What He Wants

Chapter 13

Decisions to be Made

Author's note: Surprised by the quick update? Consider this a thank you for sticking by me despite last chapter's contents. It had the worst number of reviews and hits, but what the heck, I will finish this anyway! Thank you so much, parma-violets, for helping me out, and more thanks are due to CheeseyCraziness and xXxCherryBlossomxXx for helping me out.

Happy adult situation below; please hit the back button if you don't like those things!

For those freaked out by last chapter, relax. SxS will be all right now

More notes below

"He looked...like you..."

Syaoran's first impulse was to let go of Sakura in his shock, but he fought it and kept her close. Would holding her make her remember the attack then? But he knew he would have to sacrifice his own emotions to get the whole story out of her, and to help her let it all out.

So that was why she refused to look at him. But who was it who resembled him then who attacked her? Was it the lookalike of his he'd been seeing for so long?

"He said he was once called Syaoran as well," Sakura said softly. "And he..." She forced herself to look up at him. This was not fair. Syaoran didn't deserve to be punished by her refusing to look at him...and to have to hear what happened to her. She shivered when she saw his face in shadow; her eyes fooled her again. Then she lowered her eyes. Right now she was still afraid, and Syaoran in the darkness looked...like the other one.

Syaoran had no idea what to say or do. Should he let her go, now that she was shrinking from him? Did she want him to go away? What did she want?

She closed her eyes instead, snuggling up against Syaoran and breathing in his familiar, comforting scent. In the darkness, Sakura felt Syaoran's arms encircle her.

"I'm so sorry, baby blossom," he said softly as he held her. "I am so, so sorry. Tell me about it?"

She never answered; instead, she wrapped her arms around his neck but she kept her eyes closed. It was easier that way. It was so confusing to look at him and feel scared, all the while trying to remind herself, this is my Syaoran, this is the one I love, this is the one who loves me. Closing her eyes made it easier.

She felt Syaoran stiffen, and hated herself for being so cruel to him. But the fear, the pain, her emotions...she swallowed back more tears and focused on how gently he held her, how he smelled so comforting, how different and soothing the rhythm of his breathing was.

Closing her eyes though wounded Syaoran in ways he'd never thought possible. He inwardly protested: I did not do this to you! But he swallowed his pain and continued to offer comfort to Sakura. It was all they had left now, after all—the comfort of each other's presence.

That night was the first night Sakura did not curl into Syaoran's arms when she fell asleep. Syaoran watched her sleep, the ache in his heart threatening to overwhelm him. He wanted to touch her, to hold her...but he lay quietly beside her in a light doze, ready to wake if she needed him. They lay side by side but the few inches between them felt like a yawning gulf to Syaoran. The connection they normally felt with each other was missing, and his heart ached; she was shutting him out.

Several hours later, he was surprised when Sakura took hold of his arm—her eyes still shut tight—and draped it over her waist. Then she turned so that she would not be facing him, but he would still be holding her in an embrace. And this hurt him more than he thought it would. She needed him...but she could not face him. He knew she was awake, but unable to look at him...and again the strange thorn which seemed to have lodged itself in his chest burrowed deeper, hurting him more.

Several days passed in that manner. Syaoran would wake up to feel Sakura stirring restlessly in his arms, and he would pull himself away and force himself out of bed so that he would not scare her when she awoke and saw him. Since he'd taken to reinforcing the magical barriers around the house, she had no longer been attacked. It was a way for him to feel better since she would not let him get close, would not tell him what had happened.

Sakura was confused and angry and scared, and she was ashamed of her feelings. Sometimes she wanted Syaoran by her side...but sometimes she was relieved when he was gone. And she cried when she was alone; why was it so hard to be with Syaoran? She knew he hadn't done anything, that it wasn't his fault...yet...

Not knowing what Sakura was thinking was beginning to put a strain on Syaoran. He desperately tried to figure out what she wanted, and tried to second-guess her all the time...unknowingly, he aggravated the tension between them when he hesitated around her.

In the mornings, he shied from kissing her before he left for work; the morning after what happened, he had kissed her and she had gasped and recoiled. Syaoran worried that she would not welcome any physical contact from him. Instead, he settled for kissing her forehead when she was still asleep, leaving before she woke up, and returning in the afternoons to help her train—though he refrained as much as he could from touching her because she would pull away before she could remember who was with her.

Sakura on one hand was relieved that Syaoran was not forcing the issue of their previous physical intimacy on her. But another part of her was hurt that he was avoiding her; she could not see that he was hesitating because he was afraid to hurt her. And so one night a week after the rape, she went to sleep in the guest bedroom across his.

The confusion that was hounding Sakura could not lift because she refused to discuss the horrible incident. She knew she was lucky it hadn't lasted long; the young man had not had a chance to really hurt her. But she thought denying it would make the pain, the fear, the anger go away; she did not want to bother Syaoran with the morass of confusion she was in. I promised to protect him, she thought, and he does not deserve to have me pushing him away all the time. And so she decided to stay away from him to give him room to breathe, to not have to be awkward around her anymore. Yet she yearned to let him step in and take care of her.

No! That's weakness! He shouldn't have to be the one to deal with this! I will deal with it and then...and then what?

Sakura pulled a pillow over her head to muffle her sobs. She was so confused and miserable...with Syaoran, but especially so without him.

Syaoran entered their room with some tea and panicked when he saw Sakura wasn't there. He rushed out of the door; he could sense her aura, so he knew she was in the house. When he realized where she was, he tried the door...and found it locked.

She doesn't want to be near me, Syaoran thought.

Numbly he walked back to his room and found himself in the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror. A hollow-eyed, pale Syaoran stared back at him. He backed up until he hit the wall behind him, then slid to the floor. A tear spattered onto the floor; for the first time since he was eleven, Syaoran Li, one of the most powerful men in Hong Kong, was crying, and the only person who could comfort him was locked away from him just ten feet away.

He forced himself on his feet a little later. I can't give in to my emotions, he told himself sternly. Sakura needs me to protect her, and he walked to the door of the guest bedroom Sakura was in. He sat by the door, intending to guard her...from what, he didn't know, but it made him feel better to just be there, near Sakura somehow.

Syaoran later fell asleep in his uncomfortable position, and Yelan, perturbed by the lack of the lovely rosy glow from their bedroom, found him there.

She stroked her son's hair, and Syaoran stirred. She could feel how heartsore he was, and his loneliness assailed her like a wave. He murmured, "Sakura" in his sleep, and Yelan instantly realized something terrible must have happened; she could sense Sakura locked in the guest bedroom.

It hurt her to see her son so miserable—he'd been cold and emotionless so long, seeing him happy had been a joy for her—and to feel Sakura's own misery. Sakura was crying; Yelan could sense her emotions. Syaoran had been crying himself, and it broke her heart to know that his happiness had been cut short.

She knew no fight had taken place between her son and his fiancee, and that neither of them would willingly talk about it, so she resolved to find out what had happened the next morning.

Sakura woke up feeling oddly bereft and lonely the next morning; Syaoran's arms were not around her. She almost screamed when she noticed she was alone and not in Syaoran's bedroom. Then she remembered why she was there, and sighed. She missed him, very badly. But she did not want to burden him with her pain and confusion...and she did not want him to suffer whenever she pushed him away. I have to be strong for him, she thought, and she pulled her dressing gown on. As she crossed over to their bedroom, she found Syaoran waiting in the corridor. He looked terrible, like he hadn't slept.

"Syaoran?"

He sort of smiled weakly at her. "You all right, Sakura?"

They stood there awkwardly facing each other. It was like they didn't know how to talk to each other anymore. The lack of pet names did not escape Sakura. She lifted her hand and touched Syaoran's unshaven cheek.

Why was he looking so tired? Sakura wanted so much to hold him...but she didn't know whether he would welcome her suddenly coming back to him.

Syaoran closed his eyes; he was starved for affection from her, and even that small touch meant everything to him. How he missed his little blossom! But he opened his eyes quickly, afraid he would put her off with his behavior.

"Are you all right?" Sakura asked, green eyes wide with concern.

Syaoran nodded quietly, not admitting why he was tired. "Come, let's have breakfast, swee...Sakura." He'd almost added his pet name for her, 'sweet blossom,' but he held his tongue. He also did not dare touch Sakura for fear that she might recoil from him.

Sakura followed him to the kitchen quietly. He did not take her hand, and she wondered if he had reached the limits of his patience with her. But he pulled out a chair for her, and nodded. Yet they did not talk.

From the door, Yelan looked at Mei Ling, no words necessary; they knew someone would have to get the story out of either Sakura or Syaoran somehow.

Syaoran quietly left the house, saying a quiet goodbye to Sakura. He wanted to touch her, to kiss her goodbye, but he did not want to see her push him away, and so he sadly left.

She pressed her forehead to her steaming cup of tea; she wanted Syaoran so much but was unsure of how to relate to him now. She felt soiled and dirty; she was angry and ashamed and hurt that Syaoran seemed not to be making an effort to be closer to her. Instead she resolved to work harder and harder until she was strong enough to fight that odd-eyed man, and to protect all she held dear.

And so it was for the next several days.

"Enough!" Yelan called to Sakura, who was grimacing from the effort of learning a spell. "Sakura, for the gods' sake why are you working so hard?" She was hoping the younger woman would talk about what had caused Syaoran to rush home for nearly a week now, and what had caused Sakura to lose her cheer and work so hard at learning spells. She had even enlisted Mei Ling to teach her martial arts, and once, late at night, Yelan had come upon Sakura practicing sword forms in the large ballroom of the house.

And worst of all, Sakura had taken to sleeping in another room, the one across Syaoran's...and he now slept outside it, waking before she did. She could sense the pain and confusion between them, and she could see Syaoran desperately drawing on his magical reserves to survive the strain...and he was weakening as a result despite the fact that his magic was clearly back and in stronger concentrations than when he was a boy. He too practiced like one possessed, and constantly watched Sakura with loving if upset eyes.

Yelan was focused on a scene she had witnessed earlier that morning. Syaoran had come upon Sakura staring off into space, and he had awkwardly tried to enfold Sakura into his arms. At first she resisted, then melted into his embrace. Syaoran was clearly trying to reassure her about something, and Sakura was also trying her best to let Syaoran reassure her. Normally Sakura never resisted Syaoran, and Yelan could see how much pain both held in their hearts.

She did not want to ask her son what the matter was; she knew he would fall back into his old patterns of bristling anger if she did. Nonetheless Yelan wished to know the truth.

The truth was, Sakura was still angry. She was learning the sword at a fast pace, and hacked away at the practice dummies, imagining the blue-and-amber-eyed clone in all of them. Then she would stop, feeling guilty, as the young man so resembled Syaoran.

Finally Yelan asked carefully as she removed the practice sword from Sakura's hand, "What's wrong, Sakura?"

Sakura began to cry, and she held the younger woman until she calmed down.

"Is it Syaoran?" Yelan asked gently.

"No...well, I...I'm so sorry...I just..." Sakura could not string together a coherent sentence because her anger and frustration were eating away at her.

And she was ashamed of being so obvious. If Yelan had noticed...how weak was she anyway? Would Yelan be angry that Sakura was avoiding Syaoran?

She needn't have worried. "Sakura," Yelan said quietly, "I do not know what happened, and I understand if you don't want to tell me about it. But you must talk to someone soon. Wounds that are allowed to fester dig deeper, and I hate to see you in so much pain. At least, if you can't tell Syaoran or me, talk to Mei Ling or Tomoyo. Please."

Grateful that Yelan wasn't forcing her to tell what happened, Sakura nodded.

She knew she had to tell someone. But she decided it couldn't be Syaoran. She was afraid of letting him know what had happened; she didn't want to push him away. She was, truth to tell, still ashamed that she had been raped, and was unable to talk to Syaoran about it.

Had she realized that he would have welcomed anything from her, seen past her own pain, she would have flung herself into his arms then and there.

The next morning, Tomoyo returned from a brief sojourn home, happy from having seen her beloved mother and having spent some time with her. Mei Ling took her aside and mentioned the state of Sakura's and Syaoran's relationship—only, Tomoyo had already noticed it. Observing them, Tomoyo said, "Look at how they don't touch. She recoils, he backs off. They haven't fought...rather they need to talk, to touch, to relate to each other."

Mei Ling looked thoughtful. "I hate to say this but...you remember those dreams?"

Tomoyo understood immediately. "Has anyone broken into the house?"

"No...not even Auntie Yelan has sensed a magical intruder...but she says Syaoran and Sakura have stopped making love for a week or so now."

"We have to get her to talk," Tomoyo mused. "But how to open the topic..."

Mei Ling sighed. "I think I can. At lunch, open the topic of my father."

"No," Tomoyo breathed. Mei Ling had told her that story some time ago.

"We have to," Mei Ling said quietly. "For her sake. And his."

Tomoyo sighed. "All right. I don't like it but okay."

When lunch came, Tomoyo smoothly steered the conversation to her father, who had died when she was a baby. Sakura cheerfully talked about her father Fujitaka, then she relieved both women by asking Mei Ling, "Was your dad Syaoran's dad's cousin or brother?"

There it was. Mei Ling sighed. "Neither. My mom was his dad's cousin."

"What? But you're a Li!"

Mei Ling held Sakura's gaze firmly in her own, "My mother was raped; she never married. And I am the product of that rape."

Sakura gasped.

"My mother never blamed me for what happened," Mei Ling continued, her voice only wavering slightly. "It was Yelan-sama who fought the Elders for the right to give me the Li name. But because my mother never talked about it, and tried to deny it, she...it slowly ate away at her, and she never fought the cancer that took her life."

"What happened to you, Sakura?" Tomoyo asked quietly. "We've seen you and how you act towards Syaoran..."

Sakura paled. But these two women were her real, dearest friends...

"I...two weeks ago...someone came into my dreams and...he looked like Syaoran..."

It was Mei Ling's turn to gasp. "Did he rape you?"

"How did you know?" Sakura turned astonished eyes on her.

Mei Ling looked away. "I dreamt of it. I was praying it was never ever going to happen..." She quickly told Sakura of the dream of the odd-eyed Syaoran lookalike killing both Syaoran and another boy who looked like him, if a younger and gentler version.

Sakura's voice was dull. "That false Syaoran...he was the one who r...raped me." Mei Ling gasped, and Tomoyo's eyes widened. "It happened in a dream." She told them the story of how she had been sexually assaulted; though she did not cry, her voice shook, and she clenched her fists. She told them of how she wanted to spare Syaoran the agony of dealing with her pain, her shame at being unable to protect herself...

Unable to bear it, Mei Ling interrupted. "The first thing you have to learn," Mei Ling said quietly, "is that rape is not your fault. Ever. You're lucky it was in a dream, though—that you were really physically hurt..." Her voice trailed off, and there was silence for a while as all three women thought of the possiblities.

"But Sakura, you say Syaoran watched as you were raped?" Tomoyo asked.

"He woke me up when he saw what happened," Sakura said. The two other women looked at each other, then Mei Ling spoke.

"He had to watch...Sakura, do you know what that does to a man?" When Sakura shook her head, Mei Ling gave her a commiserating look. "You know, when Syaoran returned home after the Last Judgment, he was unable to forgive himself for not being able to protect you."

"H...he knew?"

"Deep inside he did. He became cold and angry, and he always, always, deep down, blamed himself for what happened. When you came back into his life, he changed. It was like with you around, he was able to forgive himself a little," Tomoyo picked up the conversation. "I found him crying in Penguin Park the day after you disappeared. He may not have all his memories but still...Sakura, please, we know how you must feel, how confused you must be, but can you see how you're hurting him?

"I know you're angry and hurt and all...God, I'd be off hunting the bastard down myself if it happened to me! So if you're pissed, by all means get stronger and prepare to kill him!" Mei Ling interrupted. Sakura smiled slightly, and Mei Ling smiled back.

In a gentler tone, she continued, "But you have to let Syaoran in on your pain. He is going to be your husband, you know. And he loves you. He would never blame you for what happened, nor would he take it against you if you were scared or angry or whatever."

Tomoyo and Mei Ling watched as Sakura stared off in the distance. She had been pushing Syaoran away ever since; they had not made love in so long...come to think of it, when was the last time she had shown him affection? And she hadn't thought of how he would receive what she had done.

"I was just trying to protect him," she said softly. "The guy...he looked like Syaoran and Syaoran doesn't deserve me pushing him away...and I'm so angry—I imagine that false Syaoran dying at my feet every day! And then I feel horrible because I think it's like me wanting Syaoran dead..."

"I think he would rather be treated that way so long as you're close to him," Tomoyo said wisely. "If you pull away from him—like you have, sleeping in another room, not touching him—it's worse because he doesn't know what you're thinking, what you're feeling. He'd rather go through it with you."

Sakura was trying not to cry, but Tomoyo looked at her. "Let it out, Sakura-chan. Let it go. Stop keeping it in. Don't blame yourself. Please. You are not to blame! And you have never been weak—look, you fought back!"

"I felt so dirty...I didn't want you to know I was so...helpless...He..."

As Sakura began to cry, both Mei Ling and Tomoyo comforted her; Mei Ling held one of Sakura's hands, and Tomoyo stroked Sakura's shoulders gently.

Mei Ling raised Sakura's chin gently. "Look at me, Sakura. Trust Syaoran. Trust Yelan-sama. Or us. It doesn't matter who. But you can't let this bring you down. Your life...no you, are worth much more than this one incident. No one can understand your pain; it will always be your own and you have every right to all the emotions you're feeling right now. Be angry, be scared, be furious, be ready to kill the bastard the next time he comes near you, if he ever does. But don't shut us...least of all Syaoran...out. Do you understand? You need to let us help you, and to let Syaoran help you."

"I couldn't tell Syaoran...I mean, we moved here because he was worried about protecting me and then this happened...what would it do to him to know he failed? Just like...the Last Judgment," she whispered, agony in her voice.

Both Mei Ling and Tomoyo embraced Sakura.

"You need to trust those you love," Tomoyo said quietly. "And we love you. We all do," she smiled.

"But Syaoran...how would he feel if I suddenly came back to him..." Sakura was hesitating.

"He would be happy," Mei Ling said. "If you open your heart to him again, show him you trust him...I believe the quote for this is, 'Everything will be all right,' and though it isn't going to be the way it was before, well..." Mei Ling smiled back. "You'll be together. And you two have always been stronger together."

"I know," Sakura whispered as she wiped away one last tear.

Then they all turned as Syaoran arrived, looking tired and haggard. He looked gently at Sakura though, and raised a hand as if to touch her, then thought the better of it and dropped his hand, looking somewhat ashamed. Tomoyo sighed; clearly, it was both instinct for Syaoran to want affection from Sakura, to reach out for her. She could still read him the way she had when they were children, and she knew he was feeling guilty and selfish for still needing her despite her ordeal.

Sakura took a deep breath just as Syaoran arrived. One glance, and Tomoyo knew she and Sakura were thinking the same thing.

I love him so much, Sakura thought. I need him. I can't be as strong as I am without him. And the thought gave her the impetus to do what she did next.

Despite the shadows under his eyes, and the visible tiredness in him, he gave her a soft, loving look. To his surprise, she ran into his arms.

How he had missed the way she did that! Syaoran held her close, ignoring Mei Ling and Tomoyo, burying his nose in her sweet-smelling hair, loving that she had finally willingly touched him after so long.

"Welcome home, Syao-wolf," she whispered as he held her. "I'm so so sorry!"

Oh how he had missed her nickname for him! Syaoran really smiled for the first time in the week since the incident, and said, "Don't be sorry, sweet blossom. Never ever."

"I love you, Syaoran. I love you so much," Sakura said softly as she looked him straight in his beautiful brown eyes, the eyes she loved so much, the eyes which she knew would always hold that love for her.

In response Syaoran kissed her for the first time since the rape, a deep tender kiss into which he poured all his love for her.

"Oh, get a room!" Mei Ling rolled her eyeballs at Tomoyo, who giggled. "Seriously!"

Sakura and Syaoran broke off the kiss, foreheads touching, and smiled at Tomoyo and Mei Ling. "Sorry," Syaoran said, as he wrapped his arms around Sakura and pulled her close. She rubbed her nose against his as she always had before, and he felt the thorn in his heart disappear completely.

"Don't worry, we understand," Tomoyo smiled.

I should have remembered this, Sakura thought ruefully as she sank into Syaoran's gentle embrace, how much he loves me. That's the difference. When I met Syaoran he was on his way to becoming that soulless...thing...it's what he could have been. But he has changed so much for me, because he loves me.

She took his hand and really smiled at him for the first time since the incident; Syaoran smiled back happily. Sakura tugged him towards the stairs; he lifted her off her feet, both of them laughing as he carried her up the stairs. They collapsed happily into their bed in his room. Syaoran pulled her into their old embrace; Sakura snuggled up to him and she inhaled his beloved scent, just as he savored hers.

"Sweet blossom...I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, I..." Syaoran began, but was interrupted when she put her finger on his lips.

"Don't be sorry," she said softly.

"But I am," Syaoran said. He'd been wanting so much to say it to her.

She kissed him gently, letting him know she forgave him, that she didn't care, that she loved him anyway. "Do you love me?" Sakura said softly when she pulled away. "That's all I need from you. Please..."

Syaoran also put a finger on her lips. "I do love you, Sakura," Syaoran said gently, and she smiled again.

"I am so sorry I pushed you away. I thought I was protecting you from all I felt..." And Sakura took Mei Ling and Tomoyo's advice, pouring out her anger, her frustration, telling Syaoran what she thought, how she felt.

Syaoran did not interrupt; he merely held her and kept listening, touching her cheek gently, letting her know he was there. He was angry at how badly hurt she had been; his old feelings of wanting to hunt that odd-eyed lookalike returned. But he stayed there, reassuring Sakura with his gentle look. He was grateful she trusted him again and told him what she had been through. When she finished talking, Sakura kissed Syaoran and lay in his arms quietly.

"I don't want to let what happened define who I am. It happened to me; it is not something that makes me who I am," Sakura said quietly.

Syaoran smiled. "I'm glad you think that," he said as he caressed her cheek. "Not to make light of it, though. I quite understand how angry you are, and if you want to kill him, be my guest." He paused, then continued, "But Sakura?"

"Yes?" Sakura looked into his eyes, thinking she knew what he wanted to say.

"Please...never shut me out again." The raw emotion of pleading in his voice made Sakura feel very guilty.

"Sorry," Sakura lowered her eyes. "I was just so..."

"You can beat me up the way you do the practice dummies," Syaoran joked. "Just let me in, sweet blossom, when you're angry or confused or scared."

"I will," she promised. "You do the same though."

"Okay." Syaoran smiled.

They lay together in a companionable silence, savoring the way they had been reunited, the way the lines of communication were open between them again.

"I believe your love will see me through anything," Sakura said softly. "And I won't forget today."

"I believe the same thing too," Syaoran smiled. "About what happened to you...I know it happened in a dream," Syaoran said softly, "and I wish it never did. That way you would still be completely happy. I just want you to be happy...no awful memories..."

"Then...let's erase it," she said softly. "Make love to me...the way only you can," Sakura said as she slid Syaoran's shirt off him.

"Are you sure?" Syaoran asked, then gasped as Sakura's small hands began to stroke his nipples, and stray across his chest.

"I want you to take the memory away by giving me another memory. Yours," Sakura said as she began to plant kisses on his toned chest and neck.

He did not reply; instead, he brought his lips gently down in a series of butterfly kisses that swept from her nape down to her shoulders; Sakura shuddered in pleasure.

"Syaoran..." she breathed softly.

Still he did not reply as he slowly peeled her clothes off her and kissed her everywhere he could reach. He let his tongue flick out and tease her gently; he knew she liked little surprises when they made love.

"You are beautiful," he finally said, when the last of her clothes fell away. "And I love you more than anything else in my life," he said as he began to lick at her skin gently. He was gentle and tender; he wanted to make love to Sakura and let her feel, and know just how much he loved her.

He patiently kissed every inch of skin on her neck, her chest, her breasts, and on her shoulders, where she liked it best, he planted a few small love bites. He murmured his love for her with each kiss, and returned to her lips often to kiss her deeply and passionately, his tongue sweetly running over hers. She ran her hands through his thick brown hair, murmuring his name and responding with her own declarations of love for him.

Then Syaoran began to minister to Sakura's breasts. He knew she loved having her nipples rolled, and so he used his tongue to lave each one slowly, teasingly, tantalizingly.

Sakura threw her head back in pleasure; anticipating this, Syaoran laid her down on the bed, against the thick down pillows. He chuckled, and Sakura smiled; he always anticipated her needs, knew what she wanted...and this was real, the Syaoran who loved her completely.

When his kisses trailed down again to her breasts, she pushed them together and let him lick at both nipples rapidly. She knew what she liked now, and was no longer shy about asking Syaoran for it.

Syaoran for his part enjoyed watching Sakura's face and her responses: how her nipples stiffened, how her eyes squeezed shut, how her little gasps became small and almost childlke. As much as he wanted to consummate their love quickly, he knew she needed him to go slow—so he did.

He slowly turned her to her side and began to kiss and lick her back and shoulders, savoring her, tasting her skin. When she shuddered from each light kiss and touch, he smiled; he would never tire of making love to Sakura.

Sakura was thrilling to Syaoran's touch. This...this tenderness, this passion...it was right, it was real. She could feel his love for her with each touch, and she opened her eyes to watch Syaoran making love to her. He smiled when he saw her watching, and came back to kiss her again. This time they both kept their eyes open as they kissed; it was a strange, wonderful sensation, amber meeting emerald, and both smiled.

She was beginning to see how different Syaoran really was from the strange young man who had violated her in her dreams. For one, Syaoran was much more handsome; the blank stare and the scars made the other one strangely repellent. Syaoran also radiated love and kindness; his aura was pure and clean, whereas the other's was chaotic and confused.

Syaoran smiled when Sakura began to glow pink again; she clearly liked what he was doing. He continued to kiss and lick her all over, ignoring his own need for release; she needed him, and he was prepared to love her all night if he had to.

He found his way to the labia of her little secret and almost hesitated, remembering what had happened to her and how she had been violated in that area. So Syaoran began by tickling her tummy; when she giggled, he smiled at her and licked what he had just tickled.

Finally he parted her thighs gently and to his relief, he found that she was moist already. He slowly licked her labia up and down, arousing her even further; when the folds parted to reveal her entrance, he teased her little bud then thrust his tongue into her to make love to her that way until he felt her come several times, screaming his name each time.

Syaoran then sat on the bed, and placed Sakura in his lap with her legs parted. He kissed her lips gently, his tongue entering her mouth and letting her taste herself on him. Then he placed her hands on his erect manhood.

"You slide me in when you're ready," Syaoran said softly, giving her the option to back out if she was still afraid. "If not, it's okay."

Sakura smiled, and slowly slid him into her; she wanted him, she wanted this. Once Syaoran was all the way in, she wound her arms around his neck and kissed him. He held her tight; somehow this was the sweetest love they had made, a reaffirmation of how they loved each other.

He rocked her hips on his gently, and smiled as he kissed her; Sakura rubbed his nose with hers and closed her eyes to better feel Syaoran filling her. Each thrust brought him deeper into her, and she gasped and moaned in pleasure; each chance she got, though, she opened her eyes to watch his.

"Look," he said, and pointed downwards; Sakura could see him moving in and out of her, and the sight aroused her even more. "Do you see us joined together?" he asked.

"Y...yes," Sakura hissed through teeth clenched in preparation for an orgasm. Her hands spread across Syaoran's chest, and she kissed and stroked his nipples, which were sensitive. He moaned into her ear; she delighted in the sound of his voice. Both of them were glowing beautifully; theirs was a brilliant, fiery red, full of their revived passion for each other.

"That's you and me," Syaoran said. "I'm in you, moving... thrusting... loving you." He brought his lips closer to her ears as he pulled her into a tighter embrace. "They call it sex, fucking...I call it making love to my Sakura." He then closed his eyes and increased the pace of his thrusts into her as Sakura also began to move faster against him, panting and kissing his face rapidly.

Soon, she began to come, and Syaoran let himself go so that he could come with her; she moaned as she felt his warm seed spill into her, and he groaned into her ear.

They stayed joined for a while, Sakura planting butterfly kisses on Syaoran's nose and cheeks.

"Thank you," Sakura whispered.

"I didn't do anything," Syaoran said as he stroked her hair.

"You made love to me," she smiled up at him as he slid out of her and, as usual, passed her some tissues.

"And that's something to be thankful for?" Syaoran chuckled. "Am I ever lucky to be marrying you then."

Sakura giggled and curled into him; soon, she drifted off into sleep. Syaoran stayed awake, holding her. He'd been drawing on his magical reserves, having gotten less than two hours of sleep a day as he watched over Sakura. But today, he felt confident enough to let himself fall asleep.

Had Sakura known, she would have felt even worse...but he decided to rest so she wouldn't worry. He could tease her about it later. She was worth everything he'd done; a small smile curved Syaoran's lips.

"I love you, my little blossom," he whispered as Sakura rolled over and pressed herself against him. "No matter what."

And he smiled when she responded sleepily, "Silly wolf. I love you too."

She was finally where she belonged, again. And so was he.

Outside the door, Yelan and Mei Ling smiled as they saw the glow fade.

"Guess they worked it out," Mei Ling smiled.

"Good. Now let's prepare to welcome the interesting boy who's coming here...the one you saw in your dream," Yelan said.

"So he's not Syaoran?"

Yelan smiled tenderly. "No. I think he is my grandson."

You should thank parma violets and CheeseyCraziness for the fact that the next chapter is already begun, and I hope to post it soon!

A preview—no TWO previews:

Preview 1:

Fong Tian was walking home with her groceries for the week. It was an ordinary evening, and she hummed as she put her key into her lock. She tossed her auburn hair aside and dropped her groceries on the kitchen table, her green eyes sparkling with life and good humor.

When she switched the light on, she gasped. One of the most handsome young men she had ever seen stood in her doorway. He had tousled auburn hair like hers, high cheekbones, a slender build, smooth skin--save for a few scars here and there--and the most dramatic thing about him, one blue and one brown eye. He was clad in ordinary jeans and a shirt, but there was a strange air about him, like he wasn't comfortable in his own skin.

"Uh...Can...can I help you?"

He entered her house, eyeing her impassively as he shut the door behind him and looked at her. She looked close enough to Sakura for what he needed.

"You'll do," he said emotionlessly as he stepped towards her and began to strip off his shirt.

Preview 2:

Shaoron Clow stood in front of Li Manor and finally raised a finger to press the ornate doorbell. Before he could complete the gesture though, the gates slid open.

A beautiful woman with waist-long black hair and burgundy eyes stood there. She looked Shaoron over, then suddenly smiled.

"You're just as handsome as Syaoran was at your age," she said. "I knew you were coming."

"Er..." and Shaoron bowed hesitantly, "I...my name is Shaoron...Miss Li?"

"Oooh, how cute!" Mei Ling clapped her hands. "You even have a variation of Syaoran's name...hmm, little dragon, guessing you..."

"Welcome," another voice came, and Shaoron turned to see a tall, elegantly beautiful woman—Yelan Li, mother to Syaoran Li. She was formidable, and Shaoron could sense the magic in her was quite powerful, and he was somewhat intimidated until she placed a hand under his chin, looked at his eyes, and smiled. "Such a handsome boy. So like Syaoran." Then she straightened up. "I see you have the Cards with you. You just missed Sakura and Syaoran, though. They're on their way to Tomoeda."

"Tomoeda?" Shaoron's eyes grew wide. "No...they can't be!"

Author's notes

1. If you're confused, let me explain that there is Syaoran Li, who is marrying Sakura Kinomoto. He is our hero. Shaoron Clow is cloned from Syaoran; if you follow Tsubasa, he corresponds to the original personality of the Good Clone Syaoran there. He is searching for the girl he loves, the clone Princess Sakura from Tsubasa. The reason why they have new names here (Shaoron Clow and Mei Xing) is because they do not have names—only borrowed ones—in Tsubasa. The rapist is the current incarnation of the Clone in Tsubasa—the evil one who ate Fai/Fay's eye in the OAV and the manga. The reason for the title has already been revealed: the reason why the events of the story came about is because of the many "hes" in the story who want something.

2. This chapter is for butterfly.KISSU who figured out what was going on and why what happened last chapter happened.

My thanks to those who reviewed; I really appreciated it because I thought for a while chapter 12 would be the worst received chapter of them all!

AngelEmCuti, thank you so much! I hope that this chapter (all the way to the end) keeps you interested! lhaine07, haha! It was meant to creep you out; while Evil Clone is not a stereotypical bad guy, relax, he will so NOT get away with it! CheeseyCraziness, here's your oh so happy lemon XD SakuraLover, thank you for being so patient! Good luck with uni! winterkaguya, oooh, you have no idea how close you are, and yes, Sakura would want more than one child! As you know Fai does piss Mei off in my other fic XD hope this happy scene between SxS is something you like reading! rondallagurl, whew! kaloka sa public school noh? Poor Syaoran at the start of this chapter! xXxCherryBlossomxXx, i luff you too! meow-mix23, here's your quick update, and wish me luck on the next chapter! iNuQTpIe, as you see, they are stronger now :D Raine793, sorry if you were shocked but you will see the scene was needed. Plus buti nga ikaw 4th e ako, haha! Musette Fujiwara, Shaoron is meant for Xing Mei. The evil clone and rapist is the one who wants Syaoran's life. Thank you for noticing how hard I worked on the feelings of Sakura! butterfly.KISSU, thank you for paying such close attention, so see the dedication above! Yes, this is important to the ending. Mystic Moon Empress, I couldn't make the scene too detailed as it would terrify me. Thank you for the review!