CHAPTER XIII

I want to apologize. I'm truly sorry for keeping you waiting. I have no excuse but one, however, you'll probably skip this and go straight on to the story. Anyways, before publishing this story, I had twelve chapters finished. And as I updated, I didn't really write any more chapters, so I had to write and rewrite this chapter a LOT of times.

So keep in mind, I'll probably update less frequent (just like I'm already doing, sorry for that).

BUT, I promise you, you're going to like this chapter. I swear. It's a bit of a gap-filler, but no less important.

Anyhow, I gotta go. My best friend is dragging me to a school dance tonight so she can see her crush 'or something', so I have to rush. She doesn't know I write fanfiction (UNLESS she reads this and knows this best friend is her, lol).

Well, enjoy this chapter and I'll see y'all next time.

Oh, and wish me luck for tonight.

I dropped the blade. I sunk to the ground. I looked at my hands.

The hands of a murderer.

I had killed someone.

Again.

And it wasn't even in the heat of the moment.

It was my choice.

What had I done?

"Marina?"

I felt Cato approach me, but I wouldn't look at him.

Ruthlessly. I was ruthless when I had killed the boy. Sarah. Tom. Lexie.

Who were they? His sisters and brother? Mother, father, sister? Girlfriend? Best friends?

Hypocrite. I was a hypocrite.

I had called Cato a murderer, a cold-blooded killer, a monster. But that was me. I was the monster.

Eridan. His voice rang through my head like a gun. "Don't let them change you, Marina. Don't let them change you into a monster like they did with me."

Eleanor. I had made her a promise, didn't I? I'd come back to her, that was I had said. She made me promise. "In three weeks, you will be back here, safe and sound. You understand?"

Byron. I had asked my parents to send him to his room if I were to get killed. I furiously hoped they had sent him to his room when I killed that boy from 10.

I killed him. Don't know if I said it aloud or only thought it.

"Marina?"

"I… I killed him…"

"Marina!"

"What?!" I shouted and turned to him. I wanted to cry, but somehow the tears didn't come. It was like I wasn't able to even look remorseful. It was like my face just wouldn't show the regret I felt, the shock that was going through my body.

"You're hurt." He was looking at my side.

"What?" I said again, but now in confusion and looked down as well.

I gasped as I took in the sight of a huge cut, perhaps even worse than the one Clove gave me. The wound looked awful: it was deep and blood poured out of it like water out of a tap.

"Oh…" I mumbled and in all the sudden I felt it as well; the adrenaline leaving my body only to be replaced by a throbbing pain. I brought my hands to the cut, but didn't dare to touch it.

"Shit", Cato hissed and came closer.

I looked around for my pack, only to realize it was still on my back. "I, uh… I need to… I have to stop the bleeding," I said, wanting to grab my extra t-shirt. "I have to stop the bleeding."

My mind was fogged, running on the things I had learned when I was a kid. I winced at the pain as I struggled to get the backpack out of my back.

"Marina, stop," Cato said and steadied me by placing his hands on my shoulders. Why did he do that? Was I out of balance? I didn't know. I didn't understand. "Marina, sit down. I'll do it."

"But I… I need to… I need to stop the bleeding…"

"Sit down and let me take care of it", he said slowly and I nodded.

"O-okay," I mumbled and went to sit down against a tree. The wound didn't even hurt that much anymore. Now that I realized it, I didn't feel anything. "Just be… be careful, okay?"

I closed my eyes and heard him go through my pack, but then I didn't hear that much anymore. I heard him talk, I heard him tell me to stay awake, but I just couldn't. It all got quieter and quieter, as if the volume was being turned down. Sleep was just too inviting.

"You're awake."

I sat up and brought my knuckles to my eyes groggily, as if I'd just had a long nap. For a moment I had to remind myself where I was and what had happened before I looked down at my side.

The boy from 10. The cut.

Me killing him.

A feeling of nausea rushed through my body and made me want to throw up. Luckily I was able to hold it in.

The sun was still shining brightly I noticed as I looked up, seeing the blue sky above the tree tops. How long was I out? An hour? A whole day.

"You slept for a few hours", I heard Cato's voice say as if he could read my thoughts, and I turned to look at him, wincing slightly at the protest my side was giving.

I nodded slowly and looked back at the wound, lifting my shirt a little. There was bandage around my torso, covering the wound. There were no bloodstains.

"Sponsors?"

Cato nodded. "They seem to like you."

After half an hour or so of eating a little and drinking some water – Cato had finally received his first sponsor gift, which was food, enough for the both of us – we slowly started to get moving again. He helped me stand up, which made me frown a little. Since when did he care?

Before we started walking, I undid my pack from my back and held it out in front of me. Cato looked at me with raised eyebrows. "Take the twin blades."

His eyebrows raised even higher, and he eyed the backpack. Then he shook his head. "No," he said, "you need them."

"I don't want them."

He frowned. "You're not strong enough to just fend off another tribute without a weapon", he reasoned.

"Why do you care?!" I half asked, half shouted. "Seriously, just take the fucking blades! I don't want them."

I didn't look at him long enough to see what emotion was written on his face. I didn't want to see it. I looked down at the ground, waiting for him to take the blades off my backpack.

A second later he did so, carefully, as if too much movement would make me snap again. As soon as they were out of the laces of my pack, I sighed. It felt like the backpack weighted less than with the blades, and I put it on my back again.

Now we could go.

We were walking by a small river bank when he announced we were going to have to cross it. There were rocks scattered everywhere, so we had to hop over from one to the next.

Unlike before, Cato walked slower, making sure I kept up with him. I wondered to myself when he had started to think of me differently. Was it the fact I had saved him? Was it the fact he had saved me? I didn't know. All I knew was that he cared, just like Finnick wanted.

Because it did make him vulnerable. I had seen it. But I didn't want to think of what I could do with his vulnerability. I didn't want to devise a plot on how to kill him. Because I couldn't kill him. No one. Not after… not after what I'd done to the boy from 10.

Only thinking about it made me want to puke. With every step I took, the question 'what have I done' reeled inside my head. Over and over. This was not guilt. It was worse than feeling remorseful or ashamed. The fact I had taken someone's life on purpose, not only once but twice, almost made me want Cato to kill me.

Though I quickly pushed the thought away with all my might. Instead, I decided to break the heavy silence.

"Tell me about your district", I blurted as Cato held my arm to help me step from one rock to the other.

"Why so interested?" he asked, giving me a side-glance with a cocked eyebrow.

I shrugged. "Just curious."

He looked at me a little longer than needed, then nodded. "You know the mountains you'd see out of the window of our apartments?" I nodded. "On the other side of those mountains is my district."

I thought back of the night before the Games. He still didn't know I was on the roof the same time he was. I had seen him staring in the far-off distance, and I had been right. His daily view was the snow-capped mountains.

"What's it like?" I asked, my curiosity increasing even more.

And that's when I saw it: an actual, genuine smile. It kind of hit me in the face actually. It sounds stupid, but I didn't even know he was capable of it, and I wondered how much he really smiled – and what he was thinking of.

"It's… majestic," he said and I couldn't help but smile myself at the way he said it. "Really. Stone is pretty important there, so everything is sleek with white stone and marble. Gems to be found in the mountains, stately buildings and houses."

"So what do you do at home?"

He paused and for a brief second I could see his eyebrows furrowed as I said 'home'.

"I trained. For this," he answered with a smirk, but then drew his eyebrows together in a pondering frown. "That was all I ever cared about. That was all my parents ever cared about."

I hummed, though I couldn't really understand. How could someone want this? How could someone want to see so much death?

"What about you?"

I tilted my head, wondering why he had that deep frown on his face. He obviously didn't want to talk about his home anymore.

I sighed and shrugged. "I saved animals. Mostly sea-animals like turtles..." I trailed off when I caught him chuckling and shaking his head. "What?" I asked offended.

"Nothing."

"There obviously is something."

"No, there's not. Don't worry."

"Cato, tell me."

I stopped walking, causing him to stop as well and turn to me with a bemused face. I couldn't remember doing anything to amuse him. "Why are you laughing at me?" I demanded, arms folded across my chest.

"I'm not laughing at you", he said, but the look on his face told otherwise.

"Liar."

He rolled his eyes. "It's just… I didn't really picture you saving animals. Yesterday you skinned a rabbit. A bunny."

"A bunny?" I repeated scornfully. "Seriously?"

He laughed and walked further, me following close behind. "Why can't you picture me saving animals? I'm not a cold-hearted bitch."

When he turned around to help me go to the next rock, I saw his eyebrows drawn in an uneasy frown. His jaw was set, making him look tense in all the sudden. I furrowed my brows as well. "What's wrong?" I asked, and turned my head to look behind me. Had he seen a tribute?

When I looked back, he was looking at me, still with uneasiness.

"You pretty much killed that boy cold-heartedly."

My heart sank. Well, he did have a point. I fumbled with the sleeve of my jacket, looking down at the rock ground beneath me. I breathed in sharply, suddenly seeing the boy from 10 lying under me, looking at me with wide eyes. But there was no life in those eyes.

"You're right," I mumbled, not being able to avert my eyes from the dead boy's eyes. "How could I save animals when I killed two… two boys, both my own age?"

When I could finally pull my gaze away from him and looked up at Cato again, I saw his face had turned hard again, his jaw clenched. "If you want to win, others have to die."

"Yeah…" I said quietly, it was more like a whisper actually. "I guess that's true."

It was silent for a second, only the fast rushing water breaking that quiet.

"Come, we gotta go," Cato said, reaching out a hand. "Before it gets dark."

I nodded and let him help me cross the river, trying not to think about my hand in his too much. Instead, I occupied my mind with the images of Ten, though I didn't know if that was any better.

When we finally crossed the river, I noticed his hand hadn't let go of mine yet. Becoming overly aware of his touch, I felt my arm suddenly shivering, feeling as if electric pulses went through my hand, then spread over my whole body. But… it wasn't unpleasant, I mentally noted.

I don't know if Cato felt the shiver, but suddenly his hand left mine and I immediately clasped my hand with my other, out of nowhere feeling cold. I shook my head to myself, kicking myself in my mind. What was that?

It was nearing twilight when we went to set up camp and made a small fire to cook our dinner. However, before the fire even ignited, a soft sound filled the air around us. Cato and I looked up in confusion, both recognizing the sound as soon as we heard it.

Cato stood up to walk to where the sponsor gift had landed and picked it up. It had a rectangular shape and was bigger than usual.

"For you?" I asked as he studied the bowl, and he shook his head. He handed it over to me, revealing the 4 on the outside of the bowl. I nodded and took it, opening the lid. What was inside I still couldn't see, since there was another lid. I did see a note, and I picked it up to read it.

It's going to be okay – Finnick' it read, and I smiled faintly, mouthing a thank you. Then I opened the second lid. "Wow", I breathed with wide eyes.

"What is it?" Cato asked curiously, and I grinned.

"Put out the fire," I said and showed the big box filled with food. "Let's have some real dinner."

So we stopped the fire and began eating the meal we had received from the Capitol. For once, I was thankful for them, but it was only for the food.

Only when I suddenly shuddered, I noticed it had become colder. I frowned and looked up. How could the temperature drop so fast? Just a few minutes ago it was still nice?

"Is it me or has it become colder?" I asked and looked back at Cato, who was looking at with curiosity. But after I spoke my thoughts, he frowned as well, then nodded slowly.

"I think so," he replied and looked at the remnants of our almost fully lit fire. "We could make a fire again?"

I looked around, not entirely sure: what if other tributes could find us? But, I reasoned to myself with another shudder, it had become really cold. So I nodded.

We sat close to the fire, huddled together, but still kept a small distance between us. I warmed my hands by rubbing them together, suddenly the image of Cato's hand in mine flashing through my mind. I briefly glanced at him, but he seemed to be zoned out, thinking deeply about something.

"Cato?" I asked softly, and he turned his head sideways to look at me. My brows furrowed in a pondering frown as I stared back at the fire, not entirely sure how I had to formulate my question.

"Yes, Marina?"

"I…" I began, "I was wondering… Why haven't you killed me yet?"

So. There it was. It was finally out. I breathed out, keeping my gaze on the dancing flames in front of me, not knowing whether or not I should expect a reply.

It was quiet for a solid minute. I'd never felt so much awkwardness in my life. Ever. It was quiet for so long, that the thought he'd simply not heard me crossed my mind multiple times. I chanced a glance, only to see he was looking at me.

I could see his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed thickly, making me swallow as well. Why did I always do this? Why did I always have to make it awkward? Why did I have to voice my thoughts, just like always?

But I was curious. I really, really wanted to know why he hadn't tried to kill me yet. Like, I was dying to know why.

"Because you helped me," he finally stated matter-of-factly. "It'd be dishonorable."

I cocked an eyebrow. "But killing all those other people isn't dishonorable?"

His frown deepened and he looked down at the ground. "In order to win, others have to die", he reasoned, though I wasn't convinced.

"But if you want to win, I have to die as well", I pointed out as I looked up at him.

"Yes, but not now."

"Why not now?"

Say it, I thought, looking at his hands. Goddammit, say it!

"Because…" he started, looking at me with a weird look on his face I couldn't put a finger on, "because… I'm still going to do what I said. Save you for the finale."

I backed away a little, biting my lips. "You're going to kill me slowly for the whole world to see?" I asked, reciting his words from before the Games.

He shook his head. "No, I'll do it fast, I promise."

"How comforting", I said bitterly, not looking at him.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled softly, "but I have to win… to…"

"…to bring honor to your district," I finished with a huff when he trailed off, "no, I get it. No need to apologize."

It was quiet for another few seconds, but this time I was mad. So he still wanted me dead. After all these days of saving him, him saving me, working together, helping each other, he still… My thoughts trailed of. Of course, I shouldn't have expected otherwise. How could I've been so naïve?

"I don't want you dead, you know", he added quietly as if he could read my mind, and ever so subtle shuffled closer to me.

I looked up at him in surprise. It wasn't what he said that surprised me, but it was how he'd said it. His voice, so much more kind and soft, so different from the times she'd spoken to him before the Games.

"I know," I replied flatly with a nod. "I don't want to die either."

He breathed a laugh, and I couldn't help but crack a smile as well, though I quickly turned serious again.

"Do you think the Games will last much longer?" I asked, curiosity clear in my voice as I looked up.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Cato smile, one corner of his lips turned up. "Would it be weird to say I wouldn't mind if it did?"

Now, what he had said did surprise me, and my head snapped back at him. For a second, I didn't know what to say. A thousand questions went through my head. What did he mean with that? Did he enjoy being here in the Arena? Was it just the killing part he liked? Or… was it because he was with me?

I studied his face for answers, and his somewhat nervous, yet somehow still confident smile gave me the ones I needed. Even though I wanted to get out of this Arena as fast as possible, I found myself saying, "I don't think it would", and I meant it. Because I did enjoy being here with him. He was nice to me, even though it was difficult to get along in the beginning.

I glanced at Cato sideways, only now noticing how close he was to me, but I didn't mind. I realized he was already looking at me- well, staring at me. It made self-conscious, but I was unable to look away once our eyes met. The dancing flames of the fire flickered in his blue eyes, the contrast almost mesmerizing.

My eyes travelled down to his sharp nose, then his cheeks, then his jawline. I suddenly remembered how he had almost traced mine that day in the gymnasium, the feeling being almost exciting. My eyes went to his lips, almost automatically, but I caught myself and looked back at his eyes.

His clear blue eyes were darker than before, and his expression was intense, making me swallow thickly. Before I knew it, Cato's lips suddenly crashed onto mine, surprising me. My eyes widened, but I couldn't help but close my eyes quickly.

I felt his hand on my hip, the other just above my neck. My own roamed to his hair and his chest, and I felt myself melt into him, wanting nothing than to be closer to him. Every rational thought left my mind, and I could only kiss him back hungrily. His mouth was warm, lips tasting like forest – I didn't even care whether or not that made sense – and his lips were so much softer than I could have ever imagined.

And then the kiss broke. I breathed rapidly as my forehead rested against Cato's, eyes still closed. I had no idea what to think of this. It was so sudden… so unexpected. And yet… yet it felt right.

Of all things I expected to find during the Games – pain, victory, death… love was none of them.

And and and? Did you like the kissing scene? I hope I portrayed Cato well, I don't know if I'm contend with how I wrote him...

ANYWAYS, PLEASE REVIEW! THANKS TO VALENCIA (GUEST) FOR YOUR KIND REVIEW, I HOPE THIS CHAP'S TO YOUR LIKING. Also thank you to those who added the story to their follows/favorites, I hope you like the story as well. And again, also to you angelic-bitch, sorry for the delay.

Anyways, I'm off to that school dance. Buh-bye.