Catholic School Girl

Chapter 13: You Can't Make Me, And Neither Can I

Can we please not talk about the baby my boyfriend is having with someone else?

That's what Tina wanted to say to her mom, as she sat at the dining room table, pushing her food around to make it look like she was eating. Her father was working late, so that meant she was stuck having dinner alone with her mom, who had been fixating on the issue of Puck for days now. How she had found out about it, Tina didn't know. The only theory she had was that Mrs. Puckerman had found out that Puck had gotten a girl pregnant and she ended up calling Tina's mom, looking for answers. Tina hoped, for Puck's sake, that wasn't the case. That his mom hadn't found out yet. Otherwise, the nagging he was getting would be a thousand times worse than the one she was.

Puck.

Her mother hadn't been the only one focused on him. It had only been a few days since Tina had last seen him, but he was all she could think about since school let out.

She had wanted to turn back around the second she walked away from him that day. Actually, she hadn't gotten very far before she did turn around, and saw him slumped over the table they'd been sitting at. What had stopped her from walking back – more like running back, because that's what she'd really wanted to do – was the fact that he was sitting there, crying. She knew it wasn't the first time a guy had ever cried, and that it wasn't wrong for a guy to cry. She'd just never seen it happen so she really hadn't known how to handle it, especially since she'd probably been part of the reason he was upset. How was she suppose to make a boy feel better about a bad situation that she'd made worse? And if she couldn't deal with something small, like a few tears, then how was she going to deal with dating someone who was having a baby?

That's what'd made her keep on going that day. And it was what had kept her from taking any of Puck's calls or answering his texts. She didn't want to break up with him, because she loved him as much as he loved her – even if it thinking about loving him was stupid right now. She just couldn't see any way for it to work if he was going to be a dad.

"…and I can't believe that something like this could happen. I mean, where was his mother in all this? And where were her parents?" Mrs. Cohen-Chang finally stopped to take a breath, and looked at Tina. "This never would have happened to you. Dad and I never would have let it."

Tina wanted to tell her there are plenty of times it could have happened. Plenty of times when she and Puck had been alone in his bed, or her bed, or his car, or behind the curtain of the stage at school, or the guest room at Sam's house. The list was endless. And not her mother, her father, Mrs. Puckerman, the Ohio National Guard, the President or God himself could have stopped it. "It happens to a lot of people my age, mom. Turn on the TV. There are a whole bunch of shows about teen moms having babies and their boyfriends dumping them in the end. At least P-puck is going to try and do what's right."

Mrs. Cohen-Chang lifted one of her perfectly manicured eyebrows. "Honey, I know that you want to believe that he is a good person, but do you really think romanticizing his role in this is such a good idea? He did get a girl pregnant, a girl he barely knew from what I heard. If he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have to worry about doing the right thing."

"P-Puck's n-not a hero. I get it. Can we just d-drop it?"

"Don't be angry with me. I just want what is best for you. And it's become apparent that Noah isn't that."

"P-please stop," Tina pleaded, clutching her fork so hard that her hand was beginning to shake.

"I just want you to understand the reality of…."

"STOP!" Tina screamed, a violent sweep of her arm sending her plate crashing to the floor. "I'm not STUPID! So stop treating me like I am! You don't care that I'm hurt, just like you didn't when you p-pushed me to break up with Artie. You don't want me to be happy! You just want me to do everything your way!" She pushed her chair back so hard that it nearly tipped over, and her hands stung from how hard she slammed them on the table. "But I love Puck! So stop bad-mouthing him and leave me alone!"

Her mother had no chance to respond to the outburst because Tina stormed out of the room, grabbing her bag and coat off the banister as she made her way to the front door. Just to prove how angry she really was, she slammed the front door hard enough to make her mother's very expensive holiday wreath fall into a pile of dirty snow mounting on the porch.

She crunched through frozen snow until she was out of sight from her house. Wanting to get away from the sound of her mother's voice had driven her up the street, but as she sat down on the wet, snow-covered curb and the quiet surrounded her, the urge to start screaming again, and never stop, became overwhelming.

Why can't she just be a mom?

Tina'd had this thought many times before, but the last few days had made her feel like she was really missing out. Even if her mom had never been through this exact situation – and Tina was almost one hundred percent sure she hadn't – it would've been nice to have someone to talk to who had experienced more of life. Someone who Tina might actually believe when she lied and said everything was going to be okay because she'd survived some drama of her own.

But that person wasn't her mom, and it probably never would be.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, Tina laid her face against them. Now the loneliness, and all of the things that happened, began to swim freely about in her mind, and the urge to scream changed to tears.

The cold had also changed. It was freezing now, and the wind was biting at the end of her nose, which had become stuffy from crying.

She couldn't go home. At least not until her dad was around. That way, when her mom confronted her, there was at least a chance that someone would be on Tina's side. But she really had nowhere else to go, and no one to call. Mercedes was in Chicago visiting family for Christmas, and calling Sam, even though he was her friend as much as he was Mercedes' boyfriend, probably went against some kind of girl code. Mike Chang's mother would have immediately called hers – Tina hated how close knit the Asian community in Lima was sometimes – and Artie's house was too far to walk, especially in the dark.

Even though she knew it wasn't the "right" thing to do, and that it made her look completely pathetic, she pulled out her phone and texted the number she always did when something like this happened.

He came around the front of his car, holding a blanket to wrap around her. "You alright, babe?"

"D-don't," Tina said, her voice more timid than she wanted it to sound. "I'm n-not okay, and you calling me that doesn't help things."

Puck mumbled sorry, but still offered her a hand so she could pull herself off the curb. Her small hands felt like ice and he was tempted to take them and stick them in his jacket pockets. He'd been doing it for the past few weeks, because she always seemed to be forgetting her gloves at home. Every time it'd happened, he would smirk to himself, convinced she just wanted her hands in his pockets, but said nothing. Now, though, he didn't want to push his luck. The fact that he was letting him touch her at all was some kind of miracle.

"Wanna tell me what happened?" he asked as he opened his passenger side door for her.

Tina remained silent until they had both settled into the car, and she could feel her fingers and toes again. "I had a fight with my mom."

"Must've been bad if you called me," he said, his eyes glued to the road.

"There was n-no one else to call," she replied simply, her voice flat.

"So what was the fight about?" Puck pressed, trying to ignore the fact that she'd basically called him a last resort.

"You," Tina said quietly. "She heard about…the baby."

Silence gripped the car again until Puck rounded a corner, pulling up in front of a house she'd never seen before. "Where are we?" Tina asked.

"Finn's house," Puck said. "The Hudson-Hummel clan are making first Christmas memories in California with Kurt's aunt. So the place is empty."

Tina looked at him. "What's wrong with your house?"

"My ma, she…well, let's just say I'm not really welcome there right now. I've been staying here since yesterday."

So his mom knows too.

Tina felt worse for him than she'd thought she would, and her impulse was to wrap her arms around him. Instead, she followed him up the front walk, keeping a safe distance to prevent her grabbing him, and through the front door after he'd unlocked it with the key hidden behind the loose "3" tile of the house number.

The inside of the house was warm, but she didn't take her coat off as she sat down on the sofa in the den. Something about keeping it on made her feel guarded.

"So how bad was the fight with your mom?" Puck asked, coming into the room with two bottles – one plastic, the other glass. He handed the plastic one, filled with water, off to her, and took a gulp of amber colored liquid from the glass bottle before setting it on the coffee table in front of them.

"P-pretty bad," Tina offered, focusing on his beer bottle instead of him. "She kept telling me how awful you are, and I told her that I wasn't…I told her to shut up and leave me alone. I screamed at her and broke a p-plate."

"Sounds kind of like what my mom did when she found out. She broke a coffee mug, and punched me in the side of my head." He pointed to his temple, revealing a fresh cut. "Even got a souvenir."

Tina looked up and the sight of his wound made something in her chest constrict, like something had a death grip on her heart. This time, it was impossible for her not to touch him, and despite knowing it was a worse idea than calling him had been, she scooted closer, running her fingers carefully over the welt on his face.

His response was to turn his face, so his lips pressed lightly against the heel of her hand. "Feels better now."

The words made her pull her hand away abruptly. "You shouldn't have d-done that," she said, as much to herself as to him. "I shouldn't have called you, and I really shouldn't have come here." She practically leapt from the sofa and made a charge for the door.

Puck was after her in less than a second. "C'mon Tina, wait."

"N-no. I can't do this. I don't know how. I don't know how to deal with you being someone's father…"

"Might be," he corrected. "I went to talk to Quinn…" The way Tina's face fell when he said Quinn's name, and the tears that were looming in the corners of her eyes, almost shredded his insides. Her day had obviously been bad enough, and he felt like all he was doing was making it worse. But he figured that telling her what he was about to would fix it. Or at least make it a little less shitty. "And when I did, she told me it might not even be my kid."

"What?"

He came up to Tina, and stood so close that their hips almost touched. "She told me that she was with this other guy when we did it and the only reason she did it with me was because they'd had a fight that day. I was like payback sex or something. I don't know. But they made up like the next day, and they've been together since. So it could be his kid."

"I d-don't want to hear this," Tina said, even though she hadn't moved from the spot where she'd been standing.

"Why?"

"Because you won't kn-know until it's born, which gives you a lot of time to get attached. So if it's n-not yours, you'll be messed up about it. And if is…then what? You'll want to take care of the baby, and you'll fall in love with the baby, then you'll fall in love with…" Tina couldn't bring herself to say Quinn's name. "…her. That's how it always happens. Then I'm all alone again."

"It might not be that long though because she might be having some test done where they stick a needle in her stomach so that they can tell us who the father is before it's born."

Tina frowned. "Couldn't that hurt it?"

"Maybe. But I guess this guy she's with has some weird genetic stuff in his family, and the doctor thinks she should go to some specialist and have it done in a couple of weeks just to make sure. She says the doctor told her they can check to see who dad is too." Puck stepped in, touching his forehead to hers. "And if it's not mine, we can get back to what we were."

The unexpected hope Tina felt welling up in her quickly turned to sinking disappointment when he reminded her that knowing wasn't really the issue. If the baby was his, it was his. Knowing it in two weeks was no different than knowing it in sixth months because time couldn't change biology.

She ducked her head away from his, as hard as it was to do, and stepped sideways to circle him. "P-please d-don't say that."

Puck looked confused as he stared at her. "Okay, fine." He rubbed the back of his head, something Tina knew he usually did when he was frustrated. "What can I say then? What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say I'm sorry? That I'm a complete fucking idiot?"

Tina was crying again, though more softly this time, feeling just as frustrated as he was. "You're n-not an idiot. You just did something stupid. And I kn-know you're sorry." She sat back on the sofa and looked at him, hand trying to hide her face. "I know Mercedes would kill me for this, but I'm n-not even mad at you. You were right before. You didn't do this to me. You didn't know me then." She twisted the bottom of her thin sweater. "I just d-don't want this to be happening. But it is and it's just…hard."

He walked towards the sofa, but far enough to snatch up his beer bottle and sit on the arm. "So…you're gonna break up with me then?"

Taking a deep breath through her mouth, Tina tried to form the word "yes." She knew she should do it, because it would be much easier for them both if it turned out the baby were his. But looking at him, cut on his face, and the obvious hurt clouding his hazel eyes, she couldn't make herself do it. He was already alone and, for the moment, she was the only person he seemed to have.

"I can't." She reached for his hand, pulling herself towards him. "I love you."

She let him kiss her, and then wrap himself around her as they laid their quietly.

No matter how much it'll hurt in the end.