AUTHOR'S NOTE: As I stated the author notes of my first chapter, this story has been completed for nearly 3 years. It's at this point that I begin to receive stinging reviews that say this is not an E/B love story, that it's an E/E love story. I am of the belief that we can love more than one person in a single lifetime. If you do not believe this, then perhaps this story is not for you.

Chapter 13: Healing

BELLA…

The weeks after the incident in the park were some of the hardest I'd ever lived. Not even my parents' divorce could touch them. After all, I'd been prepared for the breakup of my family because I'd seen the train wreck about to happen in excruciatingly slow motion long before the actual crash. This was different. I'd been completely blindsided by Edward, no warning, no preparation, no armor in place to cushion the impact.

I stormed home after the humiliation by the duck pond and marched straight to my bedroom, my anger focused on the silk tie hanging off the edge of my mirror. I violently ripped it from its perch and slammed it into the trashcan, satisfied that it would soon have a home in the dump, along with the shitty diapers and rotten food. The man made $5,000 a fuck. He could afford a new tie, or perhaps his fucked up fiancé, Emily, would buy him one for a wedding gift.

Whatever.

Then I got on the phone with Alice, and in minutes she arrived at my apartment and began pacing back and forth and cursing worse than a sailor. She called Edward every name imaginable, invoking the wrath of God to rain down on him every pestilence known to man, with heavy emphasis on diseases of the genitals. Then, she got on the phone with Jacob and let him have it, too. I tried to tell her that Jake was innocent in all of this, but she ignored me. I cringed as I listened to her chew him a new ass over the phone. It was incredibly sad to think that all of my drama might cause the end of Jake and Alice's relationship. They were too good together for that to happen.

Alice and I had our first major fight that day. After she got off the phone with Jake, she vowed to find out everything about Edward's life that she possibly could. She was going to go to the courthouse and look up the marriage license next week and find out Emily's last name. She was going to track her down, find out where she worked, what she looked like, and where they were living. The madness went on and on until I finally snapped. I screamed at her to butt out of my business, to just leave it alone and worry about her own life. I told her she was going to fuck around and lose the best guy she'd ever had if she didn't watch, and that it was wrong to blame Jake for any of this. I let her know in no uncertain terms that I was through with Edward, that I didn't give one big shit about his stupid fiancé or their marriage. They could both go to hell for all I cared. I didn't want to know anything about him or hear his name spoken in my presence ever again, and if she couldn't stay out of my god-damned business then she could find another friend to boss around.

When I was through screaming, Alice just stared at me, her mouth open in shock. Without saying another word, she left, closing the door softly behind her. I would have felt better if she'd called me a bitch and slammed it on the way out. Instead, I felt incredibly guilty for taking my anger out on her. Even though she'd set this whole thing up, none of what had happened was her fault. She'd only wanted me to have some fun, and neither one of us had expected anything like this to happen. I threw myself down on the bed and cried until there were no tears left. I'd lost Edward and my best friend all in the space of one day.

Alice and I didn't speak to each other for two solid weeks: no funny text messages, no cute little dirty pictures in my email, no thoughtful little gifts 'just because', no girl lunches or sleepovers. Nothing. It was the most barren time of my life. Calling my mom and crying on her shoulder was totally out. She would probably ask for Leather and Lace's number. And my dad? I shuddered at the thought of confiding anything personal to him. He was as stiff and set in his ways as a new leather shoe, and he still wasn't broken in after forty-four years. Charlie didn't want to even hear the words 'daughter' and 'sex' used in the same sentence, let alone give me relationship advice.

At the start of the third week, I decided I couldn't do without Alice in my life a moment longer. I was just getting ready to call her when a knock sounded at the door. It was her. We'd both had the same thought at the same time, apparently. We spent the day talking things out. She apologized for butting her nose into my business, but admitted that she'd just wanted to help. I apologized for screaming at her, when I knew that she was just trying to be a good friend. We agreed that the whole Leather and Lace incident should be put away and never spoke of again. She promised to forget about Edward and his new wife, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd never have to hear his name again.

Thus began the slow process of healing.

It was a daily struggle. I went on with my life, dealing with the mundane, the idiots at work, the boredom of being alone, the whole nine yards of being single and having to deal with everything by myself. I did pretty damned good most of the time. But nearly every day, for a brief moment, his handsome face would swim into focus in my mind, and his velvet voice would whisper to me. But the pleasant memories were always overpowered by my humiliation and anger over allowing myself to be so easily played. Alice had tried to convince me that none of this had been my fault, that it was all on Edward for being such a jerk. But in the dark of night, that wasn't much comfort. The fact of the matter was that I blamed myself for being such a willing and easy victim and for playing right into his hands. I should have known better. I should have seen the warning signs, but somehow, I hadn't. I was ashamed and angry that I had been stupid enough to trust him and believe everything he'd said.

Live and learn.

I am done with Edward Cullen. That was what I kept telling myself. I lay awake at night and relived our time together and then I cursed him in the daylight. I threw away the sheets that had been on my bed the afternoon we'd made love, even though I really couldn't afford a new set. But it was all nothing but anger-driven stupidity on my part. His ghostly presence was everywhere in my apartment, and short of moving out-which was monetarily out of the question-I had no choice but to make do and fight a daily battle with the memories. I hated him for ruining the sanctity and peacefulness of my private space.

The tie. I'd thrown away his stupid tie at least twenty times, but so far it had never made it to the dump. I'd always rescue it at the last minute. One day it would hang on my mirror and then I'd stuff it in a drawer for a few days until I felt compelled to drag it back out again. I kept telling myself that keeping it in plain view was a reminder to never again let a man smooth talk me. But deep inside, I knew that unless I could gather the courage to finally let that tie go to the landfill, I would never completely get over him.

The healing was taking a lot longer than I'd thought it would.

Two months went by. Three. And still his tie hung on my mirror. He still had power over me and that made me even angrier.

A full four months after the park incident, I finally threw away the tie. And this time, it left my apartment for good. No resurrections. No second chances. It was now rotting away in the landfill along with the rest of this city's garbage.

I was over Edward Cullen. Finally.

~ A month later ~

"Look, look, LOOK!"

Alice was bouncing up and down like a spring, her shaking hand poked out in front of her for me to see. "He gave it to me last night!" she squealed, and bounced some more.

I was finally at a stable enough emotional point that I could be genuinely happy for her and Jake. She was officially engaged and I was thrilled. I peered at the ring, although I could have seen it from two miles away. It was large, sparkly, and very beautiful. Jake had outdone himself quite nicely.

A lot had happened in Alice's life while I'd been struggling to get on with mine. Not long after we'd made up from our argument, she had taken Jake home to meet her father. I'd laughed, despite my depression at the time, over her description of the evening. Alice's father was a very serious and driven man, very ambitious and focused on business 24/7. It was no wonder that he'd never remarried after his wife's death. The man simply didn't have time for romance. He scared the shit out of me too, so I always tried to avoid him when I was at her house.

I'd rolled with laughter when she'd described the look on her daddy's face the moment Jake had told him he worked for an escort service and that he was in love with his daughter. Alice said it was the first time she'd ever seen him at a loss for words. But before he could voice an objection to his precious daughter dating a hooker, Jake went on to hurriedly explain that he was using the money to pay for his education and that he was going to graduate debt-free. He also assured him that he was purely an escort, not a hooker. When Alice's father found out that Jake was studying to be a structural engineer and that he was one of the top ten students in his class, the rest didn't matter. His demeanor changed entirely. Alice was giddy. Daddy Brandon had accepted her sweet Jake and had welcomed him into the family like he'd been born there. Hell, Jake practically lived there now, as he'd taken to staying days at a time at her mansion.

"Daddy's looking into opening a branch office in New York and he wants Jake to be a part of it after he graduates!" she squealed. "Isn't that great?! We're going to live in a fabulous Fifth Avenue apartment and I'm going to finally get to be where all the fashion action is!"

New York. Fifth Avenue. Fucking wow! "Yeah, that is great! Now I'll have somewhere awesome to visit!"

I was thrilled beyond belief for Alice, and not just for the fact that she was going to marry the sweetest guy on the planet and live in the Big Apple. I was thrilled because she was finally going to get to do what she'd always wanted. Her father had planned for her to run his offices and Alice had taken some business courses with that in mind, but only she and I had known how much she'd hated the thought of being stuck in an office and just bossing people around all day. Alice was much too intelligent and creative for that kind of job, but any attempt to change her major had ended in a big fight with her father. She finally gave up and decided that flunking out of college was the only way to get out of Management. It worked, but Alice had since been unable to talk her father into letting her explore the fashion field, so she'd been playing the part of the heiress for a couple of years now: charity work, charity work, and more charity work. And even though she'd found some satisfaction in helping others, it wasn't what she really wanted to do with her life. Thankfully, Jake was solidly behind Alice's interest in fashion and design and was encouraging her to do whatever she had to do to live out her dream. I sighed out loud.

"What's that sigh for?" Alice asked.

I smiled. "It's a dreamy sigh. I'm so happy for you. Everything's working out for you, and I'm just so, so happy." The tears came and Alice and I ended up in each other's arms.

"You're going to be my Maid of Honor, right?"

Oh boy. Suddenly, visions of endless hours of fittings swam through my head. "Of course I am." I smiled bravely.

I'd get through this, somehow.

~ Two months later ~

A lazy weekend with nothing to do but read. Heaven. I was currently immersed in the world of Stephanie Plum, my favorite fictional female bounty hunter. That chick had bigger balls than most men I knew. The doorbell rang just when Stephenie and her ex-hooker sidekick, Lula, were about to kick ass and take names. I frowned and laid my book aside. Alice had left yesterday to go to New York with her father, which left me wondering who could be waiting on the other side of my door.

I peeped out of the security hole and the person on the other side was not who I'd expected. I flung open the door and smiled, even though I was confused.

"Jake, come in! I thought you went to New York with Alice and her dad," I said as he walked through the door and into my living room.

He slung his coat onto the sofa and turned to face me. Oh, god. I could see it in his eyes. Something was wrong. Had something happened to Alice? Was she hurt? Had they broken up? Was that why he was here and not with them in New York?

"I backed out of the trip last night. And this has nothing to do with Alice. She's fine. We're fine," he said, answering my unspoken questions before I could even ask them. "It just wasn't a good time for me to leave."

"What is it?" I asked. "Something's wrong. I can tell."

He sat down on the sofa, but not comfortably. He was perched on the edge of the cushions, stiff and fidgety. I sat down beside him, facing him and mirroring his pose. Whatever was coming, it was not going to be good news.

"I need your help." Jake nervously raked his fingers through his hair, leaving dark, messy spikes in their wake. He seemed oblivious to it.

"With what?"

"It's Edward. I don't know what to do."

It had been four months of agonizing depression, followed by three blissful months of normality, when I'd successfully purged Edward Anthony Cullen out of my system and my life. I'd never thought of him, not even once. And now, just the mention of his name brought back all the hurt, anger and humiliation in one rush of temper.

"He has a wife," I snapped sarcastically. "Get her to help you with whatever it is."

Jake sighed. "I can't. She's dead."

The breath whooshed out of me like someone had punched me in the stomach. That was not what I had expected to hear. Dead? They'd only been married for what…less than five months? I really wanted to be a complete bitch about this. I wanted to sneer and say 'Good! He got what was coming to him!' I wanted to revel in the fact that Edward Cullen was now as unhappy as he'd made me. I wanted to throw the mother of all parties, invite that wonderful lady named Karma and toast a few in her honor.

But I couldn't be that heartless bitch, no matter how much I longed to be. It felt good to know that there was still a decent person inside of me, that I was still able to feel empathy for someone even though they'd hurt me terribly.

"What happened?" I asked softly.

And then, in a quiet, but stoic voice, Jake began telling me things about Edward's life that I'd never known, or even suspected:

He and Emily had been engaged to be married nearly five years ago, but four days before their wedding she was involved in a car wreck. A drunk driver hit her in a near head-on collision. She almost died, but after several weeks in a coma, she finally awakened. Doctors told the family that she'd suffered a traumatic brain injury, and couldn't control her muscle movements or communicate verbally.

"Emily didn't have any medical insurance. They were going to put her in a nursing home when Edward stepped in and stopped it. He found a long-term care facility here in the city, and got a job with Leather and Lace so he could pay for it. Nearly every dime he made went to pay for her care."

I sank back into the sofa cushions in shocked silence as I tried to digest everything he'd just told me. Emily wasn't some fucked-up-in-the head girl who'd enjoyed having a hooker for a husband. Oh, my God. I'd been so wrong about her and about Edward. If only he'd been honest with me.

"She got sick about a month ago." He shook his head and frowned. "I don't remember all of the medical details, but it started out with pneumonia and then it turned into something called septicemia. She ended up in a hospital on life support. Edward and her parents made the decision to turn off the respirator. It was the only thing keeping her alive. He held her in his arms as she took her last breaths."

The thought of Edward watching his wife die in his arms ripped my heart right out of my chest. I cried for him, and for Emily, whom I didn't even know, right there in front of Jake. I cried for his horrifying loss and wished I could tell him how very sorry I was.

"What do you want me to do?" I gulped through my tears.

Jake pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut tight. He was trying not to cry and just knowing that he wanted to nearly broke my heart all over again. I wondered, as I had many times, if Edward knew what a precious friend he had in Jake.

"I'm worried about him," Jake said when he finally gained enough control to speak. "He quit Leather and Lace the very next day. He attended the funeral in La Push, but when he came back…" Jake shook his head and sighed. "I'm afraid to leave him alone. I have a friend sitting with him so I could come here. That's why I didn't want to go to New York with Alice. I'm afraid of what he'll do if someone isn't there to watch him."

"Suicide?"

Jake nodded. "His parents have disowned him because of Leather and Lace. They haven't spoken to him in five years. Emily's parents aren't in any emotional shape to help him, and I'm the only close friend he has. I can't get through to him. He's completely withdrawn and he's scaring the shit out of me. He loves you, Bella. He told me that several times, but he couldn't pursue it, not with Emily to care for. He loves you, and you might be able to get through to him."

"All of those things he said to me in the park…." I looked at Jake in disbelief.

He shook his head and sighed. "Whatever they were, they were all lies. He did it so you'd hate him, so you let him go, because he knew he could never have you for himself."

"He said he loved hooking, and that he didn't have a scholarship at Julliard, and….and that he loathed lasagna."

"It was all lies. He despised working as a prostitute. I tried to carry most of the load on our appointments, but he still hated it. And he did have a scholarship at Julliard. He and Emily were going to live in New York while he attended school. And he's crazy over lasagna." Jake smiled sadly. "As long as it doesn't have eggplant and zucchini in it."

At that moment, everything that had happened between Edward and I no longer mattered to me. I couldn't bear the thought of him grieving alone and feeling like there was no other way out except to end his own life. I'd been right all along. Edward had been standing on the edge of an emotional cliff and ready to jump. He'd reached out to me, and then had pulled back at the last minute. He needed me now, and this time I wasn't going to let him push me away.

"There's one more thing you need to know," Jake said softly. "Edward blames himself for Emily's accident. I think that's part of the reason he's taking her death so hard."

I listened in stunned sadness as Jake told me about the night Emily had almost died. They'd spent the late afternoon in bed making love, laughing and talking, like any couple in love would do. It was the craving for pizza that had set in motion the tragic events of that evening. Their favorite pizzeria didn't deliver, so it had always been Edward's job to pick up their order. That evening he decided he didn't want to go. He was feeling lazy and relaxed from their lovemaking and wanted to just lounge around in the bed. So, Emily volunteered.

"It was such a small thing. Such a ridiculously small thing," Jake mused quietly. "Just one tiny change in their routine and it tore their lives apart. Edward blamed himself and he commented more than once to me that it should have been him in that bed with that brain injury. He blamed his selfishness for what happened to her, even though anyone with common sense would realize that it was the drunk driver's fault. He was killed instantly, by the way. There was no one left for Edward to blame except himself."

"I need to see him."

Jake handed me the keys to his condo and gave me detailed directions. "You've got to get through to him. There's no one else who can do it."

I nodded and Jake looked immensely relieved. After everything he'd told me, I realized that Edward was a good man, but he was desperate and standing way too close to the edge of that cliff. There was no fucking way I was going to let him jump.

No matter what it took, I was determined to help Edward heal.