*Now, personally, I thought the last chapter was really hardcore. One of my weaknesses as an author is that, while I love writing death scenes, I'm awful at writing aftermath of it. So, if this doesn't completely work for you, please forgive me. It's short, and awful, and I'm very, very, very sorry. I've discovered that with this fanfic, slowly but surely I've managed to kill off half of my characters. Seriously. There were six characters in the story, and now three of them are dead. Not so slowly, even. Two of them died in one chapter. As such, a new one will come into play soon... xD
**My ever-so-lovely reviewers. Thanks to – simsbabii (I seriously freaked my cat out from screaming…), angelofyouth1427 (I really hope this chapter doesn't disappoint!), Practically Venomous (No way in hell am I as bad as Light the Scumbag.), Josephine Falnor (The last chapter made me really hate her. It did.), icanreadyourmind (You like RENT too? I LOVE RENT.), PiScEs-BlOsSoM69 ('Bout time Vendetta died, right?), TheContheDistance (I wanted Raven to kill Vendetta as a bit of character development… Does that make sense?), becca670 (Aw, don't cry!), MissehKeehl (I MISS DEREK TOO! …But he had to die, unfortunately…), and melloxchocolatexluva (I honestly don't know who she's going to end up with yet…). ALL OF YOU. I LOVE YOU.
***The score? I figured I'd post it. The score thus far is – MattXRae: III MelloXRae: III. Vote, my children, vote… Please? If I end up with a tie, it means that I get to pick. And I'm sure no one wants that, right? Because if I get to pick, it'll end up being an angsty ending in which they ALL DIE. xD
****So, I don't own Death Note. Got it memorized? I will love you forever if you get that reference…
Mello had been speaking softly, but nonetheless I heard it. His crude comments on everything, on the entire situation, on me. I didn't know which to stare at – Vendetta's body, or Derek's.
My mother had killed my best friend, and I had killed my own mother. And I'd never gotten the chance to talk to Derek… To tell him I loved him, like a brother and best friend. Ironically, the person who any other, more normal girl would talk to about grief like this was her mom.
He was gone. And it was my fault. My fault for not reacting. My fault for just watching. My fault for not getting rid of Vendetta sooner.
Mello had gone silent, and I didn't notice that Matt had shot him a look burning with the rage of a thousand suns. The blood spatters on my face were drying – I could feel them on my skin, cracking on my cheeks and neck. I was gross and disgusting, and I knew I was, but hell if I cared. My best friend was dead. And I could've stopped it, but I didn't, because I was too damn scared.
Matt had been quiet since he'd entered the house, observing the situation, but finally he broke the silence. "Raven… Who was this woman?"
"Vendetta." I kept my answer short, praying to God they wouldn't ask questions, that I wouldn't have to tell them anything more…
"No." I had been standing and staring at her body, and Mello grabbed my wrist, picking up where Matt's question had left off. A shock went through my body as my skin made contact with his, the first time contact with me had ever been made of his own will. "Who was she to you?" I looked around skittishly, trying to find a way out of saying what I knew, to come up with a plausible lie.
My watery eyes met his, and thus far I'd managed not to cry. But the truth escaped my lips, and as Mello dropped my arm the tears fell, despite how hard I had tried to keep them at bay. I took in Matt's shocked face, but I couldn't hold his gaze, unable to stand beside the revelation I'd just given. They didn't have to know that I'd been living with her for the longest time. That was one secret that I had to manage to keep. I didn't want them to know that I had lied to them countless times…
"Wow. I didn't think you had it in you to kill someone, let alone your own mother. Kudos." Looking back, I think that was an attempt at dry humor, a twisted, sick way to cheer me up. At that point in time, it only made me cry, and cry, and cry.
"Don't…" I didn't have the strength to be angry, but I had to communicate this somehow. "Don't you even care? That Derek's gone? He was your friend, too, Mello…"
He looked out the window, and maintained a silence. Matt hung his head, and I knew we were all at a loss for what to do. I didn't know how I would manage to come back here again, or if I'd ever be able to. If I'd even want to.
"Raven." Matt's voice brought me back to reality. "Raven, go back to our place."
"No." My eyes were bloodshot, but determined. "I won't let you guys take care of this when it's my own fault."
"Raven, it's not –" Matt was cut off by Mello, interrupting him midsentence.
"Yeah. It is your fault." I recoiled at his words, cutting into my raw heart like a serrated knife. I had thought Mello and I were okay again, but I guess I was wrong. I knew I was the one to blame for this, it didn't come to me as any sort of surprise. "And even if it is, we'll clean up the mess." I looked at him, tears blurring my vision. "That's what best friends do, right, Matt?"
I looked to the side, eyes closing as I saw Matt nod his head, staring at me with a mix of pity and grief.
"Mello… Matt… I can't just –" Matt cut me off, strong despite what he was feeling as well.
"Rae." I was still and unmoving, determined even in my sorrow that I wouldn't leave them. "Go."
"No… Not without helping –"
"Now. Don't argue, Raven."
My resolve caved – as he knew, Mello knew, and everyone knows, I'm not a fighter by nature – and I left, taking Carter with me, and leaving the burden behind for Matt and Mello to take care of. Harsh Matt wasn't one I'd ever experienced, and he'd read me well enough to know I'd completely fall apart beneath something like that.
The day was bright, the sun was shining, and the sky was cloudless. Mother Nature's sardonic humor was brilliant today, mocking my every painful step, cutting into my emotional stability.
Matt.
Mello.
Derek.
Best friends forever. I thought so at least. That's what I'd tricked myself into believing, and look how it turned out. I didn't even know why Derek was coming over to talk to me, and now I never would. And then I realized –
It was my birthday. Seventeen years old, as of seven forty-three this morning. Derek was the only one who had known, the only one I'd told. The only one who had asked.
My breath caught in my throat. Derek had come over to wish me happy birthday. That was the only reasoning for it, and instead of finding me he found Vendetta, my… I can't even bring myself to call her my mother. How could I call that monster of a woman a mother? Mothers don't… They just don't…
My thoughts were jumbled, messy; I was stringing along words in my head to fill the empty void, because I knew that if I didn't, horrid images would fill the blank slate in my head.
I pushed my way into the residence of Matt and Mello, tears still free falling and mind still whirring. The couch was the nearest piece of furniture, and I collapsed onto it, sobbing and taking in the comforting scents of Mello and Matt. I never thought that cigarettes and chocolate could be reassuring…
But they sure as hell were. At this point, they were my addiction, and I didn't even care that I was getting wrapped up in them, all that mattered was I knew they would protect me whatever way they could, each by their own means.
Matt and Mello are safe. Safety is precious. Hold on to it, never let it go. Safety doesn't change. They aren't involved in anything dangerous, or life-threatening. They couldn't be, wouldn't be.
Oh, how completely and utterly wrong I was.
My crying was interrupted by the phone ringing, but I continued on, not stopping for a moment. I was quiet enough to listen to the message, but the voice was obviously distorted, and they didn't leave a name or number.
"I'm fairly certain you know who this is. I'm asking the two of you for your assistance. I can't defeat the greater evil by myself, and you are the only ones capable of assimilating the situation. I wish for this state of affairs to end as quickly as possible."
The caller hung up abruptly, and I was too disoriented with sorrow to care about the abnormality of the call. Derek was gone. My father was gone. Even the mother I'd never known was gone. Carter was the only reminder I had left of my father, and I didn't even take anything to remember Derek by… All I had now of him was that photograph that Vendetta had seen when she'd reappeared.
I fell asleep for a long while, emotionally drained, exhausted. I don't know how long I was out of it, having fitful dreams, scaring myself in and out of slumber. The last time I woke up, it was night time, and I flipped on the light, not wanting to be alone in the dark.
The tears were gone, but the overwhelming pain I was feeling had stayed with me. I looked at Carter, making sure he was still safe in my arms… Only to find Derek's fedora placed lightly on his head. I bit my lip, trying not to cry again, and tenderly pulled the hat off him, placing it on myself. I looked around the room, and saw the only two people I had left in the same room with me.
The redheaded gamer was passed out on the couch, and the hotheaded blonde was sitting on the ground below the couch, leaning up against it. I can only imagine how they had taken care of my situation, and I knew for a fact that I didn't want to ask questions. One of them must've grabbed Derek's hat, and made sure it was free of blood before bringing it here. I got up off the couch slowly, walking towards the two of them as all my fear came rushing back from my experience earlier.
Blood. Everywhere. It was all I could see. I shut my eyes promptly, trying to block it out unsuccessfully gripping Derek's hat and Carter as if they would take care of me. I glanced around before seeing the small space between Matt's legs and Mello's body, and eyed it carefully before placing myself within it, pressing up against Mello and leaning on Matt's legs before closing my eyes and trying to go back to sleep, comforted however slightly by their presence.
They only wanted the best for me. At the very least, I had to believe that. If I didn't, I would go utterly mad.
And if they didn't care for me, then I wasn't worth the oxygen I was taking up. So I had to pray to God, if there was one, that they wanted me around, because I knew one thing for a fact.
Cigarettes and chocolate were precisely the things I needed.
"It's the bitch of living, and living in your head. It's the bitch of living, and sensing God is dead…" – "The Bitch of Living", Spring Awakening