AN: This is, for the most part, Calzona, but Arizona-centric, with lots of other Grey's characters, especially Arizona's friendship with Teddy. It's slightly AU/Mostly Canon – Starts just before Arizona returns from Africa and varies a bit in the story of bringing them back together. Let's just say I bend the timeline and modify a few scenes to suit my own purposes.
AN2: Thanks again to Stacy, my beta reader who continues to do an "awesome" job. Also a special thanks to pens_co927 for the great suggestions and ideas. I'm beginning to think I should add you as co-author sometimes.
Disclaimers – All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. (I don't own any of the characters from Grey's Anatomy. All of that belongs to Shondaland et al. I just wanted to take them out and play)
Chapter Thirteen – Are You In?Arizona left the hospital in a daze. The next thing she knew she was standing in the middle of the living room with no real recollection of walking home. She couldn't even remember if she'd taken the elevator or climbed the stairs. She only had a vague memory of the sound of tires squealing, a horn blasting and someone cursing at her.
She dropped her purse on the floor and immediately went into the kitchen. She was grateful to find a nearly full bottle of white wine. It is going to be one of those nights, she thought as she poured herself a large glass.
Callie's pregnant. And it's Mark's, she thought, draining half the glass of wine in one swallow. Pregnant! Of all the things she'd been prepared to hear, expected to happen, that scenario had never once entered her mind.
"Son of a bitch!" she swore out loud. She resisted the urge to throw her glass across the room.
She was surprised at the depth of her anger and as she paced, her anger increased. Even that action was making her angry. Pacing usually helped her to calm down. Now it just seemed to fuel her anger. She finished her glass of wine and instantly refilled it.
What am I going to do? I told Callie I wouldn't bail, that I wanted another chance. But this? Raising Mark Sloan's baby? I don't know if I can do that. I love Callie, but do I love her enough to get past how angry and hurt I am?
She stopped pacing and leaned against the breakfast bar. Oh, God, how could this be happening? How could Callie have done this to me? Tears started to slowly slide down the blonde's cheeks. This really hurts. This hurts more than… more than even finding Meg in bed with that bastard Gary. Some friend he'd turned out to be… God, this is it all over again, isn't it? I didn't discover Callie in bed with Mark, but it won't be long until evidence of their actions will be obvious. God, that fucking Mark Sloan!
She finished her second glass of wine and quickly poured another. She rummaged through her purse until she found a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Knowing there were no ashtrays in the apartment, she pulled an empty tuna fish can out of the trash. Rinsing it out, she made do with her makeshift ashtray.
Lighting her cigarette and inhaling deeply eased some of the tension she felt. She carried the wine bottle, her glass and her 'ashtray' over to the coffee table. She quietly puffed on her cigarette while contemplating making a call to Teddy or her parents. No, that's a bad idea. Not until I know what I'm going to do, she thought.
She put her feet up on the coffee table and couldn't help but grow wistful for a moment. The sturdy coffee table was the first piece of furniture she and Callie had bought together. The old one hadn't been strong enough to withstand some of their more vigorous activities. Recalling what they'd been doing when the old one broke brought a satisfied smirk to the blonde's face, then a grimace as she wondered if they'd ever have 'sexy times' again.
I can't help it. I can't stop loving Callie even if I wanted to. And it hurts not knowing if she even loves me anymore.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Callie was surprised to find the door unlocked. She supposed it was an indication of Arizona's state of mind; that, and the smell of cigarette smoke that still lingered in the air. She noticed one empty wine bottle and a nearly empty bottle sitting beside an empty glass on the breakfast bar. All signs were now pointing to a stressed-out, unhappy Peds surgeon.
"Are you ready to talk now?" she asked tentatively.
When Arizona wouldn't even turn around to look at her, Callie felt a sense of dread come over her. Maybe this is it, she thought. Maybe this is what breaks us for good.
"I want to say some not nice things and I want you to listen without thinking our relationship is over or I'm walking out," the blonde said, struggling to keep her anger in control.
"Okay."
"I'm mad that you slept with someone else. And I know that we were broken up but still you… slept with someone else. And I'm even madder that that person has a penis. And I know that you're bisexual. I know that –"
"Would you rather I'd slept with the busty redhead…" Or a tall Trauma surgeon Callie thought but didn't say aloud. She still had her doubts about Arizona's friendship with GI Jane, but now wasn't the time to discuss it.
"And I'm really angry that it was Mark!" Arizona continued, ignoring Callie's remark. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, but it wasn't working. "You have to give me a chance to process this, okay? I'm processing."
"I didn't plan this, okay?" Callie moved over and sat down in the chair facing her former girlfriend. "I didn't plan any of it. There's a… mighty oak or whatever showing up in our lives in about seven months, so now I have to plan. And I don't know how long I can wait for you to process this."
Arizona exhaled deeply.
"But I want you in my plans. I want you to be a part of my plan. So… are you in or are you out?"
"In your plan? What does that mean? As a doctor, as the godmother, as the cool aunt? What?"
"In my plan as in you're with me… as the other mother. Like we had talked about before… before Africa."
"And Mark? Where is he in your plan?"
"He's in."
"As what exactly?" Arizona's tone of voice implied that she thought maybe Mark would be more than just Callie's friend, more than just a father.
"The baby's daddy. Nothing more. God, Arizona! How could you even think that?"
"Well forgive me for asking," she said tersely. "He is the reason you're pregnant."
"It was the one time. It's not like we planned to make a baby."
"Of course you didn't, but YOU ARE BOTH DOCTORS, Callie! Did it ever occur to either of you to use protection? You had sex with the hospital's manwhore. Did you think about STDs? Have you been tested?"
"Arizona!"
"I'm serious, Callie. Have you?"
"No, not yet."
"You need to and you need to soon." Arizona shook her head in disbelief. "Just the one time? Why? Why did you feel the need to fuck Mark Sloan of all people?"
Callie was a little taken aback at Arizona's language. Arizona almost never resorted to swearing. Hell, she never even used those words in the throes of passion. Her using the word 'fuck' only added to Callie's fears.
"I was… we were both really drunk… and I was sad and…"
"I swear, Callie," Arizona interrupted, "don't you dare tell me you slept with Mark because you missed me. Angry at me, getting back at me in some perverse way, I might understand that. But missing me? No. Don't you ever tell me that."
"Arizona, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I slept with Mark. I'm not sorry I'm pregnant. I was, for a few minutes," she admitted. "I actually was sorry. But I'm not now. I want a baby. Yes, this is not how I planned it. It was supposed to be us, you and I. Didn't you ever understand that? I didn't just want a baby. I wanted a baby with you."
"And now you're going to have one, now you're going to get your dream." She lifted her tear-stained face and looked at Callie. "I love you, Calliope, and I'm sure I can love this baby. But you have to understand, this wasn't my plan. This wasn't how my plan was supposed to go."
Arizona reached for a tissue, wiped her cheeks, then added it to the pile of tissues on the coffee table. Callie observed her in silence. She knew Arizona wasn't one to shed tears easily (except for that weird authority-issue thing she had) so she was just a bit surprised to see the number of used tissues. The blonde must have been crying most of the night before or all morning.
"You're asking me to agree to a lifetime with… Mark. A lifetime of decisions. Bottle or sippy cup, basketball or tap, Dartmouth or Berkeley, Christmas morning with Mark. I never picked him and I don't hate him, but I don't want a life with him. And yet, somehow, that's what I'm going to get."
"What am I supposed to do? Tell him he can't be a part of it? I mean, it's his kid, too."
"Yeah, you don't need to remind me of that. I'll never, ever forget it."
"Arizona…"
"Okay, can we just be honest that this is some bi dream come true? I mean, you get the woman you love, and the guy best friend who's also a great lay and then you get this baby. You get it all. And me? This is not my dream. My dream doesn't look like this."
Callie cautiously moved over to the sofa, but still kept an uneasy distance from the blonde.
"What do you want, Arizona?"
"Do you love me? Or are you just asking me to be a part of your plan because you don't want to be alone?"
"Arizona, of course I do. What kind of question is that?"
"I think it's a pretty reasonable question to ask. Since I've been back, I haven't heard you tell me that once. So I'm asking you again. Do. You. Still. Love. Me?"
"I never stopped loving you, Arizona. Even when I was so angry and hurt that you left me, I still loved you. I love you and I want you with me." She edged a little closer to Arizona, her hand resting uncertainly in the gap between them. "So, are you in?"
"I'm in… I'm in. But you have to give me… I'm just… I'm still so mad at you. You have to give me a minute."
"Okay. Do you want to talk more about this later?"
"Yes, yes, I can do that. Just… just not right now."
"After work?"
Arizona nodded her reply.
"I have to get to the hospital," Callie said, rising from the sofa, her tone apologetic. "Maybe we can meet for lunch?"
"Maybe."
As Callie walked to the door, she hesitated, her hand wavering above Arizona's head. She wanted to make some sort of contact with Arizona, but knew she couldn't. Not yet. "I do love you, Arizona," she said softly before she left the apartment.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Arizona took Teddy's arm and pulled her away from the nurses' station toward a more private area.
"You really aren't interested in my day at all, are you?" Teddy asked.
"I might be having Mark Sloan's baby."
"Oh, good Lord, he got to you, too?" Teddy couldn't hide the look of horror on her face.
Arizona was momentarily baffled by Teddy's response. "Callie's pregnant with Mark's baby. It's while we were… you know. I love Callie and Mark's… y'know… human. He's both pretty and… smart. And I want to have a baby, but with Callie. I'm not sure that I want to have Callie's kid with Mark. Can you say anything that will make me want to have Callie's kid with Mark?"
Teddy was a little shocked, and a bit overwhelmed with the words that rushed out of Arizona. Before she could answer, the familiar beeping sound of a pager interrupted her. Both doctors looked down at the devises clipped to their waists.
"I… I gotta go," Arizona said. She opened her mouth as if to say more, but the pager took priority. She gestured to Teddy before hurrying down the hallway.
"I think you're nuts," Teddy whispered to herself.
The Cardio surgeon stood in the hallway for a moment, stunned, her mind reeling from what her friend had just told her. Was Arizona back with Callie? When did that happen? How did it happen? What the hell was going on?
"Something the matter, Bear?" Kayo asked. She'd seen her friend standing in the hallway with a shocked look on her face.
"What? Oh, Kayo, hi."
"You look rattled."
"I… uh… "
Did she dare tell Kayo? She knew Kayo wouldn't be upset with Arizona getting back together with Callie. Despite some of Kayo's more recent actions (a partially-clad Arizona in Kayo's bed immediately came to mind), she'd made it clear that she would do whatever it took to bring the couple back together. As long as it was what Arizona wanted, Kayo was behind her. But a baby? Mark Sloan's baby in the mix? She really wasn't sure how Kayo would feel about that.
"Bear, what's wrong? Kayo was now seriously concerned for her friend. "Is something wrong?"
"We need to talk."
"You're scaring me, Bear."
"Not here," she said, taking Kayo's arm and dragging her down the hallway. She pulled her into an on-call room and shut the door behind them.
Kayo leaned back against the wall and waited for her friend to speak. Teddy paced for a minute, then stopped, her hand going to her forehead. "I need to tell you something and I'm not sure how."
"Bear, you know you can tell me anything."
"I need you to listen to me and not get all Rambo and angry and protective." She looked pointedly at Kayo. "Promise me."
"I promise, I promise. What's wrong, Bear?"
"I'm pretty sure Arizona and Callie are back together."
Kayo grinned. "That's great news. Arizona must be thrilled. When did that happen? Torres finally came to her senses, huh?" Confusion then crossed her face. "Why would I be angry? What aren't you telling me, Bear?"
"Callie's pregnant."
"What? How?" Kayo's face curled into a scowl. "Does Arizona know?"
"Yes, Arizona knows. It's Mark Sloan's kid."
"What the fuck, Bear!" Kayo swore, trying to keep her anger in check. "Has Arizona lost her mind? She agreed to this… this… what do we call it? A fucked up situation is all that comes to my mind."
"Yes, she agreed to it, but I think she's still unsure."
"Well, we need to –"
"We don't need to do anything but support Arizona in whatever decision she makes, no matter how we feel about it."
"You're okay with this, Bear?"
"I think she's crazy to agree to it, but it's not my decision. If it's what she wants, then that's how it will be." A stern look came to Teddy's face. "And you, my friend, will do nothing and say nothing."
"But –"
"Not one word, Kayo, or I swear I'll beat the tar out of you."
"Fine," Kayo said, her arms folded across her chest.
"I mean it, Kayo."
"I promise."
"Yeah, well, let's hope this promise works a little better than your last one."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
For the third time that day, Arizona was paged to the OB-GYN exam room. The first time she had been worried. Callie was bleeding and the mother-to-be had every right to be nervous. Of course Callie's first reaction would be to think it was a miscarriage. It had been the blonde's initial reaction as well. And now, despite repeated reassurances from the young doctor after the ultrasound, Arizona was being paged yet again.
She knew Lucy Fields was trying, but she was young and Arizona wondered if she was experienced enough to deal with one scared, hormonal Calliope Torres. Arizona had her own doubts about herself dealing with Callie. The Peds surgeon had been trying all day to resolve her own fears and uneasiness over the whole situation. She still wasn't comfortable with it, and it was hard to connect with Callie while Mark was standing next to her every single time they met with Dr. Fields.
She moved closer to Callie, blocking Mark as the Neonatal specialist wheeled in a different ultrasound.
"Now this is the hardcore machine; highest resolution there is," she explained. "Now it's almost impossible to get a heartbeat before the eighth week, even with this thing. In fact, I don't even have moms come into until the eighth week. Because they come in, they don't see a heartbeat and they freak out and camp out on my exam table all day. But since you've already camped out here all day it can't hurt to have another look, right?"
Arizona had to give the younger woman credit. She managed to sound reassuring without being condescending. The Peds surgeon knew Lucy must've been frustrated with Callie's unwillingness to leave the exam room. Arizona herself was even growing a little frustrated with Callie, and Mark seemed to be playing right into her mood.
She wondered again if she could go through with this arrangement. She had managed to hide her irritation when Callie called Mark the "baby daddy" while she had been relegated to "lesbian lover" – not the "other mommy" or even the clinical sounding "partner". No, she was the lesbian lover, even though it had been months since she'd been able to live up to that title.
"Nothing?" Callie asked, her nervousness showing.
"Give me a minute."
"It's a bad idea," Callie complained.
"Callie –" Arizona tried to offer Callie some comfort, but Callie cut her off.
"No, it's stupid. She said it's too early. She can't find it yet. It doesn't mean a dead baby. It just means this is really stupid."
"Ssshh," Mark hissed, trying to quiet the Latina.
Arizona unexpectedy felt Callie's hand reach for hers, and her heart briefly raced. She took Callie's hand in hers, realizing that it was the first time they'd touched since she'd left for Africa. Callie clutched the smaller hand, needing the connection as they watched the ultrasound.
Suddenly the room filled with the sound of a rapidly beating heart.
"Oh, my, God…" Callie stared at the screen. "Oh, my, God…"
Arizona felt the hand holding hers squeeze even harder. Callie turned to look not at Mark, but Arizona. "Arizona… it's…."
"I know, Calliope, I know," Arizona said lacing her fingers with Callie's and squeezing the brunette's hand. Their eyes met and for one moment, she felt like this was theirs, that it was just the two of them sharing it. She tightened her grip on Callie's hand, moving a little closer to her.
"Arizona, this is… this is really…" Callie was speechless.
Before the blonde could answer, her pager went off. "Crap," she said looking down at it. "I have to go. I have a patient who's coding. I'm sorry."
"Go, go," Callie urged. "It's okay. You have a patient."
"Tonight, at the apartment?" Arizona said as she opened the door.
"Yes, I'll meet you there."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Callie had been waiting patiently for Arizona. The Peds surgeon had texted her earlier and let her know that she'd been called into surgery. She checked the refrigerator for something to drink or eat, but only found a nearly empty carton of milk, a solitary can of diet soda, a few slices of American cheese and gallon of water. She poked around in the cupboards and found a box of crackers, an unopened jar of peanut butter and box with a few bags of herbal tea. She chuckled softly to herself. Some things never change. Arizona still doesn't like to grocery shop.
She made herself a cup of herbal tea (amazed that Arizona even had any) and then walked around the apartment. It felt weird for the Latina be in it and not be living in it. Everything pretty much looked the same, the furniture, the décor but without her own belongings it made her feel like a stranger in her own home. She wandered into the bedroom and saw the neatly made bed. She smiled to herself. Arizona was the one who always insisted on making the bed when she had the time. Callie preferred to just leave the sheets and blankets a tangled mess.
She noticed the frame photograph sitting on the nightstand next to what they both had called "Arizona's" side of the bed. It was the picture Callie had taken of the two of them on one of their early dates. She grinned as she recalled the day they'd spent together. Taking the ferry, then driving the rest of the way to Deception Pass to have a picnic on the rock covered beach. Her smile grew as she remembered the heated make-out session they'd had when they returned. God, it had been so easy back then, Callie thought with sadness.
She returned back to the living room and curled up on the sofa. Dr. Fields had given her some reading materials. Callie had scoffed at first. She was, after all, a doctor. What could she possibly learn from the brochures? It wasn't until she read through it all that she realized it had been a long time since she'd done her OB-GYN rotation and that there was a lot she'd either forgotten, or hadn't been interested. Her focus had always been orthopedics and she'd done the bare minimum to get through the other rotations.
The door suddenly opened and Arizona burst through the door with a large box in her hands.
"What're you doing? Is that one of my boxes?" Callie asked accusingly.
"Oh, don't get up." Arizona set the box down. "You rest. You shouldn't be lifting heavy things."
"No, I'll get up if I want to." Callie set her cup down. "Are you moving my stuff back in?"
"Callie…"
"I haven't said I'm moving back in… yet." She got up from the sofa and walked toward the blonde. "We're not together. You can… you can take those back to Mark's."
After brooding about the situation all day, Arizona finally decided that enough was enough. If she was going to be "in", Callie should be "in' as well.
"Shut up. Just shut up. You don't get to tell me we're not together. We are together because I love you and you love me and none of the rest matters. We. Are. Together."
Callie was stunned. She hadn't expected Arizona to be so… so assertive.
"And if you ever sleep with anyone else again, man or woman, I will kick the crap out of you. You sit your ass back down 'cause that's my baby in there, and I don't want anything happening to my baby."
"Your baby, huh?" Callie started to smile. Her doubts about Arizona bailing were fading fast.
"Our baby," Arizona replied, her voice seemingly full of wonder. "There was a heartbeat."
"Mmmhmm," Callie murmured, nodding her head in agreement. She was sure the look on Arizona's face matched her own.
"And it was…" Arizona took a step closer to Callie, and timidly placed a hand on Callie's hip. "We're having a baby."
Arizona cupped Callie's cheek with her hand and drew her in for a kiss… their first kiss in what had seemed like a lifetime to her. The first touch of her lips against Callie's was the miracle for Arizona. It was like coming home. It was a sweet kiss, full of love.
"I'll sit down," Callie said in a low voice, "but I'd rather rip your clothes off."
Callie's hands slid down Arizona's body to her ass. She pulled her in closer and Callie's kiss became deeper, more passionate and almost desperate. It was too fast, too much for Arizona. She knew what Callie was doing; it was how they'd always resolved arguments… any unpleasantness for that matter… in the past. Lots of sex and little communication.
"Callie, stop."
"What? Why?" she asked, pulling Arizona back to her.
"I might bail when things get hard, but you...you're always trying to fuck away your problems. Sex is NOT our solution to this, Callie. Your screwing Mark is what got us in this mess!" Arizona stepped out of Callie's embrace to put a little bit of distance between them.
"I do not!" Callie exclaimed, offended by the remark. "And for God's sake, stop blaming Mark for this."
"And when you can't screw them away, you just cut the person out of your life until you come to a solution on your own." Arizona continued as though she hadn't heard Callie's defense of Mark Sloan, even though a piece of her heart crumbled over the remark. "Well, here's a newsflash. We HAVE to learn to communicate if we're going to be parents. Because there's no bailing or cutting a kid out of your life." She paused to take a deep breath. "And if you can't handle learning to communicate without solving our problems with sex, then I don't see how we can parent together. Honestly, given our history and how this has all turned out, if we don't change our means of communicating, how am I supposed to trust you with him ever again? How do I know that in two years I'm not going to be right back in this same hell I'm living now?" Callie's jaw dropped in mute disbelief. Arizona waited several minutes for a response but was met with stony silence. She exhaled loudly. "Yeah, that's what I was afraid of." Arizona stormed off to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
Callie slowly returned to her seat on the sofa. She stared unseeingly at the coffeetable. How could Arizona think such things...think so little of her to believe she would ever sleep with Mark again?
The answer hit her with breathtaking force. History. The Talk. Seattle Grace's neverending gossip mill. Callie's history kept repeating itself. When things got tough in her relationship, she slept with Mark to escape them. George, Erica, and now Arizona. She had done it to all of them.
She leaned her head against the back of the sofa and closed her eyes. Unbidden tears tracked slowly over her cheeks. She sighed softly as she allowed her body to drift into sleep. She'd deal with it tomorrow. For now, Callie took comfort in the knowledge that Arizona was only a room away.