Chapter 13
Zuko and I walk through the busy Ba Sing Se marketplace side by side. Zuko stares straight ahead, but I can't help myself as I stare at all the little shops and stalls. I've been to Ba Sing Se once, but I was so young that I can barely remember it.
I just remember my mom, my dad, and me going to see the fireworks that they shot off once a month for the Upper Ring citizen's entertainment. They were beautiful, the fireworks. In a way, I guess they prove that fire doesn't have to be terrible and destructive.
Once we reached Ba Sing Se, I tried to split from Iroh and Zuko, to keep the promise I had made to Zuko, but Iroh had insisted that I stayed, so for the time being I was still with them.
Iroh slid in between me and Zuko, holding a huge pot of beautiful orange flowers. Through the stems, I see Zuko give Iroh a disbelieving look which turns to a glare. Iroh lifts his chin and says, "I just want our new place to look nice in case someone brings home a lady friend!"
I giggle, knowing that Zuko will never go on a date with an Earth Kingdom girl. He's too uptight and focused, though I'm not sure what his focus is on.
"This city is a prison, I don't want to make a life here," Zuko says stiffly. Though I completely agree, I don't approve of his bad attitude.
"Life happens wherever you are, whether you make it or not," Iroh says wisely, and I nod along as if I know what he's talking about. "Now, come on! I found us some new jobs and we start this afternoon!" I burst out laughing.
"We're… working?" Zuko asks, not seeming to comprehend. I grin. Sure, I've never had a job, but I've worked at home. Poor Prince probably hasn't broken a sweat a day in his life.
Iroh drags Zuko and I through the Lower Ring, until we reach a little store. Zuko and I exchange glances and shake our heads, smiling. Of course Iroh would want to work in a tea shop.
Once I had been introduced to the owner—whose name I have already forgotten—and receive an apron, the owner lead us to the back room. I tie my own apron in the back, then go to help Zuko, who is struggling. I move his shirt out of the way, my fingers brushing his lower back. He jumps away from the unexpected contact.
"Jeez, your skin is hot," I mutter, tying the knot quickly. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, he is a firebender.
"Well, you certainly look like official tea servers. How do you feel?" the owner beams at us.
"Great!" I say at the same time Zuko mutters, "Ridiculous." I elbow him in the ribs playfully.
"Uh, does this possibly come in a larger size?" Iroh, who is struggling to tie his apron, asks. The owner seems surprised, but then he smiles again.
"I have extra string in the back. Have some tea while you wait," the owner says, pouring us each some tea and handing it to us. Zuko and I set ours back down, but Iroh takes a small sip.
"Eh! This tea is nothing more than hot leaf juice!" Iroh complains.
"Uncle, that's what all tea is," Zuko reminds him. Iroh gets such an exaggerated look of horror on his face that I have to smother laughter.
"How could a member of my own family say something so horrible?" Iroh questions. He picks up the tea pot and heads over to the window. "We'll have to make some major changes around here." I frown as I see a figure outside the window dart away just as Iroh dumps the tea out the window.
I frown and glance at Zuko, who is staring at the window too. "Did you see that?" I mutter. He nods tightly. "Did you see who it was?"
"No."
The rest of the day is pretty boring. It seems that this tea shop is not the hot spot of Ba Sing Se, so we only get five or six customers all day. Zuko and I serve while Iroh experiments with different tea leaves in the kitchen. The entire store smells like jasmine one minute then cinnamon the next.
At the end of the day Zuko and I trudge upstairs together while Iroh cleans up his mess in the kitchen. We open the door to our apartment and both make a beeline for the bed. Without noticing the other, we both try to drop on the bed.
All the air rushes out of me as Zuko lands on top of me. My body panicks at the lack of air, and I struggle against the weight that is Zuko. I squirm, and finally Zuko registers what is going on, and rolls off me. The bed is only big enough for one, so we fit awkwardly.
We stare at the other, neither wanting to give up the bed. "Come on," I taunt. "Be a man!"
"Okay," he says, and uses his superior strength to shove me off the bed. I hit the floor hard.
"Not what I meant," I groan. I start to sit up when Zuko's head leans over the edge of the bed. He stares at me, laughing. I prop myself up and glare at him. My face is very close to his and I can feel his warm breath on my cheeks.
His laughing dies away but a cocky half-smile decorates his face. What I want is to wipe that smug look off his face, so I move up a little and press a kiss to his jaw. I succeed in destroying his confident smile. Now his face is slack. I laugh, and he smiles again, but this smile is gentle.
I sit up all the way and he lays back on the bed. I cross over to the counter that we have in our room and start to brush my teeth, pleased to finally have running water. We can hear Iroh panting up the stairs, and he finally comes in. The front of his shirt is soaked with tea.
Iroh makes his way over to the tea pot in our room. "Would you like a pot of tea?" he asks the room in general. I wrinkle my nose and spit out the rest of my toothpaste, crossing the room to sit on the foot of the bed.
Zuko groans, "We've been working in a tea shop all day. I'm sick of tea!" Iroh freezes for a moment, and I see a perplexed expression cross his face.
"Sick of tea? That's like being sick of breathing!" he exclaims, and he continues rummaging around in the drawer. "Have you seen our spark rocks to heat up the water?" Iroh mutters. Zuko and I look at each other and shrug.
Iroh walks out of the room and disappears for a few moments. "You can have the bed," Zuko concedes, defeated. I feel a moment of triumph which deflates quickly as he adds, "You're the girl, after all."
I jump up, my eyes flashing furious. "You sexist pig! Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I automatically get the bed!" I protest, despite the fact that the bed is what I wanted all along. "I can't stand people like you."
Zuko stands, bristling from the accusation. "People like me?" he repeats dryly. "You're the one who told me to be a man!" he reminds me, and I feel my cheeks flush with anger and something that feels like embarrassment.
"I don't want the bed," I growl, turning away from him.
"Well, I'm not going to take it," he announces, stalking over to a corner of the room and lying down. I curl up in the opposite corner. We glare at each other until Iroh walks back in.
"I borrowed our neighbor's. Such kind people," Iroh muses. I shoot Zuko a final glower and rest my head against my outstretched arm.
That night, my dream is just as painful as all the other nights, but it is a different sort of pain. This pain makes my heart beat just as fast, but it is not horrifying and agonizing and gruesome. It is tender and terrifying and uncertain.
When it begins, Zuko and I are cleaning up the tea shop. All the customers are gone, and Iroh has long since retired to bed. "Not interested in the cleaning, just the brewing," Zuko says, and we laugh. I wipe down my last table and turn around to find Zuko standing very, very close to me.
He pushes me back against the table, and at first I think he is about to attack me, but he just stares gently into my eyes and runs his fingers through my hair. Slowly, I feel myself pulled away from my body, and I am watching the scene unfold from a distance.
I do not understand what is going on, but my dream-self does. "Don't get carried away," she warns him.
"No promises," Zuko says in a husky voice. My dream self shivers and so do I, but it is not a shiver or cold or fear. This is something else… something I have never felt before. I continue to watch my dream. Zuko and my dream self are speaking in murmured voices.
Finally, he presses his lips against my throat. Though I cannot feel it, I gasp in surprise. My dream self makes a similar noise and slowly tips her head back. His kisses slowly work their way up to my—her- jaw, and then down to her chin.
His nose brushes hers, then he leans in, and he kisses her. I feel myself fly back into my body. There is a warm pressure on my lips, but then it's gone. My eyes are shut. I'm lying down. I'm cold. I slowly open my eyes, and I'm back in our apartment, curled up on the floor. For the first time since my parent's death, I have woken up without screaming.
The window is open, and a soft breeze carries through it. Iroh is sprawled across the bed, snoring, and Zuko is asleep in the corner opposite me. I smile when I see the banished Prince, then quickly reprimand myself.
"What the hell?" I whisper to myself as my dream comes back to me in full. I look at Zuko again, remembering how I originally thought he was handsome, how at times his voice, so full of pride and confidence and pain, can make my heart beat faster.
This feeling is not something I can fight. This feeling is not something I can flee. It would have been different if I'd seen it coming, if I'd realized what is happening. Maybe if I began to suspect at the top of the canyon, or on the ferry, or anytime else. Because now it is too late. This feeling has slowly been sinking its claws into me, not alerting me of its presence until now, at this very late hour.
I shiver, and stand up. I sling my bow and quiver across my back, make sure that my picture and bison fur are in my pouch, and draw my hood up. I step over Zuko quietly, not daring to give him a final parting glance, afraid that I'll change my mind.
I slip out the door and down the stairs until I am in the empty tea shop. The door is locked, so I sneak out a window some careless person (probably Iroh) forgot to lock. The streets are empty, but I can hear mutters in houses or alleys.
Several lonely lights flicker unhappily in the dark Ba Sing Se night in the Lower Ring, but high above, in the Upper Ring, houses are ablaze. People, I can hear them, are singing and dancing in the streets. They look drunk.
I want to be drunk. But not tonight. Tomorrow. Tonight I need to get away from this place, I need to leave forever. I walk through the quiet streets. There is a camp where refugees too poor to rent a home live in ragged tents. I must go there.
I hear something behind me and whirl around. There is nothing but quiet homes and shadows. I turn around and continue walking as if what I heard was my own paranoia, but there is someone there, I know it.
I'm going to figure out who it is.