edit – 10.27.2013
Undisclosed Desires
Chapter 13
Zelda was sitting alone in her private solar with her arms wrapped around her knees as she leaned heavily against the window glass while she stared out at her kingdom with unseeing eyes. Link had been uneasy letting the black garbed Sheikah go alone to the Arbiter's Grounds in case the Bulbin's decided to attack them and had asked to follow after them. She had tried to persuade him that he had done enough but she had not been able to forbid him from going when he'd continued to look at her so steadfastly, and she understood his inability to rest until things were completely finished.
It was how she herself felt and she felt a flash of resentment towards her station that granted her great power, yet tethered her at the same time. Fortunately, she was too weary for anything more than that quick burst of anger and rested her hand on the window pane as her thoughts wandered.
The remaining Sheikah were returning to Old Kakariko to attend Kiterey's burial ceremony but Zelda had promised Selene to remain in the castle. The people of Hyrule needed reassurance that all was well with their queen; it was too soon for her to be absent, even to attend the funeral of a dearly loved friend. But the castle felt empty and it reminded her of unpleasant things from when she was a lone captive during the veil of Twilight.
"Zelda?" Tynan's familiar voice called to her and she somewhat reluctantly turned to face him. Underneath the numbing weariness there was still some part of her that wanted to react to him as she always had since they were children, with her as the bratty little sister and him as the annoying and restricting older brother. One look at his face was enough to let her know that neither of them felt up to acting their normal roles.
"What is it Tynan?" She asked and gestured for him to come in out of the doorway and next to her on the window seat.
"You look like yourself again," he said as he sat uneasily and gestured at her. Because she had withdrawn publicly for the rest of the day she had removed her elaborate gown and dressed in a more comfortable, but still elegant, one-shoulder A-line with no embellishment other than its rich dark purple color. Even her head was bare of crown and jewels and her hair fell in heavy waves about her face.
"You don't," she answered honestly and studied him worriedly. She could tell from his all black outfit that he was about to leave for Old Kakariko to attend Kiterey's service but it was the utterly lost look on his features that worried her. "Talk to me Ty," she used his old nickname and took his hands in hers.
"You…" he began but stopped almost immediately and looked down at their hands instead of her face. "Were you connected to Kiterey when she died?" He asked softly and Zelda's heart ached for him as she understood what he was asking.
"I was," she answered gently.
"Did the demon… does it…"
"It does not have her soul," she said firmly and squeezed his shaking hands. "There is no way I would have let her go and be used for evil while I have life within me."
"You're not supposed to take risks," he said shakily and loosed one of his hands from hers to bring it to his eyes. "Even more so for a royal brat like you."
She frowned but held back the sigh that threatened to come out of her mouth. Same old Tynan, she thought. Never one to not follow orders or do what's 'best'. "What are the Elders going to do? Spank me?" She retorted haughtily and his shoulders shook but she could tell it wasn't from laughter.
"I was going to ask her to marry me," he said brokenly and even with his hand putting pressure on his eyes, his tears still dropped hotly on her hands. Zelda's eyes softened and she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him close despite his larger frame. His hands gripped her painfully tight as he clung to her the way a drowning man grasps a lifeline but she didn't protest the bruising pressure. Near silent sobs shook his body as the anguish of his grief and loss, postponed for so long, washed through him.
She'd known that Kiterey and Tynan loved each other; everyone knew that they'd loved each other since they were kids, and was surprised that it had taken this long for him to break down. But they were Sheikah, and she knew that even when faced with great personal loss they were trained to do their duty first and foremost when outside the sheltering cliffs of Old Kakariko. Everything else, no matter if it was injury or sorrow, was secondary.
"Kiterey loved you very much," she said when the violent shuddering stopped and his tight grip had lessened somewhat.
"I should have asked her long before all this," he murmured and she stroked his hair gently before getting up and went over to a basin and pitcher of water and dampened one of the cloths that lay next to it.
"She knew Ty," and handed him the damp cloth to wash his face. "We all knew that you were building that home for the two of you," she added as she sat down next to him. "And she didn't mind the waiting," she smiled as she remembered their antics as children. "'The man with a plan' she called you. I think we were ten when she told me that she was going to put herself in your plans."
"I didn't plan on this," he snapped angrily and threw the cloth across the room. "What am I supposed to do now?" He demanded and his voice broke. "I can't imagine living the rest of my life without her."
"You make yourself live one day at a time," Zelda answered and looked at a painting of her father and mother that hung on the wall. "At first, it'll be like you barely exist because you can't do anything else but miss them and ache from wanting them to be with you again," she continued as she remembered the terrible pain she'd felt from losing her father. "It's hard, indescribably hard, because you miss them so much. You get angry at them for leaving you, even though you know intellectually it's not their fault, and there's a part of you that wishes you could die too so that you can be with them again."
She jumped slightly when Tynan touched her shoulder gently and she pulled away from the sorrow of her own memories and concentrated on him. "But then you remember how much they loved you and you loved them," she continued and a small bittersweet smile crossed her lips. "It takes a long time but eventually it doesn't hurt so much and you can remember the good things that you did together and why you loved them so much."
"So you're saying 'time heals all wounds?'" He asked and his voice was bitter and biting.
"It never stops hurting," she answered honestly. "But the pain stops being so engulfing and becomes bearable."
"I'm sorry to put this all on you," he said after the silence stretched between them. "It's just that it was always the three of us when we were kids and I thought you would be the one who'd understand the most."
"I'm always here Ty," she said and smiled teasingly at him. "I guess it's time to call a truce after all this time."
"You were the one who turned it into a war," he snorted but quickly grew serious as he noticed how much time had passed. "I need to leave if I want to get to Old Kakariko before nightfall. Will you be alright alone?"
"I can fight as well as any other Sheikah if anyone is crazy enough to try something." She retorted.
"You know what I mean."
"I do," she answered his chiding. "I'll be fine. You need to go and say your goodbye to Kiterey," she hugged him briefly before standing and pulling him to his feet.
"Thank you," he said quietly as he hugged her hard one last time and then left as quickly as he could without running. Zelda quietly closed the door after him and picked up the cloth he'd thrown and returned it to the washbasin.
"Did you ever feel trapped and alone in this castle too?" She asked the portrait of her parents and delicately touched the elaborate frame. There was no answer but then, she hadn't expected one either. But it did remind her of a conversation with her father.
Rarely had Zelda ever seen her father so angry, and never before at her but then she couldn't remember being so angry either.
"I'm not going to apologize because I'm not sorry," she snarled and glared at Lady Myriel and her father. "You don't understand! She-"
"Zelda," he had not shouted but his voice was dark and terrible all the same. "I do not care what the reason is; you have no right to attack someone. You will apologize."
"Never." She stated and forced herself not to flinch from Selene's soft gasp or from the hard stares of her father and Tarak.
"Lady Myriel," her father spoke after a long moment. "I apologize for my daughter Zelda since she is currently being too uncivilized to remember her manners. I do hope you weren't greatly harmed."
"Oh it's nothing," she answered with a coy laugh despite her torn dress and bruised arm. "I think the little princess simply misunderstood the situation."
"That must be it," her father agreed. "Please allow one of my men to escort you to the doctor," he said and waved a soldier over to her.
"Of course Sire," she said and managed a curtsy before allowing herself to be led off. Now it was only Zelda, King Daphnes, Selene, Tynan, Tarak, and Kiterey.
"Your Majesty-" Tynan began.
"Don't you dare apologize for me either Ty," she snapped at the older boy. "I wasn't wrong! She was trying to make him take off his clothes so she could 'see for herself what kind of man he was.'" And she was angry at Tynan then too. "And you just stood there like an idiot!" She snapped and whirled around to jab him in the chest and had to make herself not kick him as well.
"Zelda," her father's cold voice had her turning around again to face him. "Even if what you say is true, Tynan is sixteen and of an age where he can turn down a woman's advances."
"It is true! Just as true as the fact that you know he couldn't say anything. She's a noble, he's a Sheikah. She's right and we're wrong. But it's fine because Sheikah are trained to handle themselves and even though you want to escape you can't because it will cause trouble if you do, and we mustn't upset the nobility!" She grabbed a decorative vase full of flowers off the table and smashed it against the wall. The delicate pottery shattered into pieces and showered her with silvers of porcelain but it was her hands that ran red with blood as she gripped the remaining pieces in her hands.
"Zelda!" Her name was called by all the people in the room but she focused on her father's horrified eyes with all the determination contained in her small frame.
"In three years when I'm sixteen and a man is trying to pull off my clothes will I also 'be of an age where I can turn down advances?'" She asked and was strangely calmed by the pain of her hands. She could tell that her words bit deeply into her father as his eyes and mouth hardened once again. "People break when bad things happen to them. I won't apologize for protecting my Clan, or any of my people, when I can because they are unable to. Not even to you," she added and let the pieces of bloody porcelain fall from her hands.
The room was full of silent tension as father and daughter sized each other up and the Sheikah shifted uncomfortably, uneasy at the very real anger between the two.
"Leave us," Daphnes commanded and the other two adults immediately followed his orders while the two young ones looked uncertainly at their young companion. A quick hand signal from Zelda, which the king took note of, and then they also left.
Unexpectedly, her father quickly walked over to her and scooped her into his arms before heading in the direction of his personal chambers.
"Father?" She hadn't expected him to pick her up and carry her off.
"You're hurt and barefoot," he said and looked at her. "Or do you think I'm so heartless that I don't even care about your welfare?"
"I never said that."
"Your earlier words implied it," he countered as he set her down in his bathing chamber. "We'll see to your hands first," he said and brought a pitcher and basin and carefully washed her hands and picked out the spare shards. "Shake yourself out as best you can," he said and started running the water for her before leaving and returning with one of his long tunics.
"Bathe and then change and we'll talk." He said and left her alone. Which wasn't to her advantage. She could get angry quickly but given time that anger would cool and afterwards she was always as exhausted as if she'd been sparring all day. Quickly she healed herself and then did as her father bid, although she did have to roll up the tunic's sleeves quite a bit and the hemline fell well past her knees.
He was waiting for her on the balcony with his eyes gazing out over Hyrule and she took a moment to study her father before joining him. Both father and daughter were silent as they stood beside one another, neither wanting to be the first to start another round of hurtful words.
"I don't think you were lying," her father said finally and she looked up to find him watching her. "My displeasure comes with the way you handled the situation. You must learn to control your temper, no matter the circumstances."
"You got angry too," she pointed out.
"Did I attack anyone or throw things and injure myself?"
"No," she answered softly. "But what was I supposed to do?"
"There were a lot of options available to you dearest," he said and placed his hand on her head. "You could have given Tynan a command to attend you so that he could leave without offending Lady Myriel or you could have gotten me to deal with it. There were options that you couldn't see because you let your anger blind you."
"I'd rather take care of it my way," she grumbled and sighed heavily as she hopped up on the railing and moodily sat down.
"I'm sure you do," her father chuckled and moved so that he could wrap his arm securely about her waist. "And you had better not let any anyone manhandle you in any way no matter what age you are," he said and sighed heavily into her hair. "I will speak to Lady Myriel. There will be no repeats of this from her and no violent outbursts of anger from you either."
"There is another matter I need to speak with you about Zelda. You cannot think of yourself as Sheikah."
"But Father! I am-"
"You are Harkinian," he interrupted gently. "You must be of all the people and none of them. Your mother wished you to learn of your heritage so I gave Selene free reign with you but I've often wondered if I made the right choice."
"You have," she said firmly and frowned when he chuckled.
"I agree with that usually," he said. "Don't misunderstand me dearest, I'm glad that you love the Clan and they reciprocate that love for you, but you understand how the Clan balances their own unique history and culture?"
"One way when at home in Kakariko with other Clan members but distant and on duty when dealing with Outsiders."
"How good of a queen do you think you'll be if you're distant with your people who aren't Clan? Will you be able to understand their needs and do well by them if you refuse to think of them as anything but Outsiders?"
"I wouldn't be very good like that," she admitted and felt overwhelmed by the words he spoke to her. "It's hard to be a Harkinian."
"It is," he agreed. "It is a lonely thing to be a monarch Zelda. Men and women alike will seek to use you to further their agendas; and advisors, if they are good ones, will tell you the things you need to hear rather than the things you want to hear. We have absolute authority in this land but in exchange you will always be expected to put your needs and desires behind those of your people. Your love for them and for this land must exceed that of anything else."
"I don't think I can love Hyrule more than you," she said honestly although she hated to disappoint him. "I don't think I could ever love anyone or anything more than my family."
"Then you shall have to do as I do," he told her. "Put that love deep in your secret heart and guard it well until you have someone you want to share it with, as I did with your mother."
"But you love Selene," she stated. "And you always call me dearest."
"I do," he agreed about Selene. "And you are the dearest person to me," he added and kissed her hair. "But your mother I called 'my love,' and that is what she still is for me."
It was the saddest and sweetest thing Zelda had ever heard her father admit to and she turned about as best she could and hugged him tightly. "I love you Papa," she said and the childish term she'd called him as a baby slipped out.
"I love you too dearest," he answered and hugged her back. "Come," he said and scooped her off the railing and back on her feet. "I'm sure Selene is anxious to see that you aren't beaten and to put you back in attire suitable for a princess."
"I'm still not sorry for what I did," Zelda said as she took his waiting hand and followed him out. "But I am sorry for shouting at you and hurting your feelings."
"Apology accepted," he chuckled. "Just remember what I told you about your temper."
"Are you proud of me Father? I kept my temper as you wanted," she said and walked away to resume her spot on the window seat. "But I still wish I could do what I wanted." She didn't bother to light any lamps as evening turned into night and she was glad of the darkness that concealed her as she wrestled with her regret for a past that could never be changed, and her sorrow for the wished for future that Kiterey and Tynan had, but would now never be realized.
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Link shifted uneasily in his saddle and looked across the Gerudo desert in the direction of the castle. They were on their way back from the Arbiter's Grounds and despite the gruesome nature of their task he and the Sheikah were glad that their task was at last ended. They'd burned the bodies until there was nothing but ash and watched the strong desert winds carry the debris away. A horse's angry scream pierced the night and brought him out of his musings in time to see a furious Blackjax give chase to some Bulbins, intent on stomping them into the desert sand.
"I'm surprised they haven't tried to capture him," he murmured aloud.
"They know vicious when they see it," Tarak said wryly. "The only person that beast truly cares for is Sheik. The rest of the world he tolerates only because he has to."
"Which doesn't include Bulbins obviously."
"No," Tarak agreed and chucked. "Our Gerudo ancestors would be pleased. They took great pride in the breeding and training of their horses. Blackjax is a prime example of centuries of carefully planned breeding programs."
"The Gerudo? Wasn't Ganondorf their king?" Link questioned.
"Are you wanting a history lesson?" Tarak asked curiously and Link noted that the man, though he was still serious, was much more at ease now that their gruesome task was completed. "It will need to be a short version since our paths will split once we leave the desert but I'm willing to tell you."
"I'm curious," Link admitted. "Does that mean the Sheikah are related to Ganondorf?"
"It's quite probable if you go back far enough," Tarak said easily. "You know of Impa? The Sheikah woman who trained and protected the Princess of Destiny?" He asked and Link nodded. "Excellent, then we will begin from there."
"Later in her life Impa had two sons that she trained in the Sheikah arts the same as she had the Princess of Destiny. Time passed and they became men who desired to find women who would share their lives, but they were also aware of the need to repopulate the tribe and wanted to be choose women that they felt would hold similar interests to theirs."
"Which were the Gerudo?"
"Well it wasn't as easy as all that. The Gerudo Tribe were not thought well of at the time because they were required to serve their king, Ganondorf, in his endeavor to conquer Hyrule, even though it wasn't what they wanted. So naturally they were hostile to outsiders as well, the two Shiekah being no exception."
"However the two men were not easily deterred. The Gerudo were well known for being thieves but they were also fierce warriors who demanded the respect they were due. It took some time but eventually they negotiated for the right to compete against the leader of the Gerudo to win her respect and the respect of her people."
"And that's it?" Link asked, somewhat disappointed which caused Tarak and several of the others to chuckle.
"Not quite. The Gerudo warned the men that if they were seeking to repopulate the Clan that their efforts would be futile. The Gerudo were said to bare only one male child every hundred years and then that boy would become their king. A tradition that the Gerudo were no longer fond of themselves after the Ganondorf fiasco."
"But the Sheikah would not be deterred. Both had fallen in love with a Gerudo woman and even if it meant adopting the Gerudo lifestyle they would not abandon the women they loved. As for the women of the Tribe, they also wished to be free of the cycle that had allowed Ganondorf to command them so easily. The Goddesses, recognizing their desire, removed their fate of only one boy born every hundred years. As testament to the Goddesses' approval of their wishes both of the brother's wives firstborn children were boys."
"Then the Gerudo adopted the lifestyle of the Sheikah then?" Link asked curiously.
"Not at all," Tarak said wryly. "The Gerudo liked the two Sheikah men but they had their own traditions as well; such as picking their own men from Castle Town when they so desired and they were a very female dominate society. But the traits that many Gerudo liked in their men: quick with their feet, lean of build, good fighters, etc. are traits that are inherit with Sheikah because of the years and type of training we do. Even before the Clan and the Tribe joined there was much similarity between the two cultures, like the fact that both were matriarchal, and each easily learned the others habits and fighting techniques."
"Eventually the two evolved into one Clan but we still have traditions that come from both heritages. For example, all Sheikah children are raised to be Clan but when they're old enough they are given the opportunity to choose to stay or to leave the Clan and its responsibilities. Another is that like our Gerudo ancestors, Sheikah women are free to choose their own men and can be a little aggressive when they find a man they like."
"Do you mean a Claim?" Link asked curiously as he remembered Layla teasing Zelda.
"He knows more than we gave him credit for!" Laughed one of the masked men and Link flushed uncomfortably as Tarak studied him for a long moment.
"Claiming is serious business for the women," he said finally and Link could hear the amusement in his voice.
"It's a way for the women to tell the other women of the Clan that they've chosen a man and put their Claim on him so stay the hell away or fight," one of them snickered.
"Not that the man has to agree," another said. "It's not like in the old days where you can be kidnapped against your will."
"And it isn't applied only to men," said the only female in the group. "Some women prefer other women and some of the men only men."
"Which isn't common in the Clan but is accepted," Tarak added with a shrug.
"And just how did you hear about Claiming Commander?" asked the woman.
"Sheik and I stopped by Old Kakariko before returning to the castle. Layla mentioned it."
"I'll bet she did!" Laughed one of the men. "Now that one would be likely to carry you off and gag you so that you couldn't disagree!" The joke caused all of them to laugh while Link rubbed his neck in embarrassment.
No wonder Zelda was so flushed. He thought.
"And that's the short version of our culture's joining," Tarak said and Link could see the water of Lake Hylia coming into view.
"Why couldn't we get the short version?" One of the Sheikah grumbled. "The condensed version is just as good as the years of backstory we get pounded into our heads."
"Would you like something else pounded into your head Reon?" The woman asked in a tone that was too sweet to be anything but dangerous.
"If it's you, Jia Li, doing the pounding then I will eagerly accept." He answered, causing the others to snicker until Tarak spoke sharply to them.
"Should we bring him with us?" Jia Li asked and gestured at Blackjax who'd been keeping pace quietly with Epona for the latter part of their ride. "He seems calm now that there are no more Bulbins," she added and turned her horse towards the black stallion.
Blackjax, as though he understood every word, reacted like a cornered snake as he quickly wheeled around and kicked out his front feet at her and her horse. His teeth clicked dangerously in the empty air where Jia Li's arm had been until she quickly backed off with a soft curse.
"I think he wants to stay with Epona," Link said as they all watched the temperamental stallion scream his displeasure at him. "And she doesn't seem to mind him." The much studier mare did seem annoyed at the black horse's antics because she did lay her ears back when he came to close, but other than that he perturbed her little compared to the other Sheikah horses who did not handle his temper nearly so well.
"We'll leave him to you then!" Reon said and tuned his horse in a different direction that Link had anticipated.
"You're not returning to the castle?" He asked Tarak and the older man shook his head.
"No," he answered quietly. "Kiterey's burial ceremony is this night. We go to say our farewells to her and my son will need me." He sighed heavily and his voice was full of regret as he said, "Tynan had intended to ask her to be his wife once he finished building his house for them."
"I'm sorry," Link said quietly and was honored that Tarak thought enough of him to share so much with him that night.
"As am I," Tarak agreed and turned his gaze to the direction of the castle. "When she was a child Zelda used to wait for her father to return in a private solar near her study. It would be a comfort for me if you would check to make sure she isn't waiting still."
"I will," Link promised.
"My thanks…Commander," Tarak said and used the title the Sheikah and knights had taken to calling him. "Be well!" He saluted him and urged his horse after the others.
"Let's go home girl," Link said and Epona happily quickened her pace to a gallop as they headed towards the castle with a rambunctious Blackjax easily outpacing them.
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By the time Link was finally able to wash and look for the queen's solar he had to take a revitalizing potion after dealing with the havoc that Blackjax wrought. While the stallion had been happy being with them while they were on the move, he'd turned into a different creature as soon as Link had tried to stable him. It had taken all his patience and expertise to get the upset stallion settled and was infinitely glad he didn't have to deal with the horse every day.
He was dressed as casually as possible in a pair of soft black pants and a white shirt made similarly to the ones he owned in Ordon, but all of his clothes in the castle were woven of much softer material. After pulling on his boots he'd left but he'd barely taken a few steps from his door before retreating back for his sword. It was so much a part of him now that it made him uneasy to be without it, even in the castle. He did put on a cloak to help offset the cooler temperatures and also to hide his weapon. He didn't see any need to unnecessarily alarm anyone he came across and after all the recent arrests he had a feeling that the nobles would be reacting differently with him.
Silently he made his way to Zelda's living quarters and noted how different it felt without all the Sheikah present. Even unseen he had gotten used to their presence and the castle felt strangely empty without their watchful eyes and keen ears. He was also extremely uncomfortable with opening random doors and peering in the private quarters of the queen but he had given his word to Tarak.
He was on his third room and had almost closed the door when his eyes caught a slight movement in the dark. Already uneasy from his snooping, he almost drew his sword but quickly recognized the sleeping figure curled against the glass pane while sitting on the window seat.
Quietly, he unbuckled his sword so that she wouldn't be startled seeing an armed man and then walked over to her to wake her. Though she was asleep her face was tense and small twitches of movement hinted at uneasy dreams. "Zelda," he called softly and touched her exposed shoulder.
Only the fact that he was fully awake and blessed with quick reflexes enabled him to withstand the powerful kick she landed on him and block the fist that went straight for his face.
"Who?" She snarled and tried to wrench her wrist free from his grip even as her body tensed to kick out at him again. He had to grab her other arm as well when she almost landed a vicious jab with her elbow to his midsection.
"Zelda!" He said firmly, shocked at her violent reaction even as he did his best not to hurt her while he subdued her at the same time.
"Link?" She asked but she still sounded slightly unsure and he uneasily let one of her hands go as she reached out to touch his face. "Not Zant," she sighed in obvious relief and started to pull away and curl up again but he pulled her back to him when he saw the bruises that marred her skin thanks to the pale moonlight.
"Zelda what happened?"
"He tried to get me in my sleep," she answered although her words were slightly slurred from a probable mix of exhaustion and sleep, but that didn't stop the slightly bloodthirsty smirk that crossed her face. "I almost killed him too," she continued and waved her hand in a quick motion as she imitated holding a knife. "Quick thrust in the ribs, followed by a slash to the leg. I wanted to hurt him more but his screaming brought the guards and Ganondorf." She sighed and because he would not let her go she used him as a wall to lean against while she closed her eyes. "Should've cut his throat. That would have been helpful at least."
Link was so shocked that he couldn't even move as he stared at her. She had shown him and Renado her memories of being struck and captured by Zant but he had never imagined the Twili would actually try and take things so far as to cause such a severe reaction from her. The viciousness that Zelda had reacted with clearly proved how naïve he had been.
We should have taken her with us. He thought and guilt for leaving her unprotected in the castle filled him.
"Zelda," he said and shook her slightly to wake her from the light sleep she'd fallen back into. "Have you talked to anyone about this?" He asked and frowned at how cold her skin was.
"I don't want to," she stated and he was horrified when her eyes began to water. "I should have killed him, it would have made things easier for you and Midna but I failed. I wanted to hurt him and I was distracted by that," she cried softly. "I'm so stupidly weak and awful!" She buried her face in her hands but it did not stop the tears that leaked from her eyes.
Link picked her up and frowned when he noted that her frame felt lighter than it should have. Later, he promised himself to scold her and sat down with her in his lap while he put his back against the wall. He held her head protectively against the crook of his neck as he settled her legs against his and frowned when he noted her bare feet. He used his cloak as a cover for them both and rubbed her cold skin, trying to coax warmth back into her body even as he tried to coax her to talk. Part of him was guiltily aware that he was making use of the fact that she was sleep deprived and had obviously not taken advantage of a revitalizing potion; the other part was glad she wasn't on guard and determined to get the stubborn queen to talk.
"You're neither stupid nor weak. Why would you think that you're awful?" He asked in concern. "Everything you've done, you did because you had to."
"I hate them," she whispered. "The Council, I hate them more than I hated Zant. I did what I was supposed to do instead of what I wanted to do," she admitted. "I wanted them tortured, to suffer, to have everything taken from them until they begged for mercy just so I could laugh in their faces and make them suffer more," and her voice trembled from the same anger that shook her body and caused her to weep. "There's a darkness in me Link, it's awful and terrible, so much that I frighten myself sometimes with what I want to do."
"Zelda, it's natural that you want to hurt the people who hurt you," he said and touched his fingers over her mouth when she started to argue. "Do you think I don't understand? I was furious when Ilia and the kids were kidnapped while I was unconscious and then waking once more as a wolf to find myself chained in a cell. Midna was not her most helpful at that moment in time and I hated her then too because I was only beginning to understand."
"It doesn't make you evil to be angry, or to hate, or to want revenge Zelda," he continued and played his fingers through her hair as she listened. "What matters, what makes you who you are is what you do with that anger. How many people do you think would have allowed the ones who murdered their family a swift execution that was no more painful than necessary?"
"One of the many things that makes you extraordinary is the fact that you keep yourself in check because you choose to do so and not because you have to," he said and was glad that she couldn't see his flushed face. "We all have darkness inside ourselves that we fight with from time to time Zelda. Even a queen is simply a woman when those she loves come to harm."
"You don't have any darkness," she countered and he could tell from her voice that she was fully awake. Just a wolf."
"And how is that any better?" He asked wryly and was amused when she simply smiled and different answer.
"I'm sorry for depending on you to save my kingdom too," she admitted and fiddled with the laces of his shirt. "I'm thankful for you Link… but it is frustrating to know that I was too inadequate to save my own kingdom."
"You're not being fair to yourself," he said firmly and glared down at her. "You do not get to be hard on yourself over that matter. Without you telling me what happened and what I needed to do, I wouldn't have been able to do everything I did. You also saved Midna's life and you did help me in the fight with Ganondorf," he reminded her. "I don't have any envy over your job as queen so leave me my job of being a hero."
"You're a little domineering late at night," she observed with a frown.
"I'm not the one who's upset over the futility of trying to be perfect," he countered but his tone was light and teasing. "You need to talk about what happened Zelda. Your doubts and fears will continue to fester within you if you keep everything bottled up."
"No." Came the immediate and unrelenting response.
"Add bratty to your late night faults," he frowned at her and used his hand to gently lift her face so that she had to look at him. Her mouth was set in a hard firm line but her eyes looked bruised and uncertain despite the stony look she gave him. Dried tracks of tears marked her face and he used his thumb to rub away the remnants from her skin.
"It's not important enough to worry anyone with."
"Worry me," he almost pleaded. "I want you to worry me." Trust yourself to me. He thought. She stared at him a long moment and he felt the tension flow out of her body when she finally nodded.
"It's easier to show you," she said and reached up and placed her hand over his eyes and then…
She did not know why Ganondorf summoned her to eat dinner with him each day. Part of her speculated that he wanted to make sure she didn't kill herself by refusing to eat whilst the other part thought that he summoned her for the same reason she came, to study the opponent. Not that they spoke to each other any more than necessary and nothing but the coldest of civilities.
"Master!" Zant cried as he threw upon the heavy doors as he burst into the dining hall. "She was here!" He continued to scream and his voice was very high and shrill from his excitement. "I sense the remnants of her presence! It will not take long to find her now!"
Zelda continued to eat as calmly as ever but her thoughts were racing as she inwardly cursed his obsession with hunting Midna. Now that Midna had found the one she was looking for, it was critical that she stayed out of Zant's hands but Zelda was certain she would be able to rile his excitable nature.
"My lord," she said to Ganondorf as she afforded him the respect he was due as the man who'd been king of the Gerudo. "Can you not silence your creature's caterwauling or must we endure his screeching for the remainder of the meal?" She continued and kept her face neutral but inquisitive as she looked at him.
As expected, it was an incensed Zant who replied to her. "What did you say?" He asked and his voice was dangerously low as he began to stalk menacingly towards her.
"I asked your master if there was any real need to endure your uncivilized noise while we eat," she answered helpfully and was secretly delighted at the rage that contorted his face.
"How dare you speak to me in such disrespect! I am the king of the Twili!"
I'm so glad you asked, she thought and took a delicate sip from her wineglass as she glanced covertly at Ganondorf. So far he showed no interest in stopping either of them from speaking and was watching with a rather intrigued look, as if he also wanted to know what she had to say. Or if I've lost my mind, came the unbidden thought.
"King of the Twili?" She echoed and cruelly laughed mockingly at him. "You were neither born a king nor chosen by your people as one worthy of being raised to royal status, you are nothing more than an usurper." She smiled but her voice was full of derision as she continued to enrage him. "A true king thinks of the wellbeing of his people, he does not turn them into nameless beasts of darkness. You're nothing more than a lowly cur that wets itself in utter submission as it crawls on its belly to lick at the boots of its master to beg for crumbs."
His reaction was better than she had any right to hope for. Like an enraged animal he upturned the table, which allowed her to take and hide away a knife, and then he was on her. His glowing yellow eyes seethed with hatred as he picked her up by her throat and dangled her in the air.
"I will kill you!" He seethed as she struggled in his grasp.
"Let her go," Ganondorf's voice cut through the air.
"But Master! She-"
"Do not question me or make me repeat myself," came the deep voice and Zant resentfully dropped her. "The Princess was correct about you being uncivilized. Be gone from here until I care to summon you."
The Twili angrily departed and Zelda remained kneeling on the floor where he had dropped her as she regained her breath. Her neck was swollen and bruised but she was getting her breath back and she doubted that Zant would be in the mood to chase after Midna after being dismissed by his master.
"Why did you provoke him?" Ganondorf asked as he unexpectedly helped her to her feet.
"I do not care to tolerate him," she answered, which was the truth actually. She did not care at all for a man who could so utterly betray his people and felt nothing but disgust for him.
That day was only the beginning of her verbal onslaught of the pretend king. Over and over she drove him to a murderous frenzy only to have him called off by Ganondorf, whom seemed curious as to just how far and how long she would torment the Twili. Zelda was no fool; however much Zant hated her, what really drove his rage was the fact that his god continuously protected her. And she knew that would eventually drive him to attack her when he thought he would most be likely to get away with it.
When the attack came she was not surprised. She awoke as soon as she heard the handle of the door turned and made almost no movement as she gripped the knife hidden under her pillow. She could hear his unsteady breathing but there was no clink of metal armor, an advantage for her depending on how fast she was. There was no hesitation in her at all when he grabbed her roughly. She rolled with the force of his pulling and bought the knife up quick and sure to his ribs. Unfortunately for her she was not used to dealing with someone of Zant's height and she had cut more of his shirt than him. But he still screamed from the wound and she'd drawn blood.
While he grabbed at his chest she quickly slashed at an easier target, his leg and the major arteries located within said limb. The sharp blade bit deep into his flesh and the high pitch of his scream increased as he grabbed at her.
"You bitch!" He snarled and she rolled out of his way but she'd miscalculated the reach of his abnormally long arms and his hand grasped her nightgown. "I will tear you to pieces!" He promised.
"Try it!" She snapped back and reached back with the knife and inflicted a wound to his arm. Despite the pain he had to be feeling he did not let go and the flimsy material of her nightdress ripped so he grabbed her hair instead.
"I will flay the skin from your body!" He swore and yanked her back hard enough that she hit the floor and felt a sickening crack and then pain in her arm.
I'm going to die here, she realized and was determined that at the very least she was going to take him with her. She wanted to slash his throat but his torso and neck were too long so instead she drove the knife deep into his gut and twisted the blade within his body to maximize the damage.
The large black hands that grasped and then threw her off Zant were not entirely unexpected but she'd hoped he'd be dead before the guards came. Her body slammed into the wall with such force that she felt it reverberate through her entire body and shame burned through her as she realized that enough of her bones were broken that she would not have a chance to finish off Zant or the dark creature that was headed her way.
"What is going on here?" Ganondorf's voice was low but angry as she saw him survey the room through her blurry eyes.
"Master! She attempted to kill me and has-"
"Heal yourself," Ganondorf commanded and pulled the kitchen knife out of the Twili's body and knelt down beside him. "If you ever come near the princess again without my order I will kill you myself." He promised and looked about the wrecked room in disgust. "Leave," and he waited for them to exit before walking over to her.
"Do you want to die?" He asked her.
"I want… you out of my kingdom," she answered around her coughing. She did not need him to tell her what the blood coming from her mouth meant. She could feel the numerous internal injuries to her body and regretted that she had not been of more help to Midna and that she would never know the name of the man who tried to save her people, or get to thank them for their help.
"You would have been considered a brave woman amongst my people," Ganondorf said and knelt beside her.
They are my people now, she thought about saying but found that she didn't have the energy or the air. She was dying and her body was awash with pain but the darkness that hazed her vision was also strangely peaceful and beckoning as it promised an end to her pain.
She was dimly aware but beyond caring when he placed his large hand over her bare chest. The searing pain of her body healing itself forced her to retreat from that welcoming darkness and she endured the agony of the dark magic that scorched her psyche as it healed her broken body with a grim determination to live.
"You will not have any scars," he told her as he pulled back his hand and looked down at her.
"Why?" She asked and didn't bother trying to conceal her nakedness. Not that the effort would have been worth it, her nightdress was little more than tatters of cloth.
"My people valued courage and the will to fight. Had you been a man you would have been a worthy opponent for battle," he answered. "And if I were more a man than a god I would be tempted to make you my queen."
"I'd kill you," she promised.
"I have no doubt that you would try Princess," he said as he stood. "You fought well and for that I saved your life but from this moment on you will no longer have any contact with Zant or cause such disruption again."
"As you wish," she agreed and he left without another look at her. "Hurry Midna," she whispered into the empty room. "I have nothing more to stall them with."
"Now you know everything," Zelda said and dropped her hand from Link's eyes and lowered her gaze to her lap.
Link barely knew what to think, let alone say. He'd never thought about what happened in the castle while he and Midna were on their quest but he'd never imagined anything like what he'd seen and experienced from her memories and thoughts.
"I never thought I'd be grateful to Ganondorf for anything," he said and rested his cheek on her hair as he held her nervous hands against his chest. He could barely believe how close he'd been to never knowing her at all.
"His saving me did enable me to help Midna," she said quietly which caused him to smile a little but her words brought him no ease. It might not have mattered much to him then, but when he imagined Zelda gone from his life now… If he'd been in his wolf form he would've howled from the pain and unhappiness he felt.
"Leave the fighting to me from now on," he said finally and was not pleased when she drew her head up to give him an indignant glare. "I'm not talking about politically," he said as she opened her mouth. "You aren't like me Zelda," he said and held his palm up against hers. Zelda's hand was strong, she was possibly one of the physically strongest women he knew, but the hand was delicately boned and the skin soft to the touch. Link's hand in comparison was much larger and calloused from years of hard work and swordplay.
"You aren't made to take beatings and give them back and you shouldn't expect that out of yourself. You're the queen, you're supposed to fight with your head and prove your superiority over the rest of us mere mortals," he tried to joke but he couldn't make his voice sound right. "Zelda…you…I…" He didn't know exactly what he was trying to say and her watching him worriedly wasn't helping him either.
"It is not acceptable for you to die unless I already have," he said awkwardly and wished he'd thought a little more before he blurted that out. "I don't want to lose you," he said more softly and calmly.
"Link, I can't promise that," she said. She was the one who stopped his protest then as she laid her hand over his mouth and added, "but I will try as long as you promise to not die until we're old and cranky and have nothing better to do than annoy people with how things used to be in our day."
"As long as we have all of our teeth I'm okay with that," he answered and her laughter eased some of the tension in him.
"You really are incredible you know that?" He said and cupped her face gently in his hand. "You're stupidly brave but you're smart and beautiful so that makes up for that flaw somewhat."
"I can't tell if that's an insult or a compliment," she answered but her eyes were wide with surprise. "You're not exactly the 'run away to fight another day' type yourself," she added.
"I have the Triforce of Courage, it's okay for me to be the 'stand your ground' man," he countered and flashed a grin at her.
"I want to kiss you," he surprised himself by saying it aloud to her and his voice came out unexpectedly low and gruff. His heart was pounding almost painfully in his chest as he took one of her hands gently in his own and caressed the delicate hand. "Tell me no, push me away, or hit me if you don't want me to," he continued and despite the roughness of his voice he was gentle as he brushed his lips across her palm before placing it against his face. "And I'll stop," he promised.
Finally he dipped his head and closed the last little bit of distance between them. Experimenting, he brushed her lips once, then twice, with his own before completely capturing her mouth. A deep contentment, like nothing he'd ever known, filled him and he struggled with his desire to crush her to him. Only by extreme willpower was he able to keep his embrace gentle in case she wanted to pull away; and that was all but broken when she began to kiss him back and her hand gripped his hair tightly as she willingly pulled him closer. It was pure bliss and torture all at the same time.
"Open your mouth to me," he begged although he could hardly believe the words that came out of his mouth. The aching, unexplainable, need he felt to taste her was as foreign to him as the burning heat he felt wherever their bodies touched; there was a rightness that he could not explain and did not question. Shyly, her mouth opened under his and she tasted like the mint tea she liked to drink and a sweetness that he knew instinctively was all her own; when she tentatively explored his mouth in return he learned what the phrase of indescribable satisfaction meant.
Both were breathing heavily when they drew apart and during some point both of his hands had gotten tangled in her hair and her arms were wrapped around his neck. Her eyes were very dark in the soft light with a slight haze to them and he wondered if his looked similar. As he studied her a soft flush darkened her skin slightly and she ducked her head in embarrassment.
"What does this mean Link?" Zelda asked but there were hidden notes of fragility and worry to her voice that made him think carefully before he answered. If she was anyone other than the queen he knew exactly what he could say to her…but she wasn't.
"A memory?" He suggested as he recalled her words to him when she had transported them to Eldin's Spring in Kakariko. It was not what he wanted to tell her but there were things he wasn't willing to admit to aloud just yet. "It's not a silly memory but I hope it's still a good memory," he added. The last thing he wanted her to think was that he was taking this lightly and felt his own face flush against his will.
"It's a good memory," she reassured him and hugged him. "Can we stay here for a little while longer?" She asked hesitantly. "I know you're tired…"
"I don't mind," he said and helped her move so that she was lying comfortably between his legs and against his chest with his arms around her waist. "I can't believe you're barefoot," he commented as she moved his cloak back over them.
"Don't turn into Melena," she protested but he saw the reflection of her smile on the glass.
He gave a rather noncommittal grunt and decided to just enjoy the simple pleasure of having her in his arms. It took longer than he expected for her to fall asleep but he felt her body gradually grow heavier and more lax against his as she fell deeper into her slumber.
"Do you remember asking me back in Ordon if there was something I wanted more than anything that you could give me as a reward?" He asked so softly that it was barely audible to his own ears. What would you say if I told you that I wanted you as you are now? Not a queen, just a woman named Zelda? But he knew that if he wanted the woman then he would also have to take the part of her that was a queen.
Even thinking it made him feel slightly ridiculous. He was a simple man from the small village of Ordon, what possible value did he have? But whenever he was with her he felt like he'd finally come home. Seeing her smile made him happy and seeing her in pain nearly drove him crazy from his desire to protect her. Kissing her had made him realize just how very much he wanted her and imagining her lying so peaceful and trusting in another man's arms made him want to snarl in jealously at a man who didn't even exist.
Once a woman manages to make her way into your heart it's all over lad. Rusl had once told him. Once you find the right one you'll be shocked at how little everything else matters.
He wondered what Rusl would say if he told him his feelings for the queen. He imagined the older man would think him crazy and he grinned at the thought of the lecture Rusl would feel compelled to give. But if a simple man from Ordon could play a large part in saving a nation then what was to stop that same man from making himself worthy enough to love a queen?
It was a daunting thought but there was a reason why he held the Triforce of Courage. After all, nothing ventured was nothing gained.
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A/N:
First, I want to thank all you awesome reviewers! You make me staying up till 3,4,5 am so very worth it! Thank you guys so much for taking the time to comment and leave feedback!
Second, it's 3am and I'm kinda loopy and a bit rambly so I apologize. Now then, this chapter has changed a lot during the edit process. It went from 10ish pages to 19 (a/n don't count). And it unintentionally became a filler chapter rather than a 'this is what happens next in the plot' chapter. The flashback of Zelda and her dad (where that came from I've no idea, blame the music, this whole chapter has been sad sad music) and Zelda's personal trials at the castle were added in the editing.
And they kissed?! What the heck? That was supposed to be hmmm 5,6 chapters from now? (I might be kidding about that lol). But I think it's a realistic response for Link after being so shocked. And if his alter ego is a wolf then I think he's bold enough to go after a kiss that was intended to be more of a 'you're here and okay but don't ever do that crap again.' Then it got a little heated but cold common sense made its reappearance. Wow I need sleep
Anon – Don't worry I was just joking. Personally I can't believe how long this chapter is and it didn't go anywhere! *sob sob*
AnimeMaster24 – Ilia in her crush stage was based off one of my friends from when I was still in high school. Don't worry; it's not a permanent condition.
Thanks again for reading and please leave a review!