I disclaim. I own nothing

Chapter 11

"What it do, pretty girl?"

Phone pressed between her ear and shoulder, Tara paused in the middle of folding a pair of Nikolai's jeans. Though a very large part of her was sad to have her baby growing up on her, another part couldn't wait until the day she didn't have to pack up half his bedroom just to take him out for a few hours. "Cas?"

"Ah, she remembers."

Confused as to why Cas was answering Kozik's phone Tara was able to put it aside to fall back into the easy routine of teasing with Cas. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"Means you're out in Charming being charmed by the gallant prince and forgetting about us lowly foot soldiers who have loved and cared for you all these years."

"Oh my God, you are so full of shit." Tara laid the jeans and an extra T-shirt on top of the extra pair of underwear, and a pile of pull-ups. The last thing she added to the bag was a few toys to help keep Nikolai occupied during the car ride. "When I first moved to Tacoma you told me no one wanted me there and to go back to where I came from."

"That's because everyone-including my old man-treated you like you were so goddamn special. I wanted to hang out with the guys, but they made me hang with you. I was 10, boys don't want to hang out with girls at that age."

Tara could understand that as she hadn't been exactly besides herself to be friends with Cas at that age either. But Tacoma wasn't Charming. Being the kid of a biker was different there. It didn't really mean much in Tacoma, no one was even aware of the fringe her life existed on. Her dad was smart with his money and provided her with a good life. As far as most of the kids were concerned, she was the spoiled new girl with the mountain of a father. Cas, who's father had also been a member, was the only other kid around who understood. "And you were very vocal about that, too."

"But I took care of you anyway."

"Do you remember when we were fifteen and you set me up with Steve Lively, who was the single biggest horn dog asshole to walk the earth, because you wanted to get into his sister's pants?"

"And when I saw him trying something with you, didn't I break every bone is his fingers."

"After you had successfully gotten into his sister's pants."

"You are always focusing on the negative. How about the time I distracted Alexei while you banged the pretty boy Prince at his wedding." There was something like pride in Cas' voice as he spoke. "You didn't even have to ask me. I knew what you needed and I was on it. Like you were on Jax."

"It was the reception." And even though Tara realized the distinction wasn't much, she felt it necessary to stress this one point.

"Whatever you say, Pretty Girl. So…what are you doing?"

"I was calling to talk to Kozik."

"You don't want to talk to him." Cas decided. And Tara could just imagine him kicking back and settling into the phone call. "So how are things going with you and the Prince?"

"You care?"

"Not really, just want to see where we are in this drama, that way I can have a better idea of when you're coming home. I haven't seen The Badass in months, which is bullshit by the way."

With a roll of her eyes, Tara set Nikolai's bag on the floor before dropping onto the bed. She really did want to head back to Tacoma to see all the guys, she missed them. And she wanted to get Nikolai back to see them as well, she didn't want him to forget those guys. Not only because she knew they'd love and care for him as they did for her, but because they all knew Alexei. And she just didn't think Nikolai could have enough people in his life that knew his father. But things with Jax were so weird right now. He was always looking at her as if she was going to bolt at any moment. She thought he'd give her shit if she so much as mentioned going back to Tacoma even if just for a visit.

"You guys could always head this way."

"Why the hell would we do that?"

"To see me."

Cas scoffed. "You're already spoiled enough. Besides there is a bunch of shit here you need to take care of anyway. You act like you don't have a house, a bunch of cars, and all other kinds of shit to deal with. Are you just gonna sell it now that you're in Charming?"

"I can't sell it. Alexei spent years collecting those cars and working on them, he couldn't wait to give them to Nikolai. It's his inheritance." But she'd have to find something to do with the house, hire a caretaker or sell it and put the money in the trust Alexei had set up for Nikolai. The cars needed to be dealt with as well, those she couldn't sell. "I need a lawyer."

"Get a name from Dylan." Cas suggested. "And when you do try to avoid leading Happy and Kozik to believe you're banging the guy."

"Oh, come on. You know it's funny watching Hap and Kozzie get all twitchy whenever someone mentions a lawyer."

Cas chuckled. "You're a mean little thing for such a pretty girl."

"Hey, Casanova." Kozik's voice came over the phone line. "What the fuck are you doing with my phone?"

"Talking to my Pretty Girl. Now go the fuck away."

"That's Tara? Gimme the phone, man."

On her end of the line Tara could only shake her head as the sounds of the two men wrestling over the phone became apparent. She had half a mind to hang up, because she knew it would annoy whichever man came away with the phone, but listening to them wrestling like two assholes was kind of entertaining.

"Ah, shit. Tara?"

"You're gonna pay for that dickhead. I think you ruptured my fucking spleen."

Tara laughed at Cas' proclamation. She was always hearing from the guys just how tough a son of a bitch Kozik really was, they all actually shied away from fighting with him, even playfully. But over the years she'd given him several knocks and he'd never hurt her. It always made her aware just how lucky she was to have him in her life.

"Kozik. How badly did you hurt him?"

"Barely even touched him. He's being a pussy. So what's up? You don't call, you don't write…"

"I am not about to listen to this from you, too. You guys are such shits."

Jax was beyond frustrated as he left yet another message on Tara's voice mail. He hadn't been able to get a hold of her, Opie, or Donna. He didn't like it, being completely out of touch with them scared him. The places his mind wandered were dark and dangerous. He knew Opie wouldn't rat, the concept of it was completely foreign to him. But he'd seen the look in Tig and Clay's eyes, the suspicion. He knew it didn't look good, Bobby being arrested, the money in Opie's account. Wondered if he'd automatically call rat if the guy the evidence was mounting against was anyone other than his best friend.

He needed someone to talk to about it. Needed to hear someone else say that it was impossible for Opie to be a rat. He'd gone to Tara, because in times like this he'd always gone to Tara. But her house was empty. Sitting in her driveway he tried her cell, but she didn't answer and his stomach dropped. He tried her door but it was locked and for a moment he actually considered breaking in.

Now he was on his bike in the middle of town holding his cell completely unsure of what his next move should be. What would he do if Opie was a rat? Could he do what the situation called for? Could he kill his best friend? It twisted him up something terrible because he simultaneously wanted to believe he was and wasn't capable of it. Thought to be a good VP, a good leader, he'd do what needed to be done. He'd kill Opie to protect the club. He just didn't think it would make him a good man, a good father, if he could kill his best friend without hesitation. What would he be if he took Kenny and Ellie's father, Donna's husband, from them when they just got him back.

He could kill in cold blood, knew now he was capable of it. And even if he had some trouble resigning himself to what he'd done, he didn't regret it. Didn't for one second regret pulling the trigger and putting a bullet in Kohn's head. He could relive that moment a thousand times and never change the end result. But Kohn had hurt Tara, put his hands on her, put that frightened look in her eye. The son of a bitch had to die.

Jax knew, that to the club, if Opie were truly a rat his crime would be considered far greater than Kohn's. But Jax wasn't sure it would be as easy. When he marched into Tara's bedroom, gun in his hands, he kept his eyes on Kohn's when he pulled the trigger because he wanted to see. Wanted to see the son of bitch's fear, wanted to see the realization come into his eyes, and wanted his face to be the last thing the fucker saw. Could he do that with Opie. Could he look his best friend in the eye as he killed him? Would he be able to look himself in the mirror if he did?

His mother and Clay kept calling, but he didn't want them. He wanted Tara. But Tara was gone. For all he knew she could be half-way back to fucking Tacoma by now. He was prepared to had that way, find her on the highway and pull her over just to tell her how much he didn't fucking need her. And how he was better off knowing her word didn't mean shit. The longer he thought about it, the better the idea sounded that Jax was just getting ready to start up his bike and head that way when his cell rang.

"Yeah," His voice was clipped and angry.

"Jax…you okay?"

He wanted to tell her no he wasn't fucking okay and that if she was calling to tell him she was already gone she could save it. "Fine."

"Oh," And the doubt was clear in Tara's voice. "Listen I'm trying to get a hold of Donna or Opie. I called both their cells, stopped by the house. I even called Donna's parents house. They said she was suppose to be there hours ago but they haven't seen her. Jax, I'm really starting to worry."

The more she talked, the more his anger subsided. He could tell how upset she was and he couldn't stand it. "There's something going on, but I can't talk about it over the phone. If you had been around you'd know that. Where were you?"

"I went to visit my dad. I'm working through the weekend, today was the only day I had to go. What the hell is wrong with you?"

He felt ridiculous. He hated this, hated this boggy ground they existed on. Thought maybe it was time for him to throttle back some before she had him anymore fucked up than he already was. "Nothing. Shits been crazy, Tara. Where are you?" He needed to see her. He would slow things down, put a little distance between them. But he just needed to see her.

"I just dropped Nik off with Gemma, now I'm heading in to work."

Back to her routine, Jax thought. Right back into the swing while he'd been twisted up at the thought of her leaving. "Alright, I'll be by later to feed the kid. Think you can get some time."

"Yeah, sure. Jax…"

He waited, not sure what she was going to say. Not sure what it was he wanted her to say. "Tara?"

"Nothing. See you in a bit."

That fucking junky was back. Gemma wondered if the stupid bitch thought she was joking when she told her to stay the hell away. And Jax, she didn't know what the hell he was thinking letting her hold Abel, squatting down next to her to complete the picture of happy fucking family. He couldn't be so stupid as to think that bitch was ready to be a mother. And she hoped to God he wasn't so stupid as to give her another chance to be his wife.

The look on Tara's face, Gemma inhaled deeply on her cigarette. She knew her girl, so she knew that look. She had to get a hold of this situation, get out in front of it before Jax and Tara completely fucked things up. Tara was pissed at Jax so Gemma was pretty sure her opinion would not be heard. She was going to have to go to desperate measures. Jax needed a swift kick in the ass and Tara needed someone around who could wrangle her in.

Decision made, Gemma dialed the number she found in Tara's phone.

"Yeah?"

"Kozik, it's Gemma."

"Gemma, who?"

"Don't be a smartass."

Kozik's laughter carried over the line. "What's up, Gemma?"

Sitting in her car outside of Jax's house, Gemma could only shake her head as she watched Wendy unlock the door and let herself in side. The bitch had suitcases and groceries. Gemma thought she'd die and go to hell before she allowed that junky to worm her way back into Jax's life. "I'm gonna need you to head back this way."

"What? Why?"

"Abel's coming home tomorrow, I'm having a little party at Jax's."

"You want me to come all the way back to Charming for that?"

Gemma rolled her eyes, she didn't know why these people had to make everything so damn hard. "Look Wendy's back, showed up at the hospital earlier today. Jax and Tara have started circling each other again."

"I guess Wendy's looking for more than to get to know her son?"

"I can see it in the bitch's eyes, she wants Jax back." And her son was either too blind to see it or too egotistical to cut her off at the pass. "This isn't good for our girl. You know how Tara is."

"She's going to do something crazy." Kozik spoke knowingly.

"Yeah, like run off and marry David Hale or that goddamn ER doctor she's always flirting with. I need someone here to talk some sense into her. At the very least distract her."

Kozik was quiet for a long while, Gemma could hear him talking to someone, but couldn't make out what he was saying. "Alright. We're going to head out. Don't tell her we're coming, let it be a surprise."

"Tara hates surprises."

Kozik laughed. "Yeah, I know."

Despite his earlier decision to distance himself from Tara, Jax found himself at her door that night. Opie had called him. He was back home, Donna and the kids were with him. Jax didn't feel any better, knew that convincing Clay and Tig that Opie wasn't a rat wouldn't be easy. But he had to believe they'd at least hear Opie out, they'd give him a chance to explain, and if nothing else freeze him out until they could be sure he could be trusted.

Wendy being back didn't help matters. Jax wasn't sure what to do about her. She was clean and he was happy for her. He knew he had to be careful there. He never treated her right, she hadn't deserved it. But he wasn't sure if she could really be a mother, he hoped she could. After everything else he'd done to her, he didn't want to have to shut her out of Abel's life. But if she wasn't clean, he wouldn't have a choice.

It was just too fucking much to deal with. He didn't want to go back to the clubhouse. Ever since Tara and Nikolai left it just wasn't the same. He couldn't go back to his house with Wendy there. He considered going and crashing at Gemma's. He found himself at Tara's.

She answered the door in a pair of loose fitting sweat pants and a black tank top. "Hi."

"Hey," He shoved his hands in his pockets, not entirely sure what it was he wanted to say to her. Considered just saying fuck it all and going back to the clubhouse. Thought about how much easier it would be to get wasted and fall into the first croweater who caught his eye. But Tara didn't give him time to say anything else, just grabbed his cut and pulled him into the house.

"Hi, Axe."

The smile curled his lips, not use to such a subdued greeting from Nikolai. He was dressed in a fleece pajama set complete with footies. "What's up little man?"

"I'm sick."

Jax looked to Tara with a frown.

"He spent the day with Gemma who apparently stuffed him full of chocolate until it escaped out of both ends. I'm just glad he waited until he got home to expel, I wouldn't have wanted Gemma to suffer the consequences of her actions or anything."

The sarcasm dripped heavily in her voice and Jax couldn't help but to grin. "Sounds like a fun night."

"Mommy, come on." Nikolai patted the spot on the couch besides him. "Lay down.

"Such a man, gets sick and he wants his mommy." But Tara walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. When she laid on her back, Nikolai climbed over her before flipping over onto his back and resting his head on the arm of the couch next to hers.

Jax watched the smile curl Tara's lips as she turned her head to press a kiss to her son's temple. She wrapped one arm around his middle and Nikolai quickly laced his fingers through hers. With her other hand she reached for the remote, pointing it at the TV to restart the movie they'd been watching.

Nikolai angled his head back towards Jax. "Happy Feet!"

Jax raised an eyebrow at Tara and she only shook her head.

"Save it, Teller. This will be you in a couple years."

"I don't think so." Some part of him wanted to join them on the couch. But this just seemed like their thing and Nikolai seemed to want his mother all to himself. "Mind if I use your shower."

Tara didn't know what was going on with him as she doubted he came all this way to use her shower. But Nikolai's stomach was still a little upset and she knew he wanted to be babied a little while longer. So she couldn't really get into what was weighing on Jax, at least not now. "Go ahead."

Nikolai only made it half-way through the movie before his droopy eyes finally closed for the night. But Tara remained where she was, holding her son, until the credits rolled. She hated when he was sick, even if she knew that his earlier vomiting and diarrhea was caused by being overly full. She just felt so helpless. So if all he wanted was to be held while he watched his favorite movie, it was what she did. Even if he didn't make to the end of the movie.

Clicking the TV off she carried him into his bedroom. But still she didn't leave him. After he was settled under the covers and clutching his stuffed dog in his arms, she sat on the side of the bed and watched him. She still hadn't gotten around to getting him that haircut and she knew she needed to. It was longer that Jax's now, she actually had to tie it back into a ponytail while he was sick. The problem was she did not know how Nikolai would act in a barber's chair. And she was avoiding finding out for as long as she could.

When she was sure he was settled for the night, she clicked on the lamp next to his bed as well as the monitor. She hadn't used the monitors since they'd been in Charming but she didn't think she could be too careful after the night they had.

Going into her own bedroom she found Jax laying naked across her bed. Seeing him there, where she always felt he belonged, brought a smile to her face. Crossing the room, she lowered herself to the edge of the bed next to him. Bringing her hand up she started to lightly trace his tattoo. Jax sighed, back subtly arching into her touch.

"Tara."

It wasn't until she heard him softly whisper her name that she became aware of how afraid she was he'd speak another. Or worse that impersonal 'darling' she knew he tossed out when he couldn't remember a girl's name.

Unable to stop herself, she leaned over and brushed her lips over his shoulders. Her hands becoming more insistent as they moved over his back, down over his ass and back up.

Jax thought he was dreaming, he'd been dreaming of Tara since he was a teenager. It was worse now after being in her shower, surrounded by the scent of the body wash and shampoo she used. By the time he stepped out of the shower he was painfully hard. Collapsing face first into her bed, where he could wallow in her scent, didn't help matters at all.

It was the light tickle of her hair on his back that cleared his mind. But it was the feel of her mouth, hot and wet, as it traveled over his back that had it fogging all over again. She started at the small of his back, alternating between kissing and biting the letters inked across his back. Then her tongue was on his spine, running slowly from the bottom all the way to the top. By the time her mouth pressed wetly to the back of his neck, he was ready to fucking beg.

There was some part of her that wanted to sit back and watch him. The muscles in his back were bunching and flexing, his hips thrusting subtly into the bed. If there was a sexier sight than a naked Jax Teller writhing in a bed, Tara honestly didn't know what it was. She climbed over him, straddling his thighs as her hands cupped his ass, and leaning forward to continue her assault on his back.

"Fuck, Tara." When her hands worked their way around him, Jax couldn't stop himself from lifting his hips so she could take his cock in her hands. The way she gripped him, both hands immediately going to work on him, caused his entire body to shudder. Her mouth was at his ear, her voice soft as she whispered how much she enjoyed his body, the things she wanted him to do to her.

That she was thrusting against his thigh wasn't lost on him at all either. They were both breathing heavily and he knew it wasn't completely out of the realm of possibility that they could both cum this way. He knew he had to take control of the situation. He didn't think it would be smart to allow Tara to take control here. Didn't think he should let her know just how weak and needy she made him.

All of a sudden the weight of the tank and sweats became too much. And Tara had to sit back to quickly pull the tank over her head. She needed to be closer to him, needed the press of his skin to hers.

When she leaned over him again, Jax brought his hand up to bury his fingers in her hair, turning his head to meet her mouth in a heated kiss. And like always she melted into the kiss, surrendering her mouth to his. Jax loved that, fucking loved the way she gave herself over to him this way. She made a soft, desperate, little whimpering noise that had all the muscles in his stomach clenching.

With his hands still in her hair, Jax shifted them around until she was laying on her back under him. Despite how much he wanted her, how desperate he was to be inside her, he simply stretched out over her. He kept his mouth on hers, but slowed down the kiss, changing the pace. His hands remained in her hair, tilting her head back a bit so he had better access to her mouth. He had to pull back a moment, take in her flushed cheeks and swollen lips. Pulling back a bit more he appreciated the way the flush ran down her neck to her chest.

Tara's back arched off the bed as Jax's hand came up to cup her breast. And when his mouth came down to cover her breast, her hands came up to tangle in his hair. She didn't know how to explain what was happening between them now. Every night, since that night they reconnected, they came together with this hint of desperation. Clinging to each other as if it could be taken away from them at any moment. And maybe that's how things started tonight, but he changed the pace of things. Touching her as if he were savoring her, kissing her as if memorizing her taste.

Tara thought how this was enough, how she'd go to sleep content and happy if he continued to touch her. Even as she thought it, as she considered pulling him to her and simply holding him until they fell asleep, Jax began to kiss his way down her torso. His hands hooking in the waistband of her sweats, making sure to take hold of her panties as well, and pulling them down and off.

Feeling as if he was too far away from her, Tara moved until they were pressed together, kneeling naked in the middle of her bed. Her hands went back into his hair as his gripped her hips to hold her close.

Then she was in his lap, wrapped around him so tightly their hearts beat rapidly against each other. He was buried deep inside of her and they rocked together slowly. Everything he felt for her welled so close to the surface it took all he had to keep it from spilling pass his lips. He didn't know how he was suppose to distance himself from her. How was he suppose to go around town, knowing she was a short ride away, and not go to her?

There was something in his eyes that scared her. Tara couldn't explain the way he looked at her, the way his hands gripped at her as his arms held her tight. He looked at her as if his next breath depended on her. As if she alone could hold him together or break him. She didn't know what to do with that, with him, so she merely held him tighter. Pulling his mouth to hers before one of them said something that couldn't be taken back.

There was no way she could know that in a few hours she'd be the one to whisper the words that would change everything.