I'm in love with Kevin. I really need to let go...

Thought of this while watching 'Hitting for the Cycle'

Help me settle better by reviewing ;)

Also- I love 'Blowing for Soup', 'The Sex Pistols' and 'The Cab' – just attempting humour- bear with me!

Disclaimer I own nothing.

Sara Sidle's Guide to Getting Girls

Kevin Tilsdale's Letter

What up Sara,

Now I need to start by saying I generally don't need no advice on how to pick up women- I have what some may call a talent at taking chicks home.

But I recently moved to Vegas from LA and I'm finding the women are...different... now I don't wanna say frigid but... you've gotta admit you're kind of up tight... which is weird... considering it's Vegas...

Anyway- I was wondering if you had any advice on settling into a new city- and getting familiar with the ladies (or on how to take a stripper home...) because I am all ears baby.

Peace out,

Wishing-I-Was-In-LA

Sara's Guide to New Places, New Ladies...

Well I think I'll start by saying thank you for trusting me with giving you advice oh-great-one.

For you and the rest of the men out there who have moved to a new place and are struggling with familiarising yourselves with the local ladies- here is some simple advice- don't be yourself.

Yes- I said it.

If you're finding no one is responding to you in a positive way then don't be you!

Here are a few things that you can do to help romance along-

1) Be that tall, dark stranger every woman in romantic comedies seems to love. Don't have dark hair? Dye it! Aren't tall? Use stilts! (Stilts will also make you seem interesting...they may even think that you were a part of a circus...isn't that cool?)

2) Have a foreign accent. Ladies love an accent.

3) Be seen in cool places around the city- so rather than the local dive- try that foam party thing your co-workers were raving about... inside...not hanging out outside... that's just creepy.

4) Eavesdropping. A wonderful tool. Use it to find out what it is the women in town are talking about- listen in on their water cooler chats and used that to get their attention. E.G. Danielle has a crush on Johnny did Tanya say? Buddy up with Johnny- cool friends will make you cool.

5) You know what never stops being sexy? Smart. You got it- get your dork on guys! Be caught in the break room reading classics. Pick up 'The Economist' instead of 'FHM'.

6) Set up a rock band- not a Sex Pistols cover band- but something like these new groups like "Bowling for tins of processed food" and "The Mini-cab". There is just something about a man who knows how to handle an instrument... ;)

7) Play the emotionally vulnerable part. Women eat it up- fake a sad break up story (being dumped at the altar is a good one!) the next thing you know they'll be in a bar with you knocking back tequila shots until they have forgotten they have self respect- and BAM- you're in!

8) Bribery never hurts. Start bringing in doughnuts or cookies to work. It is simple- buy your way into their pants... not literally because that's prostitution...

9) Make friends with the least attractive guy in your office- this is two birds with one stone! You look generous giving him a chance (prove you're not judgemental) and also you'll ALWAYS be more attractive hence the better option... win-win I'd say!

And last but not least...if nothing is working...

10) Get serious plastic surgery to make yourself look like Ryan Gosling (or Bradley Cooper- whatever floats her boat!), ask to change departments at work and change your name...no one will ever know.

I hope that helps!

Good luck to "Wishing-I-Was-In-LA" at luring the poor women of Las Vegas into a false sense of security!

Most certainly not yours,

Sara Sidle.