Jack does a double take when he sees Milton and Kai hanging out in the dojo. Why is Kai at his dojo? And why is Milton with him? They block and punch, fooling around. Kai's large frame and Milton's wiry body look strange next to each other, let alone the fact that they don't have anything besides karate in common. Kai notices Jack and smirks as he makes an inaudible comment to Milton. Milton turns, looks at Jack, and laughs.

"What are you doing here?" Jack asks, striding over to them.

"Milton asked for some help with his forms," Kai answers, knowing it would piss Jack off.

"What did you tell him? What did he tell you?" Jack demands, turning to Milton.

"Nothing…" Milton says.

"Feeling paranoid, Jackie?" Kai chuckles.

"You just can't stop ruining my life, can you?" His temper starts to rise, and notices the smirk on Kai's face. Kai came here to purposely anger him. "Fuck you." Jack is sick of everything spiraling and not having control, sick of being isolated, sick of the pain and fatigue that keeps wearing away at him, and it all connects back to Kai, to when they were playing and he pushed Jack off the cliff in the woods; a catalyst for everything that's happened since.

"I haven't done anything," Kai sneers.

"You told Frank!"

"I thought people knew!"

"I can't believe I'd forgiven you!" The two boys stand an inch apart, glaring at each other. Milton watches uneasily as he wants to prevent them from ripping each other apart, but they're both black belts and much bigger than him. "That was just another ruse, wasn't it?"

"No! I didn't know it was a secret. I swear, it was an accident-"

"Yeah, and so was attacking me at that tournament during a timeout, and pushing me off the cliff. Everything is just a fucking accident!" Jack shoves him and Kai stumbles back. Adrenaline pumps through their veins, keeping them only a hair away from attacking each other.

"I meant what I sa-"

Kai's cut off when Jack's fist closes the gap between them. It steals Kai's mind, keeping him from countering. Jack pushes him down with a hand around the neck of his t-shirt, and continues to hit Kai. "You ruined everything," he fumes. Kai's hands swing up and block his face. He grabs Jack's fist before it hits him again, and heaves his body up, making contact with Jack's jaw. There's a warm pool of blood in his mouth as a stinging pain erupts in his cheek.

Kai tackles Jack, and cuffs his temple. "How's your head, you pathetic little-" Jack attacks him again until they're both rolling around on the mats like wild wolves. The art of karate they spent so long mastering is forgotten as they hit each other, blow after blow of ugly fists and elbows.

Rudy, Jerry and Kim return from Phil's then with their arms full of food. Rudy's drink slips from his hand, the tropical red juice spills over the mats, and he runs over to the two boys. Kim yanks Jack off of his cousin as Rudy steps between them.

"What the hell happened?" He asks in a dangerously low voice. Rudy stares at Jack, waiting for an answer. Jack's eyes are glazed over and blood is smeared around his lips and nose. Both of them glare at each other, their postures still very defensive. "Knock it off, you two." Rudy pushes them back. He turns to Kai, realizing that neither one is going to yield. "Get out of here. I never want to see you in this dojo again."

Kai pinches his bloody nose and snatches his backpack and pauses next to Jack. "I'm sorry," he says in raw voice, only loud enough for Jack to hear. Jack takes a ragged breath, and listens to Kai storm out of the dojo.

The room falls quiet and Rudy shakes his head. "Get yourself cleaned up and then we're talking."

He cleans his face even though his lip and cheek haven't clotted yet and are still bleeding. He holds a paper towel to his swollen lip, and hesitantly enters Rudy's office.

Rudy doesn't even blink before reprimanding him: "You never, never, use martial arts unless it's for self defense. What were you thinking? And according to Milton, you threw the first punch! I am extremely disappointed in you, Jack."

Jack swallows hard as he bounces his leg up and down and stares at his hands. Rudy waits to see if Jack speaks up, but finally he asks, "Do you know what a black belt represents?"

Jack cringes. He remembers his grandfather drilling it into him when he was younger. "The plant has fully grown, and you've absorbed the knowledge of the colored belts. It symbolizes control and maturity..." His voice cracks and fades away.

"Do you think you showed that just now?"

Jack grits his teeth, wishing to disappear. "No, sir."

"Then why did you do it?" Jack can hear the exasperation in Rudy's voice. There's no correct answer he can give, so Jack stays quiet. The sensei turns his hand up. "Give me your belt."

"You're taking- No, Rudy, you can't-"

"Yes, I can, and I'm going to keep it until you show you show the traits of a black belt again."

"But you're leaving!" Jack sputters. "Are you gonna take it when you go to Holdrege?"

"Is that what this is about?"

Rudy's eyes narrow on Jack as he unties his belt, folds it, and hesitantly hands it over. "No- well, sorta."

"Jack, I know I've been busy, but you don't have to attack someone to get my attention."

"That's not what happened."

"Then what did?" Rudy presses. Jack fumbles with the paper towel he had been holding to his lip. He folds it into little triangles until he can't anymore.

"Kai told Frank about my condition, and I assumed he was telling Milton, too. Frank's been pulling so much shit at school, and I- I don't want people seeing me like that, so I got defensive, but then I lost it because there's so much going on, and I'm losing control and-" Jack breaks off, running a hand through his hair. His chest is tight and aches from the shallow breaths he draws. "I'm so done with everything, Rudy, and I lost it. I'm sorry-"

"What the hell did you do?!" Jack's mother demands as she barges into the office. Jack locks up. "I just got off the phone with your aunt, and she's telling me you attacked your cousin? What were you thinking?! They've already left, and Kai's getting stitches in the hospital- the hospital, Jackson."

"Libby," Rudy interjects. "I think it's best if we talk alone." She sighs heavily, glaring at her son.

"Go wait in the car," she mutters and tosses him the keys.

He glances back at Rudy reluctantly before leaving his office. The gang stands around and watches him leave. Jack keeps his head down. He can feel their stares boring holes into his back, but he doesn't care if they're worried or just curious. Let them think what they want. Besides his stinging knuckles, he can't feel anything. He's exhausted from the world draining him of everything, and he doesn't know how to fix any of it, or if he even wants to fix it. He slams the car door shut and leans his head against the window.

The longer Jack waits for his mom, the more his anxiety grows, wondering how pissed she'll be, how long he'll be grounded. He can hardly breathe as he chokes down tears. She'll be here soon, and he refuses to cry in front of his mom.

His eyes burn as she silently gets in the car and starts into the road. Jack watches her warily, afraid that anything he says will make her yell and afraid that he'll lose himself completely if she does start yelling. The engine hums as she continues to drive, and then puts an unnecessary amount of force on the brake when the light switches to red.

"I did not raise you to be like this. You're better than this, Jackson."

"Yeah, right. You've been too busy working to pay any attention or you don't want to listen. Besides you don't even know what happened, you just heard some bullshit explanation from your sister!"

"I'm not paying attention? You're the one who refuses to talk to me! I've been trying, Jack, but you're so damn stubborn! I wouldn't have to work as hard if I didn't have your goddamn bills to pay off!"

Jack's heart stops beating, and his stomach plummets. He tries to say something, but words fail him. His mom never says anything like that. She's never blamed him for their financial situation or constant hospital visits. He turns his head swiftly towards the window; his hair falling in front of his face. I will not cry. I am not going to cry.

"And you did this for what? Attention?"

"That's not why I did it."

"Then why-"

"I don't know!" Jack yells, throwing his head back against the headrest. He blows out all the air in his lungs. "I don't know, but it was not for attention.

His mom rubs her forehead. "Rudy doesn't think I should be mad at you. He's too soft- what you did is unacceptable, and I will not let you off the hook." She glances at Jack, and he stares at his shaking hands, knowing that she's not done. The car stops outside their building. "So," she continues, "I'm taking your skateboard for two weeks even though it should be a lot more worse."

Jack reaches for his bag and dumps out the shards of his skateboard. "Keep it," he mutters, slamming the door behind him.

"Jack!" She hollers as she chases him up the stairs. "What happened?" She motions at his board.

"It broke," he says flatly. She glares at him, trying to pry out a better answer, but Jack doesn't give it to her.

His mom sighs and laces her fingers around his wrist, dragging him into the house. She leads him to the kitchen, letting his skateboard clatter to the ground, and forces him to sit while she towers over him with her arms crossed. "You need to explain -from the beginning- what's going on. Now."

Jack slouches. "My head hurts," he lies.

"I don't care." Her gaze narrows on Jack, a disapproving frown engraved on her face, but her eyes are soft. "I need to know what's happening, Jack. It's the only way I can help."

"I don't need your help."

"For God's sake, Jackson! You hate school, you're eating less, you don't talk to your friends, you attacked your cousin, and you won't even look at me! I am your mother, and I will not stand here while you let yourself drown! I know you think I only care about work and taking care of Ava, but I've been trying to give you space to work this all out. You've been through shit, and I know you're independent, so I thought if I just stood to the side, you'd figure it out. You need to tell me what is going on right now because I am terrified of what's going to happen to you."

A tear runs off his nose and drips onto his jeans and then another and another. She puts a hand on his back, rubbing small circles. Slowly, he recounts everything from Kim overhearing his argument with Kai to Frank blackmailing him and his friends growing more and more distant. "It's all a mess," he finally concludes with a hoarse voice. His nose is runny, and he wipes it on his damp sleeve. "I just want things to go back to the way they were."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" she asks softly.

"What difference would it make? It's not like I can make Frank forget about it; there's no way to stop him."

"We'll figure it out," she promises. Jack nods mutely and grabs an ice pack from the fridge.

...

He tosses back and forth in bed at 3am. His head is pulsing from a headache that's lasted for hours, and it keeps him from falling asleep. He wishes he would have a seizure already, so the pain would go away, but that's not in the cards. Jack rolls onto his left side, flinching when he forgets about the cut Kai left. Jack has no idea where their relationship is now. They had started working things out, but Kai told Frank, and Jack attacked him. They're never going to work through all of this, though Kai did sound sorry when he left the dojo.

Jack groans and stares at the ceiling. Why did this all have to be so complicated?

He's not with a nauseating wave of pain, and he groans, punching his eyes shut. He curls up on his side with his eyes shut tight, waiting for it to leave until it slowly falls back to the previous pounding. None of his friends, he thinks bitterly, would be able to stand this.

Every time Jack feels himself drifting off, he's forced awake by another wave of pain. He knows sleep just isn't going to happen, but it's still too early in the morning for him to do anything else.

The room is shrouded in darkness, and it creeps into his head to mess with his thoughts. Jack misses having friends and being happy. It's only been a week or two, but the days have been so long and exhausting that it feels like it's been months. Pouring everything out to his mom helped a little, but it hasn't solved anything; he's still alone. Jack's tried so hard to keep everything together, but it wasn't enough- he is never enough, and the thought suffocates him. Even worse is the feeling of emptiness that settles in his chest. Numb and hollow, it carves out a hole that aches for sunny days with friends, but that void can never be filled as long as he keeps lying to them. Sobs rise in his chest as he throws himself onto his other side. This emptiness is unbearable, like he's been carrying a frozen package of feelings that have thawed. It eats away at him, and somewhere after 5:30, he falls into a restless sleep.

Rant: I want to quit my job, like, so bad, but I've only been there for two weeks. I would look really lame, but I hate it with a passion; it's one of the most stressful things ever, and they're overworking me. I could get a job elsewhere... If you agree that I should quit say so in the reviews. I honestly will. I just need an excuse.

It looks like the rest of the chapters will be short because of my schedule but also pacing. It's really coming to an end soon! So sad :'( I'm going to try and get some oneshots going - if you have any ideas hmu !