Natasha's phone pinged. It was Steve. She was behind the glass partition, watching Fury interrogate Gieta Sokolov, the Black Widow; Red Room handler; Hydra operative; independent contractor.

She answered the call quietly. "Do not tell me you lost him already. It's only been two hours."

"No, Nat…not lost. All is well." Steve struggled with the code speak. They had worked hard on how to talk about Bucky on the phone without talking about Bucky. "I have him in the bath."

They finally settled on "Steve, imagine he's a puppy."

The next statement didn't work in puppy speak.

"Nat….he kissed me."

Silence. Then.

"Do not kiss him back."

"Too late."

"Steve we talked about this. Can you say the word VULNERABLE. Do not act on this. I know you don't listen to anyone but you will regret this." Natasha whispered fiercely.

"I know…I know…but he looks so lost. He's following me around the house. I want him….I mean I want him with me. I want him to feel safe and if being close to me makes him feel safe…so be it."

"Steve there's close and there's too close. Sitting with him and kissing him are two different things…never mind fucking him; that's just a whole new level of 'not a good idea'."

"That's it, Nat…I think he would, you know, do "it" just to be close to someone. Close to me. I've never seen him like this; he's so heterosexual…I never thought he'd want me …." Steve's voice trailed off.

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Heterosexual?" She mouthed to herself.

"Please, trust me. He's too vulnerable right now and we are breaking the no talking on cell phone rules already. Even if you aren't scared I'll kill you…at least think about him…I know the last thing you want to do is hurt him."

"I can do this." He offered weakly.

"Feed him...a lot….tuck him in on the sofa…utilize Sam as a chaperone. I'll be home as soon as I can. And Steve, your homework assignment is writing 'Dodger is vulnerable' a thousand times…I'll expect to see that when I get there."

Steve let out a ragged sigh as he dropped his head back against the wall. He could hear the shower running as he stood outside the downstairs bedroom. As much as he wanted Bucky in 'that way' he wanted him as an equal; not because he felt lost or lonely or was trying to fill in some kind of all-consuming post abuse emptiness. Steve resolved to be strong for both of them. "Besides…he likes women…that kiss was just because he was drugged."

Bucky stood so the hot water beat down on his left shoulder. It always hurt even with the new lighter Vibranium arm. His pain was so constant it was nearly an entity like the Voice; always there interjecting its opinion on everything he did. Pain wasn't a friend; or a lover; more like an appendage that didn't fit the norm but was a part of him nevertheless. He'd long ago stopped thinking about the metal arm as something inflicted on him. It had slowly become part of who he was; accepted it as a defining characteristic; like the color of his eyes. Hydra had once tried to cover it with something like skin. He tore it off each time until they finally gave up. He found comfort in the way it whirred and shifted; the new arm was even better; sliding smoothly; efficiently. But now: he had wrenched it trying to escape from that chain and the cage; not to mention "this whole mental instability thing" had interrupted any routine maintenance. It was clunking and clicking and now he couldn't close his fist. "Well just when I got the right arm working." He moaned.

The heat comforted his aching muscles. He carefully stretched his arms up the shower wall as he lengthened his back; forehead pressed against the tile. He spread his legs to allow the water to stream across his ass and bring its warm touch down his thighs. He slowly hunched then arched his back; soothing the cramping muscles; lengthening every fiber. He pushed away from the wall to face the water and let it wash away the lingering grime and pain. He scrubbed the soaped facecloth over his chest; caressed his abdomen; slipped it between his legs. He dropped the cloth and brushed his soapy hand over his cock; his fingers drifted secretively across his ass to explore his hole with a tentative fingertip. Steve's tightly beautiful body manifested in his mind; he brought back the feeling of that body pressed close behind him as the chopper fell. He licked his lips trying to bring back the taste of Steve's mouth; recall how he gave in to the kiss on the roof. A warmth grew in his belly with the memory of the ride home on the bike; his body wrapped around Steve's; the feel of his cock pressed against his ass, how he dug his fingers beneath the uniform looking for contact with his flesh. His hand slipped back to caress his cock slowly at first; building his effort to bring hardness, he watched his hand move along his own flesh; he invited in the image of Steve's hand wrapped around his cock, bringing him to the pleasure he so desperately wanted.

"What's the point. It won't get hard. You can't even remember the last time..."

Bucky groaned and let go.

Steve stood frozen against the bedroom wall; facing the open bathroom door. He came back with the clean clothes and walked into the darkened bedroom to find Bucky in the shower with the door wide open. He wanted to look away; knew he should walk away. He didn't want to violate his trust….but once he saw him, the long lines of his body, the filled out thighs; the graceful curves of his hips and ass. He couldn't look away.

"How the hell did he get to look like that in captivity?"

He took in the sensual slow stretch of his body under the comfort of the warm water. Steve slid down the wall when Bucky dropped the facecloth to touch himself. He groaned quietly as his cock filled from watching his finger explore his hole. He imagined what it would feel like to be the one exploring his body; called up the memory of his possessive embrace as they rode home.

Steve wasn't sure why Bucky stopped touching himself but it brought a mixed sense of relief as he pushed down the half erection and moaned "I can not handle watching Bucky jerk off."

Steve couldn't remember a time when he wasn't drawn in by the beauty of his friend's body, even if it was never or would never be spoken. He'd wanted him since the beginning, that was not going to change. Steve knew it was more than sexual. Bucky's strength, sense of honor, loyalty, all the unnamed qualities that make a person who they are; defined Steve's attraction to his friend. Now with this post Hydra version, there were scars. The physical ones were obvious and picked at Steve's sense of righteous anger. He counted from a distance the marks; watched the twinges of pain on Bucky's face, the catch in how he moved at times; he recalled the twitching movements that came and went with stress or confusion. His foray into the fantasy of touching him was dispelled by the sight of the fresh network of blue-black bruising that spread from his shoulder down his back. He pulled himself up to walk away and end his voyeurism but hesitated.

He heard Bucky talking.

"Listen, pal. I get it."

"So Soldier…are you going to do it?"

Bucky shook his head, trying to dislodge the Voice so he could finish in peace.

"Soldier? Are you going to have sex with him?"

Bucky groaned in frustration as he shut off the water.

"You kissed him. He kissed you back. You should do it. Remember how much you've missed a gentle touch."

"I did not. He did not. NO! Yup I might miss it but he's my friend…that's it. Shut up!"

Bucky turned abruptly to step out of the shower but found Steve staring intently at him from the doorway, he had an armful of clothing.

"Ah…hi…." Bucky stammered out.

"Sorry…I thought you were talking to me." Steve choked out.

Bucky blushed slightly; he looked away and licked his lips nervously.

"Yeah…well…maybe…not so much." He whispered.

Bucky stood unencumbered; unabashedly naked; water dripping down his body. He took a hesitant step towards Steve, then another; their eyes locked.

Steve's face turned red; his gaze dropped reflexively to his friend's cock.

"Shit…I promised Nat this wouldn't happen." He groaned silently as he forced his eyes back to meet the challenging stare.

Bucky's hand moved slowly towards him. He took a shaky deep breath in anticipation.

Bucky rasped out "Towel…I need a towel."

Steve shook his head and glanced to his left; at the three plush towels just out of reach.

"Oh…of course…sorry…here ya go." He grabbed one and held it out while he shifted his gaze to the wall.

"Thanks." Bucky quickly turned away.

"Your back…it's bruised…that's new….did you, what did she…"

Bucky cut him off, "I hurt my shoulder…that's all…it'll be fine."

"Maybe we should get Cassie out here."

"No! I don't want anyone here. I don't want anyone touching me; poking at me." He pushed past Steve into the bedroom.

"You need to be checked, Buck. You've been captive for weeks; your arm is clanking and that bruising is new. Besides…you've been off the medications for weeks."

Bucky shook his head hard and glared at him, "I saw you staring at me…you like seeing me naked? That make you feel good, better than me?" Bucky snarled. "You just going to keep me that way…keep me naked… or you want me to beg for my clothes?" He angrily pointed at the clothes in Steve's arms.

"No. I didn't mean to stare…I don't want you…" Steve stammered out. "No. I was just holding them. Here." He dropped the clothes on the bed and backed away.

He thought about arguing; defending himself; taking up Bucky's challenge. But Natasha's homework assignment floated by…"Dodger is vulnerable." He decided to not take the bait…this outburst was strange…"Almost illogical" he thought.

"You're right…I shouldn't have stared like that. I'll give you some space. Sorry." Steve retreated.

Nice work Soldier.

"Shut the fuck up or I will rip you outta my head with my barely functioning metal fingers."

Bucky dropped onto the bed; leaned forward with his elbows braced on his knees; letting his wet hair drip onto the floor between his feet.

"Asshole."

He pawed through the pile of clothes. He pulled out a pair of black fleece sleep pants and pulled them on. They were soft, warm and comfortable…unlike anything he had ever worn…ever.

He tugged on a pair of heavy, warm socks and wiggled his toes.

"Pathetic jerk."

He grabbed the black T shirt but something on the dark blue one caught his eye. He held it up so he could see the front image.

"I'm such a fucking idiot." He moaned as he pulled the blue one over his head.

"Wow. What was that." Steve ran his hands through his hair and dropped onto the sofa; praying that Sam would get there soon to help diffuse the situation. In the two hours since Bucky was back in his presence it had been a roller coaster ride of emotions. Bucky had literally clung to him; pushed him away, pulled him back in; snapped at him; then outright flirted only to snarl fifteen seconds later. Steve found hope in one thought "He's off his meds." He called Cassie. "The puppy's home!" He announced with fake cheerfulness. "Bring pizza..lots of it." He hoped she wouldn't put him on meds as well.

Bucky padded into the kitchen to find Steve and Sam sitting at the island drinking beer.

"Hiya." Steve had decided to start over; like nothing had happened.

Bucky tucked his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt and looked at his feet then at Steve. "I'm sorry about …"

"Hey, no worries. I get it. Sit down. We've got some food on its way. You want a beer?"

Bucky tilted his head slightly as he took a seat "No beer…not good with the meds."

Steve shot Sam a look.

"You're not taking them." Steve reminded him gently hoping his words wouldn't start the argument all over again.

"Yeah I am." Bucky countered as he crossed to where he had tossed the backpack. He dropped it on the island; unzipped it and dumped the contents out.

He pawed through the items with a frown and pushed the mostly empty pill bottles towards Steve. "I only missed a few days..I think."

"How? You were..that woman…" He hated to even say the words.

Bucky shrugged as he sat back down. "I had a seizure I guess…it was in the best interest of the cause to medicate me." He made it sound almost analytical. Cold.

Steve frowned; Sam shook his head.

Bucky slid the watch towards Sam. "Sorry." He mumbled without looking at him.

"It's ok, bro. You must've needed it. Thanks. You can keep it though if it helps."

Bucky shook his head no and pointed at Steve "I have him now; I'm good."

"Hey…nice T-shirt." Sam hitched his thumb towards Bucky.

He glanced down at the mostly visible symbol on his chest. A faded red, white and blue shield with a central star on a sea of blue.

Bucky shrugged "Old relic."

A loud beeping startled them. Bucky jumped from his seat nearly knocking it over.

"It's ok, Buck…it's the perimeter alarm." Steve tried to reassure him but Bucky was down the basement stairs before he finished his sentence.

"It's Cassie and company." Sam was checking the video on his phone.

Steve carried the pizza box down to the tactical room. He pushed aside a chair and squatted down. "Hungry?"

Bucky shook his head "No."

"I dunno…I thought I heard your stomach growling from the kitchen. How 'bout I join you and we devour this pepperoni pizza…'cuz I for one am starving." He started to crawl under the table.

"No. Not under here. This is for sleeping and hiding; not eating."

Bucky crawled out; his arm clicking loudly; he crawled onto the table and settled in cross-legged; Steve followed suit; sliding the pizza box between them.

He tossed Bucky the ice tea bottle as he opened a beer.

They ate in silence for awhile before Bucky asked "How did you find me?"

Steve was surprised he brought it up.

"A lot of detective work I guess. And a horse…to be honest."

Bucky stopped chewing and looked confused then added with a mouth-full of food "That damn horse."

"Not so damned…she was being fed by a local girl. The …owner…used the burner phone to call her and check on the horse."

"Really? That was a trap. Ya know that right?"

"Yeah, yeah…Nat said that. But…what other choice did I have?"

Bucky looked thoughtfully at him. "Leave me there. Not risk your own capture. Jerk."

Steve laughed as he shook his head. "That crossed my mind. Definitely. You are an asshole after all and things have been pretty quiet around here without your antics."

"So you didn't miss me at all?" Bucky frowned.

"Nope. Went to bed early every night. Ate all the ice cream I wanted. Watched Game of Thrones with Nat and Sam."

"Really? You ate all my ice cream?"

"Yup."

"Well at least Sam missed me."

Steve stopped chewing and looked at him.

"What? Do I have food on my face?"

"Yes..you do…you always have food on your face. But I'm staring because you used his name. Not Birdman."

"Shit…I must be slipping. I promise I won't do it again. Now get the food off my face."

Steve paused then reached out with a napkin and carefully wiped the sauce from his chin.

Bucky cautiously crept upstairs behind Steve. He had his metal fingers tucked in the belt loop at the back of his jeans. He had agreed reluctantly to abandon the makeshift bed under the tactical table to at least settle on the sofa.

"Come on Buck, they're all friends. They're worried about you and want to see you."

"No talking. No touching." He demanded.

"Ok…that's fine…I"ll get you straight up to you bedroom."

"Only if you stay with me…I don't want to be alone." He whispered.

Steve stumbled on that request. He wanted badly to lie down with him. Hold him. But the thought of Natasha finding them in bed together, however innocent, frankly scared him.

"Ok the sofa then. I'll stay right with you. Everyone will be quiet and let you sleep. You need to sleep, Buck."

Maybe it was the carb coma or exhaustion or Bucky just didn't give a fuck anymore. He came upstairs behind Steve; he tucked his head low near Steve's shoulder. He didn't want to chance any eye contact which was a good idea from his perspective since all eyes were on the two of them as they emerged from the basement. Cassie watched with her nurse practitioner assessment expression. Jonah smiled; happy to see them reunited. Alex stood with her arms crossed and the gold-colored cord curled in her fingers. Sam was in the living room fluffing pillows and shaking out two quilts just in case.

Steve settled in the corner of the sofa where he could stretch out his long legs on the L shape. Bucky's head was by his thigh. He had curled on the sofa; covered in the two quilts; tucked a pillow between his knees and pulled the covers over his head so only a few stray wild swirls of hair stuck out.

Steve carefully laid his hand on what felt like Bucky's shoulder. He could feel the metal fingers tightly wrapped around a piece of his T shirt.

"Maybe you should try to sleep as well." Cassie whispered as she spread a blanket over Steve.

"I'm not leaving him."

She tucked a pillow behind his head and smiled.

"Got it…so sleep here." She squeezed his shoulder and picked up her laptop to work in a corner chair.

Alex crossed to sit on the coffee table and stared at the lump that was Bucky under the covers.

Steve smiled at her as he tapped Bucky's shoulder "Hey pal you've got a visitor. It's Alex, can she talk to you?"

Bucky stirred. It looked like he nodded his head "yes."

Alex was all business in her approach "I found the cord. I bet you thought you lost it."

He nodded "Yes" again.

"Can I put it back where it belongs?"

Bucky slowly slipped his right hand out from under the covers so Alex could wrap the cord around his wrist again.

"So the cord is just a cord but it's supposed to remind you about something called Kintsugi which is the belief that we are made more beautiful by our brokenness; our wounds don't make us worthless, they make us better, stronger, more valuable."

Bucky carefully tugged the covers down so he could see her.

"I couldn't find the card so I made a new one." She placed the card in his right hand.

Bucky finally read it. Then he tucked it under Steve's thigh.

Alex thought she saw his eyes get a little glazed..like tears were there. She shuffled uncomfortably and braced to get up but his fingers caught her hand. She felt the gentle squeeze, then he pulled away as quickly as it started.

Steve was sure he saw a faint smile on her face as she jumped up and ran to the kitchen.

Later that night as Bucky slept sprawled on the sofa and everyone else had settled in somewhere throughout the house; Steve picked up the card.

"He left it under my thigh for a reason." He justified.

He opened it carefully and read the simple prose.

The wound is the place where the light enters you. Rumi

Kintsugi: the ancient Japanese art of repairing broken pieces with gold making it even more beautiful than before it was broken. Our brokenness is not a failing but our strength. It doesn't make us worthless; it makes us better; more whole; more real. It makes us needed.

Alex

Steve was on the front porch waiting for Natasha when she got home from the initial interrogations. It was nearly dawn; he had left Bucky asleep on the sofa after cautiously transferring the metal finger grip onto Sam's sweatshirt.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Steve?" Sam whispered with some trepidation in his voice.

"Yes…he said your name…you should be good to go…if he wakes up."

"He said my name? Although that's nice to hear…that's only normal human behavior. That is not an indication he will be pleased when he wakes up and finds he's clinging to me and NOT YOU!" It took a lot to whisper all of that statement.

"He's out..trust me. He won't wake up…I can tell." Steve tip-toed off to the bathroom then to his real mission: meeting Natasha.

She was barely off the bike when he was on her. "What did she do to him?"

Natasha shook her head. "Steve, I'm not sure you want to do this right now." She tried to push past him. He stopped her.

"What did she do to him, Nat."

She bit her lip and shook her head. "I don't think it's going to be helpful right now."

She tried again to pass him. He grabbed her arm.

"I am going to overlook that, Steve. It's been extremely stressful and we are all exhausted. You need to take your hands off of me. And trust me when I tell you…knowing the details will do you no good and will certainly not help him." She glared at him.

He let go of her arm and looked away. "I'm sorry Nat. I'm sorry. He was getting better. This is such a set-back. He's bouncing back and forth from hiding under the table to challenging me; like I'm trying to hold some kind of power over him."

Natasha made it to the front door and read the hand-made sign. She tilted her head and raised an eyebrow:

QUIET! SLEEPING DODGER INSIDE.

"Okay." She mumbled as she plopped down on the stairs.

"That's anger, Steve, he's been abused…he's angry and he'll lash out at anyone; even you; especially you. It doesn't make sense to you but it does to him…in a weird sort of way."

Steve sighed as he sat next to her. "What did she do to him? I need to know."

"No you don't. Not now anyway. All that matters is that he moves forward right now. The details aren't going to help you move forward with him."

"At least tell me who she is. He called her mother? What is that all about? She called him 'child' and who the hell is Pasha? Although I gathered it's Bucky."

"In a nutshell…she was tasked with conditioning him sometime in the 1960s or 70s after he spent time training the girls in the Red Room. She was his handler for a couple of years. He only knew her as mother, he never knew her name, probably still doesn't know it. Steve this is deep conditioning, Stockholm Syndrome type stuff. The fact he walked away from her yesterday tells us a lot; tells us he's started to break that bond."

"Started?" Steve felt sick.

Natasha didn't answer him. She stood up and crossed to the front door.

"Fury wants to debrief later today. He has some ideas about a mission. He wants to present it to us; including Barnes. It's time to turn the tables. It's time to put a gun in his hands; even if he isn't going to kill anyone...he can certainly take out a few kneecaps."

"What's this about kneecaps?"

"Steve he didn't kill anyone at that facility. Everyone of them had some type of non-fatal wound. I don't think the Winter Soldier just missed randomly. He missed the kill shots on purpose."

Ultimately Steve wasn't surprised at that news. But he did agree that as terrifying as it sounded…"Maybe it is high time he got a chance at some serious payback."

"Buck…maybe Nat or Alex should be doing this." Steve struggled with the scrunchie and Bucky's hair as he sat at the kitchen island. It had gotten even longer, well past his shoulders, and he was flatly refusing to cut it. His metal arm was getting worse even overnight and he couldn't maneuver the fingers very well…therefore "Steve you need to put my hair up...Now."

Bucky had agreed, with several stipulations, to allow Cassie to examine him and wanted his hair up and off his neck and back so she wouldn't feel compelled to touch him any more than what was absolutely necessary.

"Nooooo. Not her." Bucky loudly protested the idea of Natasha helping. But the idea of Alex brought forth a more suddued "Maybe her."

"Thank god." Steve mumbled as he shot the scrunchie to Alex who was already standing nearby in the on-deck circle.

"You're too tall in the chair for me to reach." Alex said in a matter-of-fact tone.

Bucky frowned and slipped out of the chair and looked down at her; gauging exactly how much he'd have to compromise his advantage to obtain her help.

Steve felt himself wanting to scream "Just kneel down for god sake's she's a munchkin, you can take her." He refrained.

Bucky swallowed hard and dropped to his knees to sit back on his heels so she could gather up his hair and pull it into a pony tail.

She was quickly efficient "Too tight?"

He shook his head 'No.'

She walked away without hearing the mumbled "Thanks."

Cassie sat facing Steve and Bucky in the tactical room to sum up her exam. She had deftly conducted it in the upstairs bedroom despite Bucky's eyes never leaving her, his tensed body and his complete lack of verbal responses. Steve had been right by his side the whole time as he kept repeating in his head "What the fuck did that damned Widow do to him."

Although Bucky seemed better around Steve, even Sam…he was mute and nearly explosively tense around any women. Except Alex. "Save that fact for future inroads." Steve thought.

"Well you are in remarkably good shape for your ordeal, James. You've gained weight and muscle mass so that's good news. I understand you were able to keep taking the medications, correct?"

Bucky nodded slowly.

"You told Steve you had a seizure while you were away. Correct?"

He glanced at Steve then nodded 'Yes' again.

"Were you taking the medications at the time?"

He shook his head 'No'.

"So not a break-through seizure; that's good to know. That means the dosing is right for you all things considered."

"I've brought the medications if you want to keep taking them?"

Bucky didn't nod in either direction.

"Buck? You thinking you might not want them?" A wave of fear washed over Steve.

Bucky bit his lip then said "I'll take them. But I don't like the side effects."

"Can you tell me more?" Cassie seemed genuinely concerned.

He shook his head 'No.'

Steve leaned back so Bucky couldn't see him and shook his head 'No' as well.

Cassie frowned a bit at the behind the back signals but let it go and added "James, you can call me or Jonah anytime to talk about side effects. Will you do that, please, before you stop them abruptly?"

He nodded 'Yes.'

Steve breathed a silent sigh of relief.

"Now about that shoulder…I think it's all fixable with some work. King T'Challa has a team on the way…"

Bucky stood up abruptly and headed for the door.

Steve rolled his eyes and pleaded "Do not leave this room."

"No more people, Steve. No more doctors, no more teams." Bucky didn't turn around but he did stop walking away.

Steve marched up behind him to whisper over his shoulder: "Do you want revenge? Payback? Do you want to wreck shit? Do you want to destroy these fuckers who tried to destroy you? They nearly destroyed us; you and me; they took you away from me for nearly 70 years. I, for one, want to break their faces for that and nothing would give me greater pleasure than to do that with you at my side."

Bucky turned slowly towards Steve. He could see the cold anger in Steve's blue eyes. They were so close Bucky would have only needed to lean forward an inch to run his tongue across Steve's parted lips. Except he was still acutely aware of someone else in the room; so he breathed an answer that had many layers of meaning instead.

"Yes."