Chapter 13

Present-

I looked out above the crowd. "My son, Derrick Gavin Nott was born on July 15 1953. Garret had the 'I told you so look' when the doctor told us it was a boy. I continued to teach at Hogwarts and Garret worked with Abraxas on a business that I was still completely unaware of it purpose or of what they did all day. A year after Derrick was born Fedonia gave birth to Lucius Abraxas Malfoy. It was 1955 and Derrick was two years old when I decided it was time for me to leave Hogwarts."

Past-

I stood in front of my students in my classroom. Dumbledore, upon my request, had sent them all there after dinner for me to tell them I was leaving. Some students were standing against the walls, as it was slightly crowded since all my students were in the room.

"I'm sad to announce that I will no longer be teaching here. Today was my last day. It has been discussed between Professor Dumbledore and I for quite some time and he has decided to take the job of transfiguration until a new teacher is found. I am sad to leave. You have all proven to be wonderful students and I do believe you will all go far in life. As for me I wish to spend more time with my son before he is to old to care about his mother." Some students snickered.

"I'm terribly sorry if any of you shall miss me but I fell that my loyalties lie more towards my family." I said. "I have no more to say, you are dismissed."

I turned my back away and started packing things into my box.

"Do you really have to go?" I turned around to see Andromeda standing in front of my desk. She had grown up very much since our encounter in her first year. She was now a bright smart young witch at the top of her class in fifth year.

"I'm afraid so. I would like to raise my son on my own. Not have some house elf do it for me, like it has been done for the past two years. You are a smart witch Andromeda, and a good student and person, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I said placing my hand on her shoulder. "Would you like to help me pack up the rest of my things?"

"Sure." She said.

I pointed to a drawer in my desk. "You can empty that drawer and place the things in the box."

I began to once again place bottle of ink, papers, books, and quills into a box.

"Professor, what is this?" Andromeda held the picture of Marie, Bailey, Margaret, and me.

"It's an old picture from my fourth year here. They were my friends from Gryffindor. I lost them all in my seventh year. I haven't talked to or heard from them since."

I said looking closely at the picture. How I had changed so much. My bright shinning blue eyes full of emotion were now cold and icy. My hair that I used to wear down in soft curls I now kept perfectly strait and always half up. I used to have loving friends and was always kind, now I had no one but Garret and a two year old son, and all that ever seemed to come out of my mouth was words of hate or lectures on transfiguration spells. Nothing made sense to me anymore.

"Professor Nott? Are you ok?" Andromeda asked.

Andromeda seemed to be the one person I was truly able to open up to and she was so much younger than I was but it didn't seem to matter. She was nice and kind and reminded me so much of myself that I almost couldn't help but open up to her.

"I seemed so different now than the way I was in this picture. Everything changed so fast. I lost everything so fast for one man." I said sitting down in my chair.

"But you still have a wonderful husband. And from the picture on your desk he's very attractive." Andromeda said positively.

I laughed. "Yes, I suppose he is, Garret was always attractive though, always has been. I guess he always will be." I said as I lifted the picture of Garret of my desk. A photographer took it after we had gotten married. There were many pictures like this around the house of Garret and me. Garret had been in a black turtle neck sweater and black pants, his usual attire. He was leaning against the doorframe with his traditional smirk that Abraxas had taught him. His dark hair fell lightly in his eyes. His arms were crossed in front of his chest showing off his arm muscle from under the shirt. He really was very attractive. Every once in a while Garret would shake his head and make his hair fall into his eyes, since the picture was magical.

I placed the picture in the box along with the other one and with a wave of my wand the disappeared.

"Now I have to go to Dumbledore and tell him that I am leaving so why don't you head down to dinner."

"Alright. I'm going to miss you teaching here." She said as I shut the door and locked it.

I stopped and turned to her. "I think I'll miss teaching here." I then walked away and down to Dumbledore's office.

I said the password and walked up to the door, I knocked and then pushed the door open slightly.

"Sonoña, please come in." I walked in but didn't shut the door, instead I kept my hand placed on the handle.

"I've just come to inform you that I am leaving now. I whish to spend some time with my son and I hope that my students understand that, and the other faculty understand that. I should like to return to visit the school at times." He nodded, his fingertips touching and placed against his chin, his eyes twinkling. "But as of right now I shall be leaving."

"Are you truly happy Mrs. Nott?" I stopped in my tracks.

"Of course I am." I said not turning around and biting back in a bitter tone.

"Then why are you responding so quickly and bitterly."

"Because I have no other choice." I said turning around, my hand leaving the handle of the door and falling limply to my side.

"Of course you have a choice."

"No Professor I don't, I never did. I thought I did but I was wrong. All my life I've been wrong. From the day I was born my parents set up my life, the way I should live, what I was to learn, who I was to become. I have no choice. I watch these young witches and wizards walk the halls and they have choices and dreams that I never had. Professor I used to dream of something, a life where someone loved me for something other than my blood and my wealth. But that dream was shattered a long time ago. I live in a different world from these children. I used to think I was in their world, I still wish I could be. In my little world I live a cursed life, filled with lies and broken promises and dreams. People lie to cover up their faults and flaws, their insecurities about how they should act. Lies about how they really feel. It's filled with broken promises that people told and never kept. They give you their word but in reality they don't give it to you, they give you what you think is their word but what it really is, is just a simple test of your loyalty and faithfulness to them and to your pureblood. Dreams are broken every day. Beautiful young witches dream of living with their prince charming only to find that their family will never approve and their dreams are shattered. Little girls dreams of living a perfect life only to have their father come home and beat them, and their mothers. In my world you live a lie. Just as I have lived since my seventh year when I was brought out of my blindness of what my life really is and realized the horrors of how we live our lives." I stopped catching my breath. "Life is a choice between good and evil and my life is surrounded by evil."

He looked at me, that twinkle still in his eyes. "I've never had a choice Professor."

"You had a choice when you were with Tom." He said.

I felt my heart break. "Like I said Professor dreams are broken everyday. My life has been planned out for me. Garret and I were betrothed, it just happened that we liked each other anyway. Tom Riddle was my dream, a dream I should have known would never come true."

"That's not true Sonoña. You had a choice. If I knew anything about Tom Riddle it was that he would go against his word. Had you kept the child Sonoña…" I felt all the color rush out of my face. "I'm quite sure that Mr. Riddle would have stayed by your side."

"Then you obviously don't know Mr. Riddle as well as you think you do. He was evil sir from the time he got here and probably until he dies." The coldness of my voice faded and all that was left was my sorrow and pain as the reality of my seventh year finally hit me full force. "I was hurt professor I didn't know what to do. He had lied to me about his friends, and who knows what else. He made a promise he couldn't keep. And I had a choice to make. I made my choice and there is no going back."

"The child would have been powerful." He said.

"Oh I do not doubt that sir but it would have all ended badly. The only choice I ever had was Garret. I wish it could have been different but he loves me and for the most part I love him. Professor the way I grew up, the things my father taught me, it all revolves around bad in my life. My life is filled with evil. It's all I've ever known."

'Sonoña, you have never been evil. You have the ability to fake it because you have grown up surrounded by it. But you will never be truly evil. If you ever need anything, anything at all, Hogwarts is always open to you."

"Thank you Professor. But I should be heading home. May I use your Floo network?"

"Of course." He held out his hand in the direction of the fireplace.

I picked up a handful of floo powder and stepped in and said "Nott Manor." I stepped out of the fireplace in our study and dusted off my dress. "Derrick, Garret, I'm back." I called as I walked out of the sitting room.

I walked into Derrick's room and saw that Garret had him in his lap and was reading a book to him. I smiled.

"Mommy!" Derrick jumped out of his father's lap and ran over to me. I picked him up and he sat against my hip. Garret pushed himself up out of the chair and wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed me.

"Ewww." Derrick squealed in my arms.

"Go play I need to talk to your father." I set him down on the ground and he ran back off into his room.

Garret, his arm still around my waist walked with me into our bedroom. He sat on the chaise lounge.

"What is it Sonoña?"

"Well I'm done teaching, that's for sure. But I'd like for Derrick to go their when he get old enough."

"Sonoña, Durmstrang is a better school."

"Better for what Garret the dark arts. I don't want Derrick growing up surrounded by that like we did. Its not how I choose to raise my child." I said getting mad.

"He's my son too Sonoña and I will raise him just like my father raised me and yours raised Abraxas."

"We'll see when the time comes. If you insist he goes to Hogwarts I'll be the one to teach him about the dark arts but he will learn Sonoña."

"But Garret."

"NO! Sonoña he will learn and that's it. If you want him to go to Hogwarts fine that's where he will go, but he WILL learn the dark arts. And that's all there is to it. End of discussion." He said and walked out of the room.

I screamed and the door shut by itself. The colorful bowl of flower petals sitting on our dresser shattered and petals went everywhere. I waved my wand and the bowl fixed itself, the petals all flew back into the bowl. I opened the door and walked out, slamming it on my own.

I walked down to Derrick's room and went inside.

"Mommy, did you and daddy fight? I heard something break." For a two year old his speech and vocabulary was wonderful.

"No." I said. "Mommy dropped something. Now let's get you into bed."

He changed into his pajamas and I tucked him into his bed. I kissed his forehead and began to turn away.

"Mommy, can you tell me a story?"

I smiled. "No, not tonight." I walked out of the room, flicked my wand to turn the lights off and shut the door.

"Why did you lie to him?" Garret was standing in the hall.

"I didn't." I lied.

"Yes you did, 'mommy did you and daddy have a fight?' and you said no."

"Well what did you want me to do say yes and have him think you beat me Garret."

"That might not be a bad idea, maybe if I beat you, you would see things my way."

My eyes got wide. "Oh come on Sonoña you know I would never hurt you." Garret said pulling my to him.

I wrapped my arms around his waist but somehow I couldn't feel assured by his words. Somehow I felt like one day I would get beat.