I have worked so hard on getting this out to you all in a decent-ish amount of time. This chapter has quite honestly become my new favorite. I recently had what may have been the toughest week of my life and all of my free time was spent writing this chapter and using this fic as an outlet. I hope you all love it as much as I do!

Thank you for sticking with this. I am not ready to give this up yet!

Enjoy!

His question was replaying over and over again in her mind. Was he serious? Regardless of if he was, they were definitely at different places with whatever this is they had going on.

There was first his insistence that she take his card when she and Natalie went shopping. First off, she wasn't even sure if she wanted to go. Jay had been right though, she was beginning to like Natalie and Will. In another world, she could see Natalie being something of a close friend, maybe even a best friend. She had never had one of those. But it bothered her that he was so willing to give out his money, his life, it seemed like. She didn't feel like a charity case around him, but it was unsettling.

But Erin also didn't do relationships. Despite her previous, occupation, she never had what this was with Jay. She would be lying to herself if she ignored that there was something there. But she did not think they were anywhere close to wanting to move in together.

"Erin?" Jay asked. At some point, he interlaced their fingers and she could feel his palm getting clammy the longer she stayed quiet.

"I—" she tried but her brain still wasn't processing all that just happened.

"Erin, talk to me," he tried again. She dared to look up at him and for a split second, she wanted to say yes, to take away the pain in his eyes.

But she couldn't.

"No," she said, and she regretted it the second his hand fell from hers.

It was now Jay's turn to be speechless and she wanted to take it all back, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"I, I can't, Jay," she said, stumbling over her words. "I need time."

"Erin, I'm sorry if it felt like I was pushing you. I guess I thought there was something there."

"There is, Jay. But you and I know that we both need time."

The silence that followed was deafening and awkward. Neither knew what to say. But they both knew Erin was right. They needed time. They both just went through something massive, both separately and apart, and she wasn't sure about Jay, but Erin knew she needed time to adjust and fully process it all.

"I told you I would take care of you. I guess it all seemed logical," Jay said, avoiding her eyes as he tried to explain himself.

"I know, I know," she interrupted. "And I can't even begin to explain what that all means. But, I just think we need time, to adjust."

Erin paused then before continuing.

"You're not undercover anymore, Jay."

She could tell that finally clicked but he didn't have a chance to say anything else.

"JJ!" Owen said, steading himself on Jay's legs.

"Hey buddy," he replied, using his nephew as a sudden distraction.

"Ice cream!" Own nearly yelled, causing Jay to wince at the volume of his voice.

"Well what did your parents say?" Jay asked, looking up at his brother and sister-in-law.

"We thought it would be fun," Will said. "Care to join?"

Jay looked to Erin who just nodded. He could see right through the fake smile, but he also guessed that she didn't want his family to know what just happened.

"There's an ice cream shop right around the corner," Will explained, lifting Owen into his arms so Jay could stand up. Once he was on his feet, he offered a hand to Erin, which she took. He wasn't going to lie and say he wasn't surprised, but he was after she dropped his hand when she was on her feet.

"Hey," he began when they were out of earshot of his family.

"Not now, Jay."

"Erin," he whispered sharply.

"Not now," she replied, turning to face him. "Wait until we're back."

Jay just nodded, knowing this wasn't going to end well.

"They just put Owen down for a nap," Jay said as he walked into the bedroom. After the events of the afternoon, he had to refrain from calling it "their bedroom" because he wasn't sure where they stood currently.

"So, we have some quiet time?" Erin asked, sitting down on the bed.

"Yeah," he replied, taking a seat across from her.

The silence was deafening, and they needed to address the metaphorical elephant. Neither was sure where to start but Jay soon opened his mouth.

"I know," was all he said, and it had Erin looking up at him expectantly.

"I know I'm not still undercover."

Erin could sense he wasn't done talking, so she sat there and waited.

"I made you a promise," he whispered.

"Jay," Erin said softly but she got stopped.

"No, Erin, I made you a promise. I told you I would keep you safe. And, and I don't want to break that promise to you."

Erin tried to gather her thoughts, but Jay just kept speaking as if some dam had been broken.

"You're unlike any woman, any person I have ever met. And I mean that. And I know I can't stay here forever and seeing as how we both needed someplace to live, it seemed logical."

He took a deep breath, his fingers playing with the bedspread. His mind was going a mile a minute and Erin could guess that he was feeling very vulnerable, an emotion he wasn't used to.

"I've spent the last three months with you, and the one thing that I have learned is that I can't and don't want to live without you. The idea of losing you scares the shit out of me," he explained, his voice softening at the last sentence.

Erin could cry at his words, because she had never felt this kind of love from someone. She surprised the hell out of herself by admitting she might love him. But, they needed time to see if this could actually work. She settled to taking his hands in hers and she tried not to notice how they stopped shaking when she held them.

"You aren't going to lose me, Jay," she said. "I, I'm just doing what I think is best for me."

She paused, trying to figure out what to say and how to say it.

"I've never had to live on my own. Well, I mean before I met him I was on my own, but I was high half the time and relied on my body to get food and a place to sleep. But, I need to learn to live on my own, to be my own person."

Jay was avoiding her eyes now, knowing his actions were holding her back. He felt guilty, she could tell. But there was nothing for him to be guilty of. He was right, he had made her a promise to keep her safe. And if there was one thing she learned in the last few months, Jay Halstead was a man of his word.

"But," she began, hesitating. Erin realized there was a flaw in her plan. She had no money, no job, and she was pretty sure no one was going to give her a job or a place to stay.

"I don't know how to make it all happen."

There was a silence that fell that wasn't as deafening or awkward as before. Jay could understand her reasoning. Yes, he would admit they were moving too fast, but he had never felt this way before and he didn't want to let her go. He was scared to let her go for the fear that he would lose her, and he couldn't lose her.

"Erin," he spoke after remaining silent while she gathered her thoughts. "I can help you."

"No, Jay, I don't want anything-," she began before he cut her off.

"No, Erin, listen to me," he said more forcefully. His hand reached up to cup her face, needing her full attention.

"Intelligence can help."

She was momentarily stunned and confused. What did his unit want to do with her? She was involved with the whole thing.

Jay could see her mind flooding with questions and decided to answer them all.

"When you started helping me, Antonio had you put down as a CI. We couldn't afford a paper trail connecting you at the time, for your safety and mine, but it was waiting to be filed. For all intents and purposes, you were a CI. My CI. And you know what?"

Erin shook her head, moving more into Jay's hand that stayed on her face.

"CI's are entitled to 10% of whatever money we get in the bust."

His answer surprised her for sure. Jay was pretty sure she had an idea of what Reyes had in the bank and around his place. He also had a good idea that the amount Erin could receive would be enough to get her on her feet for a few months.

"Jay, I," she mumbled, trying to grasp the information.

"That's a lot," she whispered.

"Yeah," he replied. "But it can be enough to get a place of your own, furnish it enough and keep you okay until you can find a job."

Erin nodded, looking down at her hands. She had to admit, it would be nice to be able to get her bearings and not worry. But she still felt like she was taking advantage of Jay.

But this could also be a way to get as far away from all this as possible. She needed to learn how to be herself before she could be in a relationship. It had been 10 years since she had some sort of freedom. Being with Jay these last few months, she began to remember what freedom felt like.

"Come with me to the district tomorrow," Jay said, interrupting her thoughts. "Voight can explain it all."

Before she could realize it, she was nodding her head.

"Okay," she whispered.

Jay nodded as well, before moving off the bed. He looked around before back at Erin.

"I'm gonna go call Voight. Owen will be up in a while, so take a nap if you need to. I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

Erin could only nod, too scared that if she voiced what she really wanted, it would all get confusing. She wanted him here, with her, so she could feel safe. But, this was the first step to learning all she needed about herself and taking the first step forward.

Jay was out the door before she could stop him.

"So, what happened?" Will asked as Jay walked into the den. The defeated sigh that escaped him when he fell onto the couch must have given away what he was feeling.

"What?" Jay finally asked his brother.

"Something happened between you and Erin earlier," Will said, almost casually.

"I don't—," Jay started before his brother cut him off.

"Don't play stupid, Jay. It's not a good look," Will said, laughing a little at the end.

"Something happened, back at the park. It was all over your faces."

Throwing his head back against the couch cushions, he stared up at the ceiling. His brother, for as dumb as he could be at times, he knew Jay almost as well as he knew himself. Maybe even better.

"I asked her to move in with me."

"You what?" Will asked, his voice raising a little.

"Keep it down," Jay hissed, sitting up suddenly. His arms rested on his legs as he hunched forward.

"I was stupid. I was moving too fast."

"I'll say," Will quipped, but he promptly shut up when he saw the glare from his brother.

He took a deep breath, knowing that if he wanted help and advice with any of this he needed to explain it all.

"I've never met anyone like her, Will. She's, different. But in a good way. She's good for me."

"Now that I could have told you," Will said.

"You know, even after I learned Allie was pregnant, I still wanted to break up with her. I never could have if it was my child. But I thought it, because Erin was worth more. I mean, how fucked up is that?"

"It's not," Will said, leaning forward to look his brother in the eye from where he sat. "You've always been a man of your word, Jay. It's something I have always admired about you. I knew, after hearing and thinking they were both pregnant, you would do your best to be there for them both. Because that is just who you are, Jay."

"I'll be honest with you," Will continued. "I never thought Allie was good enough. I always felt like you were settling with her because of all the history between you. But, Erin is different, that's for sure. She brings out something in you I haven't seen since before you left for Afghanistan. She is good for you, Jay."

Hearing his brother say that was like a wake-up call. It was what he didn't know he needed to hear. But, he could understand now that Erin needed some time. If anything came out of this, it would still be around after they took some time.

"Don't screw this up."

"I won't," Jay said, and he fully believed that.

"Erin?" Natalie asked, knocking lightly on the door. The doctor had heard cries coming from down the hall and after seeing her son still sleeping soundly, there was one other place it could be coming from.

There was a mumbled "yeah" that Natalie took as she could go in. Pushing the door open slowly, she was shocked to see the younger woman curled up on the bed, her face buried in a pillow. Her body shook gently with sobs that were being suppressed by said pillow.

"Erin," Natalie repeated, a softness to her voice that Erin assumed was motherly. She sat down nest to her, her hand going to her back as she began rubbing softly to soothe her.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Everything," Erin answered, surprising herself at the ease of which she answered. She barely knew Natalie, but she wanted to tell her everything.

"Jay," she began, sniffling to control her emotions and tears. "He asked me to move in."

She could feel Natalie hesitate briefly and a sigh leave her.

"And I am guessing you said something you didn't mean."

Erin nodded before answering, her eyes not wanting to face the other woman's judgement. Although something told her there was no judgement there.

"I told him no," she whispered softly.

There was a brief silence before Natalie spoke up again.

"Why?" she asked and once again, Erin wanted to tell her everything.

"I need space, and time," Erin explained. "Everything feels like it is moving too fast."

"That's okay," Natalie said, and Erin went on.

"But, I don't know how to get it. I have no money, I don't have a job. I told him no and I can't backtrack now."

She paused, loosening her grip on the pillow as she could feel the tension in her leave the more she talked to Natalie.

"He said I could get money, because I was a CI. But it still feels like a handout."

"It's not, Erin," Natalie assured her. "Believe me, Jay knows what he is doing. And from everything he has told me, it is okay if you need some time."

Erin nodded, still not believing her. The next statement from Natalie had her in complete disbelief.

"Erin, he loves you."

The statement had Erin sitting straight up in the bed, her red and puffy eyes looking at the other woman.

"Wh—what?" she stuttered, her hand wiping at the tears falling again.

"I wouldn't be telling you something that isn't true."

"But, why?" she asked, not believing it at all. Jay didn't love her. It didn't work that way. You don't meet someone and fall in love, or at least she didn't. Those were things in movies, in fairytales. These things didn't happen to Erin.

"I can't answer that, but I can see it all over his face."

Erin was positively stunned but she felt as though she made a horrible mistake. One she couldn't come back from.

"I can't do anything now," she said, getting off the bed to begin pacing around the room. The information she just got was making her head hurt and she wasn't sure what to do with it.

"Yes, you can," Natalie told her, turning so she could face her. "Jay loves you so much, that he would be willing to help you in any way that he can. But, you must put yourself first anything. Do this all for you, and for Jay. And I can promise you, it will all be worth it."

Erin stopped pacing to look at Natalie. She could see how much she cared and that meant so much. She never had another woman looking out for her.

"Whatever help you need, do not be afraid to ask, Erin," Natalie said, standing up to walk over to her. "You've got more than just Jay in your corner."

It hit her then that she did have people in her corner. She had people in her life now that mattered and felt that she mattered, that she was worth it. That alone made it worth to get her life together, because she got a second chance, and not many people did.

Without warning, she pulled Natalie into a hug, surprising the doctor at the strength and sudden action. It wasn't hard before she wrapped her arms around Erin, hoping that her actions would be louder than words.

"You're gonna make it," Natalie whispered, and Erin fully believed it.