Haywire Part II
Heart of darkness
Trigger warning! This chapter is dark really dark, disturbing and contains NON and dubious consent. DO NOT READ if you are sensitive to these issues.
Once again big thanks to my beta Svart Jasmin that suffered to this chapter like I did. Let me start by saying that I hate this chapter I loathe it with a passion of a million burning stars. It was very emotional for me to write this. At one time I just wanted to forget about the whole thing and throw this entire damn story away. I had to remind myself that sometimes you need to sink real low in order to finally heal. To quote Charles Frazier. No matter what a waste one has made of one's life, it is ever possible to find some path to redemption, however partial.
I might do a Q&A for this chapter if people are interested to hear my motives on writing this the way it is.
Anastasia
I feel my heart pounding in my ears and I stand frozen, paralyzed against the bedroom wall. My mouth feels dry like cotton, my airway is constricted, and I desperately try to suck in some precious air. Please don't faint, please don't faint. I keep telling myself. He slams his hands down against the wall trapping me between them. His eyes are burning with such intensity that it feels like I am being set on fire. A shiver runs through me and I look away from him, desperately trying to avoid his scorching gaze. There is a sinister darkness emanating from within him setting me on edge.
I feel his fingers gently stroke my cheeks before grabbing my chin tilting my head up so I am forced to look at him like I am some errant small child about to be scolded. His actions are so patronizing that my fear is replaced with blood boiling anger. How dare he touch me like this and come into my room with no regard for my privacy? This is nothing short of sexual harassment and I won't stand for it.
"Let go of me. You are hurting me." I hiss furiously.
"Duly noted." He calmly states.
Rage, all I feel is rage. Something snaps inside of me and all I want is to hurt him like he hurt Ray and is hurting me now. His eyes widen a fraction when I bring my knee up to his groin. He tries to block me but is only partially successful. My knee manages to hit a part of his groin area and he howls in undiluted pain and fury, the sound is ear-piercing and feral. He has let go of me and for a moment I stand still, frozen on my spot watching him grabbing his balls. Run you, idiot, you need to run! A voice rings clear in my head snapping me out of my daze. A surge of adrenaline spikes through me and I run past him straight to the door. I pull on the handle but it won't budge. Panic seizes me and I pull again desperately trying to open it.
"You stupid little bitch. I was going to try and do this civilly by talking to you about our situation but you had to fuck that up didn't you?" He snarls. I feel his arms grabbing me from behind he lifts me up and carries me towards the bed. He throws me on it and is on me before I can do anything else. I try to kick him but he is too quick and blocks me. He pins my legs to the mattress with his heavy body.
His right-hand grabs both of my wrists painfully and drags them above my head. I feel something leathery snap around them, binding my hands together. I try to wring them free but the bindings won't budge.
"You brought this on yourself. You just had to see how far you could push me didn't you? " He barks.
"You sick psycho. Let go of me or I will scream this whole hotel down." My voice is high-pitched unrecognizable even to my own ears.
He laughs a cold, hard bark of a laugh. When he looks at me, my heart nearly stops. His eyes are cold and menacing and his handsome face is contorted in pure fury. He doesn't even look human anymore, but more like a diabolical creature from my worst nightmares.
"Go ahead baby. Scream all you want it is a huge turn on and nobody is going to save you from me. They all know you are mine." He emphasizes the last part chilling me to the bone.
He grabs something from under the bed, a long metal rod with three eyebolts and leather straps attached to it. He grabs my pajama pants and pulls them down in one swift move. His sharp intake of breath fills the room when he shamelessly stares at my now exposed nether region.
"So beautiful." He murmurs before strapping both my ankles inside the leather bindings. Realization hits like a ton of bricks. The sick son of a bitch knows I took the money from him; he has planned this all along! My intuition was right. I should have never come here.
He gets up from the bed to admire his handy work. My legs are forced apart by the bar and I can't close them. I feel exposed, freighted, helpless, and angry. This man is truly depraved.
He casually unbuttons his shirt and pulls down his jeans and boxers, exposing himself to me. I turn my head to avoid looking at his naked form. I hear him chuckle before crawling over me on the bed again. He presses his bare chest against me, his skin feels sweaty and hot on mine. He runs his nose from my ear down my neck, placing soft kisses everywhere. "So sweet, so beautiful." He murmurs. His musky citrusy scent assaults my senses and scalding hot angry tears escape from my eyes. I desperately wipe my cheeks on the pillow. I won't give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.
His hands creep under my pajama shirt, fondling and touching me everywhere. They feel scorching on my exposed skin. The soft sound of ripping textile echoes through the room exposing my stomach and chest to him too. I feel his hot breath on my nipple before his mouth latches, on nibbling and sucking on it. An odd tingling sensation radiates through me. I feel dazed and confused and I want him to stop. I don't want this, here, with him. I always wanted my first time to be with someone special, not with some deranged psychopath.
"Please stop. You can't do this, please. I don't want this." I hate to resort to begging, but I don't know what else to do this make this stop.
"Oh, baby you do want this." His warm hand travels down touching and stroking me between my thighs. The sensation is new, titillating and bewildering. Why am I feeling this? What is he doing to me? He looks up at me and his eyes shine in triumph. "Look how wet you are!" He exclaims proudly.
"But you really don't deserve it yet. First, you need to be punished for your transgressions." He suddenly declares, grabs the bar between my legs and flips me over in one swift move so I am laying on my stomach. Dread fills me, and impotent tears stream down my face. He climbs on the bed again and I hear him open a drawer near the bedside. The cracking sound of leather fills the still air around us.
"I think you deserve 8 hits with the flogger for that little stunt you just pulled." He says casually. "And since this is all new to you. I will forgo the counting for just this time." His voice is cruel and unforgiving.
"NO! Please stop. I will do anything you want. I will go out with you if you want. Anything, just don't hurt me. Please." Full-blown panic grips me, and images of mom and husband number three flash before my eyes. I don't want to be like her. I feel sick and cannot breathe.
He laughs a cold, cruel, malevolent laugh.
"Go out with me? Oh, baby, we are way past that station. And yes, you will do anything I want. And right now I want to punish you." He snarls mercilessly.
I hear a swooshing noise near my right ear.
A second later, I feel a hard, sharp stingy pain when the leather straps of the flogger snap against the skin of my behind. The pain is brutal and an involuntary cry escapes my lips.
"One." His voice sounds harsh and authoritative. Another merciless hit rains down on my behind and I cry out again. "Two." He snarls before hitting me again harder this time and I scream, really scream. "That is right baby throw it all out." I hear him mutter behind me. I clench my teeth "Fuck you, you psycho!" I hiss at him and he chuckles. "Oh, yes baby, fuck me you will." He replies casually before raining down the flogger again, on my throbbing behind. "Four." He snarls out. The pain is getting worse and worse and I find myself drift off into that secret safe, serene space in my mind, where nothing can harm our touch me. I haven't been there since I was sixteen.
The blows seem to stop and I feel myself drift out of that space again. "NO!" I cry out. He starts hitting me again, pausing longer between each hit. The pain becomes raw and more intense. His ragged breathing and the crackling sound of the flogger hitting my abused skin fill the stale air around us. Suddenly I feel something hot and wet dripping on my ass it burns on my skin. "Eight." He finally grunts out. The pungent smell of chlorine mixed with masculine sweat and ammonia assaults my nostrils. His hand lightly caress my ass rubbing in something wet and sticky. His touch is excruciating on my sensitive skin like someone has set my ass on fire.[HM1] The pain is overpowering and I begin to sob really sob. "Claimed, mine." I hear him softly murmur.
He grabs the bar between my legs again flipping me on my back again. The soft 1000 thread cotton sheets feel like sandpaper on my abused ass. He is standing before me, stark naked. His shoulders and chest are broad and muscular, and his abdomen is chilled into a perfect six pack.
How can someone so beautiful be so dark and ugly? I gasp when my eyes involuntarily lock on his penis. It is huge, thick, long, and hard with milk like moisture coating the head.[HM2] He smirks at me, grabs it and obscenely strokes it moving his hand slowly up and down his shaft while staring down at me. And I realize that he just ejaculated on my ass. I feel nauseous and faint. I try to swallow down the lump that has formed in my throat, while I desperately try to free my hands. Please, anything but that. I need to get out of here. I need to escape. I close my eyes and pray to God to make him stop and let me go.
I feel the bed dip again and his body heat is radiating beside me. I flinch when his fingers slowly caress the skin on my legs and belly.
"Don't you fucking touch me! You sick bastard." I scream out giving in to the overwhelming anger.
He looks upset for a moment but his impassive mask slips back in.
"You have a potty mouth on you, Miss Steele. I was hoping we could keep it at one punishment tonight so I suggest you calm down and don't push me to give you another one." His voice sounds casual but there is a dark undercurrent in it.
"I will tell everyone what you just did to me. I will go to the police and they will arrest you. You won't get away with this." I seethe at him.
He laughs a cold cruel laugh.
"Do you really think anybody is going to believe you? The word of some thieving little intern over the word of the great and powerful Christian Grey, a paragon of humanity. Are you really that naïve? You know what my PR and legal teams are capable of. They will destroy you so fast your head will spin. You will be just another desperate little gold-digger searching for her 15 minutes of fame. Hell, the police won't even bother to file a report."
As much as I wanted to deny his claims, I knew what he said was the truth. I had seen with my own eyes how fast and ruthless he dismantled companies and people. He is extremely powerful, has friends in very high places, and seemingly limitless influence around the world. He was right, he would destroy me in the blink of an eye and I wouldn't stand a chance against him. It fuelled my anger even more.
"Is this how you get your kicks? By beating, raping, and abusing women when they tell you to shove it? You are one sick and pathetic motherfucker and don't even think for one second that I will give into your sick games."
He looks pained for a moment closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he open them again he smirks coolly at me.
"Au contraire mon, Cheri. I know that you will give into what you call… my sick games. You owe me 435.000 dollars and you will be paying them back in a manner I choose. If you refuse, I will personally make sure you will be spending at least 10 years in prison for embezzlement and fraud."
I stare at him in defiance.
"You owed my father that money you filthy leech. I merely took back what you owed him. I rather spend 10 years in prison then one minute with you."
"Enough with that nonsense! I am tired of you insulting my business ethics! I did not make your father sick. I don't know why you keep throwing that little fantasy of yours in my face. If you are so desperate to throw your life away behind bars and let your father die, be my guest. I shall inform Taylor and have you extradited back to Washington. And once you are stuck in jail I will make it my life's mission to fuck you and fuck you over every single day." He sneers, his head is bright red and his eyes glow in anger. He looks dark and sinister, exactly like the demon he is.
My anger-fuelled confidence begins to wane and I slowly realize that he means every word he said. If I would go to prison, I wouldn't be able to take care of Ray and he wouldn't get the treatments he needs. The thought of Ray dying because of me is unbearable. Dread settles in and I am beginning to understand that I will never be able to win this from him. He is simply too powerful. I just want this to be over with. My ass hurts and is sticking to the sheets, my arms feel heavy and painful from the constraints, and my legs and feet hurt from being pressed wide by the bar.
"Why are you doing this to me? Is it because I bruised your colossal ego? And you need to take out your petty revenge? What do you want from me?" My voice sounds strained and tired, just like how I feel.
His eyes turn to slits and he stares at me like I some clueless idiot.
"You know why I am doing this. We belong together whether you like it or not. I want your complete and total submission Anastasia that is the only way I can make you understand that we are meant to be together."
He rummages through one of the bedside drawers and takes out a piece of paper and a pair of handcuffs. He releases my hands from the leather bindings and snaps the handcuffs on both my wrists before handing me the paper.
"Read this." He orders arrogantly.
The contractual relationship between Anastasia Rose Steele, born September 10, 1995, Montesano WA., and Christian Trevelyan Grey, born June 18, 1985, Detroit MI.
Nature of the relationship
Miss Steele will submit to a total power exchange (TPE) with Mr. Grey. Meaning in essence that Mr. Grey will assume control over every aspect of Miss Steele's life. Mr. Grey's decisions are absolute and Miss Steele will willingly and without hesitation obey him in all things. Mr. Grey in return will provide in all of Miss Steele's needs, safeguarding her health, and safety at all times. The relationship will be strictly monogamous.
Obedience
Miss Steele will obey Mr. Grey in all things, immediately without hesitation or reservation, and in an expeditious manner. Miss Steele will agree to any sexual activity deemed fit and pleasurable by Mr. Grey.
Availability
Miss Steele will be available to attend to Mr. Grey´s needs 24/7. Miss Steele will move into Mr. Grey's living accommodations for the duration of this contract. Mr. Grey will provide a room for Miss Steele where she will be able to withdraw herself when Mr. Grey is not in need of her services.
Sleep
Miss Steele will ensure she achieves a minimum of seven hours of sleep every night unless otherwise instructed by Mr. Grey. Mr. Grey will decide when and where Miss Steele is allowed to sleep.
Food
Mr. Grey will provide a prescribed list of foods from which Miss Steele will eat three times a day. Miss Steele will not snack between meals with the exception of fruit. Mr. Grey will always decide what and when Miss Steele will eat.
Clothes and Jewellery
Miss Steele will wear clothing only approved by Mr. Grey. Mr. Grey will provide a clothing budget for Miss Steele, which Miss Steele shall utilize. Mr. Grey shall always accompany Miss Steele to purchase clothing and jewelry when needed.
Exercise
Mr. Grey shall provide Miss Steele with a personal trainer four times a week in hour-long sessions at times to be mutually agreed upon between the personal trainer and Miss Steele. The personal trainer will report to Mr. Grey on Miss Steele's progress.
Personal Hygiene/Beauty
Miss Steele will keep herself clean and shaved and/or waxed at all times. Miss Steele will visit a beauty salon of Mr. Grey's choosing at times to be decided by Mr. Grey, and undergo whatever treatments Mr. Grey sees fit.
Personal Safety:
Miss Steele will not drink alcohol unless Mr. Grey decides otherwise. Miss Steele will not smoke, or use recreational drugs of any kind. Miss Steele will not put herself in unnecessary danger and will always follow the instructions of Mr. Grey or his security team should the need arise.
Behaviour
Miss Steele will conduct herself in a modest manner at all times. She will not embarrass Mr. Grey in any way, shape, or form, and will address him as Master unless instructed otherwise. Miss Steele will not be allowed to have any contact with any other men without Mr. Grey´s explicit permission with the exception of family. Miss Steele will not go out or make appointments with others without Mr. Grey's explicit permission.
She must recognize that her behavior is a direct reflection on Mr. Grey. She shall be held accountable for any misdeeds, wrongdoings, and misbehavior committed when not in the presence of Mr. Grey.
Miss Steele and Mr. Grey will both not enter any other sexual relationships with others for the duration of this contract.
Consequences when failing to comply with Mr. Grey´s instructions
Failure to comply with any of the above will result in immediate punishment, the nature of which shall be determined by Mr. Grey.
Is he insane? Does he really think I will agree to be his personal sex slave? This is worse than prison. I need to make him understand that I won't ever agree to this. I need something, anything to make him back off. Maybe the bank will be able to deposit the money back?
"No. I cannot agree to this. Please, Mr. Grey, let me call the bank, they may be able to deposit your money back. Please, I am sorry, ok? I am sorry I stole from you, but please don't do this to me." My voice sounds hoarse and desperate I barely recognize it.
"I don't give a rat's ass about the money Anastasia, I never have. It is you that I want, and I will have you any way I can get you. I didn't do anything to you. You brought this onto yourself, and now you have to bear the consequences of your actions. You either agree to this arrangement or I will have you arrested and thrown in jail, and you won't be safe from me there trust me. If I cannot have you nobody can, and make no mistake, I never make idle threats; don't test me."
His words send a chill down my spine. He truly is a psychopath, and there is no doubt in my mind that he will make good on his threats. There is a deep disturbing violent darkness within him, and he is probably powerful enough to do whatever to me even if I am in jail. I need to buy time so I can escape from him. Maybe if I fly back to the US and have the bank deposit the money back, I can act like it was an honest mistake, he can't touch me then, right? I swallow and look up at him his eyes are burning into mine it is unnerving.
"Can I think about this, please? Just for a day, it is a very big decision." I mutter.
"No. I want an answer now. I don't understand what there is to think about. Me or jail, either way, I will get what I want. Tell me Anastasia, who is going to take care of your father and mother when you are rotting away in prison? If you agree to this contract, I will personally make sure your father will get the best treatments in the world, and your mother's legal matters will be a thing of the past in a heartbeat. I promise I will take care of you, and your needs will always come first. Just give yourself to me and I will take care of you. We both know you cannot take care of yourself." He says that last part sternly like talking to an errant child.
What am I am going to do? I don't believe a word he says about my parents it is just a way of baiting me and I am not going to take it. I want to break down and cry again but I know that won't help me. "Be a fighter not a victim Ana." My mom's words ring clear in my head. Think Ana think! Ok... His sick psycho contract it is not legally binding, if I sign it now he will be happy and he will think he won. That pervert already got his rocks off when he flogged me, so he will probably leave me alone until tomorrow. As soon he is out of here, I will make my escape and hide from him until I can get his money back.
"Alright, I will sign the contract," I whisper softly. He beams at me and gives me a full-toothed all American boy smile.
"I knew you would come around and see it my way. I promise you baby it will be amazing between us, just trust me." He hands me a fountain pen and another piece of paper.
"What is this?" I ask while staring at it.
"It is a non-disclosure agreement. You already signed one at GEH, but this will cover our personal relationship. Sign it with the contract." He commands brusquely.
I want to scream at him and tell him to shove both papers, but I refrain. Of course, he wouldn't want the world to know what kind of sicko he really is. I think sourly. I put my signature on both documents and hand them back to him.
He gives me a slow predatory smile chilling my blood.
"Good girl." He praises. "Now that the paperwork is out of the way we can start our new relationship. I have been dying to be inside of you ever since I first laid eyes on you." He murmurs softly and slowly strokes the inside of my thigh. Undiluted fear grips me again this is not how it was supposed to go down.
"Please Mr. Grey I am tired from the flight and I want to sleep can we do it tomorrow?"
He pulls his hand away and slaps my thigh hard I yelp from the painful sting.
"You will address me as Master, and you have no say in what we do when. I want to fuck you now and fuck you now I will. You signed the contract, remember?" He sneers and panic seizes me.
"You want this Anastasia; just as much as I do, you just do not realize it yet. But don't worry I will make you understand everything." He opens the handcuffs and releases my wrists from them. He gently strokes my wrists with his thumbs before snapping them back in the leather cuffs again placing them high above my head. My arms feel strained and painful. He moves on top of me and I feel his firm lips on my breasts, his hot breath feels like molten lava on my skin. I want him to stop and leave me alone.
"Please Master, stop please." Maybe if I plead with him he will stop and understand that I do not want this and that what he is doing to me is wrong. I know it is an idle hope but I don't know what else to do.
"Be quiet or I will gag you. Just enjoy what I do to you it will make you feel so much better I promise." His voice is silky, almost placating.
Oh, God, he is not going to stop, he is not going to stop! I feel his large hands roam my abdomen exploring every inch of me, his right-hand travels further south. His thumb gently presses on my clitoris and a shudder rushes through my body sending shockwaves through my system. No, I don't want this! Why is my body betraying me like this? His thumb moves slowly but relentlessly in a circular motion over my clit, I feel hot and my entire body is buzzing with this new sensation. I feel sick and confused about it all. Suddenly one of his fingers is at my entrance pushing inside me and I yelp at the sudden intrusion.
"Jesus, you're tight but so fucking wet." He murmurs proudly.
Determination sets in to stop him. I don't want to lose my virginity to him especially not like this.
"Please stop Master. I have never done any of this before and it hurts." I cry out. He immediately stops and looks up at me. His face his taut with anger.
"I have enough of your whining and lies. You are quite the accomplished little slut popping the pill since you were fifteen. Well, I am going to make you forget about all the incompetent fuckers that tried to fuck you. Soon you will know what it is like being with a real man." He spits out his words with such vitriol that I cringe away from him. How the hell does he know I am on the pill? Why doesn't he believe me?
"I am a virgin! I am only on the pill for menstrual cramps." I blurt out desperately wanting him to stop. He looks at me disbelieving for a moment before slipping a finger back inside of me again. Moving it round and round stroking me everywhere. I quiver at his touch and I feel something warm, wet and sticky dripping out of me.
His eyes widen if he is realizing something. A beaming bright smile forms on his face. He looks like someone who just been told he won the lottery.
"You really are a virgin. I knew you were mine the moment I laid eyes on you. This was meant to be. You were saving yourself for me, you only did not know it yet." He says with such feral pride and conviction it is unnerving. He pulls his finger out of me and puts it in his mouth sucking on it hard. His pupils dilate and his facial features morph into something animalistic.
"You taste even better than I thought was possible. Since this is your first time I need to make this extra special." He says brightly and releases my feet from the spreader bar. "It will hurt too much if I take you with your feet bound like that." He says kindly like he is doing me some huge favor.
I pull my leg back and try to kick him but he is faster grabbing both my feet and pinning them down on the mattress.
"I should spank you for that little action. I swear, if you do it again, I will put both your feet back in the bar and I will not give a damn how much I hurt you when I slam my cock inside of you. This entire experience can be either pleasurable or painful for you, choose wisely." He growls angrily and I know he means every word of it. He runs his stubble chin on the bare flesh of my pussy. It tickles. "I like this." He murmurs and pushes my legs apart. He quickly moves his head between my legs and pushes his nose between my folds before breathing in deeply.
"You smell divine Anastasia." He murmurs. I feel his wet tongue swirling around my clit and I nearly convulse from the alien sensation, hating myself more than I ever did before. He chuckles. "You like that don't you? You are a carnal creature Miss Steele, so fucking responsive." He says softly between the licks of his tongue. His skilled mouth and tongue alternate between licks and nibbles around my clitoris. I try to fight these strange and powerful sensations but I can't, the feeling is too overwhelming. He closes his lips around my clit and sucks hard. The pleasure is so intense, I let out a small scream. "That is right baby enjoy what I do to you," he says while continuing his ministrations.
What is happening to me? I don't understand any of this. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I am as sick as he is. I feel my heart pounding in my chest as if it is trying to escape from all of this. The throbbing between my legs is never ending, and waves of heat burn my entire body. I try to move away from his torturing mouth but he grabs my ass, kneading the sensitive flesh and pushing my vagina against his mouth, forcing me back on the bed again. He sinks a finger back inside me and slowly moves it in and out of me in sync with the ministrations of his tongue.
The feelings become unbearable and I squirm against his relentless tongue. The musky heady smell of our combined arousal fills the air around us, and I let out an involuntary moan. The throbbing between my legs is overwhelming and I feel him dragging me closer to the edge of a cliff. I cannot fight him any longer. I let go with a loud scream, my legs stiffen, and my entire body tightens. The throbbing feeling between my legs has been replaced by a relentless pulsing feeling. It feels like I am flying.
After a few moments, the high winds down and I feel lost, devastated and confused. I just want to curl up in a tiny ball and cry until I have no more tears left.
I feel the heat of his body hovering over me, and he places gentle kisses on my breast and neck before slipping his wet tongue inside my mouth. I can taste my own salty, muskiness on him and I want to cry in shame. His kisses become feverish. There is an urgent unrelenting possessiveness in his kiss that liquefies my insides, and I feel that heady sensation build up again when his hands start their torture of my pussy again. I feel his thick long erection hard against my hips and I brace myself for what is to come.
I want to scream and cry and tell him to stop but I know it will only piss him off and hurt me more.
He leans on his forearm and slowly guides his penis to my entrance. I tense up and panic sets in when I feel it pulsating against my entrance. "Please don't do this," I beg against my better judgment but he doesn't seem to hear me. His eyes are glazed over and there is a serene expression on his face.
"Wrap your legs around me and relax. It will hurt more if you are tensed up." He says in a dark warning voice.
I do what he says afraid of the pain that is about to come.
"Good girl." He mutters softly.
He slowly but deliberately begins to push inside me. My body tenses at the intrusion and it hurts badly. "Relax." He grunts out and start messaging my clit again. A strange combination of pleasure and pain dulls my senses. He inches his enormous cock in deeper inside of me and I whimper from the painful intrusion
"Sssh. I know, just relax and it will feel better soon. I promise." He softly whispers in my ear and I want to hurt him, really hurt him. Drops of sweat mare his brow and his face is strained like he is in pain. Suddenly his weight shifts and he slams into me completely, growing in absolute pleasure. An aching burn spreads through my body it feels like I am ripped into two. I cry out in pain and he captures my mouth with his to silence my cries.
I am sobbing uncontrollably and my entire body in shaking. He pauses for a moment and stares at me. His eyes are completely dark and burning in mine. His breathing is ragged and his nostrils flare like a bull about to lose control. I feel his member throbbing inside of me stretching me fully and I whimper.
"Oh, Ana. You feel so good, baby." He breathes out, my name a veneration on his lips.
I feel sick and nauseous like I am going to pass out from the unbearable pain. I start to hyperventilate, desperately trying to get some precious air in my lungs.
"Sssh baby breath in, out, in, out. I promise the pain will pass. Just try to relax." He coos and I hate him really hate him for doing this to me.
Slowly the pain ebbs away and I feel my body begin to relax.
"That's it, baby, you are doing great." He places soft kisses on my forehead and lips. His lips feel firm and warm. Suddenly, he moves out of me, and for a short moment, I feel relieved. Then without warning, he slams into me again, roughly, and I cry out again, but the pain is much more manageable than the first time he did this to me.
He presses one of his longer fingers to my clit again and slowly thrusts his hips against mine, making my abused ass rubs painfully against the sheets. Slowly, the pain between my legs is replaced by that now familiar tingling sensation. His hips move rhythmically against mine while his long agile finger keeps stroking my clit. I feel the tension build in my gut again, radiating through the rest of my body. I feel so ashamed and embarrassed by these feelings, I want to run away and hide to my safe place deep inside my head, but these powerful sensations don't let me escape.
His thrusts get harder and deeper and his breathing is labored. He picks up speed and really starts to move harder and faster inside of me. Our bodies are slick against another and his moans and panting fill the room.
I am writhing with the intensity of these new feelings. The pain has almost completely disappeared. I feel myself rise higher and higher until suddenly I am free falling back to earth again. The feeling is so intense that I see stars for a moment. Hot angry tears of shame stream down my face. I didn't want this! His thrusts get more erratic, some are deep and hard, while others are shallow and softer. His grunts and moans are deafening to my ears. I feel his cock is jerking and throbbing inside of me "Ana!" He cries out, and I feel something warm and wet spilling inside of me like pie, and I realize that he found his release. He is panting heavily and places kisses all over my face. He doesn't pull out but collapses on top of me. His weight is heavy smothering me.
"Jesus Ana that was incredible." He grunts out breathlessly. After a few more moments, he rolls off me and pulls me close against his chest. He nuzzles my hair and I feel his grin against my ear.
"I told you it would be good, didn't I?" He says triumphantly but all I can do is cry. Heart-wrenching sobs make my body tremble on the bed. There is a sticky wetness between my legs and the room reeks of the musky scent of sex and heartbreak.
It feels like a part of me has died and I can never get it back. I feel so desolate and broken. I feel him release my arms from the leather bindings and he gently massages them while whispering words of comfort in my ear. I don't even register what he is saying, I simply don't care anymore. I don't know how long we have been laying on the bed like this. My thoughts are jumbled and hazy, and my tears have dried. I feel nothing but a sweet dark oblivion and it is a welcome change from the gut wrenching pain I felt before.
I feel him wrapping his strong arms around me. He lifts me from the bed and carries me to the large tub in the bathroom. He slowly and gently puts me down in the tub. The warm fragrant water is soothing on my abused body. He slides in behind me and squirts some body wash on a sponge. Tenderly he starts washing my back and arms before moving south to my belly. He squirts some more soap on the sponge. "Open your legs." His voice is warm and kind and it is so different from it was before but it does nothing to sooth the ache I feel inside. He pushes the sponge between my legs and slowly starts cleaning me down there. His hands move in a circular motion while he murmurs sweet words in my ear but I do not register what he is saying. I feel detached like a spectator looking in on an intimate scene between two lovers.
Warm water from the showerhead rains down on my head, soaking my hair, and I feel his strong nimble fingers messaging in shampoo on my head. He gently washes it out and places a kiss on my head.
"You have such beautiful hair. I still not believe how perfect you are. You are a gift from God Anastasia, sent here just for me, and I will treasure you forever." He says with such chilling conviction it is frightening.
He lifts me out of the bathtub and puts me down on a towel. He gently starts drying my body before he blows dries, combs, and braids my hair.
I feel numb. As if I am an outsider watching a Greek tragedy unfold. He dresses me in a pair of silk pajamas I don't recognize before carrying me to bed. With detached interest, I notice the oval bloodstain on top of the covers. It is undisputed proof that what transpired was real and not some fucked up figment of my imagination. He follows my gaze and there is a sincere almost vulnerable expression on his face.
"You have given me an invaluable gift, one that I will treasure forever." He says solemnly his behavior is a complete dichotomy to me.
He puts me down and slips the covers over me. He slides next to me and pulls me against him again. I don't have the energy to protest, I am lost in a fast ocean of sorrow.
"Sleep my sweet girl." He says and turns off the light, plunging the room into the same darkness that has filled my soul.