Katniss.

I reach out my hand. Our fingertips barely brush, but I can still feel that tingle. That tingle that I felt when he gave me the pearl. The tingle I felt when he was cured. That tingle I feel when I look at our children.

"Katniss…?" he asks. The pain in his voice makes me nearly cry, but I can't have either one of them. I can't live without one of them. I can't make one of them feel like they come in second.

"I'm really sorry," I say. I run out the door and out of the hotel. I run down to the fields and to the pond.

I sit next to it and let my finger rest on the surface. It causes a ripple that seems never ending. I take away my finger, and finally, the ripple finishes, only to be replaced by another, and another.

Teardrops are landing on the surface. Teardrops are making the lake bigger, one, by one. My teardrops are creating millions of ripples.

What's wrong with me? Why can't I just be normal? Why did the Hunger Games have to choose me? Why did they have to decide that I would be the one to lead the rebellion? To be the Mockinjay? Why does my life have to be so screwed up? Why can't I find true, final, love?

I wipe away the tears, the tears that haven't run down my cheeks in forever. I open my eyes and I can see clearly. The tears no longer obscure my vision, so I can see it. I can see it in the water. I can see his reflection. I turn around.

"Who do I love?"

"Who do you think you love?"

"I don't know. Who do you want me to love?"

"I want you to love whoever you love."

"That's not a good answer."

"It's a wise answer. Go for whoever you love, and don't let someone decide for you."

"I don't know who I love. I need your help."

"I've already given you a lot of help. I kept you alive. I helped you through the rebellion. I've helped you after the rebellion. This is your time to do something yourself."

"I can't ever do anything by myself. I need help. I'm mentally insane. My dad's dead! My mom's gone! My sister's dead! I might as well be dead!" I scream. I stand up and hug him. I cry on Haymtich's shoulder.

Haymitch.

"You can do this," I say. "I know you can."

"I can't!" she yells back.

"I know how to decide," I say.

"How?"

"I'll think of a number. Of course, it will either be even or odd-" I begin.

"I know how this works. I'll just tell myself that I was lying, or that I wasn't reacting like I wanted to," she argues.

"Then I'm out of ideas," I say. I put her chin in my fingers and tilt up her head. "But I know that you can do it." She doesn't argue. Instead she just turns around, sits, and stares at the water.

"Thanks." I nod, because she can see my reflection, and walk away.

Katniss.

Well that didn't really help.

I hear footsteps and look up. I see Peeta and Gale walking towards me. No! Not both of them! I can't do this! No!

"Katniss?" Gale asks. I look at his face, but not his eyes. He holds two berries and I know just what to do.

"May the odds," I begin.

"Be ever in your favor," he finishes. He tosses me a berry and I catch it in my mouth. That gets a slight grin out of me, which lights up both of their faces.

"Sorry, you guys," I say.

"No problem, Katniss," says Peeta. He reaches out my hand again, but I don't reach out. Instead, I let the tears come again. They fall in the water, and I can guess how their faces look right now. Gale is probably in shock that I'm crying, and Peeta is probably hurt that I didn't reach out and sorry that I'm crying.

"I can't be with either one of you," I manage to get out between sobs.

"What?" asks Peeta while Gale asks, "Why?"

"Please, just, just go away," I request. They nod and leave me to myself.

When I'm sure that they're gone I get up. I walk to the woods. I walk to the place where I stood the morning that my whole life changed. The place where I stood when I had never spoken to Peeta Mellark and Gale Hawthorne was my best friend.

"Catnip?" I hear the voice. I turn and see Gale, which practically sends me into another storm of tears again.

"No," I say. "I'm Katniss."

"You're Katniss. You're the girl on fire. You're the victor of the 74th Hunger Games. You're the Mockingjay. But most of all, you're my Catnip," he says. Wow.

"Please don't," I beg. "Please just stop."

"I can't. I love you, Catnip. Just let me kiss you, just one more time," he requests. I nod and he leans down.

It's on my cheek. I thought he would kiss me on the lips. I thought he would take advantage of that last kiss. Why did I think it would be on the lips? Why was I expecting that?

I think I know. I thought it would be on the lips, because I wanted it to be. I reach out and grab his face in my hands. I kiss him and he kisses me. What about Peeta? I stop. I want more kisses. I kiss him again. But what about Peeta? I stop again. What should I do?

"I can't," I say. He nods, but I kiss him again. "What do I do?"

"I don't know," he says. "If you love Peeta then stop kissing me. If you love me then do something about that."

"Like what?"

"Why would I know? You're the one that needs to work this out."

"But I don't know what to do," I say. He grabs my hands and leads me to a log. The log that we used to sit on. "What?"

"This is where we were best friends. This is where you didn't love me like that. This is where you didn't love Peeta. How did you feel right here?" he asks.

"I felt like we could run away. I felt like if you got reaped then I would die. I felt like you kept me alive," I confess.

"After the Games how did you feel?" he asks me.

"I felt like Peeta was frustrating. I wanted to be able to hang out with you more. I wished that I didn't have to fake that romance."

"How did you feel during the Quell?"

"I had to keep Peeta alive. He had done a lot for me, then it was my turn to keep him alive," I explain.

"After the Quell?"

"I wished Peeta were there. I loved him, but you were my rock. You kept me strong. You were my hunting partner. You were the reason I stayed sane."

"Now?" he asks.

"I don't know," I admit. He swears under his breath and stands up. "What?"

"I'm leaving," he says.

"What? Why?" I ask.

"I'm causing all of these problems. If I leave everything will be alright," he explains.

"No it won't. I need you. I love you," I say.

"No, you don't," he whispers. He turns and walks away, leaving me alone, on the log, where I used to be happy, where I used to know who I was.

The next chapter is really good. No one is allowed to be mad. It gets rid of her main problem, but sort of creates a whole new one. Dun dun... DUN!

please review and tell me what you think

and no one get too happy or upset with anything. The story could change any second.