Over in downtown Seaside Town lived a toad who preferred to be called Toad. Toad, I knew before I knew Birdo back when she was still known as Catherine, but preferred to be called Cassie.
Toad will always be Toad, the quintessential Toad. The way Cassie tries to be Birdo, the quintessential Birdo. But Cassie will always be Cassie.
Toad was the guy you used to save instead of Princess Toadstool. The guy who would say, "The princess is in another castle." To envision Toad, imagine a mushroom with a face, a vest, pants and two tiny legs. Cassie's legs were overdeveloped, but you could forget Toad even had legs.
Toad used to tell me Cassie was evil. Cassie had emotional problems. Cassie was just using me. Cassie this, Cassie that. Cassie and her overdeveloped legs.
Down Shineget Boulevard, after the sound of the yoshi and static fade away, I tap Toad's door once. Toad's tiny stubby arm grips my wrist and pulls me in.
A news program is playing on Toad's TV. Cassie's still looking for her partner to become immortal and rule the world together. Cassie and her organized yoshi forces. Cassie has found the last egg, but Cassie's still looking for the icing of the piece of cake that will be our lives. Because cake is cake but cake without icing just isn't the same.
Both legs planted in the cushion of a turquoise armchair, Toad tells me, whoever I am, I'm going to pay for helping Birdo kill off yoshi and take over the world. The way Toad's positioned, he's not so much sitting in the chair as he's using it as a pedestal. Toad says Birdo would never have gotten this far if it weren't for me.
The smell of vengeance fills the air.
The reporter clears his throat. He says shy guy all over the world are claiming to be me. Shy guy are telling Cassie, I'm the one you're looking for. Take me. Let's rule the world. Only they call her Birdo.
Toad pulls out a knife and he says the moment he heard I was near, he was praying that I would go see him. One death to topple the Reich. One murder to kill the republic. A few vegetables to topple a tyranny.
I say, Toad, drop the knife. I back up against the wall.
A reporter says Boddle is starting the People for the Ethical Treatment of Yoshi. Boddle is using money from his late brother's soda factory to fund it.
Toad, it's me. Drop the knife.
I drop my egg bookbag.
Cassie being Catherine who prefers to be called Cassie being Birdo.
Toad's still moving closer. I undo my hood.
Toshi being yoshi who prefers to be called Toshi being Four.
Toad, for crying out loud, look.
I reach into my mask's eye holes and rip off the mask.
Me being Yoshi who prefers to be shy guy being hunted by everyone.
Toad's knife hits the floor with a clang, the flickering light of the TV coloring his face red and blue.
A trumpet plays music from the ending to Super Mario 64. "If you see a shy guy with a blue cloak," the reporter says, "call this number right away."