The shortest, most... confusing? chapter yet. I hope you enjoy it though! And please, tell me what you think! Believe me, whatever it is that you may think, I would love to hear it!
Passages of Purpose
He went where his feet took him, he did not look, he did not see. James and Lily. No more. Nothing. No more. He was supposed to be the godfather, but he couldn't, he couldn't even save that loveable kid, because everyone thought he was the traitor, and he knew he had to run.
Yes, he had to run.. his right hand tightened on his wand. Yes, he had to run, he had to find him. And he was Padfoot once more, because being Padfoot took some of the pain away and cleared his sight. Padfoot was on the hunt, driven by one purpose, and one purpose only; to kill!
Revenge drove him through unknown cities and dark forests. Padfoot would know where to find a stinking, disgusting rat; Padfoot was a hunter and he never failed. They used to have that in common with Sirius, but Sirius failed terribly-terribly as of late, Sirius was not a good companion any more, and Padfoot tried with all he had, to get rid of him. Black dog, that is what he was, that is what he would be, until he did what he had set out to do. And what then? Nothing then. Nothing.
But Sirius was not that easy to be separated from, and Sirius would bring indescribable pain, a gnawing guilt with himself, that would make Padfoot howl into the unforgiving night. Bloody, cursed trust, bloody cursed friendship. One task to do, to kill, to fill the emptiness, fill it up with blood!
He run through crowded streets, passed trough innocent men, snarling and barking whenever someone got too close to him. Muggles jumped out of his way, frightened of the mad, raging dog. For occasional, passing moments, he was frightened of himself too. He had never killed before, and the one time he almost caused death, resulted in more pain than he would have thought possible, over that slimy little git! And he was about to kill Peter now, Peter with whom he had been on many adventures, shared laughs, pulled pranks on people. Peter who he taught how to be an Animagus. Peter who he had grown to trust instead of Remus. Oh, curse this bloody remorse, away with it!
He would find the Rat, as he called him now. He would find the Rat, he would pick him up between his teeth as he used to, and he would hear as he squeals, feel as he squirms of fright, and Padfoot would enjoy that moment, before his sharp teeth would snap, bones would break, and the Rat would be no more.
o.o
He was Sirius again, pulling his hood over his head, hurrying along dark streets. Even Padfoot failed. He did not find the Rat. He should go to Dumbledore. He should try to explain how many times he had failed, and he should try to look after Harry. He felt numb. He felt as if... He did not really feel anything at all. Harry should be his responsibility. When he agreed to be the godfather, they were not innocent, careless children any more. James was not stupid, he was not as deluded as Sirius. He knew something like this might happen to them, that is why he entrusted his best friend with the task of protecting Harry. And Lily, gorgeous, funny, warm Lily had agreed eagerly too. So why is he here, wandering aimlessly in the shadows instead of doing what he promised he would?
He should go to Dumbledore! He pushed through a crowded area, filled with muggles and bright sunshine. He hated that sunshine now.
He should be giving up the search for Peter and he should go to Dumbledore. Tell him. Trust him with the truth. Seek his help. He turned on his heels, halfway into apparition.
And then the Rat had found him.
The Rat was pale, and he was shaking. Sirius almost felt something at the sight of him then. But the emotion was so frail and passed so quickly, he did not have the time to analyse whether it was remorse, hate, pity or anger. He just raised his wand. In that moment, his perception was clear once more. He didn't want Peter dead now. He just wanted to capture him, so that he would be free to do what he was supposed to. To look after Harry, as he promised James and Lily.
The idea that Peter would try something against him did not even cross his mind. Because he was a slow learner of people, because the Peter he knew would never have the guts to raise a wand against Sirius. Unfortunately, the Peter he knew was no more.
The Rat had a second plan. He was taught well, he tricked well, he faked well.
And amidst a sea of dead people and screams and blood, Sirius started to laugh, because Peter just pulled the best possible prank with the perfect alibi, and Sirius knew he was utterly, and absolutely defeated. And he laughed as they took him away, and did not even shed a tear over not being properly questioned. What for? The only thing that filled him with remorse then, was the thought of Harry. But he had Dumbledore and his muggle family. They would take care of little Harry, he told himself. What more could he do? He had lost utterly, completely.
And from that moment he regretted that the knowledge of his innocence kept him alive, he regretted being strong and unbreakable. He could not stop himself from turning into his dog form when the pain became unbearable, but he cursed Padfoot too now, because if it weren't for him, Sirius would not have lived, because Sirius always did something, he always had a purpose, and this pathetic excuse of a Sirius that lived now in prison and escaped into his dog form, he had not aim, no purpose, nothing.
He had absolutely nothing.