Part 13

It's months until Killian is stable enough to venture out in search of Emma. Although he had recovered well enough from the loss of his hand within weeks, his lyrium had run out well before that, and he'd suffered through months of hallucinations and fevers and madness.

The nightmares will never go away, he knows that, and sometimes he still begins to shake and sweat, but he thinks he can handle it now. He's not going mad anymore, doesn't feel his sanity slipping away from him.

He can find her now.

Liam seems reluctant to let him leave, but his brother knows he can't stop him, and so instead he gives Killian a map and tells him he's contacted the Grey Wardens. Liam doesn't know where Emma is, but he knows there's a Grey Warden fortress two months away.

If Emma's not there, people might know where she is.

But Killian hopes that his search doesn't take too long. They've been separated for far too long, and he can't bear the thought that the Maker is cruel enough to put him through any more suffering.

And so he walks, retiring in inns when he can, and with each step closer he thinks he can feel the phylactery beating faster, louder, and when he looks at it, it's glowing faintly, and he feels, with complete certainty, that Emma's going to be at the fortress.

That in only days, he'll be with her.

When he's outside the fortress, a dull, grey monstrosity, he hesitates. The phylactery is a bright red, gleaming in his hand, and she has to be just inside, but he's nervous.

It's been years since he saw her. He's thinner and paler and ill, he has one hand, and as much as he loves her, there's no guarantee she'll feel the same and he hates it, but he doesn't know what he'll do if she doesn't want him too.

He doesn't have anything else.

He won't be able to make the journey back to Liam. He knows that.

Killian knocks on the door and waits a few moments, hides his stump in his coat pocket, and then an older man opens the door.

"Hello?" The man asks, and he's wearing the armour of the Grey Wardens. "What's wrong? Do you need to see a Healer?"

Killian wonders if he should care that his appearance is enough to make people think he's seriously ill, but he can't because now the door is open, he's so close. "Um, I'm here to see Emma? She's a mage. I don't know if she's here, but I knew her before and I-"

"I know Emma." The man says, and he steps aside, but Killian can feel him staring even when he's standing in the vast hall. There are many Grey Wardens milling around, and Killian's looking at all of them, hoping to see her.

And then he catches a glimpse of gold and it's her and she's looking at him, eyes wide, lips parted, and all he can do is smile weakly.

She excuses herself from the crowd of people surrounding her and walks over to him, stopping just in front of him and he can't breathe because he's found her. "Emma."

"Killian?" she says, tilting her head and looking confused. "What are you doing here?"

"I-" She doesn't give him a chance to say anymore, his voice faltering when she slips her hand into his and starts to lead him out of the hall, takes him into a small library. He remembers when he spoke to her in the library, showed her the world through the atlas she handed him, and for a moment he feels completely overwhelmed.

He never thought about what he would do when he found her.

"This is better." she states, stepping close to him and smoothing her fingers across his cheek, her other hand resting on his shoulder. "Now, please, tell me why you're here?"

He swallows, and then shrugs, raising his hand to grip the phylactery and pull her attention towards it. "I… Well, I wanted you to have this." he says, and he's making it up as he goes along because he's not ready to tell her that he's there because he needs her. "As long as this exists, you're not truly free. Anyone can find you. I thought you would want to destroy it."

Her gaze flicks between the vial in his hand and him, and then she glides her hand down from his shoulder and gently uncurls his fingers from around the small bottle and lifts the chain over his head, and he shudders at the absence of it's rhythm against his heart. She dangles it from her fingers, but she's only looking at him.

"That's the reason you came all of the way here?" she breathes.

"Is that not reason enough?" He asks quietly.

Emma beams at him, and he had remembered her smile was beautiful, but his memory is nothing compared to the reality of it. She's devastating, and he freezes when she inches closer, so close that their chests are touching with each breath. "I want to be your reason."

He grins at her, and smiling feels unfamiliar - it's been so long since he's felt happy enough to smile - but her words are everything.

Killian kisses her, cupping her cheek in his hand and hoping to demonstrate how much she means to him in his kiss. Emma laughs, sounds overjoyed, and then she throws her arms around his neck, throws herself into his kiss, and he hears the phylactery clatter against the ground, but he doesn't care.

He can't stand up - he's too weak to stay standing - and he sinks to the ground so he's sitting against the wall, Emma still kissing him, kneeling between his legs and trying to pull him closer, and he lets her, curls his tongue around hers and devours her because he's been waiting for so long.

He's been alone for so long.

He feels Emma fidgeting so he pulls away, watches as she adjusts her position so she's straddling him, her knees either side of his hips. He meets her gaze and she smiles coyly and then rocks her hips against his.

He shudders, buries his head against her neck and tries to breath, but he can't, he's shivering and he's feeling everything, and she's there, and she still wants him and it can't be real.

He feels her kiss the top of his head, and then she glides her hands down his arms, take his hand in hers, grips his maimed arm lightly with the other. He pulls back to look at her, trying to find the words to tell her everything, even though it's still so painful, but Emma shakes her head and just raises his arm to her lips, presses a light, warm kiss to the base of the bandage.

Killian has to kiss her again, so he slides his lips over hers, feels warmth spread through him when she keeps hold of his arm, rests it against her waist as though he's holding her in place and then rocks into him again, her movement deliberate. He feels his breath catch and he presses his lips harder against hers, Emma's hand tangling itself in his hair once she's released his arm.

Emma breaks the kiss first, starting to trail kisses along his jaw and down his neck, and Killian's still for a few moments, breathing heavily and trying to process everything, because he's only just found her and she's already surrounding him, burning him.

She takes their joined hands, slides them under the skirt of her robes, letting go only when she's brought his hand between her legs, and then he's touching her, curling his fingers just right so that she moans and presses closer.

And when she's shaking and breathless, he draws his hand back, turns his head so he's capturing her lips again. Emma struggles with the laces on his trousers, but soon he's free and she's taken hold of him, aligning him and sinking down upon him, and he grunts into their kiss, because if he thought Emma was burning him before, it's nothing compared to what he feels now.

She keeps moving and Killian starts to press light kisses down her neck, and they're not even really undressed, but she's bringing him closer and closer to falling apart. Her breath is coming in short gasps, and then she's taking his hand again, bringing it back to where they're joined, and he teases her with light, fluttering touches until she's coming above him, her head thrown back, his mouth sucking lightly on her neck.

He follows her soon after, collapsing against her and feeling spent and exhausted and happy, his head resting on her slightly damp shoulder. He's too tired to stop himself from shaking, a reminder of his lyrium addiction that returns whenever he's tired, that will never go away.

They're still joined, something he becomes acutely aware of when Emma shifts slightly, adjusting so that she can take his face in her hands and raise his head to meet her gaze. Her sea-green eyes are wide, glistening, and she's smiling in a way he's never seen before, but it's impossibly more beautiful than any she's shared with him before.

"I'm glad you found me," she murmurs, lowering her forehead to his. "Because I love you."

And suddenly everything is too much, because she loves him, she doesn't care that he's got one hand and he's shivering, and he sobs, pulling his head back and looking away from her, trying to regain control of himself because he's so happy, he hasn't felt like this for years and he doesn't know how to deal with it.

And he needs to talk to her, tell her everything he's been through, to hear what she's been doing, but the familiar nagging fear that he's too much of a disappointment rises up in him and he can't say a thing, can't even tell her that he loves her too.

Emma reaches for him, pressing warm kisses to his cheeks, his jaw, interspersing the kisses with soothing words, but he can't stop crying. And then she finally rises off of him, her own hands shaking as she reties the laces of his trousers, and then she stands.

He reaches for her because she can't leave him again, not now, but she simply takes a few steps to where the phylactery fell to the ground and bends to pick it up, cradling it gently in her hands.

"Emma?" he asks quietly, watching her return to him and sit back down between his legs, one of her hands resting on his chest, against his heart. "What are you doing?"

She drapes the chain around his neck, the vial dropping to rest against his chest, beating in time with his heart. "I don't want to destroy it." she whispers, leaning forward to brush her lips against hers. "I want you to have it. So that you can always find me."

"I don't want to have to find you again." Killian mutters, raising his hand to take hold of the phylactery, and exhaling shakily when Emma's hand wraps around his. "I can't do it again."

"I hope you never have to." she whispers, leaning close so her lips touch his each time she speaks. "But just in case."

And then he wraps his arms around her, and she stays.

Here you go! Thank you so much for the favourites/alerts/reviews. I hope you enjoyed this chapter - I'd love to hear what you thought! Thank you to BlackDragon733 for editing this with me.