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Prompt #12: Regret - They both regretted not being there when their previous partners died, but they weren't going to relive that ever again.

Words: 769

When Jess Traynor had died, Marty Deeks hadn't been there.

One of the most horrible things he'd ever felt in his life was learning that, after waking up from horse tranquilizer fifteen hours after seeing Ortega blown up, his partner had been killed in a car bomb. The most horrible thing was when he learned that Frank Scarli had killed her.

Four months. That's how long he'd worked with Jess. Four months to work with her, to love her...and lose her.

It made him realize just how little time you could have with someone.

He regretted that he hadn't saved her.

When Dominic Vail had died, Kensi Blye hadn't been there.

It was bad enough to learn that he'd been kidnapped by terrorists, but to have found him after all those months missing, then find him dead on that rooftop after that firefight...she couldn't even say goodbye to him.

Dom had been the new guy, but she'd really known almost nothing about him. Nothing about his past, his parents, his old life. Even after all the time he'd been her partner, she'd known next to nothing about him.

It made her realize just how little you could know about someone.

She regretted that she couldn't be there.

Maybe that's why they push at each other.

Maybe that's why they've teased, and tested, and dug into each other's pasts to better understand them.

He knows she keeps secrets under her grit and grins. She knows he hides behind his smiles and jokes.

Little by little, they learn more about each other. Small things, some would call inconsequential, but each kernel of truth beneath all the lies is like gold to them.

He learns about her ex-fiance. PTSD. Christmas. She'd woken up six years ago, and Jack was gone.

She learns about his father. A shotgun. Self-defense. He'd been eleven, and his father went to jail.

They push, and prod, and remain patient for only so long.

Because life is short. In their line of work, they know that best of all.

When he found Kensi in that laser-rigged room, Deeks had the same feeling of losing Jess all over again. But something was different.

He was there for his partner this time. He was able to guide her out of the crisscrossing lasers. He was able to pull her free as the tiny room exploded in a fireball.

He was able to see her smile when he cracked a lame joke with her on top of him.

He hadn't saved Jess, but this was different.

He had saved Kensi.

When she found out Deeks had been shot, Kensi experienced that same feeling of losing Dom all over again. But something was different.

She could be there for her partner this time. She could wait outside the Operating Room, clutching his badge and watch. She could sit beside his bed, waiting for him to wake up.

She could be there when he opened his eyes, strung her along with the fake amnesia bit, then tease, "I remember you, Fern."

She'd lost Dom, but this was different.

She hadn't lost Deeks.

They continue to grow closer, still picking at each other's armor to glean more information about each other. Little by little, the trust grows even more.

The violent deaths of their previous partners had hurt them badly. Scars that nobody saw, they hid well beneath their respective masks.

But they can never hide the regret.

Regret for being away.

Regret for not being there fast enough.

From regret bloomed shame. From shame bloomed guilt.

Guilt gets hidden and locked away.

He smiles.

She stiffens.

But that guilt keeps them glued to each other's sides, at each other's backs, and in each other's heads.

He's almost lost her. Once she was taken, once she was beat.

She's almost lost him. Once he was missing, once he was shot.

Deeks already lost one partner.

Kensi's already lost one too.

But come hell or high water, they sure aren't losing another.

Yet another short drabble! Reviews are lovely, keep 'em coming!