Author's Rant: Here's Chapter 13 my loves. Short but for good reason. You'll get a longer one next update. ^_^

Lack of Confidence

I was a little disappointed Monday morning when I looked out my window to see Sesshomaru's car now in the drive thru. Today was going to be his first day interning at the Ukitake Hospital for the next two years. His rounds there were pretty much shot to hell. I knew doctors had these odd hours but damn babe was going to be pulling about fifty hours in single week. He told me that he preferred to have the stretchy shifts so it'd help shorten his term to a couple of years instead of waiting four or five like most did.

We spent a lot of time together after I finished my homework yesterday. His god sister Rin had gone back home so there was so issue about me spending the night over at his place. There was no hanky pank this round but I enjoyed the time we used just talking and finding comfort just being around. I tried everything in my power to cherish our time together before he started working because something told me there were going to be days when I couldn't see him or chat because he'd be exhausted.

I was glad to learn he'd saved up enough money to live off of while he went to the previous college at his home. Because of his looks and the speed he'd purchased Ms. Kendora's house, I assumed he was privileged child like me. I mean the cars were kind of misleading, but he told me those were gifts from his parents for completing his schooling with a four point eight average.

Pretty much explained why he talked and acted so damn prissy; in a manly way of course.

So anyway with my babe at work, that left me bored out of my mind and feeling kind of lonely without 'em. He called a couple of hours ago to ask how my day at school had been. There wasn't much to detail over when it came to my classes. They were just as educated and boring as hell like they always were.

He didn't mind hearing me talk about the loathsome boredom.

He said he was just glad to hear my voice.

It seemed being away from this fast pace, whatever we had, was weighing heavily on us both.

I heard the old folks when I was a lil' boy how distance makes the heart grow fonder or some shit. But what about time? Sesshomaru was only a few blocks away but I couldn't bring myself to just up and go to the hospital to randomly visit. That shit was stalkerish and I'm not the sort to pine over anybody.

No matter how fine, sexy, smart or fuckable they were.

But even I have to admit I missed the living hell out of seeing his face.

Yeah, that's that affect he had on me. In a matter of weeks, Sesshomaru's become a drug I wanted to devour on a daily. Ole dude had something in his dick stronger than Purp mixed with every known mush around. The countless times we'd had sex were always something crazy to remember. I've been bent, turned, cubed, circled and everything else known to mankind in a single night and he would still have enough tricks up his sleeves to fool Houdini

Yes indeed. I had it bad. Sesshomaru's all I ever wanted in a person. All of the features, characteristics, flaws, personality, attractiveness; he had it all. In ways, I will never be able to describe what it was I was already starting to feel for him. He was perfect in every aspect of the word, the ideal role model for those who want someone in a relationship.

The only problem was . . .

. . . I didn't want anyone else to know.

Friday had rolled around, the only day Sesshomaru could manage to get off early on. I was listening to my disc player booming enough quakes to rock a country when I heard knocking at the door. Yes incredibly so, my ears ain't just on my head for decoration. I can hear perfectly fine. My head was bobbing, fingers snapping while I finished up cleaning off the dishes before I went to go check and see who it was this early in the afternoon.

I wasn't expecting Sesshomaru until a little after three. Ya know what? It's probably Mr. Mixon comin' by to get a cup of cinnamon again. Dude I swear he needs to find out the benefits of going to the grocery store for real. I ain't the damn farmer's market.

Taking off my 'Lick Da' Cook' apron, with the music still blasting, I hobbled down through the living room and across the threshold of what was now my clean house to open the door. My perplexing frown quickly turned into a shark wide smile when I saw Kagome standing on the other side.

I cocked my hip against the door frame, lifting my sexiest eyebrow and licked my lips. "I knew you'd get tired of that witch and come back to me," I purred deviously, concluding my claim with a wink.

"Ha," Snorted Kagome. "Gay. Lesbian. Rug licker? Anything registering in that head of yours?" She poked two manicured fingers on my forehead, I guess thinking she'll be able to pump it in there. "Grow up and let me in."

"Sure but if ya step in the lion's den Baby," I stepped all in her personal space, ignoring her rolling eyes. "Prepare to be eaten alive—whoa, whoa, whoa!" My hips jolted backwards when the ball of her knee cocked up. "Ok, ok ok," I will never do that again. One can never deny Kagome's metallic knees. She got Koga with that shit and I'll be damned if I'm the next victim. Ole dude couldn't walk straight for three days, looked like he was seaching for change.

Lowering slack covered thigh, Kagome furrowed her brow, "You gonna behave?"

"Yeah, yeah, we're cool."

"Good," she suddenly beamed, and shoved past me into my house. "So what's been happenin'? I haven't seen you in ages."

"Not too much goin' on here. Just been cool, laid back." Closing the door I went to join her on my couch, sitting a similar Indian style like hers. "But bump that, what's goin' on with cha? I know ya didn't come over here for pleasantries."

"Nah, I didn't," she recrossed her long legs, scratching her as she normally would when trying to figure out a way to word what she was going to say next.

That terrified me because this is the same thing she did when she broke up with me and three weeks later she announced of venturing to the malicious throes of anti-dicking.

"Well, I was going to tell you that me and Kagura were thinkin' about movin' in together." She shrugged, not missing my wide eyed expression. "What?"

I shook my head, massaging the bridge of my nose. "Hold up, why the hell would I give a damn about my ex movin' in with her chick? You can do whatever you want. It ain't like I'ma care."

"That ain't the point stupid," Kagome's face took on a sadder look—my ears sagged hoping she wasn't going to cry. I had a harsh weakness for females when they cried. Her maple syrup eyes turned away from my gaze, and she uttered something so quiet I had to ask if she'd say it again.

"I said . . . I just wanted your blessings."

"My blessings?" I blinked this what the fuck expression. "Why?"

"Because," she rubbed under her nose at nothing coming. "I trust your decisions. I asked Koga and Miroku and they gave it to me. I just want my best friend's too."

Got'damn motherfuckin' traitors. "Look," I tried to hold my temper because to this day I still didn't agree with this whole set up between her and Kagura. "I get 'cha tryin' to be with the girl but what's the rush? Ya'll only been dating a few months."

"I just feel it's the right time for us to step forward . . ."Her voice died off as she pulled her knees to her chest. "She asked me to marry her."

Now if that didn't hit home, nothing else would at this point. "She what?"

"She asked if we could get married and do it properly. I didn't say yes right away because I'm a little nervous. I," I was half off the couch as she continued on. "I love her Inuyasha, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that kind of commitment."

My tongue danced over my desert bone bottom lip, wishing I knew what to say at a time like this but was comin' up short. I wasn't one her crazy psycho girlfriend's tellin' her this shit would be crazy but I was tempted to say that she should screw the girl and move on with someone better. But looking at the way she was, quiet and obviously hurtin', not even I can deny there's something there.

Sighing to myself, my hand dragged over my face and into the nest of tangled white hair tied in a ponytail as I thought over the best way to say this. "Ya know I ain't good with mushy shit Mai Mai, damn. I can't stand bein' put on 'da spot." I hated when she did stupid shit like this. It was always some kind of drama when it came to dealing with Mai Mai.

Using her pet damn from our relationship made her smile, "I know," she scooted closer, laying her head on my shoulder. "That's why I'm askin' you. None of my friends will talk to me anymore because of my relationship with Kagura. You guys haven't once judged me in my decision to be with her." She paused, then. "It'd mean so much to me if you'd say it was ok."

"I don't want to say it's ok," I grumbled immaturely. She wouldn't be in this shit if she'd just stayed with me. "But," I sighed. "I can see how much you like the girl. Who the hell am I to say hell to the fuck no?" She tugged my ear and I chuckled. "If that's what you really want and Kagura makes ya happy then," I swallowed knowing this was going to be the hardest thing I've ever done. "I'm cool with it."

I felt her smile, stretch over my sleeve, "Ya mean it Yassee?"

I snickered, looping my arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, I do. Now don't ask me to do this shit again, cause the answer's gonna be no."

"Never, Kagura's all I want." Her dreamy sigh made me smile. "I haven't been this happy in a long time Yassee. She. . . she loves me. Just like I love her. I know we'll be happy together."

I opened my mouth to say more but words failed me. Thoughts of what she would be facing suddenly started plaguing my mind. Ridicule, disruption, issues on people who wouldn't agree to this. But deep down I knew she already knew this and yet she'd still risk it.

I couldn't understand it. "Mai."

"Yeah?"

"Why?" That one word could've meant so many questions but I hoped she was able to scour through the maze to figure out which question it was meant for.

She sat up, "I love her Inuyasha. No matter what people are gonna say, tomorrow I'm still goin' to tell her I love her just as I have every single day."

"You're not scared?" I whispered.

"Yes," She admitted right away. "I'll always be afraid of what could happen, but my happiness always outweighs whatever's negative. I don't care what anyone else says. She's what makes me happy Yash'." She gripped my sleeve between her fingers. "I would want you to be with someone who made you happy; no matter their race or gender."

My eyes froze the size of saucers when Sesshomaru's face popped wildly in my mind. Thoughts of all we'd shared, his interests in me and just everything. I gulped, rubbing my arm where she'd laid against me. There was this subtle difference between me and Kagome I just realized.

She was so much braver than I was; so much more confident. She wasn't afraid to reveal her relationship to the world, despite the consequences there were sure to be.

Me. . . . I inwardly chuckled . . . I couldn't imagine anyone seeing me with Sesshomaru. I-I just couldn't handle it. The stares, the whispers, and downgrade of my reputation? No. . . . No I wouldn't be able to do it. Even as I reached up to cup Kagome's fingers through mine, willing some of her invisible support. . . I still couldn't muster up the courage.

I'm such a coward.

Kagome left about an hour later after another conversation, basically catching up on good times. It was a relief to have that feeling of ease ooze through me as they did. But all those feelings of condemning reality came back when I heard the second awaited knock at my door.

Sesshomaru stood on the other side, eyes as beautifully calm and cool as always but upon seeing me I saw them lighten. "Hi,"

"Hi," I returned not as strong. "Missed you."

"As I you."

I opened the door, letting him inside and closed the door before reaching up to give him a hug. I hadn't realized my actions until he gave me my hug back. I'd closed the door so no one would see me give this man a hug or kiss.

Sesshomaru bumped my head with his chin. "What's troubling you today? Your lack of chatter worries me."

"N-nothing." I murmured against his chest. "Nothing at all."

"You're sure?"

I nodded, listening to his heartbeat. "Yeah, I'm cool."

"Inuyasha," Small circles were massaged into my back. "You'd tell me if something ails you right?"

I nodded again, hating the wordless lie.

I doubt he was convinced but I was grateful he let it slide. I can't handle answering anymore questions or having to deal with telling him what was going on. Not now. Not when I wanted to savor this moment like this.

"Inuyasha?"

"Hm?"

Sesshomaru pulled his head back, "I've made a few changes to our schedule. There's something else I'd like to do."

My eyebrow quirked in interest, "Such as?" Narrowing my eyes, I started feeling a little playful and rubbed my body against his. "Something better than us playing doctor?"

"Yes—for the moment at least," he chuckled. "I've some people I'd like you to meet this evening."

"People?" I repeated. "People like who?"

When Sesshomaru's smile grew, I don't know why but I got worried and for very good reason. My heart sunk when he muttered two words that rumbled in the pit of my stomach like a dice in a empty bucket.

"My friends."

Oh my shit.

TBC: Short I know, but I needed this chapter short. It'll be extremely interesting next chapter ^_^