Disclaimer: Everything in the HP world belongs to J.K. Rowling.

A Forest Tale

Chapter 13

Behind Her Eyes

"Where are we?" Lily asked.

Snape's eyes swept the scenery enwrapped in the starry, velvety darkness. He saw the dark light of water in front of them and the black shapes of trees behind the water. He turned around, and he found the same sight in every direction.

"We are on a rock in the middle of the forest pond," he answered.

The rock was maybe two hundred steps long and a hundred steps wide. They still had to get across the pond before they could go anywhere, but at the moment, their minds were filled with the triumph of being out of the cave at last.

"Well done, Severus," Lily whispered to him. "I would not have got out without you."

"And I would not have got this far without you," he replied, but he unconsciously straightened his back and raised his head as soon as he heard Lily's compliment.

"I hope the others are safe," she said. "Are you sure that they were not in the cave?"

"I'm sure," he said. "I would have seen them with the Blue Stone. We were alone there."

She sighed with relief.

"Maybe it was just a magical accident ... this place has its own magic, we have known that before."

She looked at Snape observantly.

"Perhaps you were meant to find the Blue Stone, and that is why some magic brought you here..."

"Don't blame this magical accident on me," said Snape with dry self-irony. "What magic would want to trap me just to make me find an object that can get me out of the trap?"

Lily walked to the edge of the rock, and held out her wand.

"It won't be easy to go away," she announced. "There is magic around us."

She seemed to be touching an invisible wall. She was murmuring spells, when abruptly she exclaimed.

"Someone is coming... Look!"

Now Snape, too, noticed the broomstick above them. The rider waved to them, and without attempting to land, he reached into his pocket, took out something, threw it into the water; then he turned his broomstick towards the shore of the pond.

Snape found the Blue Stone in his pocket.

"It is all right," he said. "It is Lupin."

Out of the water, a rope bridge emerged and tied itself firmly to the rock island and to the shore where Lupin was signalling them to go. The invisible wall vanished as they carefully stepped on the rope bridge, which swayed with every move, but soon enough and safely, they reached the shore.

"Remus!" said Lily. "Is everyone well? What is this place? Interesting magic, by the way ..."

"The credit for the bridge is Dumbledore's alone," Lupin answered. "I only followed his instructions. I don't know how he guessed that you were here. But I must ask you to prove that you are who you appear to be."

"I am Lily Potter," she began, "wife to James Potter, my Patronus is a doe; I have a son-"

"Any pets?"

"A cat, named Ophelia. I used to have a toad, Jonathan. I swear that this man is Severus."

"Fine," said Lupin. "I am Remus John Lupin, aka Moony, a werewolf and a former Hogwarts prefect-"

"We believe you, Remus," said Lily.

"Why weren't you travelling with the others?" Lupin asked. "Why did you use an auxiliary wand when you entered the island? Dumbledore told us that we must not use them any more!"

Lily and Snape glanced at each other. Snape was sure that it was the first time that this piece of information had reached him, but Lily gasped.

"Of course! I forgot! Dumbledore said the Death Eaters had obtained an auxiliary wand, therefore the island would be accessible only with a password now!"

"But we did enter the island," said Snape.

"Yes, we did!" Lily said. "Although not exactly the way we wanted."

They began walking on a forest path, Lupin leading them.

"Dumbledore put a jinx on the auxiliary wands," Lupin explained, "so that they carry anyone who uses them into a magical trap in the middle of this pond."

"Under this pond," said Lily sharply. "We were trapped in a cave. We got out, thanks to Severus, but it took hours!"

"Why didn't you send a message?" Lupin demanded. "Can you imagine how worried we all were when we found out that you were missing? We got back from Azkaban less then an hour ago, and until then we had thought you were with the healers, and they had thought you were with us!"

"Someone could have checked that cave..." Snape growled.

"We thought you knew the password!" Lupin said. "I did not even know about this trap until now. You might have sent us word!"

"We wanted," Lily explained, "but I was not able to cast a Patronus."

Lupin frowned.

"Neither of you managed to cast a Patronus?" he asked incredulously.

"My wand got broken," said Snape quickly.

"What is James doing?" Lily asked suddenly. "Why didn't he come to us?"

Lupin gulped.

"Well, there is no real reason to worry... He had an accident, but he will be fine. The healers had to mend a few bones and he must rest, that is all."

"Why haven't you told me that before?" Lily cried. "We must hurry to him at once!"

"He was quite impatient to see you," Lupin replied. "At first we did not tell him that you were missing because he already seemed to be in a bad shape, but of course, he noticed ... I think they gave him a Sleeping Potion."

Lily was practically running now.

"I can take you to him in a minute on this broomstick," said Lupin, trying to catch up with her. "I forgot to bring an extra one, but I will come back for Severus."

"Yes, let's go," she said.

"I can find my way alone," said Snape. "I don't need you to come back."

"Follow this path," Lupin said, mounting his broomstick. "The new campsite is not far from the old one, but it is in the area where the forest was not burned down."

The broomstick rose into the air, navigating among the trees with some difficulty, but it switched into full speed as soon as it reached above the treetops.

So Lily was flying to Potter, while Snape was walking down a dark path alone. In other words, things had gone back to normal; or at least that was the consequence Snape drew. Did it hurt? Of course, it did, but the pain was not more than what he was used to.

Otherwise he did not mind the solitary walk in the forest. He was not afraid of losing his way. He knew the island well enough, and he knew where he was going. He was not afraid of the forest either. No werewolves had to be expected tonight; and he did not even have to go past his own magical traps. He might encounter a few Ashwinders perhaps, but - unlike poor Mary Macdonald (he could vividly recall the image of the girl surrounded by fire and snakes) - he knew how to deal with them. Even without magic.

He heard a noise, and the light of a wand fell on his face.

"Who are you?" said a voice, as a man emerged from among the trees.

The wand in the stranger's hand illuminated his own face as well. He had a high forehead, a receding hairline and placid blue eyes. He was older than Snape, and he was wearing auror's robes.

"Severus Snape."

"You must prove your identity," the man said.

"What proof do you want?" he asked.

"When did you last get a box of Ice Mice from Professor Dumbledore as a present?"

The corner of Snape's mouth twisted into an involuntary half-smile. The question could only be Dumbledore's idea.

"Never. I don't like Ice Mice, as Dumbledore knows very well."

The auror grinned broadly.

"Welcome to the Order's new campsite! Remus told me that you were on your way here."

He held out his hand.

"Frank Longbottom."

Snape mechanically shook the auror's hand, as the name kept echoing in his head.

"Follow me. I will lead you to your tent," said Frank Longbottom. "I am on patrol tonight."

The new camp was much larger than the old one had been. Ministry tents of various sizes were standing everywhere in the light of guard fires; other tents carried the logo of St Mungo's. Snape knew that Lily must be in one of those tents, with Potter. The auror led him to the far edge of the camp.

"This is what we found for you," he said. "It is a small tent, but you will be alone in it."

He entered the tent before Snape, and lit a candle with his wand. Snape followed him and saw that the tent, despite its size, was just as comfortable as the one he had earlier shared with Moody. The bed seemed especially inviting.

"I can show you the camp kitchen if you want," said Frank Longbottom. "But there is an easier way..."

He directed his wand out of the tent.

"Accio tray!" he shouted.

Soon a tray filled with food from sausages to cheese to a collection of salads flew into the tent, accompanied by a teapot.

"Our house elves always keep some cold food and some hot tea ready for emergency situations," smiled the auror. "I must go now."

He was at the entrance of the tent, when Snape found his voice again.

"Wait a minute!" Snape burst out, striding towards the man. "Should not you be in hiding somewhere very far away from here?"

Frank Longbottom turned back and watched Snape closely for a while.

"I'm an auror," he said slowly. "My life has always been in danger. This is my job; I knew that at the start. It is someone else who must be protected, and he is getting the best protection available. I am fighting for him, too."

"But..." Snape said, puzzled by the man's cool-headedness, "it is not a good idea to introduce yourself to strangers. You don't want to be traced by the Dark Lord so easily."

"You don't seem like a traitor or a spy to me," said Frank Longbottom calmly and hurried away.

Not a traitor... It was easy to recall how the Dark Lord had whipped just that word into his face, and how he had been suspected of being a traitor or a spy quite recently by Moody. The Longbottoms had to hide because of his ill-advised attempt to spy on Dumbledore. And yet, Frank Longbottom did not think he seemed like a traitor or a spy.

* * * * *

He woke up late in the following morning and in the same position in which he had fallen asleep in the middle of the night. Not much later, he stepped out of the tent with the nebulous perception that he had an unpleasant task to perform, which he was not quite ready to begin yet.

The last of his sleepiness was gone when he saw Lily coming towards his tent, waving to him from afar. He had not anticipated seeing her again so soon.

"Severus, may I come in?"

"Certainly. That is ... I did not expect a visitor," he mumbled, wishing he had not left the camp bed as he had got out of it, that he had cleared away the leftovers of last nights' dinner.

She entered, and he offered her a seat so that the untidy bed was behind her back.

"I'm sorry for leaving you alone last night in the forest," Lily began. "I panicked when I heard that James was injured."

"He must be better today," said Snape.

It was a statement, not a question. Lily would not be visiting him if Potter was seriously ill.

"The healers did a good job," she answered. "He has to rest yet, but my presence is not indispensable."

"So?"

"So, I have come to say goodbye," Lily said. "I'm going home."

"Without Potter?" Snape asked with growing suspicion.

"Harry needs me. I can't wait to see him any longer. I'm going to pick him up and take him home. Dumbledore says he can spare me though he will need some Order members to stay here until all the injured and the healers can leave. James can stay or follow us tomorrow. The healers say so many of his bones were broken that he must not travel yet. He may also get over certain things better if I am not within sight for a few hours, though he will not admit it."

Snape had so many questions that he did not know at once how to start asking them. What had happened to Potter? Had Lily and Potter had a row? A thought struck him: If Lily still wanted to keep her promise and his secret, she was unable to give an acceptable explanation for travelling with him instead of joining the healers.

"What does he have to get over?"

Snape seriously hoped that he would not end up being the one to explain to Potter what an idiot he was if he ever doubted Lily's love for him. Saving Potter's life was one thing. Accepting that Lily loved Potter and belonged to Potter might be possible in some distant future. Still, even he had to draw the line somewhere. He could not imagine himself tenderly healing the wounds of Potter's delicate soul.

Lily shrugged.

"It is more a question of pride than a serious problem."

Snape took a deep breath.

"I don't know if it is any good, and Potter may just hex me into pieces, but if you want me to talk to him and explain-"

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Explain? There is nothing to explain. He does not mind the wounds, but his vanity suffered a real blow. He will get over it. Actually he was lucky, because he could have sustained much worse injuries than those broken bones."

Snape's eyes opened wide.

"I still don't know what kind of accident he had."

Lily chuckled.

"Remus was very careful not to mention it last night. You know James had never in his life ... well ... fallen off a broomstick before."

Snape stared at her for several seconds.

"Are you saying that he was upset about this while no one knew where you were last night?"

"Oh, no, no," Lily shook her head. "Not last night. But this morning when I was safely by his side again..."

She smiled.

"It is all right. Really. James can be rather vain sometimes, but no one is perfect."

"No one is perfect," Snape repeated.

He walked around in the tent.

"When are you leaving?"

"At noon. I have already sent a message to Professor McGonagall and received her reply. She is expecting me at lunchtime."

"Professor McGonagall? Are you meeting her?"

"Didn't I tell you yet?" Lily said a little surprised. "Harry is at Hogwarts. Dumbledore said he would be safer there while we were here. Professor McGonagall is looking after him. Not alone, of course... She has to teach and she is the Deputy Head. Madam Pomfrey and others are helping her. But I don't want Harry to forget what his mother looks like."

"Are you travelling alone?"

"I'm going to Apparate directly to Hogsmeade. Anyway," she said, "I wanted to ask you, Severus, about your plans. You can't keep your secret for long. Have you decided to see a healer? Have you thought about asking anyone's help? Perhaps you can be cured, and if not ... you are entitled to some help, I think. What you did was absolutely heroic and noble. The wizarding world owes you a lot."

"Even more than the Blue Stone?" he asked mockingly, mainly to hide that he was touched by her concern.

"I wish I could help you," said Lily softly. "I know that the person who finds the Stone of Loss, the tear of a water nymph, is meant to find a means of comfort in it, but you had to sacrifice this chance to save our lives."

"It was a sensible way to use it," said Snape, irritated now, though he would not have been able to explain why. "I don't care how it should have been used! A water nymph's tear, indeed! A whole water nymph would not be much comfort - I mean compensation," he finished, now at least knowing that his increased irritation was due to his stupid slip of the tongue.

Why on Earth had he let that word escape his lips?

He was pacing up and down in the tent. The necessity of facing a future in the changed circumstances fell on him with its whole weight at last.

Suddenly she was standing in front of him, very close, blocking his way, her eyes shining with a light that Snape had never seen, her fingertips slowly gliding down his face. Snape did not know how it had happened, but a moment later his hands were around her waist again and he could feel a disturbing and bewitching power taking over in his veins, as he kissed her...

No kiss could last forever. Much sooner than he would have wanted, he had to let go of her but only to be struck by the magnitude of what he had just committed. Lily's lips quivered.

He took a step backwards, away from her. For a second, he was going to apologize, but he remembered that Lily did not care for apologies. Not when she was truly insulted.

Then again, if he could not apologize, what else was there to say to her?

"It w-won't happen again," he stammered. "I promise. Never."

Like pebbles falling into a deep well, his words seemed to be swallowed by the enormity of the offence.

"Severus," Lily said gently, "it is ...all right. I am not offended."

She stepped towards him.

"I understand," she continued, "I mean ... just for this once ... it is ... all right."

The words were incredible enough, but it was even more unbelievable that she was standing again just as close to him as before, gazing at him in the same way as before, until it began to dawn on Snape that their kiss might not have been his fault alone.

Just for this once ... It would have been a clear message if she had walked away from him; but she was close, too close, and Snape was confused because Lily's gestures appeared to be saying that "this once" might be extended to more than one kiss perhaps. Yet, Lily could not mean that, and he could not afford to make a mistake...

Her eyes were still burning with that mysterious light; and Snape instinctively looked for explanation in them. And all of a sudden he was there, entering her mind, diving deep into her emotions, penetrating maybe into her soul. No spell was needed, verbal or non-verbal (Snape would never have dared to use that spell on Lily anyway); and yet, he understood her. He understood her motivations, her feelings about him; he miraculously understood even her love for James Potter. The insight that he gained was a thousand times sharper and a thousand times more sincere and cruel than what the Blue Stoned had given him, but the light in Lily's eyes was already reflected in his own...

"Just for this once?" he asked her in the steadiest voice that he managed to muster.

"Just for this once," she whispered firmly, almost defiantly, and he saw the colour rise in her cheeks...

"To comfort me?" he breathed, torn between the longing and the mortification of someone tormented by hunger and humiliated by charity.

Lily closed her eyes, and gave a long, deep sigh. Her hair seemed like tongues of flame around her face...

"Because we are ... friends?"

Her lips opened but she did not answer. Blood was throbbing in his ears to an irresistible rhythm...

She did give him an answer in the end, when she withdrew from him finally.

"You would deserve some real ... comfort," she said quietly, turning away. "You are and you will always be my best friend. I want you to know that."

Snape's empty hands twitched. He had already accepted that friendship was the most that she could give him. Now he would have to learn to accept it once again.

"It is not easy to be your friend," he said, knowing, for the first time in his life, that he could safely tell her. "But I'm trying hard ... I would hate myself if I failed."

"You did what only a true friend could do when you risked your life to save James for me."

Snape sighed. He was sure that he had not thought of it back then. That saving Potter's life would mean so much more in Lily's eyes than saving her own life. Now, he was not surprised. But there was one more thing that he wanted to tell her, because he knew at last that it was safe as well.

"I'm sorry that I -" he began, but he stopped abruptly. "I should not have said that."

Lily looked perplexed and he started anew.

"I deeply regret-"

He caught her glance. There was only one way to do this. He wanted to be truthful and precise as though his life depended on it.

"No. I am thoroughly ashamed that there was a time when I could not be your friend."

It was like putting down a heavy burden that he had been unsuspectingly carrying on his back for years. He was feeling unusually light and free.

Lily's eyes were suddenly downcast.

"Recently I have often wondered whether things could have turned out differently for you if I ... if I had listened to you, if I had given you another chance when you asked me. For years, I was sure that I had given you a fair enough chance; that on that day, there was only one thing I could do. Today, I am not sure any more. I wish I had been a little more ... forgiving."

She looked into his eyes now, and Snape knew that her regret was sincere. He did not know what to answer. Confessing that he had also wondered the same seemed cruel towards her, but even a white lie - for example, that he was certain it would not have changed anything - was a lie, which would have corrupted the conversation.

There was a long silence, broken finally by Snape.

"Dumbledore has a mirror ... a magical mirror. It shows everyone their deepest desire. It may be something that can be fulfilled one day. Some see what they had in the past but not any more. If you are truly happy ... I don't know if it is possible to desire what one already has. But the mirror can also show what has never been and will never be."

"Did you see that mirror?" asked Lily.

Snape understood the real question behind her words.

"I came across it ... by chance," he answered vaguely. "Let's put it that way. And yes, I looked into it."

"And? What happened?"

"I looked and looked ... and looked," he said, this time ignoring her real question. "But nothing happened. Well, except that Dumbledore found me out."

"Was he angry with you?"

"Dumbledore? No. I was angry with him."

She smiled.

"Why?"

"He made sure I did not see the mirror again. I was angry for weeks because I missed it."

"Don't you think," she said, "that he simply did not want you to waste too much time watching a mere dream? It can never be the same as experiencing something real."

"No, it is not," Snape muttered. "I understood that, too. But do you know what I think now?"

"What?"

"If Dumbledore thinks that the mirror is a harmful or useless object, why does he keep it? It belongs to him, but why does he need it at all?"

"He alone could tell that."

"He would not tell me," said Snape.