12 Days of Building Trust
The disclaimers still remain, though I almost suspected there had been a fangirl conquest regarding the latest real chapter, until I noticed the deeper meanings behind it all.
Suddenly the exchange was interrupted by the sound of a clock on the wall of the hallway and the twelve small dings introduced the beginning of the twelfth day of Christmas.
Twelfth day of Christmas
oOoOo
"Why don't you come in?" Ren offered after a few seconds, carefully masking the sudden shock with calm and took a step to the side to let her in.
She blinked. Oh, yes, she was standing in the middle of the hallway outside his door. The faintest of red touched her cheeks, but she walked nevertheless with firm steps into his apartment.
She turned to face him and opened her mouth again to speak.
"Maybe you should take off your jacket and shoes?" He chuckled, stopping her words.
"Uh, right." She was slightly caught off guard, but shook them off and hanged the jacket in place and put the shoes where they were supposed to be.
Before she got the chance to start again she was met by the empty space the man had just been standing in. He had walked off to the living room without a word and she had no choice but to follow. It was after all ridiculous to stay in this narrow hallway and talk anyway, if you can call any part of his apartment narrow, that is.
When he finally seemed satisfied with their location he turned around to casually lean against the back of the sofa to face her. Did he do this on purpose?
Though there was something else that seemed off with him.
"Now, what were you going to tell me?"
"Could you please take those contacts out of your eyes? Now that I know how they look for real it's very distracting. I can't see you." This time it was Kyoko's turn to suddenly change the subject. She then added hastily. "Not that that was what I was going to tell you."
This time he laughed out loud and told her to wait. He went to the bathroom and was back just about a minute later, the ocean rightfully back in place in his gaze.
That's when he decided to smile one of those crooked smiles he never used outside his home, or at least not with anyone else, and turned to stand on the same place he had before.
"Now, shoot. What is it that you know that's so important you've got to rush here in the middle of the night? Not that I mind, I'm just curious."
Suddenly she felt lost for words. She knew exactly what she had to say, she didn't even doubt the fact that she was right anymore. It was too late for that anyway, she just felt embarrassed talking about it. Plus, those eyes were even more distracting than when they were covered with contacts. Though she couldn't ask him to put them back on now, because then they would be dancing around it all night, and this was just starting to go out of hand.
She took a deep breath; he really had no idea what she was there for, did he? But she could do this. She had walked around like a cat around water, it was enough already.
"Three things." She closed her eyes so she could concentrate better. "Three things I had to figure out about you. I know them."
When he didn't respond she couldn't resist the urge to sneak a peek at him. He didn't smile anymore, it looked more like he was… in a daze. His arms that had been crossed were now hanging limply at his sides.
She had been right. He had had no idea she was going to take his impossible impulse to try to reach her those four days ago seriously, at least not in a long while, no matter how close they'd gotten the last couple of months, weeks and even days.
He had been hoping, trying to tell her almost halfheartedly, but never in a million years guessed she would come rushing here, now, in the middle of the night with answers. He barely resisted the urge to pinch himself just make sure it wasn't a dream.
"You do?" Surprise shone through every syllable.
"Yes." She confirmed with more determination this time, strengthened by the fact that he wasn't as confident anymore. It made her feel stronger as they reached about the same level of insecurity, if that makes any sense.
"Tell me." He said with wary, still not trusting his hopes, wondering if she just tried to trick it out of him, though the fact that she indeed was here in the middle of the night should be enough to convince him otherwise.
As if sensing this, Kyoko pursed her lips in something that resembled anger and was suddenly much more convinced to do this.
"Number one." She held an index finger up in the air to make the statement clearer before pointing it at him. "You are the person who've been sneaking around and giving me all these ridiculous gifts."
Ren's eyes widened just slightly, but it was enough to confirm her suspicions.
"It's true you weren't the one to leave the first gift. I don't believe you did that personally at any time." Kyoko explained, almost sounding like she was accusing him. "You sent Jelly-san on Christmas Eve to do that, didn't you? This is also the reason the President knew about this; you told him, and therefor he's been able to help you. All the other days you've just sent different people."
At first he had been shocked, but as he listened to her, Ren couldn't help the smirk that was slowly spreading on his face. He had expected her to at least realize this sooner or later. She was a smart girl, so sooner shouldn't have been that surprising.
Something that actually was shocking was the fact that she didn't seem terrified about this knowledge. This was the true reason he smiled; he was relieved… and just slightly amused. He had half-expected her to come to his home and throw all the things in his face as soon as she realized.
"Ridiculous you say?" He teased. "Who was the one to use pretty much everything I gave you on New Year's?"
She flushed bright red and pointed at him again with the same accusing finger as before.
"I thought you were going to take me to a grand, fancy (not to mention posh) ball!" She exclaimed. "It's your fault."
He didn't even try to hide his grin anymore as he shook his head. He had expected no less from her, and to be quite honest, it was his plan from the start.
"Nope. I like to see it more as a victory. Now that you've used them you can't return them." He smirked in the way you do when you know you've won an argument; cocking his eyebrow as if to say "I won this battle."
She stared at him for a moment before sighing in annoyance.
"Of course that was why you didn't tell me where we were going." She muttered and angrily put a hand to her forehead. "Why would you even do all this in first place? Being all secret and what not."
"Because you wouldn't accept anything if I would try to do the same in my own name." He simply pointed out in a much more serious tone. "You could only accept it from someone you didn't feel inclined to feel in debt with. Someone that wasn't me."
She couldn't reply to this.
He pushed away from where he was standing and walked a step closer to her place on the other side of the room. It felt like someone had put lead to the light, teasing mood they'd just been sharing.
"What's the next thing you know?" He tried to make the question sound as normal as possible, though he wasn't sure he succeeded. He wasn't even sure what he could hope for.
Taken aback by his sudden action – no matter how small it may have been – and the change of the air surrounding them made her momentarily stunned. But her mind was still set. Again; her fear for how he would react kicked in and instead of closing her eyes like the first time, she decided that the floor had a particularly interesting pattern.
She also spoke in a much lower voice than before.
"This is something I should have realized sooner if I just had decided to pay attention properly. I think you've been hinting at this for a very long time, but I never saw the connection… the link between the two seemed too remote and impossible.
You've always seemed to know more about me than you should considering that I haven't told you that much. Whenever I had or have a problem you always seem to understand what I'm talking about or understand the cause of it, and at first I just thought it was a part of your know-it-all personality. For a while I suspected you could read minds…"
She chuckled lightly. She didn't even mean that as an insult, or as a joke. He just always seemed to know everything… except when it came to some certain areas.
Or at least that's what she had thought.
"You know that time in Karuizawa when you... comforted me… you told me that he was okay, that he could fly and all that. I believed you for some reason, and I really just thought it was because you were a good speaker and comforter.
Then now on New Year's you said you should have told me, eh, that eight years ago. Then the very same day I was given that snow globe just to remind me of those days so long ago. Poor Sebastian, how long had the President made him stand there and wait? On New Year's and everything. You should feel bad about doing this.
Then today when I looked at Odette's castle and compared the stones…" She paused and bit her lip, the man in front of her continued to not utter a single word, not even a sound. She decided to reach into her jean pocket and picked up the small, blue stone. "I'm not an expert on gems, but they look so much alike."
"That's because I had them placed there. It's the same type of stone. Iolite."
Kyoko snapped her head up. When on earth had he had time to close so much of the distance between them without her noticing?
He was currently standing just a meter away from her spot against the wall, looking at the stone she was holding. He was like a cat; moved without a sound.
"I-iolite…" She repeated, though more stuttering than she'd liked it to. "I see…"
She flipped the stone this way and that, as if the name of the stone suddenly gave it new character.
"Then… your eyes." She turned her head up to look at them in question. "I knew they reminded me of something… and today it hit me."
She paused. Although she already knew the answer she wanted some kind of absolute confirmation to what she was about to ask.
"You are… Corn, aren't you?"
A huge smile, the one of absolute joy, appeared on his face.
"The very same that gave you that stone you're holding eight years ago." He confirmed with a soft smile. However it faltered as his brow creased in worry. "I'm… sorry to disappoint you."
Kyoko gasped at his assumption.
"No! Not at all, or well… it's a bit sad I haven't met a real fairy," He just looked more and more sad for every word she spoke. "But it's much better this way!"
Ren smiled at her attempt to make him feel better and shook his head.
"This is why I didn't tell you. I didn't want to break the perfect picture you had of me all those years ago, but now that you know what I did and-"
"Kuon." The sound of his real name made him stop in an instant, automatically giving her his entire attention. "I wasn't lying. It is much better this way. I'd much rather have someone I know to be Corn than someone I will never see again. Right now I'm just happy he really is okay and made it through."
This time it was her time to shake her head with a sigh, speaking with annoyance more to herself than anyone else.
"I would have been sad if he really was a fairy and didn't get through the hands of his father. To have the knowledge that he is actually fine is such a relief. I don't understand how I've been able to stand this all these years… I've been so naïve." She hit herself on the head at her own stupidity.
The heavy weight that had been resting on Kuon's shoulders all this time since he realized who she really was turned into a feather and in some impossible way he felt even taller than before.
"Though there is something certainly surprises me." His new, relieved smile turned into one of mock suspicion. "I thought you would react… slightly wilder… when you finally got to know this."
"To be honest, I did too." She nodded thoughtfully in agreement.
"The shock hasn't worn off yet?"
"Probably."
"Should I be worried for my safety?"
"Maybe."
Letting go of a heavy breath that he must have held for years, he took one even closer step to her, gently taking her left hand in his right as another boundary between the two was cut off.
"Thank you…" He whispered, making the atmosphere more serious again. "For accepting who I am."
He loved every bit of the pink that spread to her cheeks. "Maybe… you could tell me the third thing you claim you've figured out."
Trying to keep her voice on a steady level and hide the fact that her knees suddenly felt soft as spaghetti, she joked. "So the first two are correct then?"
He laughed.
"Yes, you've been correct this far."
Kyoko bit her lower lip. This was the hard one.
"The last thing…" She started, feeling nervous and slightly shaky. Not really out of fear, but more because this was something she had suppressed for so long it had become taboo. "Is perhaps the most obvious, yet the one I had the hardest time to realize."
She looked at his large hand holding hers, drawing strength from the soft strokes his thumb made on the back of her hand, making all her doubt seep away. She could, however, feel his hand slightly tremble and as she looked at his face it made her understand he had to be just as nervous about all of this as she was.
He also needed to get all of this confirmed and right now he could barely breathe even though he looked collected enough to withstand a tsunami.
"I've doubted it, refused to acknowledge it and been afraid to see it. I thought that such a thing couldn't happen, not to me at least. I was convinced that everything that happened was out of friendliness. But the infinite trust you've planted inside me, the vulnerability you've portrayed just for me, everything that I didn't want to see because I was afraid to get hurt, has been there for a longer time than I ever thought was possible."
She tried to read his face, to see if she could figure out what he was thinking. He didn't give away that much; the smile had faltered and a worried frown was slightly ghosting his features.
His true thoughts were that he wished that he could read herthoughts. He was so afraid to get up his hopes and then end up being disappointed, as history has proven its point. Everything had gone way too well these last minutes, how could he possibly be hoping for something better without getting punished in some way or the other?
To be able to read thoughts would indeed have been a good thing for the moment, for both of them, as they wouldn't have to feel so stressed about perhaps saying the wrong words and end up like all of their worst nightmares.
If they only knew that their minds worked as twins.
She unconsciously held a tighter grip on his hand as she tried to chase the bad thoughts away. She was keeping the whole conversation light for a reason, the angst she had been feeling just a few hours ago hadn't just magically disappeared like that.
No, it was still lurking in the corners of her mind and scaring her, and she was afraid that she would break down if she talked with a tone that matched her true fear.
When she felt him return her squeeze in reassurance she found the courage to continue.
"… This is the reason why you made sure the fourth day's gift ended up on set. Was… was Aiko really right that day? You were in fact…" She didn't want to say that word; it felt so strange to have it connected to his name, or well, Ren's name.
But this wasn't Ren.
"Jealous." Kuon filled in.
"Yes…" She laughed humorlessly. "Jealous of yourself?"
"Because I could give you something and at the same time couldn't. And when it turned out you didn't want to tell me anything I got angry with myself for starting this." He smiled sheepishly while admitting this, though Kyoko felt she was the one to be embarrassed.
"Only because I was unconsciously scared you would be just that." His mouth opened in slight shock, but she continued to talk before he got a chance to cut in. "I think you've been trying to prove this to me for a while now and it didn't matter what people around me said. I refused to listen."
She paused, slightly trembling at what she had to say next. Her mind was filled with horror scenarios of what could happen next if she in fact was proven wrong, or worse, she would wake up and realize it all was just a cruel dream and she was still where she started. She had to look away again.
"Yesterday was the most frightening day of my life. When you whispered that into my ear on set, I broke down. I was so scared, I felt like I was suddenly completely left alone and I felt how everything I had carefully built up just…" An evil sob suddenly escaped her lips, she hadn't meant to start crying, but the treachures tears had other plans.
She felt a hand, his other hand that wasn't holding hers, reach under her chin and tilt her head up to look into his face that now had gotten closer at some point. This resembled the Grateful party painfully much, just that this time they were alone.
"I caused you pain…" He brushed some hair out of her face as the crease was back between his eyebrows. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to happen."
Kyoko tried to breathe properly, but it was nearly impossible.
"No." She whispered shakily. "I needed that. Because without it I wouldn't have realized what I know. What I feel. Or rather, I still wouldn't know if it wouldn't have been for one fact."
She smiled up at him.
"What's that?"
"The roses. Do you mind telling me what the poem said? I didn't have time to read it before rushing all the way here."
He laughed lightly as he played with her hair.
"These eleven prestigious roses sent here could only mean
that they were made for no one less than a beautiful queen."
Kyoko couldn't help but to smile broadly. If the flowers didn't manage to scream the truth in her face, then this rhyme alone would have done it.
"You see…" She said, still smiling. "They gave you away. It was those that made everything fall into place."
He touched her cheek with a just a hint of a questioning look.
"The roses told me that you were the one who gave me all of this. That you were willing to spend all of this money just to give me things. This helped me to definitely understand that you in fact could be that boy all those years ago, since all the walls of doubt were pretty much blown away anyway, and they made me understand that…"
She stopped, his hand now curved behind her neck while his thumb caressed her cheek, his other hand still holding hers.
"You understood what?" He whispered softly, his face dangerously close to hers.
She placed her free hand upon his hand near her face and closed her eyes as she drew a deep breath.
"That you love me as much as I love you."
Since she didn't open her eyes she couldn't see his expression, but she felt how he released her hand to lean his forearm on the wall above her so he could get the support he needed for his next action. She felt his sweet breath so very close to her face.
"That a girl."
The softest of lips pressed against hers, though just for a moment, and it happened so quickly it made her open her eyes wide in surprise.
She was met by those beautiful sea-eyes gaze down on her; his entire face practically glowing.
"Sorry, I should have warned you." He didn't sound especially sorry at all.
She just stared at him. Never in her life had she expected that a kiss could feel so good. Even the kiss on the cheek all those months ago paled in comparison.
Still stuck in her surprise she touched her lips with her fingers, not exactly aware of what she was doing anymore.
"Is this what I have been missing out all this time?" She suddenly got very angry with herself and she wasn't even talking to Kuon anymore. He couldn't help but to chortle.
Suddenly she remembered something and an idea came to mind. An idea that made her face turn a couple of shades darker.
"Be careful with what you do with your face. It can be dangerous." He joked in a murmur. Or well, almost a joke.
She blushed even more but then shook her head as she set her mind into doing this one thing.
"Close your eyes." She told him. He, on the other hand, blinked. Out of everything she could possibly respond with, that was the last thing he expected.
"What?"
"You heard me." She said, this time more bravely and then demanded. "And don't even try to sneak a peek because this is embarrassing enough."
He laughed but he did as she said.
Nothing happened at first, but then she reached for his left hand and hesitantly brought it to her lips. She placed a slow kiss on the back of his hand, gaining a silent gasp from him, though he didn't open his eyes as he'd promised. She then proceeded to his fingers, close to the knuckles.
She placed a soft kiss on his fingertips before letting go of his hand and reached both of hers to carefully putting them on each side of his face and pulled gently, making him follow obediently.
She pressed her lips on his forehead, the bridge of his nose and the nose tip and instead of proceeding down she tilted his head to the right to kiss his left cheek, and then the other to kiss his right one.
At this point the embarrassment she had felt was gone and she bravely put a small kiss on each side of his lips and then finally two right on top, holding the last one just a little longer before leaning away.
"There." She said softly, smiling up at him, the blush still coloring her cheeks as he opened his eyes and watched her in awe.
"twelve?" He asked almost out of breath.
"Twelve." She confirmed, then looked down on her hands that were fidgeting with his shirt. "I thought that perhaps I should repay you somehow for every gift you've given to me. And everything else of course..."
"Too much." He murmured breathlessly and snatched her away from the wall before she got the chance to respond.
He was still making sure he didn't put too much pressure in his kisses so he wouldn't scare her all that much, but it was hard to control himself. He placed his right hand on her waist while the other was lightly feeling its way through her hair.
Kyoko on the other hand was so baffled by the sensation that she didn't even know how to react. All she knew for sure was that all this time she had been resisting her own feelings had definitely been for far too long.
She shyly imitated his movements at first, but quickly grew bolder as she reached her hands up to his neck and finally around it. He saw this as an indication that he didn't have to be so restrained in his actions.
He then wrapped both arms around her waist and held her closer to him just a few seconds before he suddenly reached one arm under her knees and she suddenly found herself off the ground. She gasped in surprise, momentarily breaking the kiss, making him smile playfully before he attacked her lips again.
She didn't know when it happened but at some point they ended up on the sofa, with her placed on his lap.
She had her right hand against his cheek and the other resting near his neck while he had one hand on the outside of her thigh, gently brushing his fingers against it, and the other around her waist, holding her gently to make the kiss softer.
After a while he broke it to gaze down in her fiery eyes. His face broke into the most glowing and luminous smile she'd ever seen on anyone in her life as he wrapped both arms around her waist to hug her close to him.
"So this is what I have been longing for…" He chuckled. It warmed her from the inside and she couldn't help but to smile back. "Really, I had no idea what was waiting for me."
This time Kyoko had to laugh as she leaned her head against his shoulder. She had never been more comfortable in her life and even though her mind had never been clearer just a few seconds earlier, everything started to instantly blur the more she relaxed.
"Did it help?" He then asked with genuine curiosity.
"What?" She murmured. Her energy bank was suddenly, but officially, bankrupt, and the warmth and safety here made her eyes refuse to comply and stay open. They thought they had had enough of that lately. So she kept them closed.
"Did you find yourself?"
"Mmm… yes." She was almost completely gone in the land of happy dreams, but at least she managed to continue. "When I realized that I loved you I definitely knew what I really wanted and who I was."
"And that is?" He pressed with amusement in his voice. He knew that she must have been exhausted, and now that everything was finally over her mind must have decided to shut off, completely ignoring the fact that he was absolutely filled with energy enough to last a year. He brushed his fingers against her hair, making it even harder for her to stay awake.
"I am someone that is happy… someone that doesn't need old, unkind feelings to drag around as a burden. I only need the people around me now… and I want to be here… with you."
"I love you." He kissed the top of her head at her wondrous words.
"I know you do." She wasn't even awake anymore.
He smiled against her forehead.
"I'll give you your final gift when you wake up in the morning."
OoOoO
Lory sneezed loudly.
"Whoa, dad, are you alright?" His son asked worriedly, startled by the sudden noise. Maria didn't seem to notice though; she slept too tight in his lap.
He blew his nose in a giant handkerchief he pulled out from one of the pockets of his pirate jacket.
"Yes... I'm fine." He smiled happily. "Someone must just have found themselves quite a catch out there somewhere."
A/N: When Lory sneezes there aren't any girls gossiping about him. Nope, there got to be some deep love attached to it.
Happy fluffy fluffiness-day to you! There! The twelve days are complete, but don't worry. There will be one final chapter until I close this story. Thank you all so much for bearing with me. It took me over a YEAR to finish this only because I was lazy (I started writing it in October, but didn't post it until December)… and I didn't feel it was appropriate to end it in the middle of the summer.
That part about the stone is by the way actually true for those who don't know. I don't remember in what chapter, but Nakamura did write about Corn at one time and what kind of stone he is. Yes, I'm in desperate need to get one myself.
Happy first of Advent, and until next time; have a wonderful beginning of the Holidays while trying to survive until the next real chapter! Cheers!
/RDC