed, it became higher and it developed an accent. But it continued to echo to Perry though he had shut his eyes, trying hard not to look at the painful scene in front of him. Soon Perry could feel himself being shoved on and he woke up in bed again to find Doofenshmirtz there, trying to wake him up.
"Perry the Platypus!", the doctor was calling out. "Perry the Platypus, are you okay?"
Perry sat up in bed, regaining the fact that he was a human and so was Doofenshmirtz. He was at the DEI and Doofenshrmitz did not kill the kids. Perry glared at Heinz who only raised his hands in self defense.
"Look, I know I'm the last person you wanna talk to right now.", Doof admitted.
"Ain't that the truth?", Perry said with an icy cold tone that said in itself, "Roll over and DIE".
"Hey, I came here because I heard you screaming and came to see if you were okay. You were crying like you were having a nightmare."
Perry was dumbfounded at the news and looked at the bed sheets to see a small, dark, wet spot where his tears hit the bed. He quickly proceeded to wipe up all the rest of the tears in his eyes when Doofenshmirtz handed him something. Perry looked to see it was a handkerchief and looked at the man offering it to him.
"Go on, it's not evil or anything.", Doof teased.
Perry took it and wiped up the tears and snot dripping from his nose, hiccuping a bit.
"What was the dream about?", Doof asked. "If-if you don't mind to tell me."
"Why? So you could build a device to trap me in THAT instead?", Perry said.
Doofenshmirtz bit his tongue, deciding to handle this as gently as he could.
"I was just asking out of concern.", he said calmly. "Anything wrong with that?"
"Not so wrong as to send you to jail.", Perry replied. He smirked and Dofenshmirtz was a little surprised.
"Was that a joke?", Doof asked. "Are you joking with me?"
"'Anything wrong with that?'", Perry replied, imitating Doofenshmirtz's voice.
"Not at all so long as you don't hate-", Doof paused, reminding himself that Perry, of course, hated him since they WERE enemies. "..As long as you're not still mad with me."
There was a moment of silence as Perry's eyes narrowed some at Dr. D. Heinz tried to avoid eye contact, understanding what Perry was thinking.
"...Alright, look I am sorry.", Doofenshmirtz apologized. "Really. I.. I actually came up here to tell you that originally. I'm sorry I'm keeping you away from your family."
Perry raised an eyebrow, awaiting to hear the "but" to it.
"It's not fair of me to say 'I'm not going to turn you back and return you to your family'. It..it really isn't right. I guess I never really thought of you as a family kinda guy but...", he shrugged. "Maybe that's cause I never really had much of one myself. Even with Vanessa and Norm."
"...They are nice things to have.", Perry said, looking out the window in the room at a nest with a bird family in it. "So even if no one else likes you, there's still that one group of people who care about you. Who love you all the time."
"That's what I always hear.", Heinz said, also looking at the birds. "Unfortunately I never really got the good side of the deal."
"So you've told me with several back stories."
"Yeah. Well anyway, it's getting kinda late so uh.. If you don't mind Perry, I'd like to have my own room back."
Perry eyes widened again and he looked at the sign on the opened door.
"Heinz's Room", it said.
"Oh my- Sorry, I didn't even-", Perry stammered as he stood up off the bed.
"No no it's alright. I-I don't really mind it's just- I didn't think you'd-", he stood up as well.
"Yeah. No, thank you. I didn't mean to-"
"It's fine.", he nodded to the door. "Let's order some pizzas and then I'll show ya to your room so you don't, heh, run into Vanessa's room or anything."
"Ah ha ha ha.", Perry said dryly. "You know I might make a trip in there tonight."
Doofenshmirtz whirled around on the dime and scowled down at Perry almost frighteningly, holding up a single finger.
"TOUCH her... and NO ONE will ever see you again.", he said clearly in a deep and menacing tone that made even Perry shiver with slight fear.
Heinz turned back and headed out with Perry following along at a small distance.