Once again, thanks to all my reviewers. Even if I don't reply, which I usually don't, I appreciate and really take your comments and constructive criticism seriously. I really do love the criticism, because I'm trying to be a better writer and you've obviously got to work for it.

Chapter Thirteen

My calves hurt. I was out of breath too, but I kept running. The pasture seemed bigger when you were running around it, but I needed the exercise and the distraction. I didn't want my thoughts to catch up to me. Stefan didn't have any work for me at the moment, but we were going to clean the pages' stable soon.

"You're crazy!" Lonnie yelled. He was another stable hand and always seemed ready to discourage me. "Come and help me, if you're that bored!"

I walked leisurely to him from across the pasture, just to spite him. "You didn't want help a minute ago."

"It was half an hour ago." Lonnie rolled his eyes.

"Stop bickering and get to work." Stefan grumbled. He held the lead of Silkglove and handed her lead to me. "You can ride over there."

"And I have to walk?" Lonnie complained. "You like Adda more than me."

Stefan shrugged. "She complains less."

I used the fence to mount Silky, since my calves were in too much pain for me to want to jump up. I nudged Silky into a trot and quickly passed Lonnie, who was trudging along on foot. He gave me a rude gesture.

The pages stables were empty at first glance. The pages were required to take care of their own mounts and most of them had. One horse was nickering and his eyes rolled back in his head as he reared slightly in his stall. I dismounted, hastily tied Silky's lead to a hook and rushed to the stall.

"Whoa, boy, hush now!" I quickly opened the stall door.

Lord Farren was grappling with an older and bigger boy. Lord Farren's nose was bloody and he was obviously receiving the beating, but he was determined not to give up.

"Hey!" I grabbed the older page's tunic and dragged him away. He turned on me and I shook him.

"I'll take the bugger to Lord haMinch." Lonnie put the page in a headlock. "Hullo, your lordship. Were you having fun? Adda, should I take the other one as well?"

"No." I shook my head. "Just the one."

After Lonnie had taken the page away, I fished a semi-clean rag from my pocket and tossed it to Lord Farren. He looked at it dubiously, but held it to his nose. Noticing my inquisitive gaze, he shook his head. "I really don't want to talk about it."

I shrugged. "That's fine. Is this your horse?"

Lord Farren nodded.

I ran my hands over the horse to calm it, murmuring soothingly. He calmed and lipped at my pockets. I fed him a handful of oats and began to remove his tack and saddle.

"I'm supposed to do that." Lord Farren protested.

"And no one will know, milord." I hung the saddle on its stand outside the stall.

"Don't call me that!" Lord Farren shouted, throwing the bloody rag on the floor. "I'm not your lord anymore! I wish I'd never been a lord! I wish my father had died years ago! I wish I'd never known him! So don't call me your lord! Never!"

He stood with his hands balled into fists, panting heavily and his eyes blazing. He didn't look so much like a little boy anymore. I could, for a moment, see the man that he would become.

"Alright, then." I agreed softly. "I'll call you Farren, if that's what you want."

"Thank you." The fight left Lord Farren and he slumped against the wall of the stall. "I'm going to get punishment work for being late."

"I'm almost done." I brushed Lord Farren's horse rhythmically. "You can leave."

"I don't want to." The boy's nose had stopped bleeding and he washed his face with water from the horse's trough. "You work in the stables?"

"For almost a month." I answered.

"Can you do a lot of magic?" Lord Farren asked curiously.

I shook my head. "I'm not good. I still have no control, but I'm learning to read."

Lord Farren smiled. "Some of the pages didn't know how to read either, before they came. They had to learn too."

"Probably learned faster than me." I finished brushing the horse and covered him with a blanket.

"I guess I don't want to get in that much trouble." Lord Farren stood reluctantly. "I'll see you later."

"See ya." I nodded to him.

Lord Farren turned back around, a determined look in his eyes. "I will get better. I'm going to fight Kendal and I'm going to win. I swear it." He turned back and began to jog up the hill to the palace.

"I believe you." I told him, even though he was already too far away to hear.

I finished up in the stable as soon as I could. Lonnie took his time with the page, of course, and only returned to help finish at the end.

Afterwards, I took Silkglove into one of the pastures. I liked the closeness I felt with the horses that I rode. I'd ridden a couple other horses, to exercise them and to become a better rider, but I liked Silky the most.

We galloped around and I daringly raised my arms above my head as I rode. On our seventh cycle, I noticed a older noblewoman standing by the fence. Her graying hair was pulled back and her soft eyes seemed to be watching me. I slowed Silky and rode up to her.

"Can I help you, milady?" I asked, sliding off and patting Silky's withers.

A wistful smile hung about the lady's mouth. "Silkglove was my husband's horse. He loved to ride her."

I could tell that she had lost her husband from the sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry, milady."

"Don't be." She shook her head, her eyes bright. "You ride well. Have you ever ridden with a saddle?"

"No, milady. Only bareback. I wouldn't want all that leather in between me and the horse."

She nodded understandably. "I used to ride bareback when I was a girl."

I remembered whose horse I had been riding. "Did you want to ride Silkglove, milady? I can get her saddle for you."

"No." The noblewoman shook her head. "I was just...remembering. And I felt guilty for completely neglecting Silkglove. Are you taking good care of her?"

"We all are." I assured you. "Stefan's got horse magic and he keeps her healthy."

"I'm going back into the country." The noblewoman sighed. "I'll take Silkglove, I suppose. Can you have her ready for travel in a week?"

"I'll tell Stefan, milady." I nodded and half-bowed. She inclined her head politely and left.

I wasn't in the mood to ride triumphantly around the pasture after that. It was only fair that Silky go with her owner, but I was a little sad. I walked Silky once around the pasture to cool her down and put her right back into her stall. Lonnie could take care of her from now on. I was done pretending that she was mine.

I stared at a moth flitting its way around a candlestick. It wanted the light, but every time it got close to it, its wings were singed. It didn't learn either. Moths were stupid.

"You obviously didn't hear a word I just said." Master Salmalín observed ruefully.

I turned to him with bleary eyes.

"So it is a bit late." Master Salmalín admitted. The sun had gone down hours ago. "You can go."

I hesitated. "I heard someone in the stables talking...about curses. They're part of the Gift, right? Or can just anyone do them?"

Master Salmalín's face turned instantly serious. He leaned forward and folded his hands. "Curses are the darkest aspect of the Gift. Decent mages don't use them; decent mages don't want to."

"But decent mages can do them?" I asked, aware that I was jumping on thin ice. "I could?"

I felt the power cracking in the room. "You better not."

"You didn't answer." I held his gaze levelly, even though I was trembling.

"Mithros, Mynoss and Shakith!" Master Salmalín sprung to his feet. "Did you not hear a word I just said?"

I didn't answer. I wanted him to answer my question.

"Curses take a part of your soul! They're murderous and evil!" Master Salmalín began to pace, then whirled around. His eyes reminded me of a hawk's, beady and dark. "Who do you want to curse?"

"I don't want to curse anyone." I answered, but I could see that he didn't believe me. I sighed. "It doesn't matter. He's dead anyway." While the mage was already furious, there was something else I wanted to ask that had been bothering me lately. "Can you bring someone back from the dead?"

"No!" Master Salmalín roared, in a way that told me that it was possible. "It's impossible! Are you insane?"

"No, milord." I shook my head. "Just curious."

"You're curious about the wrong things!" Master Salmalín slammed his fist down on the table. "Do you want to be the kind of mage who brings fear and destruction to the world?"

"It's not like I can heal." I shrugged. "You said my Gift wasn't suited to mending."

Master Salmalín's mouth worked, but no words came out. I knew that I was testing him and that I could get in a lot of trouble, but I wasn't afraid of him anymore. "Gods help you..."

"But they haven't!" I pointed out. "Not really. That's why I have to help myself."

"Curses and raising the dead are forbidden to you." Master Salmalín pointed at me, his voice foreboding. "If you ever try anything of the sort, I would drag you to the deepest crevice in all the realm and leave you there."

I couldn't meet his gaze, just stared down at the table. Maybe I was still a little bit scared of him.

Master Salmalín sighed. "Go to your room."

I didn't wait for him to tell me again. I dodged out, closing the door behind me.

I almost laughed once I was inside my room. Maybe noble children cared when they got sent to their rooms, but I didn't. I was still grateful to have a room to get sent to. And he thought I'd mind this sort of punishment? He could have beaten me. I had scars on my back that proved I didn't mind such punishment.

I realized I was angry and collapsed onto my bed on the floor.

I didn't care that curses were murderous and evil. Rape was evil and the lord of Stone Mountain still got away with it. I doubted that I was his first, either. I didn't want to lose a part of my soul, but that might have been a figure of speech.

Master Salmalín would be no help. He was too smart to believe that my inquiries were innocent. Mistress Daine was even smarter than Master Salmalín. There wasn't anyone else to ask.

I buried my face in the fur rug as the tears began to flow down my face.

I wanted Lotta. She'd set all of this straight.