Chapter 13

Hello Everyone! Thank you so much for your kind comments. I'm sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I hope you like this. There is a great conversation between both Sammy and Jack and Sammy and David that I think you will really enjoy! As always, please let me know what you think as well as anything you would like to see.

I made a b-line for the kitchen and grabbed a plate of food before sitting at the kitchen island. I knew that David and Mary would want us all to sit at the table, but I wasn't ready to have a sit-down family dinner just yet. My staying wasn't my acceptance of this situation, or of my unfortunate position in this family. Sure enough, the rest of the Nolan's followed in quick secession and Mary guided Emma and Neal to the table. I then felt a strong hand on my back.

"Why don't you come sit with us? You'll be more comfortable at the table" I didn't feel like I could really say no. However, I really didn't want to go over there. "I'm good, thanks though" I didn't look at his face, but I could feel by the way he patted my back when he walked away that he was disappointed. I just needed some time. David went and sat down next to Mary who leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. They really were the picture of the American dream, minus the protective custody phase. I just felt so out of place when it came to my interactions with them. I wanted to accept that I had some sort of place at that table, but I wasn't sure I was ready for that.

I mindlessly went to get another spoonful of Chili when my spoon hit the counter. I looked down where my bowl was supposed to be and then looked up to see that Jack and pulled it just out of reach. He gave me a cocky smile and then slid it back. "Ground control to Major Sammy".

"Ha Ha. You're so funny" I then took a heaping spoonful of my Chili and shoved it into my mouth while glaring at him.

"Where's your head at?"

"I'm right here" I got out through my mouth full of chili.

"Now, but where were you a few seconds ago?"

"Jack…" He just gave me a look that said he wasn't buying my BS "I don't know what they want from me okay?" I whispered. I knew that David was probably going to try, and eves drop on our conversation and I wasn't ready for another heart to heart in the kitchen. "I look at them and, outside of this whole situation, they are the American dream, I don't know where I fit into that equation."

"I think you fit wherever you want to fit. You just need to be you, the rest of it will fall in place"

"You say that like it's natural to have a long-lost kid or sibling fall out of the sky"

"It's more common than you think"

"But those families aren't forced into a hostage situation where they can't pull away and reevaluate the situation from time to time."

"That's fair, but I really think you guys have made a lot of progress. It's time to allow that to create momentum, and push you forward instead of acting like you aren't bonding with them" There was that smug smile again.

"Whatever, just let me eat my Chili in peace"

"Whatever you say" I really was getting annoyed with Jack always being able to see past my inner thoughts and feelings. I wasn't used to that, I was normally able to keep people at arm's length, Jack didn't give me that opportunity. I went back to my Chili and finished up the last two bites before putting my bowl in the sink and making my way to my room. I needed to decompress for a little bit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We walked into the Kitchen and she had already made a point to separate herself from the rest of us. Mary guided Neal and Emma over once they grabbed their bowls and I made my way over to Sammy.

"Why don't you come sit with us? You'll be more comfortable at the table" I figured taking a light hearted and logical approach might work better. She seemed to debate it, but eventually she turned me down. I was feeling so lousy as a parent, I just wanted her to know she was wanted. I gently patted her back and made my way over to the table where Mary greeted me with a kiss on the cheek.

I kept stealing glances back at Sammy, she looked so lost as she mindlessly took small bites of her Chili and stared off into space. Eventually Jack made his way over to Sammy and blocked my view. I could tell they were talking about something, but they kept their voices low so I couldn't hear what they were saying.

"Hey, take a break their papa bear"

"Mar, I…"

"I know. But right now, she needs her space"

"That's all we've been giving her, space. How long before the space between us becomes permanent?"

"It won't, but we also can't force her to be a part of this family. We can only take small steps to get to know her, and help her to trust us"

"I actually agree with dad, I say we address it, that's how I got her to stay" Emma immediately realized what she said and started turning red. She then started stuffing her face as fast as she could.

"What do you mean that's how you got her to stay?" My daughter was a horrible liar to start, and now she had all but given us her entire secret up front.

"hmm?" She was trying to use her full mouth as an excuse before trying to get up from the table. Thankfully agent Miles stepped in and put his hand on her shoulder and motioned for her to sit back down.

"Emma, you need to tell me right now exactly what you mean" I could see the wheels rolling in her head as she took her time to chew and swallow before finally starting to talk.

"I mean…I just talked to her and she decided to stay. I don't think leaving her alone is going to get you anywhere"

"When did you talk to her? And what exactly did you say?"

"She helped Sammy realize that her parents didn't know she had a choice and therefore had no reason to be mad at her" Jack added coming over and pulling up a chair. "And it did work. However, I think everyone needs a good night's sleep before we have any more of those types of conversations"

"Thanks Jack. Emma, we will talk more about this later" I said giving her a look. She wasn't going to get off that easy. We all finished our dinner without much more banter between us and then headed to our room. Jack was right, we all needed some sleep.

Once we were all laying in our beds, I could tell that Mary and the kids were sound asleep. I just kept thinking about what Jack had said. Sammy didn't stay for us, she only stayed because it was the only option that didn't cause her to be at odds with anyone. She is always putting herself before everyone else. She really didn't want to stay, she just didn't want me to be mad. It's my fault. I didn't want her to leave, sure, but for her to think I'd be mad, I don't. I feel like maybe I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should of told her to go. I thought if she stayed, I'd be happy, because it meant she wanted to get to know me, now, I feel like I'm the worst kind of parent.

I felt Mary shift in her sleep next to me and realized I should probably let my mind rest for now and get some sleep myself. I rolled over and put my arm around Mary. I could readdress this in the morning with a clear head, hopefully.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I laid in bed as my thoughts raced through my mind. What did I just do? I was in no way ready to delve head first into this whole "family" thing. I was completely sending the wrong message, wasn't I? I don't want to be a part of their family…do I? Do I even know why I did what I did? Any sane person would have taken the chance I was given and run with it. They would have left the horribly uncomfortable situation of the insta-family and gone back to the safety of the family that they have always known and left this whole situation behind them. I, on the other hand, did the exact opposite. I actually chose to stay in the crazy nut house with the strangers and am subjecting myself to this whole insane situation…

I didn't even realize that I had fallen asleep until I woke up tossing and turning. Obviously, it wasn't a deep sleep. I looked over at my small alarm clock that I was allowed to have and saw that it was 3am. I knew I wasn't going to be able to go back to sleep, so I decided to go down to the kitchen and get something hot to drink. One of the night agents followed me down to the kitchen and I noticed that there was already another agent hanging around by the entrance. I guess they don't really have anything better to do while we all slept. What I wasn't expecting was to see David sitting there.

"Oh, hey"

"Hey…I…I can leave…" I couldn't make him do that.

"No…you can stay, I just wanted to get something to drink"

"I can get you something"

"No" I interrupted, "I can do it." I then moved over to the coffee maker. They had supplied us with a Keurig, so I grabbed one of the hot chocolate pods and let the machine do its thing. I took the cup and held it in my hands and just stared at the machine, debating if I should turn around and engage in conversation. It was 3am, you never know if you're making the best life choices at this point in the morning. I decided I didn't want to have to bring the mug back down once I finished my cocoa and grabbed the stool at the end of the island, so one stool was between David and me.

We sat in a comfortable silence for a while. I wasn't personally wanting to address the situation, but I also didn't feel like I could leave him like this. He was obviously distraught. I felt like I owed him something, I just didn't know what.

"Sammy, why did you really stay?" Well I wasn't expecting that.

"What?"

"Why? Why did you stay?"

What was I supposed to say? I wasn't even sure why I stayed. Would he accept that answer or would he keep pushing?

"Sammy. Why did you choose to stay here when you obviously don't want to be around us?"

"That's not it"

"Then what is it? I've tried everything. I gave you space, I told you that I would understand if you went to be with your parents, I told you how much I wanted to get to know you, but none of it seems to change anything. Every time I feel like we take a step forward, we take 15 steps back."

"I know"

"Then what am I not doing?"

"It's not you David"

"Then what is it Sammy?"

"I just need time"

"I get that, I know that this is all a lot, but if you needed time, then why didn't you leave?"

"I don't know"

"I think you do"

"I really don't David"

"You do. Everyone in this house knew, you didn't want to be here with us, I ever understood that. I figured that, you might need some time away and that you probably needed to discuss with you parents why they kept this secret from you and figured out your feelings with them before you came to terms with us. But you didn't do that Sammy, you stayed. Why?"

He had a point. I had the perfect opportunity to leave, to take time to deal with my parents and my own feelings, but I didn't take them up on that offer. I didn't take time for myself. I decided that it was better to face the music head on than to try and run from it. It was the exact opposite of what I thought I was.

"David…"

"Sammy, I'm your father. I know you aren't comfortable with that and I know that you have a Dad that raised you. I don't plan on taking his place. However, I do want to have some place in your life and I want you to be a part of our family."

"I know that…and I don't know where I fit into that. You and Mary and your kids are the picture of the American dream. I'm just your illegitimate kid that you gave up for adoption. I don't have a place in your family"

"That's not true Sammy. I hate that you think that. I also don't know where you got the impression that we were this perfect family. You already know that I screw things up pretty bad with Emma because I couldn't move past losing you. I never wanted to give you up, I wanted to keep you. However, I knew that I couldn't provide the kind of life you deserved, so it didn't matter what I wanted. The only thing that mattered, was you." He had placed his hand on my cheek and was looking into my eyes. I felt so vulnerable yet, I also knew that he meant every word he was saying. I didn't know what to say. I just kept staring at him. I then felt his thumb brush against my cheek as he wiped away a stray tear. I didn't even know I was crying.

"I'm sorry" He moved his hand from my cheek and pulled me into him and cradled my head in his hand. I immediately fell apart. I was so broken, and confused, and lost, but his strong hold on me seemed to ground me somehow and make me think that things could possibly work out. I hadn't felt this way in such a long time.

We stayed that way for what seemed like forever, and David didn't say a word, he simply let me cry. Eventually my sobs subsided, and my breathing regulated its self as I calmed down. I didn't want David to let me go, for the first time since this whole thing started, I felt safe. I felt David shift a little bit as he was looking to see if I was still awake. When we made eye contact, he held me out just far enough away that we could see each other. "I love you, Samantha"

"I know"

"I love you"

"You said that"

"But I need you to hear it. I am not a perfect parent, not to Emma, not to Neal, and definitely not to you. Mary and I do our best with Emma and Neal, but we make mistakes on a regular basis. All I ask, all weask, is that you give us a chance to be your family."

"I don't know if I'll be any good at it"

"All I ask is that you give it a chance, let us in"

"I'm not good at that, letting people in."

"I promise you Sammy, I will always do everything I can, to honor your trust, if you'll give it to me. I know I'll make mistakes, but I desperately want to be the best father that I can be to you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because you're my daughter, and I love you"

"Thank you, David"

"Always" He then pulled me close again, I let him comfort me. After a minute or two he pulled me away again so we could make eye contact.

"Sammy, you never answered my question, why did you stay?" This time he asked the question a bit differently. The first time felt confrontational, this time, it genuinely felt like he wanted to know."

"Honestly, Emma"

"She mentioned something about you and her having a conversation."

"Yea" I started rubbing the back of my neck with my hand. "She helped me realize that, my parents were never told I had a choice to leave here and be with them. If I stayed, my parents wouldn't be hurt, and you wouldn't be hurt by me leaving. Everyone's happy."

"You didn't mention if you were happy"

"The choice wasn't about me"

"Samantha, this whole situation is about you. Jack wanted to make sure that you were okay, that you had the choice to do what was best for you, not what was best for everyone else"

"That's not how I operate"

"Well from this point forward, I want you to do what make you happy. I will never be mad at you, for doing what's best for you. My job as you parent, is to take care of you, not the opposite way around"

"I'll try"

"If you want, I'll talk to Jack. It hasn't been 24 hours, you could still leave"

"No, I want to stay"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure"

"Okay, if you ever start to feel like this is overwhelming, I want you to know I'm here, and I will do everything in my power to shield you from as much or as little as you feel you can handle"

"I'm an adult, I don't have that luxury"

"While you're here, you get to go back to being a kid. Who else gets that opportunity to go back to being carefree?" he said with a chuckle.

"I guess" I wasn't sure if I was necessarily ready to let him take care of me to that extent, but the idea didn't sound so bad.

"Well, I'm going to head back to bed, you should do the same"

"Yea, I guess so" David then took my cup and put it in the sink. The cocoa had long since gone cold and I wasn't planning on finishing it away. He then put his arm around my shoulders and led me over to my room before leaning over and giving me a kiss on the top of the head and heading off to his own room.