CHAPTER 13: Fred

As we sit through lunch, I can tell Anne is deliberately not making eye contact with anyone. Mary is trying to catch her eye, probably to ask for more details about us. Charlie, bless him, doesn't have a clue what's going on. Louisa's sitting there like 'the cat that got the cream', owing either to the fact she's with me, and Anne's alone, or because she knows about us and our hosts don't.

I daren't open my mouth. I can't believe I just did that. Why did I have to be the only one near her when Jack tackled her? I held back as long as I could but I couldn't see her struggle like that. It's nothing to do with our history. I'd have done the same for anyone. Yeah that's it. It was just a natural reaction to the situation. The immediate concern and worry that he had harmed a single hair on her head was all normal too. Right? The massive jolt of pain I felt inside me when I looked into her eyes as she tried to thank me and I walked away, not even acknowledging her was all just a normal reaction. Right? The over whelming necessity of wanting to hold and protect her, that's just a friend thing, right? That moment I touched her, the tips of my fingers buzzed with an electric like current as they grazed her skin while I prized Jacks limbs from around her beautiful back, was all normal, right?

Like fuck it was. I'm in deep deep trouble. And the weekend's only just begun.

I'm hot and uncomfortable all over again. I roll back my sleeves rubbing my sweaty palms on my jeans. I take another bite of my food, suddenly I cant swallow my mouths so dry. I'm chewing away. All I can see, breath, feel is her. I look round at the room. Mary and Louisa are chatting away, openly excluding Anne. Charlie is trying and failing, to control the boys. But to me, there's silence and the room is spinning.

I'm going to pass out.

Shit. I haven't felt like this since I had my wisdom teeth out. I never told anyone that story. Except Anne. She knew everything. She'd had come when I rang her from outside the dentist. Ashamed and embarrassed sitting on the edge of the curb head between my knees, afraid to put one foot in front of the other in case I fell. She had pulled me into the car, and known just what to do to make me feel myself again. Not once making fun. If only I could ask for her help now. Stupid. I know she's the reason I feel this way. Being here at this table with Louisa on one side and her across. Every time I look at Charlie I cant take my eyes off his hands thinking about them on her body and wanting to do him physical harm.

I excuse myself and rush to the downstairs bathroom. Locking the door I brace myself on the cool porcelain sink and look in the mirror. My face is blotchy and sweaty. I splash some water on my face and let the cold tap run over my wrists- a trick Anne had taught me to cool myself down. I took some long deep breaths. Come on Fred. You can do this. You've accepted a Grammy for fucks sakes. In front of millions of people on the TV. You can sit through a lunch opposite your ex fiancée. Shit. Girlfriend! Girlfriend. Ex girlfriend.

I return to the table deciding to not make eye contact with her at all, that can work. Plenty to look at in the dining room, no need to look a the those big brown eyes.

Mary speaks.

"So Fred, you must tell us all about LA, it must have been fantastic."

Finally!

A distraction something that doesn't involve her.

"Well it was eight years ago now, and I was only there for about two years before I came back here."

Mary looks crest fallen. Like she was expecting some juicy scandal, involving me and some slutty heiress, no doubt.

Then her eyes light up as if an idea has just struck her airy head, "oooh maybe we should go Charlie, that would be great fun."

"Yeah right Mary, hello, we have 4 year old twin boys! I don't fancy the hours on the plane! That's before we land and they get into allsorts of trouble! Fred went when he left school and didn't have a care in the world. He had no ties, no responsibilities."

I sense Anne shift in her chair, but I cant look at her, she knows why I had no ties. I realise nothing about my life doesn't involve her. Even when we were apart.

"Yeah Charlie's right Mary, I was only twenty three, fresh out of Uni, and I was desperate to get my teeth into something. When I was twenty three."

I risk a glance at her, she's flushed, her cheeks getting pinker by the second, I know I'm torturing her going on about how old I was. That was the same year when she made the world stop spinning for me. But I continue.

"Yeah I was free, no one to answer to, so I took off. I can honestly say it passed without excitement, save getting my deal of course. Oh I did run in to a bit of trouble once. I was mugged, held up at gun point! I was naïve and stupid, wandered off into a bad neighbourhood, anyway, they rid me of my wallet and left my sorry behind calling the police."

I risk a glance in her direction, the pink has left her cheeks and she's a white as a ghost.

Louisa has her arm on mine, "thank God you got home safe." She actually looks like she cares.

As the drinks flow and the boys are taken away by the nanny for a bath, Mary suggests we play a drinking game of truth or dares. I don't like this idea at all, not only should Louisa not be drinking, there's a little too much familiarity in this group. Louisa with me, me with Anne, Anne with Charlie, Charlie with Mary, Mary being Anne's sister. Surely we don't want to hear all the little secrets this group has? I excuse myself to look at some pictures on the wall of Charlie working with various celebrities. I note Anne has done the same, making her way to the kitchen carrying the dirty plates. Isn't she supposed to be getting some much needed 'R&R' not playing maid to her moaning sister?

I turn my attention back to the group, Mary and Louisa are discussing a local pub that has karaoke on tonight, I smile, I'd love to hear her sing again. I hadn't let myself go to any of her concerts so hadn't seen her sing live since we were together.

"Oh but what about a babysitter?" Louisa is asking.

"Oh Anne, will watch the boys, she loves it!" Lowering her voice "it gives her chance to see how the real people live, you know? She knows I never get the chance to relax, and her job, well, they don't exactly work hard do they?"

Louisa is agreeing with her every word. I'm almost biting through my lip trying so hard to stop myself from fighting her corner for her with no one else to do it. But I can see Charlie shaking his head silently. Yeah, he knows exactly how hard people like Anne work.

"And besides, what fun would a karaoke evening be with a professional singer?"

I look up in time to see a plainly distraught Anne wiping a tear away with a towel. Charlie has seen her too and in a second is at her side, the girls haven't even noticed. He's whispering in her ear, and she's smiling obviously sharing an private joke. She bumps her hip against his, laughing. I don't like it. At all. Then he announces,

"so, Chris has this great idea as a wedding present for Sophia. Anne, he wants you to sing their song while they dance, and I will choreograph the whole thing. He's got this scene planned, that involves you floating around the sky. On a harness of course.."

A harness? Is he shitting me?

Anne looks to me, her eyes pleading and I'm momentarily floored at her singling me out, but Louisa gasps, "that's sounds an amazing idea, aw Sophia will love it!"

I realise I need to say something, "This sounds a great idea, why shouldn't it be a musical event?" I grin. Anne gapes at me horrified. And Hurt.

Wait… What?…What did I just agree to?

Oh yeah putting Anne, who has crippling stage fright, God knows how high above a stage in a harness! Hanging about in a harness. A fucking harness for fucks sake! Fucking Chris Croft and he's stupid fucking ideas. Now I realise I'm saying fuck far too many times.

Lets put this into perspective. This is not a disaster.

The disaster will be, when she freaks out, comes crashing down and breaks her neck!