A/N: Title from "In The Still of the Night" by The Five Satins.
IN THE STILL OF THE NIGHT
(5x21 "Still" post-ep)
Hold me again
With all of your might
In the still of the night
-In the Still of the Night, The Five Satins
"Okay, Dad...Yes, I promise, I'm fine. I'll see you Saturday...I love you too."
Castle smiled at the soft look in Kate's eyes as she hung up the phone. She'd called her dad almost immediately after giving her statement at the scene, hadn't batted an eye when Castle took her cruiser keys and drove them to her building.
Kate followed Castle into her apartment, sighing as she finally took off her boots, a hand on his shoulder for balance. Her feet were absolutely killing her; hours of standing completely still on the bomb had definitely taken their toll, so when Castle pushed her in the direction of the couch, she went without protest.
Castle took a detour through the kitchen, pouring them both a glass of water. Kate was curled up against one end of the couch and accepted the drink with a grateful smile that turned into a groan when he wordlessly pulled her feet into his lap and started rubbing them.
"God, Castle, that feels heavenly," Kate said as her head fell back against the arm of the couch.
After a few minutes, Castle moved his attention to her other foot, massaging her calves as well. Her knew her back would also be sore; he'd rub that later. "You and those shoes," he teased, shaking his head. "Think you'll give them a break every once in awhile now?"
Kate chuckled. "I think I'm off heels for the rest of the week, at least. We'll see how I feel when I go back to work Monday."
They were silent for quite some time, Castle concentrating on his massage and Kate simply staring at him in wonder. They'd both come close to death before, separately and together, but this was the first time she could think of that he'd willingly stood by her in the face of certain death. She didn't know if she was grateful or angry. He was really willing to leave behind Alexis and Martha for what, a show of chivalry? Because he couldn't imagine his life without her? She didn't know, to be honest right now she didn't care. They could talk later. Right now she'd just enjoy being alive. Being with him.
"Is it this creepy when I do it?"
Castle's voice shook Kate out of her thoughts and she cocked her head. "Huh?"
Castle glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "The staring."
"Oh. Well, I'm used to it now, but for the first couple years, yeah, it was."
"Years?!" Castle gaped at her. "Why didn't you say something?"
Kate raised an eyebrow. "I did. Repeatedly."
"Is it still creepy?"
"Not anymore." Kate pulled her feet from his grasp and pulled herself to her knees, shifting closer to Castle. She kissed him softly, a kiss that he tried to deepen, but she broke it before he could and rested her head on his shoulder. She was content to sit there for hours, relishing the embrace she thought she'd never feel again, wrapped in the arms of the man she loved. But soon she felt his shoulders shaking and she didn't resist when he gripped her tighter and pulled her onto his lap.
Castle buried his face in her hair and let his tears flow. He'd spent most of the day being optimistic and strong for Kate, but now that the adrenaline had worn off he realized just how close they'd been. "Too close," he murmured into her neck. "That was way too close."
"Rick." Kate cupped his face in her hands to look in his eyes, wiped his cheeks with her thumbs. "I'm okay. We're okay." She kissed him, deepening it immediately and shifting to straddle his lap. "Take me to bed. Let me show you."
Kate woke to an empty bed and the smell of food. She grinned when Castle walked in with a plate full of Chinese takeout, raising an eyebrow at his t-shirt and pants. "Why are you wearing clothes?"
Castle shrugged "I figured the delivery guy might prefer I be dressed." He set the plate on her nightstand and leaned down to kiss her. "Eat. I'll be back in a few."
Kate reached for the food as she heard him turn on the bath water. A few minutes later he came back in, taking the plate and her hand and pulling her out of bed. "You're joining me, right?" she asked, squeezing his hand.
Castle turned and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Of course." He stripped as she stepped in the tub, settled in behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle while she finished her food then set the plate on the floor.
She'd pulled her hair into a messy bun and he took advantage, covering her neck with kisses. "I love you, Kate," he whispered in her ear, one hand moving to the top of her thigh when she settled back into his chest. He started to trail his fingers higher, continuing his open-mouthed assault on her neck, but stilled when Kate grabbed his hand.
"Castle, wait." Kate shifted so she could look at him without craning her neck. "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"For waiting so damn long to say something. I love you, Rick. I've loved you for a long time. I don't know why I didn't tell you, why I couldn't say it until I was standing on a freaking bomb minutes from death. But I love you so much it sometimes overwhelms me." She surged forward, grabbed his face, as if he wasn't already completely focused on her. "I don't know how I'll make it up to you. But I." She kissed him. "Love." Another kiss, longer, deeper. "You."
Castle pulled her onto his lap again as they kissed, hands exploring, both glad he filled the tub with less water than last time when she sunk onto him. They eventually pulled apart, boneless and panting, her hands threaded through his hair and his on her hips.
"You have said it," he managed to say once he caught his breath. He untangled one hand to run his fingers down her cheek, along her jaw. "Every kiss, every morning that I wake up with you beside me." He took her hand in his. "Every time you hold my hand or snuggle up to me. That night you came to my door." He pulled her in for another kiss. "You may not have spoken the words, but you've said it just the same."
Castle woke hours later, disoriented. He'd been woken by a noise, he knew that for sure; after a few moments he realized it was whimpering. Kate was whimpering.
"No…Rick…" She was shaking, her back to him, curled up in a tight ball.
Castle reached out and placed a tentative hand on her bare shoulder. "Kate," he said softly, but she didn't hear.
Suddenly Kate jerked awake with a final cry, and she sat up, leaning forward and burying her face in her hands. Castle sat next to her, saw her stiffen slightly when he touched her back.
"I'm here, Kate," he said quietly, his hand rubbing her neck. "It was a dream. We're both here."
Kate let out a shuddering breath and started to relax when Castle wrapped both arms around her from behind, cradling her to him, enveloping her in his embrace. She drew her legs to her chest, leaned her forehead to her bent knees. Castle bent with her, grip strong as ever.
"It was you," she finally got out. "You were on that bomb, and I couldn't get you out, I couldn't save you…" Her words faded as her body shook with sobs.
Castle could only press his cheek to her shoulder and hold her. They'd both had plenty of nightmares before, especially after their most recent run-in with Jerry Tyson. And Kate occasionally dreamt about her mother or her shooting. But this was her first nightmare in weeks.
Finally, Kate's sobs subsided and she let Castle lay them back down. "That's my biggest fear," she confessed.
"What?"
"That something will happen to you, and I won't be able to stop it. That I'll have to tell Martha and Alexis that I couldn't save you. That I failed." She turned in his arms to look at him. "My biggest fear is having to spend the rest of my life without you by my side."
Castle was silent for a long moment, and in that moment he knew. When he finally gave her the ring in his desk drawer, when he asked her to spend the rest of their lives together, she would say yes. He didn't yet know when he'd propose; not now, it would seem desperate, emotional. He never wanted Kate to doubt whether he wanted to marry her because she'd almost died. But soon. He would ask her very, very soon.
FIN