"Wow." Thor said, looking around. "This place is amazing."
"Yup." Maria agreed. Though she had been to Disney World before on assignment with Coulson, she never had been inside The Land before.
"And now you're gonna learn all about the amazing Midgard farming." Natasha smiled.
"Incredible!" Thor boomed. "My friends on Asgard would love to learn of farming conventions on Midgard!"
Over on Asgard
"Heimdall." Sif and the Warriors Three walked over to the all seeing guard of Asgard. "How is Thor, now he is on Midgard?" She asked.
"He is in a strange land." Heimdall replied.
"What about this land is strange?" Fandral asked.
"Some of the mortals there seem to have large black ears protruding from their heads." A puzzled look fell on everyone's faces. "And there also appears to be much royalty. I cannot see who is king or queen of this land."
"Is Thor in danger?" Hogun asked. "If so, we are more than prepared to go..."
"No, Hogun." Heimdall said, interrupting Hogun. "Thor seems to be enjoying this strange land."
"Heimdall, might we enquire the name of this land?"
"Indeed you may, Volstagg. It is called Walt Disney World."
Back on Midgard
"Brother!" A voice shouted from the line for Living with the Land. Loki's. "Join me!"
"I don't trust Loki at all." Maria shook her head.
"Me either." Clint said quickly. "He was inside my head. I am not doing anything with him."
"He's here with the aim of taking over Disney World with the Chitauri again or..." Steve narrowed his eyes.
"No, Captain Rogers, I am here with my girlfriend." Loki smirked.
"Girlfriend?" Thor asked.
"Indeed, Brother. She is mortal, also" He beckoned for a girl to come over.
"S'up."
"Darcy?" Thor asked.
"Darcy?" Clint repeated. "I don't remember seeing her at all in the comics..."
"Friend Clint, this is because she is not in our comicbooks." Thor replied. He turned to Darcy. "What happened to your Ian?"
"Oh, he's English." She replied flippantly. "A long term relationship wouldn't work out."
"But Loki is of another realm!" Thor whined.
"Yeah, but it's what people like." Darcy countered. "For some reason."
"Might I just inquire what happened to your arm, Captain Rogers?" Loki asked.
"No." Steve growled, grabbing the strap of his sling. "You may not." Bucky looked down sheepishly.
"Then might I inquire who the two men I have never seen before are?"
"Bucky." Steve pointed to Bucky. "Sam." He pointed to Sam. "And they're my best friends."
"It's cute that you are not afraid of me any more."
"Yeah well... Ultron's worse than you." Natasha scoffed. "He's a homicidal, genocidal robot intent on destroying mankind. No offense, but you're just a jealous, sexist god who wants to rule mankind."
"Tasha's right." Clint shrugged. "Though you took over my damn mind and killed one of my best friends-as well as eighty other people in two days-you really pose little threat to mankind as a whole." Loki let out a low growl.
"How many in your party?" The cast member asked.
"Eleven." Maria replied.
"Five in row three, Six in row four." The Cast Member directed the Avengers to their rows. "Oh and can I get a picture?" She asked, taking out her phone.
"Wow! Iron Man, Captain America, Bucky , Thor and Loki! Hanging out with ordinary humans!"
"Excuse me?!" Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Sam and Maria asked.
"I'm Hawkeye!" Clint protested. "Nobody can shoot an arrow like me!"
"Hulk smash!" Bruce shook his head. "Unbelievable."
"I'm Falcon! You should recognize me, I'm the only black guy in this group!" Sam folded his arms angrily. "Well... African American. Who isn't friends with Tony Stark."
"Female super-soldier Black Widow!" Natasha rolled her eyes.
"And I'm not an 'ordinary human' either. I'm Agent Maria Hill of SHIELD and I'm the handler of Avengers!" Maria scoffed.
"And I am not an Avenger, I..."
"Shut up, Loki. We all know." Tony snapped. He turned to the Cast Member. "My teammates are just as important as I am, or Cap is. In some cases, they're more important. Just like the ones that aren't here, like Black Panther, The Vision, War Machine and Doctor Strange." He shrugged. "Someone had to guard the earth while we were here."
"Sorry." The Cast Member said, though not really meaning it.
"Let it go, let it go!" Darcy sang as the boat arrived and the gates opened.
"She's right, you know." Steve sighed.
"Yeah, I know." Natasha grunted. She, Clint, Maria, Steve and Bucky sat in the third row, while Darcy, Loki, Thor, Tony, Bruce and Sam sat in the fourth.
Living with the Land went with no problems to speak of. When the Avengers disembarked the ride, they did it happily. For once.
"Where are you going next, Brother?" Loki asked.
"Soarin'." Thor replied happily. "I am told it is an attraction which gives the sensation of flying."
"That's where we're going too!" Darcy said excitedly.
"Have you got FastPass+?" Clint asked.
"Yes and it's for 12." Darcy smiled.
"Ours is for 12:15." Natasha checked her phone.
"Then we shall wait for you and go together."
"Shall we go get something to eat then?" Maria asked. "And no eating 70 bucks worth of food, Thor. It's $10 maximum for each person, not $10 minimum."
"Yeah, Sunshine Seasons sells crap that we'd all like." Tony shrugged. "Even vegetarian shit for Bruce."
"Ooh! The Tamarind Vegan Stir-Fry sounds good." Bruce said.
"Are you shitting me?" Tony folded his arms. "It sounds stuck up."
"Says the billionaire." Bruce frowned.
"Alright!" Maria said loudly. "Let's not get angry! This is the Happiest Place on Earth!" She turned to Tony. "And Stark, stop picking fights with everyone."
"Yeah, Tony, please." Natasha sighed. "You know, I'm just gonna have the chili and a brownie."
"I want the brownie too!" Clint whined. "But I want the chowder!"
"I'll have... What's the most expensive menu item?" Tony asked.
"Slow roasted pork chop with cheddar mashed potatoes and barbecue sauce." Maria said without pause. Tony looked at her in confusion. "Being an agent of the Strategic Homeland Intervention Enforcement and Logistics Division, Mr. Stark, I can say seemingly complicated things quickly. And no, you're not having the slow roasted pork chop with cheddar mashed potato and barbecue sauce. It's thirteen dollars." Tony opened his mouth in shock. "You're having the five bean vegetable soup."
"Are you gonna decide what I eat too, Maria?" Sam asked.
"No, you can have whatever you want under ten dollars."
"Alright. Then I want..." Sam grunted thoughtfully. "I want the tiramisu and... And I want a cupcake." Maria looked at him questioningly. "What?" He shrugged. "It's under ten bucks."
"Yes..." Maria said. "So it is. Now what about Bucky? What do you want?"
"I want..." Bucky and Steve exchanged glances.
"Maria, we don't know what any of this pretentious food is." Steve said.
"So get the salmon." Tony scoffed.
"Tony, that's on the kids menu." Steve attempted to fold his arms. "Ow."
"Nobody'll care, Stark." Maria said in monotone. "So one vegetarian-"
"Vegan." Bruce corrected.
"-Vegan-stir fry." Maria sighed and gave Bruce the stink eye. "For Bruce. Two brownies, one chowder for Clint, one chili for Natasha, one vegetable soup for Tony, one tiramisu and one cupcakes for Sam, two salmons for Steve and Bucky. What are you having, Thor?"
"This menu looks delectable, Lady Maria!" Thor shouted. "I shall have one of each item on it!"
"Ah! No you won't!" Maria wagged her finger at the demi-god, causing a chuckle from Loki. "You will pick and choose something off this menu that is under ten dollars like the rest of us!"
"Then I choose..."
"Actually, I'm choosing for you, Thor. You will have the chicken leg."
"A fine choice for me!" Thor smiled. "I shall enjoy the meaty selection very much!"
"Yeah, I'm sure you will."
"Good. I'm gonna go get the stuff now. Go pick out a table."
"Maria, must I choose menu items under ten dollars, also?" Loki asked.
"No. You're not with us. Go nuts."
As Maria, Loki and Darcy went to choose their food, the Avengers went to choose a table.
"Why is it so dark in here?" Clint moaned.
"Because you're still wearing your sunglasses?" Natasha suggested. "Take them off, Clint. You're not Matt Murdock."
"If I was, I'd not be deaf." Clint muttered as he took his sunglasses off. "Or called Hawkeye."
"Never mind, Clint." Tony said. "You go blind in the comics."
"No I don't. I got a bone marrow transplant from my brother to counter the..."
"Nobody cares, Clint and Tony." Bruce sighed.
"So is Daisy Johnson about in the MCU?" Bucky asked, running his finger around in a circle absently on the table.
"I don't know." Steve said, leaning his cheek in the palm of his good hand. "I'm sure we would've heard about a girl who could generate earthquakes."
"I think I have heard of her..." Clint murmured. "Think she goes by Skye though."
"Black Bolt?"
"Haven't heard anything."
"Hmm..." Bucky flopped back in his seat.
"Guys, shh!" Sam leaned forward in his chair. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Natasha asked. "All I heard was mindless chatter and crying kids. And I can still hear them."
"It's kind of... Weird." Sam said. "I mean, it sounded like a bang. But nobody seemed to notice it."
"A plate clattering, probably." Tony threw himself back in his chair, waving Sam off. "Y'know, nothing."
"Is it nothing?" Sam asked. "Is it really nothing? Because I'm pretty sure I haven't seen those costumed weirdos about before." He pointed at a tall, muscular figure wearing jeans and a grey shirt with one sleeve, accompanied by a smaller, leaner figure who was wearing a red and black jumpsuit and a mask. Both were carrying an obscene amount of weapons and wearing an even more obscene amount of pouches.
"Bucky, is that you... But from the future?" Steve asked, putting the palm of his good hand flat on the table and pushing himself up, slightly.
"No. Why?" Bucky asked.
"Well, he has your arm." Steve flicked his hand towards the taller man who had an arm similar to Bucky's.
"Shit, Bucky, he does!" Natasha suppressed her laughter.
"Look! It's Captain America and Thor!" The masked man said.
"Is that... Ninja Spider Man?" Clint asked.
"What? No!" The masked man said. "Hawkeye, it's me! Deadpool! We teamed up together for a five issue comic run, Hawkeye vs Deadpool, for Halloween last year-but it ran into January..."
"Yeah, I get it." Clint said through gritted teeth.
"And this is my time traveling partner, X Force teammate and buddy, Cable. Nathan Summers? Nathan Dayspring Askani'Son...? What the fuck do you go by?" Deadpool asked, looking to his friend.
"I've told you before, Cable is fine." He replied in monotone.
"We're looking for a guy." Deadpool said.
"Loki?" Tony asked. "He's over buying food with his girlfriend."
"No, he looks a bit like Skeletor from He-Man..." Deadpool began.
Cable elbowed him and shot him a look. "He goes by the name Taskmaster."
"No. Not seen him." Tony replied.
"But you're X Men, right?" Sam asked. Cable and Deadpool nodded. "You're in the wrong cinematic universe. This is the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The one where X Men aren't allowed to be mentioned under penalty of... Lawsuit."
"Oh..." Cable looked away awkwardly, while Deadpool scratched the back of his neck.
"This is awkward. Uh... Yeah. Sorry for the intrusion just... Forget we were here." Deadpool rambled.
"Trust me, that's the most sense my pal's spoken in... Ever really." Cable chuckled awkwardly. "Uh... Yeah. Bodyslide by two." The two disappeared as quickly as they arrived, leaving everyone at the table puzzled.
"What... The hell was that?" Bucky asked.
"I don't know." Steve shook his head.
"Transdimensional travel, though." Bruce smiled. "I just wonder how it's done."
"Yeah..." Tony agreed. Steve relaxed in his seat and the team briefly sat in silence.
"When Captain America throws his mighty shield!" Thor began to sing, getting groans from everyone in the group.
After finishing the meal, everyone headed off towards Soarin.
"Lady Maria, I feel like I did not gain enough sustenance from that chicken leg." Thor whined. "It was very small and unsatisfying and I'm still hungry."
"Not my problem, Thor." Maria said as the 11 of them walked down to meet the line.
"Pretty lights." Bucky muttered, admiring the neon lights adorning the wall.
"Bucky, you're a grown ass man." Tony said. "There's nothing fascinating about neon lights. And while we're on the subject of being grown up, stop calling yourself Bucky!"
"Fine then. Call me James. Or Winter Soldier." Bucky snarled.
"Or 'can't be a villain because is future Captain America', perhaps?." Clint shrugged.
"Clint." Natasha said warningly.
"What?!" Clint chuckled. "People call him a villain!"
"Yeah. They do." Steve agreed. "He's not a villain. He's a victim of Hydra. Like the rest of us."
"Yeah, but SHIELD's fine now. Fury's got it back on track." Maria said. Natasha and Clint exchanged knowing smiles that it wasn't always that way.
"May we talk about something else?" Loki asked. "I just do not wish to engage in discourse about your-your 'shield'." He said, making quotations in the air. "Please shut up about it."
"Kinda hard when we all work for SHIELD, Loki." Tony said.
"Uh... Only Clint, Maria, Steve and I are SHIELD agents, the rest of you are independent contractors. We hire you to work for us to dispatch threats..."
"So... You see us as mercenaries?" Bruce asked.
"More like bounty hunters." Maria nodded.
"But that would imply us getting paid." Tony raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah?" Maria turned to face Tony. "And so would mercenary." Tony looked away. "Thought so."
"How many in your party?" A Cast Member asked.
"Eleven." Maria replied without hesitation.
"Uh..." The Cast Member paused. "Just Mickey head to Mickey head and head on down Concourse Two."
Tony lagged behind and waited behind Thor, who was still hesitant to put the Mickey head on his MagicBand up to the glowing Mickey orb. "Come on, Thor, Donald, whatever name you prefer." Tony muttered, grabbing Thor's wrist and pressing it to the orb. "Even your brother managed it." Tony pushed Thor away and pressed his own MagicBand to the orb.
"That's because Loki isn't easily fascinated by the smallest of things." Maria said. "If he was, well... You guys wouldn't know each other."
"Well... We would." Steve said, pointing back and forth to himself and Bucky.
"No." Maria shook her head. "You would have known each other, not presently know each other..."
"It's a bigger picture I guess..." Steve began.
"So no Loki, no Ultron...?" Bruce asked.
"Uh..." Maria hummed thoughtfully. "I guess you can look at it that way, Bruce... Uh... Yeah."
"Alright, no more talk of villains at all, so that means no Red Room for you, Romanoff, no Trick Shot for you, Barton, no Abomination for you, Banner, no Iron Monger or Mandarin or Justin Hammer for you, Stark, no Red Skull or Crossbones for you, Cap-"
"Crossbones hasn't happened yet, Maria." Steve said. Maria ignored him.
"-And above all... No Hydra." She looked at all the Avengers sternly.
"Alright. No Hydra." Tony grunted. "God."
"Why no villain talk? Or fighting?" Maria asked, as if to drive the point home.
"Because this is the Happiest Place on Earth." Tony and Steve recited in a bored manner.
"Good." Maria narrowed her eyes. "Glad you finally get it. I mean, it took you two days and a hospital visit, but..."
"I would just like to reiterate that that wasn't me. That was Robot Arm."
"Wow. You call him Capsicle or Spangles-" Natasha began.
"Depending on my mood." Tony smirked. Natasha carried on talking.
"Thor, Point Break, Bruce a 'Gigantic Green Rage Monster', Loki, Reindeer Games, Clint, Bird Brain, but you couldn't come up with something better than 'Robot Arm' for Bucky?"
"No?" Tony shrugged. "Does it matter?"
"I just noticed Maria, you forgot to mention Ultron, or does he not matter as much as Hydra does?" Clint asked.
"I thought that went without saying." Maria sighed.
"I guess not." Tony pulled a baggie of trail mix from his backpack and threw a handful in his mouth. "Oh, where are my manners? Does anyone want any?" Tony asked, offering the bag around.
"Tony! Put that shit away! You're in line for a ride!" Maria hissed.
"So?" Tony shrugged flippantly. "I'm not on the ride, am I?" He chuckled before cramming another handful of trail mix in his mouth.
"Tony!" Maria snatched the trail mix from Tony's hands.
"What did I do?"
"You know what you did." Maria stared at Tony who put his hands up in a surrender position.
"Fine. I give up." He opened his backpack up again and took out a bag of mixed nuts. "Anyone want a nut?" He asked.
"Tony!" Everyone said loudly. Natasha took the bag of nuts and put it in her own bag.
"Eew. You're putting my nuts in your fanny pack?" Tony looked at her disgustedly. Natasha shot him a look straight back that said 'make fun of me and I won't hesitate to kill you'. Tony gulped. "Message received, loud and clear."
"Come on. Line's moving." Steve grumbled.
"How many in your party?" Another Cast Member asked.
"Eleven." Maria answered again.
"Alright, four in row one and seven in row two." The Cast Member guided everyone to their rows, but paused when he saw Steve and his arm in a sling. "Will you be okay, to ride, Sir?"
"Of course." Steve replied. "Son, I'm Captain America."
"Steve, not everyone needs to know our not-so-secret identities." Tony rolled his eyes.
"Okay, Captain, row two."
"Thank you." Steve walked over to the row and looked down, seeing red arrows pointing forward. "Have you seen this?" He asked Bucky, who was standing in front of him.
"Yeah, like little arrows." Steve and Bucky chuckled.
"I wonder why nobody's pointed out Bucky's arm before." Natasha wondered as she and Clint observed the two super soldiers from the first row.
"Nobody likes to point out his disability, I guess. It's uncomfortable for all."
"Napa Valley." Thor said, reading from the screen. "Where is that?" He asked. "Monterey Bay." He read the next place name to zoom across the screen. "Where is that, also?"
"Thor, shut up." Maria said.
"Alright everyone!" A cheerful Cast Member called out. "I'd like to welcome you aboard flight 5505, a non-stop, round trip flight to California!"
"Lady Maria, are these places in this California land?"
"Yes." Maria snapped. "Shut up."
"Before you all board this flight, I'd like to take this time to announce a few things..."
"Are we going to this California land now?"
"No, Thor. It's just a ride." Maria sighed. "You said it yourself earlier, it's an attraction that simulates the sensation of flying... Over California. Now do as the Cast Member said and stand on your hang glider, also shut up."
"... Loose fitting shoes, please leave them on the floor in front of you." The cast member continued. "Any carry on items you may have that are too large and/or fragile to put into your seat compartments, please leave them on the floor, the flight attendants will be more than happy to stow them for you. Thank you and have a pleasant flight!"
"Is this San Fransisco also in California?" Thor asked. Maria let out a loud sigh. "I shall take that to mean 'yes'."
"Please do." Maria groaned. She had always prided herself on her mental toughness, but two days into a two week bonding trip with the Avengers and already she could feel herself begin to crack. "Why did I allow Fury to rope me into this?" She muttered to no one in particular.
"Ooh! Lady Maria! Soarin!" Thor cheered in delight watching the graphics change on the screen. The word 'Soarin' appeared on screen, followed by a little red hang glider, which flew around the word. A little yellow band-like a rainbow-went over the word as well. A ping sounded and the graphic was swapped for a man-actor Patrick Warburton-standing in front of a sign that said 'Soarin'.
"Hello and welcome to Soarin'." Patrick Warburton said.
"Thank you, kind gentleman!" Thor shouted back. Everyone laughed and Maria put her head in her hand.
"Lord, give me strength." She muttered.
"My name is Patrick and I'll be your chief flight attendant for today." The video showed several people waiting to ride Soarin.
"Hello Patrick! I am Thor, God of Thunder and..." Loki grabbed Thor's arm.
"Brother, what do you think you are doing?" He hissed.
"I am communicating with this kind gentleman..."
"He cannot hear you." Loki raised his eyebrow.
"Is it because he is trapped behind a pane of glass?"
"No, Thor." Darcy said. "It's because this was filmed way, way back in 2001."
"2001?"
"Yeah. That's 14 or 15 years ago."
"What does 'filmed' mean?"
"Ask Stark."
"Alright. I shall, just as soon as this attraction is ended."
"This includes cameras, purses, hats and of course, these little beauties." The video showed a man taking off his Mickey Mouse ears and putting them into a pouch below his seat to be almost completely bald. Everyone chuckled.
"Tis just like the hats we Avengers are wearing!" Thor cried out, happily.
"Next, fasten your seat belts, inserting them into the buckle on your right." The video showed a close up of someone fastening their seat belt into place.
"I'm probably gonna need help with that." Steve grimaced.
"I'll do it, Steve." Bucky gave a small smile.
"Really?" Steve raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. I'm with you 'til the end of the line, buddy."
"The more you say that, the less special it becomes." Steve sighed.
"And who said it to snap me out of my brainwashing?"
"That was different you were brainwashed." Steve said.
"Different my ass." Bucky mumbled.
"Nice work pal!" Patrick Warburton gave a kid a thumbs up. "Soon you will be airborne so if you or your little aviators have a fear of heights or of flying..."
"Please!" Tony snorted. "I have a flying suit. My teammate's a flying demi-god. My other teammate's a pilot. None of us have a fear of flying."
"Speak for yourself, Tony." Bruce said timidly.
"There's no way you have a fear of flying, Bruce. You were fine on the helicarrier."
"A helicarrier's different to a hang glider, Tony, you should know that."
"Okay, let's review." On the video, Patrick Warburton walked back in front of the Soarin' sign he stood in front of at the start of the video, only this time reading from a flash card. "That is seat, seat belt, carry on items, safety strap, fear of heights, keep your hands and arms inside at all times, anything else?" He put the cards down. "Oh yeah. Have a nice flight."
"Thank you!" Thor shouted as the screen went back to clouds.
"Thor, please, you're giving me a headache." Maria gritted her teeth.
"Alright, row one, follow me, followed by row two and then row three!" The cheery Cast Member called out. Clint waved to Maria as he, Natasha, Bruce and Tony passed.
"I hate them so much." Maria seethed as she followed Tony into the main ride area.
A/N: So, to celebrate the comic book death of Deadpool, I had him and his time traveling, teleporting, dimension hopping buddy Cable cameo. Goodbye, Deadpool, it's been fun. I'll see you again someday when you're resurrected again by next year.
Also, Deadpool and Cable weren't the only characters to cameo here. This was perhaps the most jam packed chapter I've done full of cameos. Lady Sif, Fandral, Hogul and Volstagg-the Warriors Three, Heimdall, Loki and Darcy all cameoed, too.
Finally, Maria's starting to crack under the pressure of babysitting 7 immature superheroes and an immature demi-God. Will the Avengers ever grow up? Or will they remain like Peter Pan, unwilling to ever grow old?
I don't own the Avengers or the X Men. Or Deadpool. Disney own the Avengers, Fox own the X Men-and Deadpool-and since Disney own Marvel, Disney kind of own Marvel Comics, so sort of also own the comic book rights to Cable and Deadpool and since that was Cable and Deadpool from the Cable and Deadpool run from 2004-2008, then Disney kind of owns them because they own Marvel and Marvel Comics, so yeah... Confusing.