Chapter 12 : Who Am I?

Jake tossed and turned in his sleep, a thin layer of sweat coated his skin. His face was stricken with fear, small weak cries of fear and pain passing from his lips as he struggled. As if fighting for life itself.

Perhaps, he was.

=+X+=

Jake felt each blow, each kick, and ever foul word that was uttered at him. Those who he had trusted, those whom he loved; had betrayed him. He was alone. Nobody was going to save him. Nobody was going to help him. He screamed as he felt the hands, claws, and dirty tools ripping into his wings; soon there was a sickening tear and Jake collapsed wanting to scream but the pain, so great he could not utter a sound. They dangled his wings in front of him. "Can't fly now fairy!"

"Beat his ass, fags are into that shit!" Jake regains his voice; only to scream and cry out again. His ass and tail base being lashed with barbed wire and chains. The blows soon moved to his entire back. It was like he was being hit with a cheese grader. The beating stopped, as several figures appeared in font of him. His family, Spud and Trixie. They all laughed at him, calling him a 'fag', 'queer', 'unnatural' a 'freak'. Then they left him there as more shadows came in and renewed his humiliation and suffering. Fred appeared and began to horribly abuse him.

Suddenly there was a flash, and the darkness was scattered. Leaving Jake, alone, broken, and surrounded by a field of grass and trees. Infront of him was a crisp clean blue river with several smooth boulders and water stones all around the shore. He looked at it weakly through his one good eye. He whimpered, he was thrusty, he wanted a drink. He wanted to try and wash the pain away. So he began to crawl, slowly, painfully, tortuously he crawled. Suddenly he heard them, the shadows returning. He turned to see their darkness slowly approaching the river and grassy forest around him. "H-help me...p-please...someone...anyone..." Jake cried out weakly, trying to crawl away from the pain he knew was coming if he was caught.

Suddenly two shadows appeared across from him. One had eyes that burned like icy sapphires, the other had soft orbs of honey golden brown. The two new figures rushed at the approaching darkness. Chasing it away. They then turned to him; the eyes looking to him in worry, and compassion. They approached him, and for a moment he feared they would turn on him as all the others had. Instead they cradled him; together in strong arms they lifted his broken body into the cool waters. It should have burned! He knew he was wrong, sick. So why did he not burn in pain as they gently, carefully, lovingly tended to him?

Blue eyes gently places his wings upon his back, and stitched them back on; covering the stitching with soft red silk scarfs. Honey eyes tends to his wounds, bruises, and gently cleans where the shadows had defiled him with their hate. The touches were tender, they were filled with compassion and kindness. Suddenly a image appeared above them. It was mothra! Jake looked to her in question; she smiled at him. He knew she had heard his call, that these two were here for him. They would always be here for him, no matter what.

Soon he was cleaned, his wounds wrapped in healing balms and covered with soft soothing herbal leaves and tied with red silk. Together Blue Eyes and Honey Eyes lift him out of the stream and carry him to the shallows, to rest on the smooth, cool black pebbles stones. Gently the two shadows creased him, massaging his abused form; healing it, making him whole. The touches were smooth, gentle, and electrifying. Jake softly moaned at their touches; claws, he felt claws that he knew somewhere in his mind could rend his flesh. Instead they were traced almost teasingly along his healed back, along his shoulder. Tickling gently at his sides, and under his arms. He giggled at this, rolling onto his back, coming to rest his head against the abdomen of Blue Eyes. The shadows were still as if made of sold night, yet he could feel them, their scales, he could hear the hearts.

Blue Eyes had scales that were tough, rough, and bore the tale of a hard life, with muscles that surpassed any he had felt before. Honey Eyes had scales as soft as skin, the muscle underneath matched his own. Gently the massage and gentle rubbing continued. Jake moaned again as he felt the soft claws move to his chest and thighs. Then he felt the first tender licks and loving nuzzles. He smelt the faint smell of peppermint and a faint trace of cinnamon. The scents of his protectors; of the ones who loved him, who would protect him. Suddenly he blushed and then moaned as his arousal was taken into the warm embrace of a lover's gentle hand. He looked between them before he moaned again softly as they began to show him the pleasures of honest passion. Jake cried out, this time not in pain, but in bliss.

=+X+=

Jake's eyes snapped open and he nearly hurled himself out of bed as he sat up. His eyes wide in shock, and panic. Slowly he began to realize he was in his room, his bed, his safe haven. He began to catch his breath; he was panting hard, sweat coated much of his body. Slowly Jake comes to realize something else was wet. He looked down to himself and felt sick. Carefully he crawled out of bed and grabbing a pair of fresh boxers hurried to take a shower. Looking to his clock it was only 5:30am he had another hour before anyone else would be up. Inside the bathroom he quickly tossed the sticky boxers into the hamper and putting the clean ones on the shelf quickly jumped into the shower and turned on the water. At first he thought about taking a cold shower, but it was cold enough outside and in the house in general. 'Setting the water to a decent warmth, he slowly allowed himself to slump into the tub.

Then quietly began to sob. 'What the hell is wrong with me!?' Jake wondered, 'I'm not gay!' he wanted to scream it, to shout it as loud as a dragon could. To prove he wasn't, that he didn't have those sorta feelings for guys. He had loved Rose for god's sake! 'Rose...oh god Rose...' The sobs came more heavily then, as the American dragon felt his mind go to the one place he had tried to forget so hard. The place that had given birth to 'Blaze' his feral evil side. Since Blaze and him were fully rejoined into one, the memories had been opened but up till this moment he had not touched them. Now his mind raced into the open wound.

'No..no..I'm not..I'm not a monster!' his mind dove into the past, and once more he was forced by his feelings of guilt to face that terrible night. A night that should have been filled with smiles. Should have been, a time of friends and family. Instead it became his biggest failure; as a human and dragon. His greatest sin as a living being.

He recalled the events leading to that night; it was the second year of them being together. It was the first year, after they learned in truth magic while powerful has its limits. It could not always change the course of the human heart. That year Rose had found the Huntsclan had reappeared after they had seemingly destroyed it; after she wished it into oblivion. Now it was back, and getting stronger than before. To save him, Rose had once more thrown her self into their ranks with her dragon birthmark.

He had begged her, pleaded with her not to. For his sake she had chosen to ignore his words. Inside the clan of hunters, her talent and skills caused her to as before, rise in the ranks quickly. Sadly, for them both; Rose was sent to hunt a different Dragon instead of Jake. The clan felt while hunting any magical creature was warranted. The first true kill needed to be just right for the young hunter to get bloodied and surely tested. The victim of her trial was a young dragon, who had simply been playing in her families yard when the hunters came, kidnapped her and without anywhere to hid or any way to mislead them. Forcing Rose to make her first kill in front of them.

Jake felt his stomach heave, he had nothing to give. He had found the little one first. His first real first-hand experience of what death could look like for a dragon. The little one had been so small, she was younger then Haley! Still being from a pure dragon family the little one had her powers from the start. Looking the role was all the clan cared about for the apprentices first kill. When Rose had told him; told him what she had done. God he couldn't even look at her! He had to run, to think, of something, anything to find some way to save their friendship let alone their relationship..

His fleeing had been taken more badly then he had expected. The next time he went looking for Rose; she was ready. He didn't even have time to call her name before she had him on the roof of the building, bound, and shackled. She was supposed to kill him in-front of the clan; he was to be her first BIG kill. In that moment; when all that mattered to him was made pointless next to just living! He had found himself lacking in the will, the will to hurt himself or anyone to get out of this. He begged to what ever higher power listened to prayers for some sorta miracle. At the time he thought his pray had been heard, he lost consciousness just as Rose moved to kill him. He awoke on a soft sandy beach near a freshwater stream a fair distance from the city. He was also covered in blood; he could smell it, he could taste it and felt his stomuch heave at the memory of throwing up chunks of human body parts. He had eaten someone...or several someones.

He later learned through careful back tracking and his own meditation; he learned what had happened. It was perhaps a answer to his prayer, or perhaps not. In any case, his instincts for self survival kicked in, without any of the baggage he placed on himself with morals, ethics, and honor. He had broken free and had as far as he could tell killed just about everyone in the warehouse at the docks where they had been holding him, and several unlucky dockworkers who had just been to close to the area. In all he figured he had killed about twenty to fifty people; what he didn't eat he put in the warehouse and set it on fire. Making sure to use his flame on the remains first before using it more liberally on the building.

The incident was known as "Historical Warehouse District Struck by Mysterious Fire! Homeless blamed for it!" in the city. No one in the magical community or in the human city knew the truth. For a long time Jake hid it from everyone; falling into a state of near suicidal depression. Partly because he felt he had killed Rose himself. In truth he had not. He almost did but she was lucky and managed to escape into the water before he could finish her in his blood crazed state. Only Fu-Dog, and Grandpa Lao Shi knew and it had taken almost four months to tell them after the event.

Slowly Jake felt his mind turn to the more recent times; and his most recent dream. 'I had loved Rose...hadn't I?' He thought he did, he felt like he did. Something inside told him other wise and he quickly smashed that small voice. Only for it to keep coming back. Slowly his own evidence he felt showed that he was straight, a normal dragon, was obliterated by proof to the country.

He blinked when he felt the water, it was getting colder. 'Guess, I'd better get out.' He gently turns on alittle more warm water, then slowly he finishes taking his shower, cleaning himself off and removing any hint of what had happened to himself.

Jake was dressed and out the front door before it was even 6:30am and was slowly walking through the fresh snow. Where he would normally have talked to his mother, his friends, hell even his sister maybe about this; deep down he was just to terrified, afraid they would reject him, that they would lash out at him. He was afraid they would hurt him. He could not even approach his grandfather about it. He knew his traditional values wouldn't allow for a grandson who was confused like him. So instead he walks slowly towards school along a different path.

'I'm not gay, I'm not into guys. I like girls, their bodies are hot as hell...' Jake thought to himself. Trying, forcing himself to not think about the guys that had made him begin to question who he really was. What he really wanted. He became so entrenched in his mental struggle; he didn't notice where he was going. Until he heard a voice call out to him. "Hey kid, shouldn't you be heading to school?" Jake nearly jumped out of his skin when he found himself facing a old man, dressed in odd cloths that reminded Jake of the stereotype Eskimos. "Uh...yeah, I was just-" the man smiled kindly at him "You were lost in thought? Yes I understand young one. Your long face dose little to hid your doubt and worry." The old man turned looking to a tree with a bench beneath it, all covered in snow. "Come young one, let us sit and talk. You look to need someone to talk to." Jake watched as the man walked and sat down on the bench. Nervously Jake sat down next to him. "So young one what troubles you so deeply?"

Jake took a deep breath, wondering if he should run, if he should say nothing, or lie, or if he should just say everything he had wanted to say. He looked to the man's eyes, they were gentle, kind, much like his grandfather's when they had their bonding moments. It also reminded him...of Mothra and Joshua. The eyes held such wisdom and experience in them without seeming cold, distant, or detached. He decided to say what he had wanted to say.

"I..I think I might be gay..." The old man nodded then turned to him, a look of genuine curiosity on his winkled face. "Hmm, why is that a problem?" Jake turned to him in shock at the question, but then blinked when he saw the old man just smiling at him. He wasn't going to judge Jake on anything; he was seemed to really just want to listen to Jake. To help him.

Jake sighed as he looked down at his shoes. "I...well I'm afraid my family, my friends, that everyone I know will hate me. Even hurt me just because...i think I like other guys, I don't even know if I really look at them like that or not."

"Hmmm? Why would they do that young one?" Jake looked to the old man in question but sighed. "Because being gay is not normal its...its wrong." He said feeling alittle sure of himself. The old man chuckled softly. "Okay, but who says what is and is not normal?" The teenager looked at him in confusion for a moment then looked up to the skies to think on the question for a moment. Jake had never thought about that. Who really did say what was normal and not normal? Why did they say being gay wasn't normal? "Besides young one who is to say your not just bisexual?" The old man chuckled softly.

Jake sighed as he thought about that; because he hadn't. It never came to though that he might like both girls AND boys. Then again, the more he thought about it, the more that seemed not to be the case. Jake's face grew serious the more the thought about the man's words. "I...I don't think...I know I'm not bi." Jake said slowly, the old man nodding. "So you do know then?" Jake looked deep inside himself; the more he looked, the more he became certain he knew who he was. What he was. He thought how much Spud meant to him, how much his cool laid back attitude made him smile and feel better even on a Monday. He remembered how much he really enjoyed hanging out with Fred on Draco Island. Their times together during training, and the few times they skipped on classes and enjoy each others company at the beach. He thought about Ron; and he felt his heart beat just a little faster. He smiled as he remembered the times he spent with Ron at the arcade, them hanging out riding through the park and streets, and recently their training together on the roof of his grandpa's store.

The smile Jake had was real, it soon faded when he came to really believe that knowing now that he might not just think but that he was in fact gay sent his fears of rejection, of being hurt or hated by his family and friends near sent him into a panic attack. The old man looked to him in worry and gently patted his back. "Calm yourself young one." Jake nodded as he tried to calm himself, he turned to the old man a look of worry on his face. "My friends, family...I'm sure none of them will want me around now..." The old man cocked a brow at the statement. "Why do you say that? Have they ever hurt you before? Have they ever shown you any sign they will hate you?" Jake shook his head no. "Tell me about your family." He asked and Jake sighed.

"Well my mom she is kinda over protective I guess, she babies me alot when I'm sick, has a cow when I'm out to late most of the time." Jake thought about his mother for a moment. "Has she ever hit you? Yelled at you? Or shown you any kind of displeasure at you being her son?" Jake thought about it. "Well, no. She has never hit me. She has yelled at me, but I think it was because I had done something wrong or...because she was worried about me. I-I don't think she has ever said anything about me being a bad son. A trouble maker sometimes but...she always says I'm her son." The man nodded and smiled. "What about your father?"

"He is a financial planner, and..." The man smiles "Has he ever ever hurt you? Yelled at you? Ever shown any displeasure at being your father?" Jake quickly shook his head. "No...I mean he can be strange sometimes. Not the coolest dad, but...he has done alot. He even risked his life for me a few times." The man chuckled softly.

"You mentioned a sister?" Jake nodded and cringed a look of disgust crossing his fast. "She is...a evil alien or some sorta demon in disguise...I swear she is going to take over the world and brainwash people." The man laughed at this and smiled warmly at Jake. "That sounds like a sister. They can be sweat...perhaps to much for us boys. Trust me young one. I know, I have a brother and sister as well." Jake smiled weakly nodding. "Dose your sister show off how she is the perfect little daughter? Strive for perfection in everything; rubbing everything in your face when she shows you up?" The man smiled stroking his beard. "She...she used to, she sadly passed away recently. Still despite all those periods of...headaches they give us, sisters are still family." Jake smiled weakly, recalling several times he nearly beat someone to death for harming or threatening Haley.

"What about your friends? Have they ever hurt you? Show any sorta of displeasure at you being with them?" Jake had t think about that one. His encounter with Fred last night, it had really struck a nerve. It didn't help that he had dunked his head back into the busniess and matter with Rose recently. He sighed looking away at the ground. "Well...not really, I mean I've had fights with them sometimes. Arugments, but...we normally always get back together." The man nodded. "However, recently...one of them lashed out at me, he wouldn't even tell me why he...why he did what he did." The old man nodded with a small smile still on his lips. "Sounds like normal friendships to me. Friends are there for when we need them, but they are not the same as...true friends. True friends, no matter what always look out for each other even during and after an argument; they always stay together." Jake smiled at this, it reminded him of his friends. They had had some big arguments before but, they always made up. Always.

The man sat back and looked to the cloudy grey skies for a moment before he sighed deeply then turned and placed a gentle strong hand to Jake's shoulder. "Listen to me young one. Listen well, your fears are valid, your confusion is valid. Your doubt is not. From what you have told me, your family, your friends, all of them no matter what I am sure love you deeply for who you are. For being a friend, a son, a brother, for being family. That is a kind of love and bond that is not easily thrown away just for the sake of rather or not you may or may not like a few boys here and there." The man slowly stood up and turned to Jake. "My young friend. Talk to your family, let go of your fear and doubt. Grasp firmly at the love and friendship you know you have with them and us it. Make it stronger, place alittle bit of trust in them." The old man looked to his wrist and smiled. "It is almost time for the schools to open their doors for classes I think. Best hurry along." Jake looked to him curiously before he nodded. Wiping away his tears Jake looked to give his thanks when he found the old man was gone. "Where...where did he go?" Jake had not sensed any magic.

Suddenly Jake realized his pendent had been glowing softly in his jacket, pulling it out he felt it radiate warmth. 'Could he have been...a guardian?' Jake wondered before he heard the first bell of the nearby schools single he was going to be late. "Awww man!" Jake turned and bolted for school. Today was going to be tough.

xxXxx

Watching quietly from an office building roof; the old man stood looking on as Jake ran from the park and in an ally way turned into a red dragon and flew as fast as he could to make it to school before the last bell. "Soly so this is where you were." The old man turned to the owner of the voice and smiled warmly. "Sorry to disappear on you Val. I had merely wished to see the park." A younger man sighed straightening his glasses as he walked over to the older gentleman. "I saw, you also talked to one of the King's Hands...the Left if I wasn't mistaken." Soly chuckled and nodded. "Good eyes my young friend, yes. He...I think needed to talk to me." Soly said looking back out onto the city. "About?" The old man smiled. "About rather or not what he is looking for in a partner is going to be found in a female or a male." The young man blinks then chuckles softly to himself. "I see, do you think it has anything to do with the Right Hand?" Soly smiles shrugging his shoulders. "He wouldn't say but if I was to venture a guess, possibly. How goes the search for our young pup?" Val sighed as he pulled up a large PDA pad. "According to the records of power fluxs and blackouts He is going in a slow pattern around the city. He is tending to stick though mostly to areas accessible by the water ways or that are apart of the subway system." Soly nodded and frowned. "Why would the young one be tearing apart electrical systems?"

Val shrugged before he smiled absently. "Maybe he or she is feeding?" the old man shook his head. "I don't see why, let alone what that would do to a young one at this stage in life." Val nodded. "Should we distribute the information to the humans?" Soly looked back to Val and nodded. "Make sure that it is also handed out to the magical community. If this young guardian is of His bloodline, we must ensure his safety before he runs into one of the destroyers. No telling what would happen if one of Gyaos or Dagarha bloodline attacked them." Val nodded and bowed. "By your will then my lord." The young man turned and left leaving Soly alone in the room. "The youth of today...how is it that the youth are made to suffer so much more so then their elders?" He wondered aloud as he lightly stroked his beard, one of his antenna flicking as he tried again to scenes where if anywhere in the city a fellow guardian may be.