A/n: I appreciate all of your patience while I work on the story. And I am sorry that the wait between updates is longer than they were in the past, but I promise that I will not abandon this story! Thanks as always for all of the reviews/favorites/follow
"I know I can't take one more step towards you. Cause all that is waiting is regret. Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore? You lost the love I loved the most. I learned to live half alive. And now you want me one more time."-Christina Perri "Jar of Hearts
All I can think about when I walk into the reception hall, looking out over the balcony at the party, is how much I didn't want to be there. There were so many people here that could ruin everything that I had worked so hard to build. Everyone including Kate. And I was starting to think that she knew more about Edward and I then she was letting on. That is the only reason I could think of that would explain why she had been practically throwing her relationship with him in my face every time I turned around. She hadn't been to the last few events that Alice had thrown, (I wondered what that was about?), but she was here tonight. And insisted on riding with the "girls" to the bachelorette party. Telling us that she wanted to get to know everyone. And that she wanted all of us to become friends. Which most of the girls involved, happily agreed to san Alice and I of course. We reluctantly agreed in the end though knowing it would cause more harm then good to exclude her. And would lead to more questions then Alice and I were willing to answer. All of the girls had been excited to hear how Kate had managed to snag the great Edward Cullen, (he was legendary at UDUB after all), and get him to settle down. Why was Alice friends with these people again? That was the only thing going through my mind on our way to the party as they giggled, and laughed together. And Kate insisted, a little too hard, that Edward was such a great of a guy. Throughout the whole ride she went on and on about how she "could not believe that Edward was such a womanizer back then….
"He is just so attentive, and so caring." She gushes to them, "I have never been with someone like that before. And the fact that he was so eager to introduce me to his friends and family so quickly after we got together was such a big deal. It just proved how much he cared about me. And how serious he was about being with me." How could one girl be so naïve about the guy she was dating? Did she know him at all? Clearly she didn't if she thought he was a loving and attentive boyfriend. Or maybe he really did change for her. Maybe she was exactly what he needed to realize he needed to change.
Not wanting to be around the constant reminder that I had never been good enough for him, I was anxious to put as much distance between me and Kate and he band of follower as possible.
And then there was Charlotte. I knew that her being here couldn't lead to anything good. And that she had to have an agenda. And while I knew exactly what Kate's motives were I still had no idea what Charlotte's motives were. And I think that scared me more. All I knew was that she had talked to Jake yesterday at the wine tasting, and ever since then he has been acting weird around me. Normally, he would be trying to spend as much time with me as possible or he would be talking about getting married every chance he had, I had no idea what the deal was with every man in my life wanting to talk about their feelings. But we haven't even talked since yesterday. And I honestly wasn't even sure he would show up today. Or if I even wanted him to show up. I knew shit was probably going to hit the fan soon, and I sure as hell didn't want him to be around when it happened. I planned to confront Charlotte, and demand to know what her deal was, and what she wanted. But it was not the time.
I ended up not really having a choice though, when Charlotte comes up beside me and says happily looking out over the balcony, "Some party huh?" She says enthusiastically. "I just can't believe my baby sister is getting married soon! It's crazy isn't it? You and Alice always were the ones talking about how you didn't want to get married. Wanting to get your business up and running before you even thought about getting married. And now she is getting married, and you are practically engaged. Funny how thing change huh?" She rambles, with what I believe was fake enthusiasm. But her coming over here just proved to me that she was up to something…
"Yeah it is funny." I say sounding disinterested. But she was right. Things definitely have changed. Never would I have thought that at the age of 25 I would be where I was. Practically engaged and watching the guy I could have spent my life with, in the arms of another woman… All her comments did though was remind me of my relationship with Jake. I needed to know what was going on, so I turn around looking at Charlotte. "What did you say to Jake?" I ask her, not being able to hold it in, and continue having a pleasant conversation with her. Pretending I was ok with whatever she said.
'What are you talking about Bells?" She asks me with a look of confusion on her face. But I knew her better than that. Better than to take the confusion on her face seriously. After all she was better at playing games then most people… "What did you say to him? He has been acting weird ever since you talked to him yesterday at the wine tasting." She continues to look confused, and now I was angry.
"Look I don't know what you are doing here, or why you are trying to ruin my relationship with Jake but it needs to stop. These secrets, and lies need to stop."
She had been looking at me innocently, but with my last comment she smirks. "You would know all about secrets, and lies wouldn't you, Bella?
I am stopped short. Not sure how much she knew. "What the hell are you talking about Charlotte?"
She pauses for a second scrutinizing me before she says, "Nothing," she says smirking, "I just know Edward a hell of a lot better than you do. Trust me you would be surprised about what I know. And the things I could tell you about Edward that you still don't know even after you were together for how long? Two years?"
I tried to hide the shock that I felt, finding out that she knew about Edward and I all along. I must have failed though because she smiles at me triumphantly knowing she had something over me. But I quickly schooled my features. Knowing that I couldn't let her know it bothered me. So I scoff at her. Pretending like I didn't care. Didn't care that even after all of this time, I was once again reminded that I didn't really know Edward at all. And I never really did.
"Edward is no longer any of my concern. As you can see he has a girlfriend, which you can tell because she has been hanging all over him the entire time we have been here." I smirk sarcastically. "I don't know what you think you know about me or why ever since I have started at UDUB you have been cold toward me, but I really don't care anymore. Just stay the hell away from my boyfriend." I say and then I walk away from her. I knew she was trying to get in my head, and rattle me. But I wasn't about to let her. No matter how much I wanted to know what she knew about me. Or what she meant about Edward.
I start walking towards the bar, pissed off that I let what she said get to me. How could she know what happened between Edward, and I? Were we really that obvious? And what does she know about him that I didn't? She was so smug about it, that it had to mean something, or be something big. But why the hell did I care?
After grabbing my drink, I went outside to the balcony to get fresh air. I am leaning over the railing when I feel that ever present electric current behind me. He presses his body against my back, and I close my eyes, reveling in the sensation. We sit there for a moment, until I realize what we were doing, and I stiffen. "I can't, Edward." I say painfully, closing my eyes
He sighs, and finally speaks, "Bella I still- "
"No", I say turning around and shaking my head. I push him backwards not being able to think when he was that close to me. "You cannot say that to me. Not now. Not after everything." I start to walk past him, not wanting to listen to him.
"Bella I just want to explain to you what happened. The truth. Not the lies my dad told you."
That stops me in my tracks, I turn around and I look up at him in confusion. "Did your dad tell you what he said to me that night?"
He sighs and looks at me pained. "Yes, Bella. He did." He says coming closer to me. "After I finally came home a year ago. I went to talk to him. Because he wanted to make amends. And he told me everything." He starts walking towards me again, reaching out to me. "Bella, you have no idea how sorry I am for what he said. He had no right. He was just upset with me. He didn't want anything to get in the way of his "perfect set up", and he saw you as a threat to that. So he played on your insecurities, and made you think that you weren't good enough for me. And that's the complete opposite of the truth Bella. The truth is that I am not, nor have I ever been good enough for you. And him saying what he did to you…I don't think I will ever fully be able to forgive him for that. Or myself for being the reason you went through that. You didn't deserve it. Not after everything I did. Not after I had taken everything else from you. Bella I am so sorry. Please can about everything talk now?" He asks me desperately. I was silent because I was honestly in shock. And even more shocked that he apologized for his father. Because Edward never apologized to me in the whole time we were together. Whenever I caught him doing something in the past he would always tell me that he didn't owe me anything and we weren't together…So I didn't know what to say. But the truth of the matter was, that it still didn't change anything.
"No, Edward. Are you kidding me with this constant back and forth? Whatever your going to say, isn't going to change anything. Regardless of whether or not it is the truth. And it's not going to make me trust you again. I don't know if I will ever be able to trust you again after everything you did." I say with emotion in my voice. I tried to hold it all in. I really did. But it was impossible. He was the only one who could make me feel this way. But I was so tired of being stuck on this endless seesaw of emotion. This constant back and forth. And I was honestly so ready to get off.
"Bella, please." He says desperately. "I just want to explain to you what happened. I want to be better than I was. Let you in, like I couldn't when we were together. Even if it doesn't change anything. You deserve to know the truth. You deserve to know that Irina- "
"No, don't you dare say her name. Or talk about her in front of me." I say, pissed off. "I don't want to hear it. Because it doesn't matter. And it wont change anything so there is no point in bringing it up. You need to stop. Stop cornering me me all of the time. And stop trying to bring up the past." I say starting to pace and shoving my hand through my hair frustrated. After collecting my thoughts, I turn around and glare at him. "And why does it matter to you so much, whether I know the truth or not? You have a girlfriend. One you are obviously serious enough about to bring around all your friends and family. So, you don't get to say these things to me. You have no right. And it won't change anything. Not now, and not ever. You are obviously happy with her, and you want to be with her. So please, go back to your girlfriend. Go, please." I say wanting this conversation to end because I knew how close to tears I was. And he did not deserve to see me cry.
He looks at me for a second, like he wanted to argue further. But I wasn't going to give him a choice. So I start to walk away. But before I can he calls out to me.
"YOU are scared aren't you? Your scared to talk about what happened. And you are scared to hear what I have to say. Because you know that if you listen you might actually forgive me. That you might actually have a reason to forgive me. And you don't want to forgive me do you? You want to find ways not to trust me. And I get that you have good reason not to after everything that I did to you. But that is why isn't it?" He asks me knowingly.
I sigh, and turn around knowing that unfortunately he was right. I would rather see him as the villain. The guy who hurt me so much when we were together. Because it made everything easier when I did that. It made it possible for me to ignore my feelings, my love, that I would always have for him, when I painted him out to be the villain. I didn't want to have to hurt him. I really didn't. But I was tired of this. All we seemed to be able to do was hurt one another. I needed this to end. And I knew hurting him was the only way to do it. So I finally say, "No, Edward. I am not scared to talk about what happened. What a great liar I am… His face falls and he looks hurt. And for a second I consider telling him the truth, but I knew what I had to do. "Because it doesn't matter. And you don't matter anymore. Another lie... I am getting married. And I am finally happy." I end my rant and turn to walk away, but I had one more question before I could put this to bed. So I turn around again. "But just tell me one thing." He looks at me expectantly. "Did you love her?" He looks at me confused for a second. "Irina, did you love her?"
"No," he says instantly without having to think about it, "there was only one person I loved. But I hurt her worse than I have ever hurt anyone. And I have regretted my decisions every day since." He says meaningfully.
I look at him for a second contemplating what he said. Finally, I settle on saying, "Ok," not knowing if this revelation made any difference. I turn to walk away and when I do I hear the booming voice of the guy who was practically a brother to me…
"Bells!" I hear Emmett yell from clear across the room. I look up and finally see the tall hulking figure of one of my best friends. So, I start running towards him, not caring that there were people watching me. Never had I been so excited to see such a familiar face from my past. I hadn't been angry when Edward mentioned that they were coming because I I didn't want them to come, I was angry because I knew that Edward had to have a motive behind bringing them back.
I had been angry at them back then after everything happened that night though. For lying to me and not telling me about her. But I soon realized that this wasn't their fault. They didn't know that Irina and Edward were getting married. All that they knew was that his parents were trying to get them together, and that he refused. I had learned this later, when Rosalie and I had finally sat down and talked. So I quickly forgave them, knowing the fault would always be entirely on Edward, and I couldn't blame anyone else but me… and him. So when I reach Emmett I excitedly jump into his arms and he swings me around in a circle, "Bella-boo its so good to see you!" He says laughing.
"It's good to see you too Em! I miss you. It's been way too long." He finally sets me down and looks at me sternly. "Yeah and whose fault is that?" He asks me giving me a knowingly look. But with Emmett you couldn't really take anything he said seriously. I roll my eyes. "Well you are the one who ended up moving clear across the country Em." I say in a joking tone. He gives me a look as if he were saying that we would talk about everything later, and then he looks up, and says, "Hey Eddie long tome!" At the mention of his name, and realizing he was behind me, I stiffen noticeably. Rosalie who had been silent the entire exchange raises her eyebrows at me.
But quickly realizing my obvious discomfort she pulls me into a hug and whispers, "Hey Bells." She says rubbing my back sympathetically, almost like she knew exactly how I was feeling at the moment. Which she probably did. After all she was there throughout my entire relationship with Edward. And she was one of the few people who who knew about us. Again that was completely on him. He was the one who kept us a secret. Which I didn't understand why until the night we broke up.
Not wanting to let anyone know that I was not completely fine I pull back and say enthusiastically, "Wow Rosie you look great! I heard you had a baby! Where is the little one?"
'At home with the nanny." She says rolling her eyes. "And you would know that we had a baby if you called us after you left," she said softly, not wanting the boys to hear it.
"Rosalie you know- "
"I know, Bells. I know it was hard for you after you ended things. And that you would need to get away at some point. I get it. I expected it. I had warned you about it." She said giving me a look. I wince at the truth in her words. Because she was right. And she had warned me. Way before we got together, that it would end this way. That I would end up leaving because of him. But I was stubborn. And I thought things could be different. That we would be different. God how naïve was I?...
"God damn." Emmett says interrupting my conversation with Rose, and putting his arms around both Edward and I. "God damn. How crazy is it that the four of us are together again in the same room? Who would have thought that would ever happen again? I could barely remember a time when it wasn't the four of us together." He says shaking his head in amazement." I sigh. He is right. Who would have thought that the four of us would ever be in a room together? When I left I thought that was it. That I wouldn't be coming back to Seattle. Clearly, a lot of things change…
"God, we had such great times together, the four of us. Do you remember that time when we snuck into that concert?…" I knew exactly what night he was talking about, and my eyes immediately meet Edwards'. I remembered that night well. Clearly he remembers too, because he is staring back at me with such intensity, and heat that I have to look away for a second. That was the night that we snuck into one of the storage closets and…It had been one of the most erotic nights of my life, and the best sex I had ever had…I am brought out of my thoughts by a smacking noise, and Emmett yelling, "Ouch Rosie!"
I look at Rosalie, and she is looking at Emmett angrily. "Emmett, think!" Is the only response she gives him as she glares at him. I know she was trying to make things less hard on me, but really she just made an uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable. So wanting to escape, I shimmy out of Emmett's embrace.
"'I'm going to get a drink." I say, not meeting anyone's gaze, and not wanting to have to see Edward's face.
"I'll go with you," I hear Rosalie say, as I start to walk away. When she catches up to me she starts talking, "Bells just ignore Emmett. He says things without thinking sometimes." She says rolling her eyes. "But how are you doing with all of this? Are you ok?"
I stop walking, and turn around to look at Rosalie. She is looking at me in concern. And while I appreciated it, I was tired of the sympathetic looks I was getting from everyone. The looks people were giving me because they thought I couldn't handle being in the same room as him. "I'm fine. Really I am. I really wish people would stop asking me that. I have a boyfriend. Who really loves me. And we are going to get married. So yeah I'm fine." I say running my hand through my hair. "It sucks though, because he spends all of his time, trying to corner me, and talk. But- "
"Wait you haven't talked?" She asks me shocked.
I look at her in confusion. Now suddenly she was pro me and Edward? "No why?"
"Bella I really think you need to hear him out. He has something to tell you that you really need to know- "
"Seriously? How could you of all people tell me that I need to talk to him? You are the one who disapproved of our relationship the whole time we were together. You're the one who warned me away from him from the moment we met. So why are you telling me this now? Why are you telling me I need to talk to him? What is this big secret that everyone thinks I need to know?"
She gives me a sad look. "Bella he misses you. I can tell. And he still loves you." I look at her for a second shocked. Because he couldn't, could he? I had thought that was what he was trying to say earlier, but I didn't allow myself to believe it. That he could love me. That he was capable of loving another person after everything he did to me. "He didn't tell me that." She says noticing that I was looking at her questioningly. "Because I don't think he can admit it out loud to himself yet. And he is too afraid that you don't feel the same way. But you do, don't you?" She asks me with a knowing look. "You can tell me. It's not like I would go say anything to him."
I sigh. "I think that is what he was trying to tell me when we were talking earlier."
"What?" She says to me shocked.
"We were having a fight right before you guys got here. He was trying to talk to me and explain to me about what happened that night. And I think he was starting to say the words but I wouldn't let him." She gives me a look, and I am quick to defend myself. "Because I knew that I couldn't believe him. How could he love me when he is with someone else? When he is with someone that for the first time he was willing to introduce to his friends and the closest thing he has to a family? He never did that with me the whole time we were together, Rose. No one knew about us except you, Alice, and Emmett. And that's only because you and Emmett caught us. How do you think that made me feel? Knowing that I was his dirty little secret most of time we were together? And now he can easily introduce his new girlfriend to everyone? She certainly was eager to remind me of that on the ride over to the bachelorette party. How he was serious about her because he wanted to introduce her to his friends and family." I sigh, frustrated that he can still get me so worked up. "I know that I can't keep comparing myself to her. But damn why wasn't it me that he could do this with? Why wasn't it me that he could commit to?" I knew I was about to cry. Something I never did, because I didn't like to show weakness.
She looks at me for a second studying me. "Ok, first of all, you can't believe anything that bitch tells you Bella. She is threatened by you. And it is entirely possible that she knows that you guys have a history. The chemistry that you guys have is impossible to deny. I mean it is pretty obvious to anyone with eyes, even after only seeing you guys together for a few minutes." I want to protest but she continues on, ignoring me.
"And Bella, he wasn't ready back then. I am not trying to make excuses for him, and what he did to you, really I am not. But he had the weight of his parent's, and his grandparent's, expectations on his back. Living up to the Cullen name was a huge deal in his family. And his dad, wanted him to marry a high society girl, and for him to take over his business. He wanted Edward to become another him. But Edward… he was still so young and immature. And refused to settle down just because his parents told him he had to. And then he met you, Bella. And whether you want to believe it or not you changed him. You helped him grow up. You helped him become a better man and know the difference between right and wrong. He started to become less selfish. And yes, he made mistakes along the way, but he did love you. And I think that the change you brought out in him led to the decision he made. To marry Irina after everything happened with his mom. Because he thought it was the right thing to do. And he didn't want to be selfish. So he ended up making a choice based on what he thought he had to do. And it was the wrong one, don't get me wrong, but he made that choice. And now I know he is going to regret it for the rest of his life, because he lost you. In ever way possible. As a friend, and as something more. I saw what that did to him. Bella it destroyed him to have to choice between you and her. To have to choose between you and his family. Because, as much as you want to deny it, he loved you, Bella. And I think he always will."
I look at her for a second confused by her cryptic statement about Irina and his mom. What did his mom have to do with anything? "It's not my story to tell, Bella." She says knowing what had me so confused, and that he clearly hadn't told me everything. "It has to come from him. So go talk to him. Because I feel like it will change a lot of things for you."
I was hesitant to believe what she said to me. Would talking to him really change how I feel? And how could he still love me? How could he have ever loved me, after everything that he did to me? And even if what he said changed my mind, he still lied to me. "No Rose. He doesn't love me. And he never did. How could he have loved me and done the things he did even before Irina? It was a game to him. That is all it ever was. And I was stupid to think it was ever anything different. That I was ever any different."
I can tell that she wants to speak on his behalf. That she wants to defend him to me, because they have been friends for such a long time. But I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear all of the things that made him a good guy. I wanted to ignore it because it was too hard to think about. "Look, B. I am not telling you to get back together with him. You have a boyfriend, and you seem happy. And the last thing I want is to ruin that. But don't you think that you owe it to yourself to know the truth? So you can get some closure, and put the whole Edward thing to rest once and for all?" I look at her for a moment, and sigh. Because she was probably right. I needed to know the truth. And I needed to move on. But it needed to be after the wedding.
She continues giving me a look and I know she wasn't done. "Bella you don't give anyone room to make mistakes. And you give up on people and move on so easily." I give her a look like I want to protest. "I know you had every right to end things with Edward after what he did. I get it. But if you continue to give up on everyone who makes mistakes then you will never have anyone left in your life. I get that it has to do with your parents. And feeling like everyone you have grown close to has abandon or hurt you. But please, at least hear him out. And if you still want to be mad at him then fine. I won't interfere anymore, and I will leave you alone. Just promise me you will think about it?" She asks me. Reluctantly, I nod my head. Willing to at least think about it. "That's all I am going to say about the matter I promise. Now I am going to find my husband, but can we catch up later?"
"Yeah of course I'll see you in a little bit." She grabs and squeezes my hand and then turns around in search of Emmett.
I watch her leave and contemplate everything she said. She was right. I did give up on people way too easily. At the first moment that they make a mistake. And I just cut them out of my life, not even allowing them to give me an explanation. I didn't want him to explain though because I knew that if he did, that I would probably forgive him. And I wasn't sure I was ready to do that yet. Because even if I forgave him, I don't know if I could ever forget everything he did. What was it about him that made me want to forgive all of the bad things he did? Maybe it was because I knew that deep down, he really could be a good guy. I needed to let him explain everything. To get it all out there. Because not letting Edward explain, always seemed to have negative consequences for me.
Flashback July 5th 2009 Edward's apartment
BPOV
I woke up in the morning confused and disoriented. Looking around I realized I wasn't in my own room. I sit up, concerned for a second, until the memories of the night before come back to me. And the pain in my head started to throb. "Ugh." I groan laying back down on the bed. I felt stupid. Stupid that I let some gorgeous charming guy worm their way into my life only to turn out to be a complete asshole. I really was the worst judge of character when it came to guys…. I think to myself. I knew it was something I probably could have prevented if I had just listened to Edward when he told me that he was a bad guy. That he was genuinely my friend, and looking out for my best interest. But I was stubborn. And I knew I had to figure out these things for myself.
Edward…I smile to myself when I think about how he took care of me last night. How he was willing to protect me, and take care of me, even though I had said some hurtful things to him a week ago. I fully expected him to slam the door in my face when I showed up on his doorstep last night. But he didn't. He took care of me, and I don't think he would ever know how grateful I was to him for doing that. I don't know what made me want to go to him that night instead of Alice, but I think I knew deep down that he would protect me. And I wasn't going to lie, I went to his place last night looking for him to do what he did best. Needing that comfort that I knew he would be able to provide for me... But he didn't do anything. He refused to take advantage of me. And I think that made me like him even more. I started thinking, yes he had faults. Most of them being that he fucked half the girls in Seattle, but underneath, no matter how much he tried to hide it behind his cocky attitude, he could be a good guy.
I get up and go to the bathroom giving myself a once over before going to see Edward. I could admit I was nervous. After all, this was unfamiliar territory for us, me waking up in his bed. I don't know why I was so nervous. It's not like we actually slept together even though we slept in the same bed. But I didn't know how I was supposed to act around him now. I didn't know if things would be weird between us, or if he would expect me to leave in the morning like all of his one–night stands did. And that's honestly what I did with every guy I was ever with… All I knew was that I couldn't let my feelings for him get in the way. I knew I needed to take a break from guys at least for the time being. That I needed to reevaluate what I wanted in a guy, and the kind of guys I went after, before I tried to get into another disastrous relationship. And I needed to figure out what exactly this thing with Edward was….
I leave the bathroom and I walk out into the hallway towards the kitchen when I hear voices whispering. "Emmett he hurt her. Put his hands on her. You have no idea how close I was to leaving the apartment last night, and killing him with my bare hands."
There was silence for a few seconds before Emmett speaks. "You really do like her don't you?" He asks him, almost in shock that he could genuinely like a girl. "I mean I had my suspicions, but the way you took care of her last night, you haven't don't that since- "
"Emmett, we aren't here to discuss whether I like Bella or not." He says in a harsh tone cutting him off. And I couldn't help but feel upset that he did. Who was this other girl he was taking care of...? "We are here to discuss what we are going to do about Riley. I was talking to her last night and she doesn't want to press charges. She just wants to forget it ever happened and move on. And while I can understand that, I am not going to let that asshole go free, and not pay for what he did. I am going to go talk to him and warn him away from her."
"Bullshit. You are going to threaten him, and when he provokes you, which he will, your going to hurt him. You can't lie to me, Edward. I know you too well. So don't feed me that bullshit about just going over there to talk. And I don't want him get away with it either. You aren't the only one who cares about Bella, Edward. Trust me, I want to see him pay as much as you do. She is practically like a sister to me." He says sternly. "All I am saying is that we should go through the proper channels. Not take this into our own hands."
"Even if it's against her wishes? Even if it's the exact opposite of what she wants to do? And what are the police really going to be able to do? Issue a restraining order against him? A restraining order won't stop a guy like Riley from coming after her again."
I hear a pause in the conversation, and look around the wall. I see Emmett sigh, and rubs his eyebrows obviously stressed. "And you think that hurting him is really what she wants either? Edward you are are letting your feelings for her cloud your judgment, and make stupid, and rash decisions- "
"At least it'll stop him from coming after her again. And Emmett that is not what this is about- "
"Yes, it is." He says interrupting him. "As much as you want to deny it, you are in love with her. And I know you have a lot of baggage, and don't want to believe in love. Or that love is actually possible. But it is. You are in love with her. And you are allowing that to cloud your judgment, and to make rash decisions that you will regret later. You don't think I want to go over there and kill him for hurting her? Of course I do. But it's not going to help the situation. So I want you to promise me you wont do anything stupid. Please Edward promise me." He says in a pleading tone. There is more silence and then it is interrupted when I hear the door opening and a familiar voice calling out for Edward…Tanya….
"What the hell is she doing here?" I hear Emmett hiss obviously pissed off, and knowing what he was planning.
"She is here to keep Bella company while we- "
'While we what?"
There is a pause before Edward says, "You know what." He says in a tone that I had never heard from Edward before. It was so harsh and cold. I was honestly worried for his safety. And I needed to end this. Prevent him from leaving before he got hurt. He didn't know what Riley was capable of. And he didn't need to go and get himself hurt for me. So I come out of hiding. "Edward can I talk to you, please?" I ask him hoping he would listen. Emmett turns around, and when he notices what I am wearing, he smirks. Then he turns and looks at Edward. I don't see his reaction, but I see Edward shaking his head. What was that about?... I am confused until I look down and notice that I was wearing Edward's button downs, and nothing else. Shit… this didn't look good…I pull down on the shirt pointlessly, trying to make It look longer than it was…
"Bella, not now. Emmett and I have business- "
"Please?" I ask interrupting him. I didn't want to hear about the business he was planning. He sighs, and then reluctantly starts walking towards me. I take the lead, guiding him towards the living room. Knowing we had privacy, I turn around crossing my arms. "What the hell are you planning on doing Edward?" I ask him pissed off. "I overheard your conversation with Emmett, and while I appreciate it, I really do, it's not necessary, or worth it. Please just don't." I say to him pleadingly.
He looks at me for a second, an angry look passing over his face. "You don't think your safety is worth it? Bella, he hurt you. And whose to say it won't happen again? A restraining order, or anything the police has to offer, is not going to stop a guy like Riley from coming after you. So please, just put your stubbornness aside for one second, and realize that what I am doing is what is best for you. I know you never have the ability to choose what is right for you. But in this instance, I need you to listen to me. Please, Bella. You came to me for a reason last night. Even if you don't want to admit it to yourself. And I want to make it right for you. So let me. Please, Bella?" he asks me begging me to understand.
I look at him angrily. Wondering how he could possibly ask this of me. "You want me to let you go hurt someone? You don't even know what he is capable of, or what he could do. How do you think I could ever approve of that? Do you not know me at all?"
He sighs, and then rubs his eyes. "Bella, I am not going to argue with you about this. I get that you don't approve. But since when have I ever done something you have approved of?" He asks me with a smirk jokingly. I smile back grudgingly. "And I do know him, Bella. I know what he is capable of. Didn't I tell you that we used to run in the same circle in high school? I am prepared. And I am not going to do anything stupid I promise."
I look at him for a second questioningly. "What is he capable of, Edward?" I ask him, and he looks everywhere but at me. I bend my head trying to get him to make eye contact. "Why won't you tell me anything about your past, or what happened when you were a teenager?"
He sighs again. "Bella, I was a rich kid with parents who were never around. I got into all kinds of trouble." He says evasively running, his hand through his hair. "But it doesn't matter now. It's in the past."
God why was it so hard for him to tell me anything…? "Edward- "
"No, Bella, I am not going to talk about it. Please just understand that it is not the time." I sigh finally letting it go. "Ok." I say. Now it was my turn to not look at him.
"Are we ok?" he asks me, lifting my chin. I look at him, and smile. Because despite everything else, and as much as we fought, I knew he cared about me. "Yeah we are ok, Edward. Please, just don't do anything stupid. That's all I ask."
"I won't." He says smiling at me. Not fully believing him, but knowing I didn't have a choice I follow him back into the kitchen.
"Hey, Bella are you ok?" Tanya asks me concerned. I look at her for a second confused as to why she was being so nice to me.
"Hey, I'm fine" I say uncomfortably looking down.
Edward stares at me for a second, and then walks towards me, putting his hands on my shoulders. "Are you going to be ok staying here with Tanya for awhile?" He whispers. I nod my head and he continues, "Sorry I couldn't invite Alice over but she can't know about this. I know you and Tanya aren't exactly friends," I scoff at that, "but she is the only one who would understand the situation, and why I have to do what I am doing." I look at him questioningly. "Tanya has a story she wants to tell you, that I think will help you understand her better. Just listen to her ok?"
I nod my head in confirmation, and he looks at me. Then he pulls me into him, holding me there for a second before he kisses me on the forehead. Even though this was not the time, I couldn't help but feel butterflies in my stomach, and that ever present electricity, at feeling of his lips on me. All too soon, he lets me go and turns around. I look over at Emmett, and Tanya, and they both have their eyebrows raised and smirks on their faces. Shit I forgot they were there... I roll my eyes at them, not wanting them to know how much it really effected me. Then Edward walks over to Tanya, and whispers something to her. When she nods in confirmation, he then turns to Emmett asking him if he was ready, and Tanya and I watch them both leave.
"So, do you want anything to eat?" She asks me questioningly. I nod my head, and she heads over to the fridge to get out food.
Twenty minutes later we were sitting down at the breakfast table eating. "So when Edward called me this morning he told me what happened. And I instantly told him I would come right over. Because I had a really similar situation to you, expect mine went on for a lot longer." I look over at her, shocked, with how open and blunt she was being. "What you have to understand was that I was young. And a lot like you. I thought that I could do anything, and there would never be consequences. I went out, and I partied, and got into trouble. I thought I was invincible and that nothing could ever hurt me. But I was wrong…
I look at her in shock when she finished her story. I couldn't believe that she went through all of that…
"I won't get into the gory details. But it wasn't until I ended up in the hospital because of him, and met Edward that I had decided it was time for me to get out. Edward saved me. And that's why I am so protective of him, and why I was so mean to you before. I know it's not an excuse. But Edward, is like family to me. And I don't want anyone to hurt him.
EPOV Bachelorette party
I walk down the hall towards the reception area when I am intercepted by Alice. "Edward what the hell do you keep doing to her?" She asks me angrily.
I run my hands through my hair. "I don't know, ok? I'm sorry. She won't listen to me. I am trying to make things right with her but I don't know how to make her listen." I say frustrated.
She looks at me for a second, studying me. "What exactly do you want from her, Edward?"
"I just want to make things right. I don't expect anything in return. I just want to make things right, and to go back to the way things were. Al how do I make things right with her?" I ask her.
"What makes you think that you deserve to make things right with her?" She asks me crossing her arms over her chest.
"I don't Al. I made a lot of mistakes with her. I will be the first person to admit that. But she doesn't know the truth about my engagement to Irina. And even though it probably won't change anything or the ways she feels about me, she deserves to know the truth."
Alice looks up at me confused for a second. "What do you mean, the truth about your engagement?"
Flashback March 2011
EPOV
It had been two months since I had been to my parent's house. We argued…again…about my relationship with Irina. My dad told me that he expected me to marry Irina. That if I didn't he would take away my trust fund, and refuse to pay for college. But I refused. My dad thinks I am being pig headed…stubborn. But I knew that if I gave into him now he would be controlling me for the rest of my life. So I yelled at them. Told them I was done letting them control my life, and that they could go to hell. I left, thinking I was never going to come back. But somehow I found myself back at their house again. I wouldn't have come back if my dad hadn't called me in a panic, telling me there was something wrong with mom. So I dropped everything and rushed over to my parent's house. We may have had our differences but I knew my mom loved me. And the truth was that this situation with Irina was probably not even my mom's idea. My dad can be a manipulative son of a bitch, and he more than likely convinced her it was a good idea.
I walk into my parent's house, and am met with silence. "Mom? Dad?" I call out to the seemingly empty house.
"Upstairs, son." I hear my dad call back. I could hear in his voice something was wrong. I jog up the stairs in a hurry and see my mom laying on the bed. I study her for a second. She looks at me, pale, and weak. I notice her hair is a lot thinner then it was when I saw her last.
"Mom? What is going on?" I ask her in confusion. She gestures for me to come over and sit by her. Then she looks over at my dad. "Carlisle, can you give us a second?" She asks him.
"Es I don't want to leave you here- "
"No argument. Please." She asks him pleadingly. He looks a her for a second hesitant to leave her alone. But knowing he wouldn't win, he leaves the room. I watch him leave, and can't help but think this is the most attentive he has been of her in a long time. I look back at my mom and say, "What the hell is going on, mom?" I ask her worriedly.
"Language, Edward." She says hoarsely, and she coughs. "I didn't want to tell you anything until it was serious, and until I absolutely had to. But I was diagnosed with cancer awhile back. And I just found out from my doctor that it has spread."
I look at her confused. "What? No? That's impossible. You never showed signs that you were sick. How could you not have told me, mom?" I ask her hurt that she would keep something like this from me.
She puts her hand on my cheek. "Because I didn't want you to worry until you had to, honey. We thought we had it under control. But it's spread. We are going to try chemo, and everything else but there is a good chance that I am not going to get better."
"How long, mom?" I ask her angrily, knowing where she was going with this.
"Honey- "
"How long? I say again, standing up and pacing, not sure I could take this.
She sighs and looks up at me, upset. "A few months. Maybe a little more."
"No mom, that's impossible. You were fine. How could you be dying?" I ask, looking at her angrily.
"Come here, honey." She says gesturing for me to sit down.
"What? No. I am not going to sit. I am not going to let you tell me that it is ok that your dying. No, I am not going to accept it. There has to be something we can do. Dad is a doctor. Why isn't he doing more." I say pacing back and forth, angry, and willing myself not to cry.
"Edward, your dad did everything he could to help me. There isn't anything else we can do. We are going to continue with treatment but the truth is that it probably isn't going to help."
"There has to be more that we can do- "
"No Edward stop. Sit down for a second, please."
I stare at her for a second. Contemplating arguing further. But she is looking at me pleadingly. So finally, I sigh and sit down by her bed. "Listen to me, Edward." She says grabbing my hand with hers. "I love you. And I only want what is best for you. That is all I have ever wanted. And you are going to need someone to take care of you after I am gone. Someone to love you, and give you everything you need."
"Mom, no please don't talk like that- "
"Listen to me, Edward. I know it's not fair. I know it's not what you want to hear. But I am just looking out for you. Please at least consider marrying Irina. Please, for me. I know I shouldn't be asking this of you. Especially now. Like this. But Irina, she could be exactly what you need. I know you think that we are only asking you to marry her because of your dad's business. And that isn't true. We only want what is best for you honey. And she would be good for you. She would give you everything you need…the support you need after I am gone. She will take care of you, Edward. In a way that no other woman could. So please at least consider it."
I look at her for a second. Wishing at that moment that I would have told her about Bella and I a long time ago. Maybe that could have changed things. Maybe if I had let my mom meet her, and get to know her, she would see that Bella is good for me too. That she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. And that she could take care of me, and support me after everything. But now it was too late.
God, Bella... Thinking about her brought a smile to my face. I loved her. More than any other girl that I have ever been with. I finally was able to admit that to myself after thinking I didn't need anyone for so long. And now I wasn't sure I would be able to give her up. It would be impossible. I wasn't sure that I was strong enough to give her up. But at the same time, I wanted…needed…to give my mom this. Something to make her happy, and something to look forward to.
"Ok, mom. I'll do it." I say, knowing that this decision was about to change my life forever.
End Flashback
"God, Edward." I hear Alice say. I look at her, and her face is in pain. "I am so sorry." She says rubbing my shoulder.
"I know that it doesn't excuse everything. I still lied to her. And I still didn't tell her I agreed to marry Irina even after battling with it for a long time. And that is on me. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. But when your mom asks you to do something when she is dying, you feel like you owe her at least that, you know?" I say to Alice pleading with her to understand why I did what I did. She continues looking at me and not saying anything so I continue.
"So," I say sighing, "How do I make things right with her? With Bella, when she will not even listen to me."
She looks at me for a second contemplating. She sighs. "Look Edward. Even after hearing your story I still don't forgive you for everything. You did a lot of bad things to her, even before the whole Irina mess came out. Even before you were officially together. And I still am not entirely sure you are right for her. So again I ask you exactly what do you want from her? Because if you don't want to be with her, and this is just a game you need to tell me now."
He sighs running his hand through his hair. "This isn't a game." He says sternly. "But I don't know what I want. All I know is that I want to make things right. And at least be friends. If nothing else, I miss our friendship."
She looks at me for a second studying me. "She told me yesterday that she isn't ready to marry Jake." I look up at her shocked. "He asked her to marry him. And while she didn't say no, she didn't say yes either. I thought at first it had to do with the bullshit with her family. And while I am sure that was a factor, I am sure now that it was more about you. Because whether she like to admit it or not, and as much as she wants to deny it, she isn't over you. And she isn't going to answer his question until you answer hers. Even though she may think she doesn't want to hear it, she does. The truth is that she is scared. But she does need to know."
"So you need to figure it out first. Figure out whether it is a game or if you actually want to be with her. If you want to be with her show her that you have changed. That you are different from how you used to be. And you need to start by ending things with Kate. Because having her around isn't doing you any favors. It just proves to her, once again, that you are the same guy you used to be. The guy who has a girlfriend, and is still flirting and messing around with other girls. And it is just another way you are playing on her insecurities. So you need to figure your shit out. And tell her how you feel before its too late. Because Edward it's about to be too late." She pauses for a second, making sure I understood what she was saying. When I nod my head she continues. "You need to make her listen. Don't let her leave, or come up with an excuse to leave. That is the only way." And before I can say anything else she walks away. She was right. I had to make her listen.
I walk back into the reception area, and am intercepted by the pup grabbing my arm to stop me.
"What the hell is going on with you and Bella?" He asks looking at me angrily, his chest heaving up and down. "Look, normally I am not a suspicious guy, but you and Bella spend an awful lot of time together, and you are always fighting. What the fuck is the deal man?" He asks me his fist clenched.
Not appreciating the way, I was being cornered by this asshole I pull my arm out of his grip roughly. "What the fuck. Nothing is going on between us." I say angrily getting ready to fight him if I needed to. I had thought about telling him the truth. Letting everyone know the truth. But that wasn't the way I wanted to win her back. By airing out all of the shit from our past. By telling him that I was the first person she ever loved, and wanted to introduce to her family. Because I knew that I couldn't. There was no way she would ever trust me or want to be with me if I did that to her. If I ended their relationship like that. I needed to prove to her that I was the right guy for her. Not be the winner by default. And right now, gaining back her trust was the most important thing to me. I knew that was the only way she would ever take me back. And I was going to do whatever I could to get her back. So I lied to him. 'Look whatever insecurities you are having about your relationship with Bella is on you. Obviously you guys aren't happy if you are going to freak out because she is talking to another guy. We barely know each other. So back the fuck off man. And go talk to your girlfriend about what's wrong. Because I sure as fuck don't know." I spit out. Honestly disgusted by his behavior. I mean really? What right did he have to go off on me like this?
"Whatever man, just stay the hell away from my girlfriend. Because whatever you are saying to her when you go off and talk is upsetting her. I can see it in her face every time she walks away. You need to take the fucking hint that she doesn't want to talk to you. And I am not stupid. I know you want her. Its obvious to everyone here. But we are getting married soon. Because she loves me. And she is happy. It is clear that she doesn't want to be with you. So back the fuck off and leave her alone. Because I will hurt you if I have to. If you keep hurting her." Then he walks away, and I have to hold myself back from grabbing him, and punching him the face. That would be a little hard to explain….
Quick Kate POV
I knew it…That's all I could think as I listen to Jake threaten Edward. I wanted to go over there, to his defense, but I wanted to know what was going on between them even more. I wasn't stupid. I saw all of their whispered arguments and their secret conversations. But now this was proof of what I knew all along….
Edwards POV
"Edward can I talk to you for a second?" I hear from behind me. I sigh. I was sick of all of these people trying to pull me aside to talk, and yet I can't talk to the one person I really want to. "What?" I say in an irritated voice turning around. "Oh Rose, sorry." I say running my hand through my hair. "It's been a long night." I say smiling at her.
She looks at me for a second scrutinizing me before she says, "Are you ok?" She asks me concerned.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I say looking anywhere but at her. When it is silent for a minute, I look back at her. Her eyebrow is raised, and she is giving me her best, "yeah right," look.
"it's just this whole thing is too hard. There is no way this works, the whole relationship thing. I am trying to be better. I am trying to make things right. But I just keep making the same mistakes over an over again. Even when I try not to. Maybe I am just not cut out to be in a serious relationship. Maybe Bella was right." I say frustrated, running my hand through my hair.
She looks at me for a second before responding. "Is it possible that you are really this insecure?" She asks me sympathetically. I don't respond, and instead look away from her.
"Edward," she says trying to catch my eye, "you made a mistake. And you lost the love of your life for it. I get it. I do. But stop making the same mistakes over and over again. You are a good guy deep down. And you deserve to be happy. You have changed. I have seen it. Kate obviously sees something in you, to want to be with you. And while I don't particularly like her, if you really do want to make something work with her than do it. I will support you if that is really what you want. But if it's not then you need to end things with her. Just make a choice. Stop stringing these girls along. Make a decision and then stick with it. Before you lose both of them." She looks at me for a second, and she can obviously still see something because she says, "You don't believe this do you? You don't believe anything I am saying?" She asks me questioningly, raising her eyebrow.
I pause for a second. "I don't know, Rose. I made a lot of stupid mistakes, and now I can't even get Bella to talk to me. Which I get, I really do. But I am trying to make things right with her. And she is making it impossible." I really didn't know what more I could do to get her to listen…
Before we can discuss anything further Alice comes up to me.
"Hey Edward, all of the members of the wedding party are getting together to talk about the trip this weekend, so will you come with me for a second?
"Yeah of course." I turn to Rose and tell her I will be back, and then I walk out into the hall. Everyone, including Bella, are in a circle. When she sees me coming, she instantly turns her head to talk to Jasper. Well I guess she is still pissed at me…
"So we are leaving this weekend for our trip to Hawaii at 7:30 am. Does everyone have everything they need?" She asks us questioningly. I roll my eyes; honestly did she think we never took a vacation before? But I knew she was always like this. The kind of person to plan everything down to the last detail…After all of the plans were set we started walking back in.
"Bella can I talk to you for a second?" I ask her pleadingly.
"Not here Edward, but soon. We will talk soon." She says, giving me a look, and then walking back into the reception hall. I was left in shock; did she actually agree to finally talk to me? It was about time. And maybe that meant that she was finally able to forgive me for everything. Or at least start to. Happier than I have been in awhile I walk back into the reception hall after her.
A/n: They are going to talk soon I promise! A few things just needed to be revealed first :) Thanks everyone for reading.