Blah. Short chapter. Kinda.. iffy on how I feel about it. .

13.

When I awoke I was in a hospital bed. There were machines humming around me and restraints on my wrists and ankles. This wasn't what I remembered last.
"Hello?" I spoke but my throat was sore and I could barely get my voice above a whisper, "Hello?"
A nurse came in a few minutes later with an all too fake smile on her face.
"Oh goody, you're awake," She chirped and started messing with things around me, "How do you feel?"
"Horrible. Why am I tied down? Can you take them off? They hurt."
I wiggled a little and she took a step back, shaking her head as she did so, "No hun, sorry I can't. You're restrained for a reason."
"I don't know what reason though," I became more and more worried as I spoke to her, "What happened?"
Her facial expression changed a few times before she sighed and began to walk out, "I'll go get your doctor."
As she walked out I heard people talking outside when the door began to shut.
"Is she okay?"
"When can we see her?"
I closed my eyes and tried to remember everything from before. I remember walking into the woods, punching the tree, and seeing the wolf. Then part of Ben's conversation with my brother. Then.. Nothing.
I examined myself and saw my knuckles were wrapped. But then I noticed my arm and wrist were also bandaged. The one that was cut by the wolf.
I was really hurt?
Another person walking into the room made me come back to reality.
"Hello, miss Boland?" His smile was more genuine but I still could tell he didn't want to be here either, "I'm Dr. Peirce. Do you remember anything before now?"
"Uhm," I paused, concentrating on my thoughts, "Getting into a fight with my little brother. Then going into the woods and punching a tree. And.. Hallucinating a wolf that scratched my arm before running at me. Then I heard my brother and best friend talking. Everything after that is blacked out."
"Uh huh.." He started to write things down, "We'll be giving these to your psychiatrist and therapist. They'll be visiting shortly to examine you. You're perfectly fine. No infection, broken bones, and you didn't hit any veins. You lost quite a bit of blood but you've gotten it back. Are you hungry?"
I nodded in return. He began to walk out to get me food before I stopped him, "What happened Dr. Peirce?"
"Your family and friends should probably be the ones to tell you that, Estella."
As he left the nurse began to check me over when my family came running in.
"Oh, sweety," My mom said as she came and hugged me tight.
"Mom, I screwed up again didn't I?"
She didn't respond when she let go of me and gave me a look of sympathy. I looked to my dad, who put a hand on my shoulder and gave me his 'we should talk' look.
"Where's Jimmy?" I looked around and began to panic again. I needed Jimmy. I had to have Jimmy.
"I'm right here, Estella," His voice came from the doorway and I turned to watch him walk in. He handed a note to the nurse next to me and she nodded, taking the restraints off my ankles and wrists. I took a breath and rubbed my wrists, thankful to be free. He then came and sat next to me on the bed, pulling me into a hug.
"Okay, can we tell you now?" My mom asked as I took Jimmy's hand. I nodded, though I was afraid. Last time this happened.. A lot of people got hurt.
"You heard Jimmy and Ben talking after coming out of the woods. We don't know what it was about because neither will tell us, but it was enough to get to you. When Ben came to help you, you er.. You punched him. Gave him a black eye."
I gave a look of horror. I actually punched him? What?
"Then Hal came to get you to calm down and you fought back pretty well. Gave him a few bruises too. You fought with pretty much everyone that came around you but Jimmy. He was the only reason we were able to get you into the car to bring you here."
I didn't know what to think. I didn't want to. I let myself get so screwed up again that I snapped. I didn't like this. Being bipolar. Seeing things. I didn't want these things to happen.
"Why didn't you tell us you were seeing things?"
"Because I thought I as handling it…" I wasn't paying attention to anyone. I was zoning out. I wanted to curl up in a ball and just sleep. For as long as I could.
"Estella?" Jimmy asked as he noticed my voice becoming distant.
"I want to be alone."
"Oh I don't think that's a good idea.."
"Mom. I want to be alone."
"But you could.."
I looked to her. She was looking at me like how she did when we found out I was bipolar. I was back to square one after working so hard for so long to fix my relationships with everyone. I've done it again.
"She won't, mom. I'll stay here for a while until she gets to sleep."
I looked to Jimmy as he moved to sit where my dad was sitting. Then I curled up in a ball next to him and wrapped my arms around my knees. Sleep took me easily.

.

I woke to hearing voices arguing.
"I don't think you should be here, Ben. It's not good for her to see what she did to you. Besides, you'll act too different around her."
"Jimmy, she needs her best friend. Give me ten minutes alone with her. Please?"
The two were quiet for a while before I heard the door to my room open and close.
"Estella?" It was Ben.
I rolled over to see him with a pretty swollen black eye and a worried look on his face.
"You don't need to see me," I rolled back over and wrapped my arms around my legs again.
"I wanted to though, 'Stella," he came to sit next to me on the bed.
"No, you don't. No one ever does."
His hand rubbed my side and I relaxed. His touch always helped. Why did it have to help?
"Estella, I'm worried for you."
"I don't use you as a rebound boy, Ben. And I'm absolutely horrible to you, especially now that I know that's what you think and now that I've attacked you."
"You're going through stuff. It's gonna happen."
"No. It's not supposed to. It's my own fault. I'm not letting myself progress."
"Estella. Come here," He picked me up and made me sit next to him, "You're not talking to your best friend anymore. Maybe that's why?"
He looked into my eyes and I started to fall apart.
"I'm scared, Ben. I'm screwing everything up when I'm only trying to help keep in control. And I don't want to become the girl I was when I first had my problems."
"You won't. You've got all of us here. We understand. At least Jimmy, Hal, and I do. And we'll let you hit us 'til you pass out from exhaustion and scream until you can't anymore. You know that. We're right here."
I leaned against him and tried to take in what he was saying.
"Ben?"
"Yes?"
"Why do you care for me?"
"Because you're different than everyone else. You keep life entertaining."
"No. I make problems."
"Estella?"
"What."
"Shut up."
"..Okay."
So we sat in silence with him stroking my hair as I fell asleep. I made my life too complicated.