Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters from Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or event. This story is for entertainment only and is completely made up from my head.

Thank you to my incredible betas EdwardsFirstKiss, Driving Edward, Midnight Cougar and the pre-readers from my FB street team Bbmassey88, Karen Cullen Grey, Destapan, Tammy, Sassy98200 and Pimm Cullen.

A/N

Happy Anniversary Twilight Movie! I'm so excited to see it for the first time in the movie theater, along with my niece and the next generation of Twilight lovers.

Thank you all for your comments and reviews of the last chapter.

I know you've been waiting for the next chapter so here it is.

Song: Clarity by Zedd

Chapter 13

BPOV

"We don't have to go. I can just tell our parents you don't fucking want to see them."

I glared at my husband in the reflection of my vanity mirror. "All I said was that maybe we could spend some time at home this holiday."

"We are always home!" He lifted his hands up, frustrated. "Where is this coming from?"

I set down my eyeliner, turning my body around in the chair to face him. "It's been a busy year, and we both have had a lot going on. I was thinking, why go through all the stress of the holidays? Why don't we take a mini trip? Lie on a beach somewhere and just enjoy it."

He looked at me dumbfounded. "How is that Christmas, Bells? What about that says the joy of Christmas?"

It was clear that I was presenting a hopeless case. "Okay."

He looked at me as if I had grown two heads. "That's it? We're good?"

We were far from good; however, I was tired of the discussion.

Jake kneeled at my side and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I didn't mean to get upset. But, it's Christmas, my favorite holiday. The thought of not seeing our family...I was getting worried about you there for a minute. Wait; are you on your period?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, something like that."

"Bells, you can't spring something like this last minute. The family would be very disappointed if we weren't there. Emmett and Rose will be there this year. They decided to stay at home and are bringing Hanna and Deedee over so we can see the kids." He planted a firm kiss on my cheek before he stood. "We'll go somewhere after the holidays; maybe around Valentine's Day? You'll love that! Nonstop baby making." He winked and kissed the top of my head.

I grinned and watched as he exited our bedroom. I turned around to finish applying my make-up and didn't recognize the woman staring back at me.

I was looking straight into the eyes of an imposter.

-C-

"Wow, this is a surprise. Morning, Peter," I said, smiling at him. Usually, he picked me up in the Jag or a sedan, but today he was driving a black limousine.

I had been enjoying our drives, and Peter was a great ear. He listened to my utter ramblings about everything and nothing without complaint. I could never share my thoughts about Edward, but Peter was a comfort to me, for some reason, and I liked talking to him.

"Morning, Mrs. Black."

When he opened the door, my smile grew into surprise.

"Morning, Isabella." Edward looked up from his laptop.

"Edward...I didn't realize..." I turned to look at Peter, who was professionally coy about the strange and awkward exchange that was happening.

"Shall we?" Edward scooted over, but I sat in the bucket seat across from him.

-Three weeks earlier-

How the hell could Edward be attracted to me?

The thought alone made my heart skip and my stomach flip. I was married and he was with Tanya. Well...not sure after the text he had sent.

What was he thinking? He should have gone to her. Yet, he wanted me however much I could give him.

The whole situation wasn't just fucked up but surreal.

It was also a tragedy.

The thought of hurting Jake wasn't an option; I loved him. He was my husband. I made a vow. We had made a vow. For better or for worse, I kept saying to myself as I drove home that night from Edward's. I grew up believing it was a sin to divorce and adultery was never an option... until death do us part.

Jake and I were going through another rough patch, but we'd always got through them.

Yes, that had to be it! I thought.

I was sure that was what was happening to Edward and Tanya. I didn't really know much about their relationship, but it had to be difficult being separated all the time. Edward seemed to make an effort at his relationship. We both were just going through some bumpy patches at the same time.

Even though Edward was my client, I couldn't deny that we had grown closer. Maybe, I was too friendly. Maybe, I should have dialed back my attraction. I should have been more professional.

Over and over in my mind, I thought about the whys and the hows, and being able to go on knowing how Edward felt. Yet, as I kept driving, the one person I should have been thinking about the most was drifting farther from my mind.

Tears poured down my face, and all I could see was Edward.

-C-

I can't lie about my feelings anymore, Bella, but I will try to control them. -EC

I had hated Edward for a while afterward. Hated him for making me want something I could never have. Hated him for thinking I wanted him to be honest. It would have been best for all concerned if he had lied. Lied to himself about the feelings he had for me. Lied to me about his trip to meet Tanya. Told me he made a horrible mistake, and in fact, he loved her and she had fucked it out of him. Something not to make me want to scream, yell, and physically throw things—mostly at him for not lying to himself or to me.

But, it was already too late, and Edward's truth had now made me a liar. I lied to everyone close to me. I told my best friends that everything was good in my life, and even though I could tell they saw through my lie, I was grateful they hadn't pushed for the truth. I had to live the lie every day since with my husband; telling myself our love was strong, that our marriage could not be broken...

I was becoming so good at my own lies that I even believed them myself.

-C-

"Are you still angry?" Edward asked, walking into my office, locking the door behind him.

He looked amazing, as always. His gray suit perfectly cut to enhance his fit physique. His hair was in a fucked up mess, and my heart fluttered at that thought. He looked perfectly put together, however it were the shadows under his eyes that told another story. He mentioned he couldn't sleep. The evidence was clear. The thought of him not sleeping because of me was strange to say the least.

"I'm done being angry. I...Edward, I love my husband. I never even thought of another man until..." He stepped forward. I stepped back because I couldn't think straight when he was close to me. "I enjoy our times together. Our lunches, talking about cars and art, and...everything. I'm not angry, Edward. I'm heartbroken that it all has to end."

"Why would those things end? Obviously, I have enjoyed them as well."

I looked at him knowingly as if he'd lost his mind. "I'm not going to cheat, Edward."

"I never said I wanted you to."

Well, damn...he never did. I thought...

"Bella, you and I both know you are not one who would feel at ease with an affair; especially with your upbringing. One of the many qualities I admire is your integrity. I, for one, hope you know that I never expected or assumed you would cheat. However, I can't deny my feelings for you anymore. With that being said you have given me no other choice than to accept that you and I can only be friends."

I found myself stepping closer to him, and he reached out and placed a strand of hair behind my ear. My body quivered at his touch.

"However, until you are honest with yourself regarding the feelings that I know you have for me, I don't plan to make our friendship status easy, Isabella," he said with a clinched jaw.

-PRESENT DAY-

I watched Peter shut the limo door, and then I looked up at Edward. Being in close proximity was becoming more difficult for me. Controlling the thoughts that would pop up was becoming more of a challenge. I looked over to the house to see if Jake could see us. He was on the phone when I said goodbye, and I was hoping he was still on that call.

Things between us had gotten better with all things concerning Edward. I made a greater effort to put his suspicions at ease; doubled with the conversation I'd had with Tanya, who had reached out to me to begin their project. I had spoken to her more than to Edward for the past few weeks, which said very little. Our conversations were more...non-verbal.

Edward was true to his promise; he had made things extremely difficult.

I hadn't noticed, at first, the subtle brushes of his body as he walked past me, until he was wearing different cologne. That was when I realized how close we had been standing to each other. However, I did notice his hand on my lower back every time we walked somewhere together. The soft pressure on my back made me hyperaware of his presence.

-C-

Then there were the texts. They started out innocent enough—with a playful hint or undertone to them—until they became something more revealing. The instant my cell would alert me of an incoming message, my body would vibrate on its own every time I saw Edward's name come across.

You look amazing in that dress. -EC

The compliments flooded in.

Did you know when you blush it spreads along your chest? -EC

And so did the desire.

-C-

There were the emails, many of them innocent too at first, as well as the phone calls, until they became more.

"Is it wrong to want you this much?" Edward asked.

That was the last question he had asked me before I stepped into the conference room for a meeting. One he smoothly walked into after placing that call. I lost my focus a few times from his mere presence, which he did on purpose. I had mentioned that I was nervous about the presentation. Edward had arranged for me to present a couple of my design ideas to the wife of a friend of his who was remodeling their new home. If all went well, she would recommend me to redesign his medical offices. Edward had shared that he was one of the top cardiologists in the U.S. Even The Mayo Clinic would ask him to consult. Nailing that contract would be the icing on the cake. The referrals alone that Edward would send my way would have me working for years, and would help pay off everything a lot sooner than I had planned.

With all the great things that were happening, I had to put an end to the flirtatious behavior once and for all.

-C-

Edward relaxed back in his seat as he continued to stare at me while Peter pulled onto the road. We said nothing for a while until his hands moved to a button and the partition behind me went up.

The sound of the divider slowly sealing us in made me anxious and nervous. The moment it clicked, he placed his laptop next to him and leaned in toward me.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

He looked surprised.

"I thought we could ride to the meeting together."

"Edward, the meeting is in the city. I believe this trip is out of your way."

He smiled. "Would you like a drink?"

I shook my head. "You can't do this." I waved a hand though the air. "Coming to pick me up...Jake feels more comfortable now—"

"Isabella," he snapped.

His eyes narrowed as he poured his drink. He took several sips, looking frustrated at me before placing it down.

"Your husband has nothing to be concerned with."

That was a harsh statement, I thought. Why I felt that way was another issue.

"Edward, you and I both know that my husband should be concerned."

"Bella, you have made it perfectly clear that your marriage comes first."

I had called him up shortly after that last meeting. I knew that if I said what I needed to say in person, it could end up going into another direction, as had our previous conversations. My marriage was my priority. If Edward couldn't accept that, then our friendship had to end. Edward agreed, stating he didn't want to jeopardize the friendship we had created.

That all sounded great, however the desire was still very real.

Trying to rein in the attraction to him was challenging, to say the least. It might not have been as difficult if Edward hadn't reminded me how fucked up the situation was for us both. Here we were trying to stay friends—me trying to stay friends. Because stating I would walk away from Edward and actually doing it, was another lie. If I was truthful, the thought of not being able to be friends with Edward wasn't an option.

Edward's cell rang, and he lifted it to his ear and started talking, while his eyes stayed fixed to mine.

It was Tanya, and for a moment, I felt like I was intruding, but I was more curious about their dynamic. The conversation was short, and Edward placed his cell back on the small table next to him.

"I have a question?" I asked.

He nodded to go on.

"Do you love Tanya?"

"If I said I didn't, would it change how you feel about me?"

"Not necessarily."

"Is it because you love your husband, yet you have feelings for me?"

I straightened, picking the nonexistent lint off my knee, and ignored his question.

"If Tanya read the texts or emails you have been sending me, wouldn't she be upset?"

He cocked his head to the side. "Would Jake?"

"Ummm, yes!"

"That's why you erase each one I send, and so do I. We may understand our friendship, but they perhaps may not."

"You're wrong." I sighed.

He looked at me quizzically.

"I don't understand our friendship at all, Edward."

He smirked in that way. The one I hated. The one that made my body heat up and thighs rub together and nipples harden at the sight of it. The power Edward Cullen had over my body was disturbing at times.

I could feel my desire growing as he leaned in closer. "Edward..." I warned.

He sat back then took a few sips from his glass, contemplating.

"Shall we get started?" he asked. "The construction permits need to be reviewed, and the wall you are thinking of taking out could be a problem."

"Oh, okay, well, let me take a look."

Edward handed me the papers and apparently, it was a meeting prep session. However, that smirk was saying it was much more.

-C-

"Where to for lunch?" Edward asked, scooting in next to me.

"Uh...I'm not sure."

"Bella, we are having lunch." He looked pointedly at me.

"Japanese."

"Peter, Ray's," he directed, and we were off.

"That went well. I may ask you to sit in on a refurbishing job we are doing," he said, typing into his cell.

I turned toward him. "How can I help?"

He looked over at me. "You have a great eye, and not just for art. Your expertise in materials and design could be beneficial."

"For a chair or a lounger perhaps, but Edward, a car?"

"I'll give you a few renderings, look over them. I'll send you a mock-up of what the client is looking for. I value your opinion, Bella."

"Well...I could add that to my portfolio." I smiled warmly.

"Wise woman." He smiled and nodded, looking pleased with himself.

"What are you thinking, Edward?"

"How easy things can be with you. Not all things" —he arched a brow— "but most."

-C-

Ray's was full, but we were able to snag a small table in the back next to the kitchen.

I looked at my vibrating cell and texted Alice the final choices. "Sorry." I looked up at Edward. "I didn't have anything to wear for the New Year's Eve Gala, so I asked Alice for help, and she sent me dresses to select. She's at some designer's studio and they are loaning her a few gowns."

Edward's company threw a gala each year for their clients and he had invited Jake and me to the affair. At first, Jake hadn't wanted to go, but I convinced him that it would be a great networking opportunity for me, and a good time for him to get to know Edward better. He had declined several offers to meet Edward and me for lunch. I hoped Tanya would be there as well; it would help Jacob let go of any ideas he might still have been harboring about Edward and me.

I thought if Edward and Jacob got to know each other better, then Edward would see that he was a good guy and vice versa. It was a farfetched idea, but if Edward and I were going to remain friends, they both needed to get along. I went out of my way to be friendly with Tanya, which was harder than I had anticipated, but she was with Edward.

"May I take a look at those?" Edward's hand reached out.

I gave him my phone and showed him the choices. Edward flipped through the pictures until he stopped on one in particular. He examined the picture, then me, then texted Alice a response.

"Ah...may I ask what you just sent?"

He handed me the phone, and I smiled at his response.

This one is perfect! -BB

The long, slimming, black dress was beautiful, very simple, yet elegant. It had a high neckline with a plummeting back that would render me wearing a bra virtually impossible. The soft material draped along every curve of the model. Alice had sent over the front and side views only, however the pictures revealed the barely there backside.

"Nice choice."

"I can't wait to see you in it." His eyes showed exactly the opposite.

The pull between us was growing stronger. The thought of him imagining what I looked like without the dress on could have been a large reason.

"Did you select Tanya's dress as well?" I took a sip of water.

He chuckled. "She would never have accepted my suggestion if I had."

"I see, so if I select another option..."

His eyes grew heavy. "Wear the dress, Isabella."

My heart sped up.

We stared at each other until the server filled my glass with water.

"Are you anxious for the holidays?" he asked, relaxing back into his seat.

I was very thankful for the change of subject.

"Why would you think that?"

I hadn't mentioned my idea that Jake had shot down.

"Not any particular reason, other than it's a stressful time of year. Having to spend time with people you may not even like, can be daunting."

I sat up. "That's a strange way of putting it."

"You're saying that you enjoy it when creepy Uncle Joe gets handsy when you greet him?"

I snorted out an unexpected laugh. "You have a point."

"There's a fun time to be had listening to everyone else's views about politics, career advice, and life choices as if they know what's best for you." He grinned.

"I didn't realize we were related, Edward. I didn't see you at the last disordered family dinner." I laughed. "It's not all that bad. I enjoy being reminded how I'm not perfect and I was lucky I had found a man when I did. The criticizing of my hair, clothes, and yes, career choice makes it a very festive time indeed." Edward's grin grew tight. "But really, I love the holidays. It's just that this year I wanted to remove the stress of it all. Maybe have a quiet holiday at home for once."

"Why don't you?" Edward asked, as if that was a simple request.

"Jake."

"Ahh, you are compromising."

I rolled my eyes. "I was guilted. I truly don't mind spending time with family. I look forward to it, in spite of all the drama. I was only thinking that we needed to...reconnect."

I felt that twinge of guilt again. There I was talking about reconnecting with my husband to the man who wanted to connect with me. I had to do the right thing, and I hoped that one day he would understand, but I needed to focus on my marriage.

"Isabella, please stop biting your lip."

I didn't realize I was.

"Bella, you can talk to me."

"Can I, Edward?" I looked around the restaurant. "Can I be honest with you when it comes to my marriage?" I snapped. "Sorry, I...it's been hard. Not hard, just...I'm committed to my marriage."

It had been easier not to think about my feelings for Edward versus dealing with them head-on. Every time I thought of something more with him, I was either eating my feelings away or running to the store for extra batteries. My sex life had been great with my pink bunny, yet non-existent with the real thing—another reason why I wanted to reconnect with Jake. Thinking about Edward when he touched me was affecting our sex life. My drive was gone, smothered beneath the weight of guilt. My mind seemed able to live with the lies, yet my body refused to.

Edward reached over for my hand. "Bella, you are a good person. I only want you to be happy."

I looked down at our joined hands. My emotions quickly kicked in, and I felt overwhelmed. The tears welled up and my stomach started to turn. I'd been having burning sensations in my gut that wouldn't go away. I removed my hand from under Edward's and didn't look up at him. I already knew what I would see in his eyes.

"You mean be happy with you?" I asked, more to myself.

"You know how I feel."

I looked up. "How can you continue to be my friend knowing that...?"

"I want more?"

I nodded.

"It hasn't been easy for me, honestly. My wanting you and you...are with him. It tears me up inside not being the one who has you completely. Not just your body, but also your soul."

My heart jumped. "Edward..."

"Bella, I know I've been coming on strong. Fuck, it's difficult not being able to..." He huffed. "I don't want to be the cause of your stress. I don't want to be the bad guy, or the reason why you feel the need to get away." He looked over his shoulder, and then leaned in. His eyes bore into mine as he started speaking more quietly. "If I could control these feelings I have for you, it would be better for both of us, yes? If I could not think about you, every waking moment or feel the same way about Tanya, our lives would be easier. We could continue as normal. But, I can't control how I feel. I've tried. For you, for Tanya, and even for myself. Do you think it's easy for me to imagine you with any other man other than myself? However, life is cruel, and you're another man's wife. I have no other choice but to take whatever you will give me." He chuckled. "It seems as if I'm a masochist as well." He nervously swept his hand through his hair.

I gave him a timid smile while digesting his words, words that had struck a chord. However, it wasn't the time or the place to dwell on them.

The server came over and set down the check. Edward and I stared at each other for a few moments before his hand reached into his coat pocket. He took out his wallet and arched a brow in my direction.

I didn't bother reaching for my purse. Edward was very persistent when it came to paying. It wasn't worth another heated argument. The last one had gotten us so worked up, the tension in the car back to the office was palpable.

Edward placed his card in the folder, and the server took it immediately. "What are your plans for the holidays?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Dinner with the family. Tanya's coming this year."

"Oh, is this her first time?" I took a sip of water.

"We usually split up the holidays. Last year I went to her family's home for Thanksgiving. This year she will be in New York with me."

"That sounds great."

His eyes narrowed at mine. "It should be fun."

"I love New York during this time of year. It's...magical—the lights, the decorations, the setting."

"Wait until you see the family home, upstate. It feels like you're in an old movie. You can still see horse drawn carriages."

"Very White Christmassy. Sounds amazing."

"It's home. One of them."

"I would love to visit one day."

"Just let me know and I'll make it happen."

"I can't wait to see Esme again."

"She asked if you were coming to the gala. She's excited to see you."

"Tell her we will be there."

Edward's brows furrowed. "Bella, although you may want a quieter holiday, remember you can step away at any moment to breathe. I have a place in the garden that I go to for a quiet respite sometimes when I need some air. Mom always thinks I disappear because I started smoking again. If she only knew it's to get away from the family drama without getting into a disagreement with someone."

"Good idea. I will definitely scout out a place. Maybe a couple." I laughed.

"Your mother isn't the only challenging one." He smiled.

"I think mine has yours beat. Add Jake's entire family...my head already hurts thinking about it."

"You will make it through. Always remember you have a friend in Jack."

"Jack?" I asked.

"Jack Daniel's, of course." He winked.

****C****

Well? I'm revved up for the remainder of this story and can't wait to hear your reviews and comments.

As always we will be discussing this in the FB group. Link in profile.

One more chapter for this year and then the team and I will be taking a break for the holidays.

Side note: If you are enjoying the angst and would be interested in reviewing my next published release, The Devil has a British Accent, sign-ups are being taken in the Facebook group or you can PM me your email and I'll send the information.

Sneak peak of Chapter 14

When I looked up, my mom had a weird expression on her face. One I've seen before when I was in trouble for one thing or other.

"Is that your client? She asked.

"Matter of fact, it is."

She shook her head laughing to herself. "You truly are my daughter." she said, under her breath.

I sat my phone on the table. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Bella, nothing is as important on Christmas Eve than spending time with your family. Yet, here you are spending time with your client. Who is it?" She asked, with a knowing look.

Normally, I would care that she assumed work came first, but I didn't at that moment. "His name is Edward Cullen."

She laughed harder. "Edward. Well, I think you need to tell Mr. Cullen, that you are spending Christmas with your family and your husband."

That rubbed me the wrong way. I sat up and said. "He knows where I am and who I'm with."

She glared at me. "You are playing a dangerous game, young lady."