CHAPTER 12

Here it is! I'm sorry this chapter took me so long. I'm finding it a lot more time consuming and difficult now to write beyond the show's storyline because I actually have to pay attention to the plot haha.

As always, feedback is very appreciated :)

Hope you enjoy it!

"How could this happen!" David yelled, anxiously running his hand over his wild hair. "Shouldn't this be the most secure trial in history?!" Deepak Sharma pulled slightly away from David, his ears probably bothered by the yelling. Mine would have been too if they weren't still ringing.

"There were more Police officers in that building than at the bloody Buckingham Palace!" Sharma yelled back once David had stopped shouting and had sat down on a table. "Each of those had been vetted under the tightest scrutiny."

Dave's face contorted at those words before rubbing his temples. "How many?" He asked at last but the room was immersed in silence except for the rubbing sound of the emergency thermal blanket around my shoulders. "How many were with them?" David asked desperately.

"Out of the eighteen inside the courtroom, twelve," Louise Rayburn stated calmly but her words were far from producing that effect on David. His knuckles were turning white from clutching the table's edge so hard.

I tried thinking about the information that had just been shared but it felt like I wasn't really there. It was if as it was a just movie I was watching on my couch, slightly tipsy. But when I focused hard enough, through all the tranquilizers I had been given, the words slowly started making sense in my head. "Who died?" I inquired after a while, and they all turned to me, looking surprised, having most likely forgotten I was even there in the first place.

At once, Dave left the table and walked over to where I was sitting on an uncomfortable chair. His hands slid inside the foil and started rubbing my shoulders. "Don't worry about that now, Alma," he murmured in his Scottish tilt. "You should go rest," he insisted, his voice ever so low, and yet, it angered me all the same.

"I'm not fucking leaving, David. I'm not a porcelain doll," I yelled, and David pulled back instinctively as if he had been burnt, his hands leaving my body at once although that hadn't been my intention and I immediately longed for his touch again. I sighed deeply, closing my eyes for a few seconds to calm down. "Who died?" I asked once again, looking at Sharma and Rayburn.

They both looked down at me, with pity, which only disgusted me. And then Rayburn shook her head slowly, uncrossing her arms before humouring me. "The judge, two jurors and two Police officers."

I took a few minutes to process those words but I could hear the three of them talking again in hushed voices in the background. Five people. Five lives had been lost while I was fucking locked in a bathroom having a panic attack. I was horrified, but most of all disgusted at myself. Had this all been my fault? Slowly, I pushed the blanket off my shoulders, feeling too hot all of a sudden. "I've been receiving death threats." I announced solemnly in the barren room.

At once, all eyes were on me again and three of them immediately broke up their circle of secret discussions. Sharma dipped his head, appearing puzzled. "Ever since I created that blog and started appearing on the media, I've started receiving death threats," I explained steadily although I felt like crumbling to pieces. "Many through email, but some in letters."

All three of them remained there, plastered in the middle of the small windowless room as they gaped at me blankly. "You've been getting threats and didn't think of telling me?!" David blurted out, pacing around the room before punching the white wall and leaving behind a red spot.

His reaction made me laugh out loud, most likely because of the meds. "I wasn't going to call my ex to tell him that I was getting some creepy mail." I retorted amusedly, trying not to laugh. Rayburn and Sharma were now talking between themselves, ignoring our exchange.

"Aye, Alma. That's exactly what you should have done!" David sat back down on the desk by the door, far away from me. I wanted to say something, but DS Rayburn beat me to it.

"What did those messages say, exactly?" Rayburn asked, squatting in front of me like I was some child. I avoided her gaze, all their gazes, looking at the white door instead.

"They urged me to close down the blog and stop doing interviews, otherwise, well. I mean, I called them death treats for a reason," I replied unwaveringly until I spotted David's Adam apple bobbing from my peripheral vision. "I didn't say anything because the threats were only directed at me, not at my family or friends."

Louise Rayburn nodded slowly, before standing up at full height again. She asked me for my phone to have a look at the emails, before exiting the room, Sharma following closely behind her. I wondered whether I ought to say something to diffuse the tension between us, but David's phone started ringing and he picked it after the very first ring.

"Hey, Vic," he spoke as soon as the phone was pressed against his ear. "Stop worrying, Vic. I'm fine. How are the kids?"

I wondered whether his family had been moved back into the safe house, but it somehow felt out of place to ask. Were we still friends? I observed him silently as he talked on the phone, taking in the way he would frown every once in a while, horizontal lines appearing on his forehead. Or when he was talking to the kids and his face would relax at once, as a smile crept upon his lips. Most of all, I listened to his voice without paying attention to the words but simply letting myself be lulled by his Scottish accent.

Suddenly, Rayburn and Sharma walked back into the room and David quickly ended the phone call. "We have had a first peak at the emails," DCI Sharma announced, his tone fully professional, "and we've decided that the safe thing to do is to bring you to a safe house outside the city until we find Nadia and the other perpetrators."

I cocked my eyebrows at the Police officers, very obviously displeased but not surprised. This was exactly why I hadn't told anyone about the threats. Once again, my freedom would be ripped away from me. "Where are you taking her?" David inquired immediately, concern in his voice and a feeble grin appeared on my face. He might not love me, but he still evidentially cared about my safety.

"Avebury, Wiltshire," Louise Rayburn spoke and I didn't even know where the fuck that was. I had only moved to the UK a year and a half ago, and hadn't been outside of London in that entire time. For all I knew, that could be the next town and all the way up in Scotland. "But you're coming too," she added.

"Why is he coming too?" I interjected, questioning the decision. On the other side of the room, David looked just as taken aback but he had remained silent.

"If the courthouse shooting was targeting you, why didn't they do it while you were testifying?" Sharma asked rhetorically and I had to admit that he did have a point. "At this time, all we know is that they singled out the only day you were both testifying."

"I wasn't informed you were going to dye my hair on top of locking me up in the middle of nowhere," I complained as some vetted hairdresser was washing the tint out of my hair. Rayburn, however, didn't look particularly concerned by my complaints.

"That's part of your new identity," the Police officer nonchalantly announced like it wasn't a big deal. I immediately lifted my head to question what the fuck she meant, but the hairdresser pulled me back to the sink by my hair. "Your name is Alice Davis, née Milton."

"Wait, you mean to tell me I'm supposed to be married?!" I immediately protested, without moving this time.

"Yes, to Eric Davis," Rayburn added quickly as she looked through some papers. "You were born on April 14th1992 in Manchester and have lived your entire life in Ardwick, Manchester. You studied Graphic Design at The University of Manchester and that's where you met Eric Davis, a graduate literature student."

I rolled my eyes as DS Rayburn went over some important facts about Alice Davis' life which quite honestly made it sound like an extremely boring one. But who was I to judge? Maybe Alice Davis was a happy woman and that definitely was a step up from my own life.

It was already five o'clock when the hairdresser was done blow drying my hair and I stared at myself in the mirror to find out blonde didn't suit me. At all, but I supposed that wasn't to be my biggest concern now. I was later left alone in the locker room to change into Alice's clothes. DS Rayburn had also left me with Alice's file but I couldn't like at it. Not beyond the first page. Instead, I twirled the golden wedding band between my fingers.

As much as I was angry to be dragged into a foreign town just because some stupid people decided to start shooting in a courthouse, that wasn't my main concern. It was jealousy. I was jealous of a woman which didn't even exist and who did really quite seem to have a perfect life. A normal sleeping pattern, a yoga routine, a Golden Retriever (which she had left with her parents until they'd gotten settled in), a job she enjoyed (and didn't almost get her killed) and someone to share that perfect life with.

I exhaled slowly before clapping my bare thighs and standing up which an energy I didn't quite genuinely have. "You're an idiot, Alma," I sighed before pulling a black sweater over my head. I could maybe have been working into creating all that, with James, maybe, if I hadn't decided to do that bloody internship. But then, as I was pulling on some jeans over my legs, a small voice popped in my head. Don't kid yourself, Alma. You wouldn't want that kind of life, especially not without him.

Just as I was zipping up my boots, Rayburn knocked on the door and without waiting for a response, opened it. "Are you ready?" She inquired, looking tired and I almost felt bad for always been so mean to her. After all, I had been offered a cot to sleep a little.

"Yeah," I replied vaguely, making sure I hadn't left anything behind. "Where's David?" I asked, my voice appearing more urgent than what I would have liked.

"He's in the shooting range, training," DS Rayburn drawled and I knew what she wanted to add. There was the 'just in case' that floated in the air; just in case hell froze over and bullets went flying. Again.

"Can I get a gun, too?" I tried but Rayburn's stern look was the only reply I got.

We were now in the underground parking lot, going over the last details.

"David and you are driving the black Prius," DCI Sharma stated, tilting his head at the car next to him. "Your suitcases are already in the trunk."

David bobbed his head swiftly at DCI Sharma like he would do when receiving new instructions for his job. Looking at him, at the way he stood there tall and steady amid the Police officers, I couldn't even try guessing what he was feeling. Was he scared? Angry? Or just taking all this in 'like a man', as some people say, with stoicism.

"Are you listening, Alma?" DCI Sharma said loudly, bringing me back from my stupor and I wondered how he managed to look pissed and sorry at the same time.

"Yes, sorry. We're taking the ugly car. Got it."

"Yes," he sighed before turning to the various officers around us. "You'll be escorting them in two unmarked police cars, not too close so it doesn't seem obvious. This has to look like a normal move in!" DCI Sharma ordered before wishing us all good luck. Yeah, good luck because we couldn't be sure there weren't any more corrupted officers and we might all be heading out to our deaths.

"Come on, Alma," David whispered, suddenly next to me. Without waiting for a reply, he put his hand on the small of my back and guided me to the passenger seat before opening the door and waiting for me to get in. I did as was expected and sat down on the black leather seat. Putting on the belt, I noticed my hands were shaking and I quickly squeezed them between my thighs, not wanting David to see it.

Silently, David joined me in the car and sat down behind the wheel, adjusting the seat before turning on the ignition and backing out of the spot. "It's going to be alright, Alma," he said reassuringly in his Scottish accent, absentmindedly putting his hand on my thigh as he turned his head back to look through the back windshield. I hummed in agreement. My body immediately had gone rigid at his touch but I hoped it didn't show.

Now exiting the garage behind the first Police car, I noticed that David was wearing an earpiece when he talked on the radio. I kept staring at him, memories flooding my mind. First, when he still was Julia's PPO and the way I would always try to catch his eyes in the rear-view mirror and then later, when he was my PPO and the wires always caught up in my hands when we started making out.

A small grin started forming on my lips, thinking back at those memories. I closed my eyes to rejoice in the feeling a little bit longer but just as I did, there was screaming and blood, and it was Thornton Circus all over again. I tried opening my eyes again but I shake off the images. Once it started playing out I couldn't stop it. Until his voice broke the silence.

"Are you okay, Alma?" He inquired, whispering as he took his eyes from the second a few seconds to look at me with concern.

"Yes," I whispered back, lying, before shifting in my seat. "I'm just tired."

The traffic jam inside the city was horrible and I wondered how David had the patience to drive through it without an automatic gearshift. There were just too many pedestrians and cars at rush hour, but I supposed that was why they had chosen this time since it was easier to blend in. And then, finally, we reached the M4 motorway and sped up the pace at last.

"How does it feel working for Julia again?" I eventually asked, trying to make conversation although my interest was genuine. David took a quick peak at me as if he had thought I had fallen asleep.

"Err," he muttered before clearing his voice and starting again. "I still don't like her but being the PPO to the Prime Minister is quite a promotion." David spoke quickly, frowning. "And it comes with a bigger pay check, too."

"I'm happy for you," I said earnestly, smiling even though he was looking at the road. Still, even without looking at him, just being in the small, closed off space with him made me feel so very different, self-conscious about every single detail.

"I've heard about your blog," David admitted next to me. "Listened to some of the interviews, too. Seems like you've found quite an audience!"

I sat confused for a moment, not expecting him to address that topic. "I didn't think you'd see it as a good thing."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw his jaw clenching as if he was reluctant to reply. "As a Police officer, that was stupid," David stated coldly, before taking up a lighter tone. "As a friend, I'm happy for you."

'And as a lover?' I almost asked out loud despite trying to keep my poise when I heard voices coming through David's earpiece, effectively sparing me from an awkward moment.

"Fuck," David mouthed angrily under his breath before abruptly merging into the right lane.

"What's going on?" I inquired nervously as David took the exit we had almost passed and a couple of cars honked at us too loudly. I turned to him and noticed his was frowning, his brown brows knitted together.

"A sketchy car has been following the Police car behind us but they haven't noticed us yet," David explained through clenched teeth as we drove through the loop too fast and I worried the car would tip over.

The arterial road we reached was deserted. I turned around in my seat to see if anybody was following us, but in the darkness I didn't see anything. If they'd turned off the lights, I wouldn't be able to see them anyway.

David was still talking on the radio in a hushed voice, probably getting new instructions. I tried finding out where exactly we were but the car had no navigator and there weren't any street signs. A trillion questions passed through my head as we kept on driving the never-ending road but I decided it was probably best not to interrupt whatever conversation David was having.

"Alright," David finally said, sounding defeated. "Make it quick!" He conceded through gritted teeth, before turning right on a smaller road.

"Where are we going?" I inquired calmly once I was confident the conversation was over.

"Pulling over on a dirt road and waiting until we get new instructions:"

I nodded slowly before relaxing back into my seat, which against my prior apprehensions, turned out to be rather comfortable. "You're not alarmed," David noted, rather stunned, turning to look at me as we drove through some bumps.

"There's no noise this time." I explained curtly, not wanting him to inquire further and luckily for me, he didn't.

Within a few minutes, David parked the car next to some trees and bushes before turning off the engine. At once, darkness and silence surrounded us. The only noise was our breaths and I was all too aware of the fact that my heart was beating too fast and my breaths were too short. I felt embarrassed for a second until I focused and noticed he was heaving as well. And finally, I mustered up the courage.

"Look, David," I said and my voice was suddenly too loud for the silence of the night. I ran my tongue over my lips, still looking straight ahead although I couldn't make out anything in the dark. "I'm sorry for what I said to you back in Mexico. That was-"

"Alma, stop." David murmured softly and I could feel his gaze on me now. I knew he had that pained expression on his face, with the small furrow between his brows and the crease on the chin. And I was sure of all that without even looking at him because no matter how hard I tried, his memory was etched in me.

"No, David, I need to say this," I stated, gently and yet almost solemnly as I kept my eyes away from him. "What I said to you, that was out of line and I'm sorry," I admitted, biting the inside of my lip. "However, I'm not sorry for being who I am and believing in what I do. And if it that makes you hate me as much as you hate Julia, well, then it's too bad but there's nothing I can do about it."

My words hung in the air, heavily, for an awfully long time. Floating around and haunting me, making me want to take them back. "I don't hate you, Alma." David finally spoke before laying his hand on my thigh, silently asking me to look at him and I hesitantly complied.

He was so very beautiful under the moonlight. The dim lighting made him look young and unblemished, even though he now sported a short stubble. And for a moment, I forgot about the scars on his back and the perforation in my eardrums, I forgot about David Budd and Alma Guinness. And for that single instant, we were Eric and Alice Davis.

When I focused on his eyes again, I instinctively knew he was thinking the same thing. Tomorrow and even later tonight already, the bubble would burst and we would be David and Alma again. Two people from two different worlds with opposed beliefs. But right now, the bubble was still intact and his left hand cupped my face, bringing me closer to him until he could kiss me.

I felt the wedding band against my cheek and his hand sliding through my blonde hair. His lips, their texture, it was just as I remembered and it was like being back home. And gosh, did it feel good to go back home! Breaking off our kiss for just a moment, I lifted myself from my seat and with little elegance, crossed over to his side and straddled him. He moaned against my ear before starting placing little kisses on the crook my neck, his facial hair rubbing against my sensitive skin. And when I threw my head back, exposing my throat to him, I was finally able to identify what exactly I was feeling: Saudade.

The combination of having waited for this moment, for him, for so long and yet, at the same time, already knowing that it would be over just as quickly. Just like when as kid, you blew soap bubbles into the air and enjoyed them while it lasted, well aware they were fleeting.

That's what I decided to do, bringing my face close to his, as my lips forcefully met his, our teeth colliding. For a second, he was surprised by this sudden burst of passion but soon enough, his hands on my hips started sliding higher, inside my sweater and all over my skin, leaving goose bumps behind them. I did the same, untucking the black shirt from his trousers, until my hands were roaming over his warm body that felt so familiar and yet so exciting.

And then, words started coming out of David's earpiece, taking us both by surprise like deer caught in the headlights. And just like that, we were no longer Eric and Alice but David and Alma. The bubble had burst, its translucent spherical surface exploding and this moment with it.

The drive to the safe house took almost three more hours because we had to take a detour. I didn't know exactly what had had happened, but it appeared that the car on the motorway had been a false alert and it was just coincidence that it was driving exactly the same route as we were.

David and I remained silent the whole drive and I kept my head against window, pretending I could see where we were going. Eventually, the car went slower as we reached a small village. Avebury. David parked the car in front of a grey brick house at the very end of a row of similar looking homes and I realized we'd have to pretend to fit into this peaceful scenery.

We waited until David got a message that we could exit the car. David insisted on carrying both our suitcases to the front door even though the wound on his shoulder most likely still hurt. We walked up the small steps, the sound of our strides echoing all around us.

"Wait here while I check it's safe," David ordered in a whisper as he unlocked the door and stepped inside, his hand hovering over the gun in his holster. I waited for him under the porch, between the two suitcases that held all the belongings we had been allowed to take, and I started wondering what was the exact decision, the defining moment that snowballed me into this.

"It's clear," David announced, appearing in front of me out of nowhere. I nodded and slowly walked into the foyer taking in the rustic charm of the house for a minute. "I suggest you take the bedroom with the garden view," he suddenly said, tilting his head at the stairs.

"Why?" I wondered.

"The room facing the front has a single bed and considering the way you sleep, you'd fall off it on your first night," he quickly explained with reluctant a smile.