*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated thank you all so much!*
I walk through the cemetery on this beautiful day in late October to visit with Saige. Once again time has gotten away from me and I haven't gotten the chance to visit her like I have wanted to. I hope she doesn't feel as if I have forgotten about her because even though I love Renee and I am in love with her I still think about Saige every day. I smile as I reach the tombstone. I trace the writing with my fingers before I change the dead flowers from the last time I was there and replace them with a beautiful bouquet of carnations. I take a seat in front of it and try to hold in my composure. I miss her so much. "Hey, Beautiful," I say to her as I sit in the light breeze underneath the bright blue sky. A fall day in Vegas isn't like a fall day in Cincinnati where I grew up. I do miss the Autumn chill in the air but I enjoy the sunshine. "I'm sorry I haven't been around to visit you in a long time. Work has gotten pretty busy lately. I am in some crazy feud with Brock Lesnar but I'm sure you know that. I took a beating this past Sunday and I am still hurting from being suplexed time after time. He took me to Suplex City they call it," I say with a laugh. "But I'm okay now still a little beat up but I'm surviving. Of course I lost. I was hoping that I would win to go on to get a title shot at Survivor Series but I came up short so Brock gets to go on to face Seth. It sucks but I hope my day comes soon. I really want you to see me win that championship. I have wanted it for a while and then everything changed. Now I'm stuck waiting in line to get my shot. I know it will come again someday but it's a matter of when." I am really bummed out that I don't get my championship match in a few weeks but hopefully my day will come. I'm more than ready now. "Well, our baby is 6 years old today," I say. "I can't believe it. It seems like yesterday that she was born and you were holding her in your arms. It was the best day of my life. It was the best day of our lives. She has been the sunshine in my life ever since and if it wasn't for her, Saige I don't know where I would be right now. I kept going for her and it's just been us living without you. It hasn't been easy but we've been making it work. You would be so proud of her. She's so smart. She can't stand the Disney Princesses because she feels they are weak. You would be so proud of her. She's reading, Saige. She is actually reading. She sat down and read to me last night. I couldn't believe it. She learned to tie her shoes and she is writing words. Her teacher said she is great to have in class. I am proud of her. I wish you could be here so that you could see what a great little girl she is becoming. She's growing up way too fast." I say with tears in my eyes, "and she looks like you more and more every day. She has those beautiful blue eyes of yours and that blonde hair that you had. She is your mini-me. I swear every time I look at her or hear her talk I hear you and see you through her. She's great. The best gift in life you could have given me was Kennedy. Thank-you, Saige," I say as I wipe a tear away from my eye. "I just wish you could be here to watch her grow up but I know you're in our hearts forever."
I sit in silence crying to myself as the clouds cover over the sun making it cloudy. I hear the birds chirp off in a distance as I sit crying to myself feeling robbed of a life I always wanted with Saige. I cry knowing my daughter was robbed of having a relationship with her mom. It kills me knowing that Kennedy barely remembers her. She knows bits and pieces of her mom but at 3 years old losing her she finds it hard to remember what her mom was like and who she was. That guy robbed more than the grocery store that day, he robbed my daughter of a relationship with her mother, robbed me of having a future with my wife and robbed our unborn child of having a life outside the womb. It's still painful today when I think about it. "Saige," I finally say after silence. "I still love you. I always will love you. You will always be the woman that stole my heart first but lately I have been dating someone else. I feel like I could be cheating on you in a way but I know I'm not. I know you would want me to move on and be happy. I am happy with her. She's an amazing woman. You would like her. She is great to me. She makes me smile and gives me a reason to want to live again. She makes me happy and when I am with her I don't feel the pain anymore. I don't feel the sadness. I still miss you but when I am with her I don't hurt anymore. I feel so good. I know you want me to be happy and I am very happy with her. I don't know where things are going to go but what I do know is that I love her and she is the best thing to happen to me in 2 years. Her name is Renee, you would approve of her. I met her at work. She's been a good friend of mine for a while and now we are here. She loves Kennedy and she knows that Kennedy is number 1 in my life. She accepts her and is willing to love Kennedy as her own. She's never going to try to replace you in Kennedy's life but she's there. Kennedy loves her already. They have only met once but Kennedy loved her so much. Renee was so good with her. They really connected with each other. I would never bring anyone into her life that you wouldn't approve of or anyone that has ill intentions for our daughter. She's good for us. I hope you don't mind. No one will ever take your place. There was only one Saige and there will only ever be one Saige. I love you so much but I have moved on and I am happy. I know that's all you have ever wanted."
I spend a little more time at Saige's grave talking to her and filling her in on our lives but as the sun begins to shine through the clouds I am walking through the cemetery to my car to go home to get some housework done before my mom brings Kennedy home from school and before her party tomorrow as well as before Renee comes to the house. I have never had another woman in our house other than Saige. It is going to be a little strange at first but hopefully it's okay. I just can't let Renee spend the night it just won't be right.
When I get home I start doing some laundry before I clean up the kitchen, vacuum the living room, dust the living room and pick up Kennedy's toys that are thrown around the living room and take them upstairs to her bedroom. I walk through the hallway passing one of the guest rooms followed by the room I usually stay in; the room I have made my own since Saige has passed on and make my way to Kennedy's room. I walk into her room and start to put her toys away. I smile at her unmade bed and walk over to make it. I smile as I see her favorite teddy bear lying on the floor. I pick it up and lay it down on her bed. I smile as I see the picture of Saige, Kennedy and I beside her bed. I pick it up and look at it remembering that day as if was yesterday. It was one of the last times we were a happy family and days later she was gone. I put it back down and walk out of the bedroom shutting the door behind me.
Instead of turning to make my way toward the stairs I find myself staring at the door to the room I once shared with Saige. I take a deep breath as I walk toward it. I haven't stepped foot in there since the day she left me. I walk over to the door and place my hand on the doorknob. My hand shakes as I turn the knob and open the door. Everything is the way it was left. The bed is still not made from that day. I walk into the room and instantly all the memories of Saige come flooding back to me. I walk through the room looking around. Dust has settled on the night stand by the bed and the dressers of the bedroom. Saige's white silk nightgown is still laying on the bed. I walk over to the dresser and open the drawers. It's like she never left. All of her outfits are still in the drawers. I close them up and walk over to the closet. I open it and see all of her business outfits and dresses hanging neatly just the way she left them with her shoes on the floor underneath them. She had a lot of shoes. I see where Kennedy gets her shoe obsession from. She is her mother's daughter. I smile as I close the door. I walk over to the bed. I walk around it running my hand over the mattress thinking of all the times Saige and I shared that bed together, the same bed we made Kennedy in and the baby that never got to breathe its first breath. Tears fill my eyes as I take in the scent of her pillow. It still smells like her two years later. I crawl into bed and snuggle up with her pillow and I just let myself go. I break down into heavy sobs thinking about her, remembering her, remembering us.
"Daddy," says Kennedy as she stops in the doorway of the room scared to enter.
I wipe my tears away and sit up putting Saige's pillow down. "You're home!" I say with a smile. "How was school?"
"Good," she says, "you're in mommy's room, you never go into mommy's room."
"I wanted to come in today," I say. "Happy Birthday!" I say.
"Thanks, Daddy," she says as she looks around the room. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," I say. "Come in," I say motioning for her to come in. She runs into the room and into my arms. I scoop her up and put her on my lap and kiss the top of her head. "You know how much I love you right?"
"I know, Daddy," she says, "and mommy loved me too."
"She did and I'm sure she still does."
"I don't remember her, Daddy."
"I know, Kennedy, you were really young when she went to Heaven. She was a lovely woman. She was amazing and she loved you so much. You were her entire world."
"I was?"
"Yes, just like you're my entire world. She wanted you so much. The day she found out she was having a little girl she was so happy. I wanted a little boy but she wanted a girl. She was so happy the day the doctor told us you were a girl. She wanted to dress you in little dresses all the time and put little headbands in your hair. She looked forward to spoiling you, painting your nails, doing your hair. She wanted you for a long time. Then God blessed us with you. You were such an amazing gift for us you're still the best gift God gave to us."
"What was she like?"
"She was pretty just like you, she had the most beautiful blue eyes like you do and the same pretty blonde hair. She smiled just like you. She was smart just like you. She was very smart and determined. She fought a lot of cases for people and won many of them. She was a strong woman that any little girl would be proud of. She was so kind. She was always doing things to help others. She wanted to help others. She was courageous and brave. She loved sports just like you do and she always wanted to play football with me. She played video games with me too. She used to sing to me, I used to sing with her. She sang to you every night before you went to bed."
"I remember her singing to me but I don't really remember anything else. I wish I knew more about her."
"I wish you could have gotten to know her more but there are pictures and videos of her to watch. You know, Kennedy you remind me of her every day."
"I do?"
"You do," I say with a smile. "You're a lot like her and that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. A piece of your mommy is still living today through you. You brighten up my day and you brighten up everyone else's just like she did. And when you laugh," I say with tears in my eyes, "you sound just like her. She had the same laugh you did. And you know what?"
"What?" She asks.
"She was ticklish just like you!" I say as I start to tickle her and she erupts into laughter making me laugh from the beautiful sound.
"Daddy, stop it," she says through her laughs. "I surrender. I surrender!" she says as I stop tickling her. "She's not coming back is she?"
"No, Kennedy, she won't be coming back. She's in Heaven."
"I think I see her sometimes when I sleep."
"Me too," I say with a smile. "But just because she's gone doesn't mean she doesn't love us and that she's not watching over us every day. She's in our hearts. She will always be in our hearts."
"I know, Daddy," she says, "What happened when I was born? Did she love me then?"
"She loved you the moment she knew you were in her tummy."
"Are you and Renee going to have a baby?"
"Maybe someday," I say. "Just not yet. We have a lot to get through before we talk about any of that."
"Oh," she says, "so she loved me when I was born?"
"Even more the moment she saw you. She was in labor with you for about 10 hours. She couldn't wait to meet you. She felt the time was going so slow and then finally the doctor was ready to get you out of her tummy. She felt it was a lifetime passing before you were out but the moment the doctor took you out of her tummy her eyes just filled up with tears at your little cry and when the doctor handed you to her she got the biggest smile on her face. She said you were the most beautiful and most precious gift ever given to her. She picked out your name."
"She did?"
"Yes," I say, "Your mom's last name was Kennedy and since she dropped the name Kennedy when we got married and took on Ambrose she wanted the name Kennedy to live on so she named you Kennedy; Kennedy Saige," I say with a smile. "Little Miss Kennedy Saige Ambrose it just flowed together so well and she was in love with your name. She was in love with you. She couldn't stop hugging you and kissing you."
"She sounds like a good mommy."
"She was," I say.
"Are you going to marry Renee like you married mommy?"
"Maybe someday we'll see where life goes. Do you like Renee?"
"I love Renee," she says, "She's pretty and she's fun. She makes you happy so that makes me happy. Before Renee you were so sad but now you're happy. I like when you're happy."
"She does make me happy," I say with a smile, "but you make me happy too."
"You make me happy," she says with a smile before she kisses my cheek and jumps off my lap. She runs over to the dresser and looks at Saige's jewelry box. "Was this Mommy's jewelry?" she asks as she opens it. I walk over to the dresser with her and smile as she looks at her earrings and her necklaces.
"Yes," I say. "That was mommy's."
"She had pretty jewelry," she says, "look at these pretty earrings," she says showing me a pair of Saige's diamond studs. "These are really pretty. I wish I had pretty earrings like this. Did Mommy like them?"
"She liked them very much. Do you want them? Do you want to wear them for your fairy party tomorrow and keep them forever?"
"Can I?"
"Yes you can have them. She would want you to have them."
"Thank-you, Daddy, they are so pretty!" she says as my cellphone starts to ring. "I can't wait to wear them. I'm going to wear them forever!"
"Okay," I say as I pick up my phone seeing it is Renee. "Hey, Baby," I say with a smile.
"Hey," she says, "so I am at the airport right now. I am about to fly out to Vegas."
"Wonderful," I say, "Kennedy just got home from school."
"Cool," she says.
"Is that Renee?" asks Kennedy as she goes through her mom's jewelry.
"It is," I say with a smile.
"Hi, Renee!" she yells.
"Hi, Kennedy," says Renee as I put her on speaker.
"Are you still coming to my party?"
"I am getting ready to fly out of New York right now. I'll be there later this evening."
"I can't wait," says Kennedy.
"Me either," she says before I take her off speaker.
"So what time does your plane land?"
"9 your time," she says, "I'm just going to go straight to the hotel when I get in."
"All right, maybe I can get my mom to watch Kennedy and I can come see you when you get here."
"No," she says, "you'll see me tomorrow morning. Spend the time with Kennedy it's her birthday. She's 6 it's a big deal."
"Okay," I say with a smile.
"Well, they're calling for me. I love you and I'll see you tomorrow."
"I love you too," I say. "Have a safe flight and I'll see you tomorrow," I say before we hang up the phones.
"Is Renee going to sleep over?" asks Kennedy.
"Not yet," I say. "It's not time."
"Oh man," she says as she continues to go through the jewelry. "Can I wear mommy's shoes?"
"I don't think we should disturb mommy's stuff," I say. "Maybe in a couple years."
"Okay," she says.
"Come on, Kennedy, let's go out to eat and celebrate your birthday together," I say as I pick her up.
"Okay," she says with a smile. "I want to get sushi."
"Sushi sounds good to me," I say with a smile before I kiss her head and that's just what we do for her 6th birthday we go out to eat to have sushi and then we go out for ice-cream before we come home and I put a very excited Kennedy to bed. Then I spend the rest of the night getting everything together for Kennedy's party the next day. I am ready to see the smile on her face when she walks into the Fairyland I have created for her.
*A/N:What did you think of Dean at the cemetery? Can you still feel his pain of losing Saige? What did you think of him telling Saige he moved on? Why do you think when he's with Renee he doesn't feel the pain or sadness anymore? What do you think about Kennedy barely remembering her mom? How do you feel about Dean finally going into their bedroom? Do you think he will ever have the courage to pack up Saige's stuff? What are you thoughts on him not allowing Renee to spend the night at his house? Do you think he still feels some type of loyalty to Saige? What did you think of Dean's conversation with Kennedy about her mom? Do you think this helps her know who her mom was and remember who she was? How do you think Kennedy's party is going to go with her Renee being there? PLease review and thank-you for reading.