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Chapter 12: It's Not Over Yet

I should have known Jacob would make everything seem better. He had a way with me. He knew how to calm me down and help me look at the world objectively again. We were symbiotic. If I didn't have him in my life I wouldn't function correctly, and I knew it was the same in reverse.

He dragged me out of the house, pulling me towards the mountains. Drag wasn't really accurate considering I let him pull me along behind him. He was going to ensure I fed now. Not that I would have protested, I knew that I had pushed myself to the limits. I had grown entirely too confident when it came to my thirst. The last four years I had been surrounded by humans, their blood was always tempting; but it had never been too much to handle. Just a nagging reminder of what I needed to do.

Matthew then popped into my head; it appeared his was my antagonist; my kryptonite if you will. With my perfect recall, the memory of the smell caused small waves of fire to push me. The animal blood wouldn't extinguish this completely, but it would ease it to a bearable level again, something I could deal with, rather than suffer through.

Jacob phased as soon as we hit the base of the mountain. I heard the exact moment his feet turned into paws, when two became four. I liked running with him in his wolf form, his speed ensured gentle waves of wind to ruffle the coat on his back. His long stride was mesmerizing, his nails dug into the dirt as he pushed himself to keep pace with me. The gentle thud of his paws, and the pounding of his heart; it was all so familiar to me. It calmed my heart into a steady rhythm, I was comfortable.

We ran for miles, the familiar push as the wind flew by, the smells assaulting my senses. It cleared my foggy head, and I finally felt lighter than I had since the incident. I listened while I ran. Looking for the slight heartbeat of the animal that would finally take the pain from my throat; I would have preferred a carnivore, the blood was closer to that of a human, but at this point I would take anything. The fire was still raging in my throat as a constant nag to fulfill my need; my body was still revolting from the last memory I had let run through my mind.

I focused on Jacob again, and let the calm I felt pull me and my mind into submission. I didn't need any reminders; and I really needed to stop thinking about it.

The forest thinned slightly as we scaled the mountain. I could hear more; the open spaces let the wind carry the sounds over greater distances. The soft wet thrumming of a heartbeat caught my attention and I changed my course mid stride. Jacob didn't falter once, we moved together heading east. My throat caught fire again as the scent grew stronger. I could smell the musty earthiness of the animal as I closed in on it, it was an herbivore. My needs outweighed my wants as I pushed myself further; faster.

I broke through the trees into a clearing, a small heard of black tailed deer were grazing peacefully. It was evident that they hadn't heard my approach. My feet fell lightly on the earth below them; I broke through the trees silently; but my sudden appearance sent them scattering. The largest buck in the herd took off into the trees leaping in small bounds as it tried to divert me from its path. It didn't have a chance, I pushed myself forward again and I pounced letting myself coast through the air towards the animal. I drank deeply from the pulsing vein and let the liquid slide down my throat.

The blood hadn't satisfied me completely; so I worked through the animals as Jacob herded them, keeping them all in the vicinity. When I was a child he would hunt with me, but I didn't need the encouragement anymore, so he was satisfied with just running with me; helping me when he could.

The burning finally subsided to a dull ache with the fourth deer I drained. With the relief, came the normalcy I had been hoping for, I felt more like myself and my black mood finally lifted completely. It was liberating; my thoughts finally stopped berating me and my conscience calmed.

I caught sight of Jacob flying through the trees around me.

With quick precise movements I scaled a silver fir and perched on a sturdy branch, just watching the freedom he exerted when he ran. The love I felt for him surged through my veins, there would never be anything more important to me than him. He was my life. Every dream I had, included him by my side.

His four paws hit the ground in a precise motion, the sinewy muscles pulled and relaxed as he pushed himself forward. He moved as though he were dancing. With a defined beauty and grace he wove through the trees with the deer, constantly nudging them with his shoulder when they began testing their boundaries. The animals began relaxing next to him; he hadn't taken one of them down and with each circle I could see them growing more aware of it.

I sat silently watching him; I must have stayed that way for a while it was almost hypnotic to watch. I was leaned against the trunk of the tree with my feet hanging from the side. I would close my eyes as he passed by my tree; letting the feel of his magisterial movements shift me slightly.

The winds eventually changed direction and I could feel the change in the atmosphere as the weather began to turn. Jacob did too; he slowed to a trot and made his way back to the clearing, his nose testing the air around him. It didn't take long for him to find me.

"Are you finished?" I laughed.

Jacob's tail sashayed from side to side; he sat patiently at the base of the tree waiting for me to join him; I could see the excitement sparkling in his eyes. I pushed away from the branch and landed perfectly beside him; as I ran my fingers through his fur, he nuzzled me gently. I could see the relief in his eyes at the obvious change in my mood. I leaned into his shoulder; the softness of the fur was dancing across my skin. I couldn't help but smile, it was so homey.

"Will you phase back and walk with me?" I asked, I knew it sounded a little needy; but now I was over my self-pity and frustration. I wanted to spend time with him.

I didn't need to see the look in his eyes to see his answer. He moved slightly so I would back away from him, so I did. He stood up and walked away, disappearing into the thickest section of the trees. It was so easy to tell when he phased, everything changed; his heartbeat, his scent, the blood pulsing through him.

It was also quick. He had such control over what he was, I was almost jealous; almost.

"There's a storm coming in." Jacob's voice called from behind the trees. "You sure you wanna walk."

"It's not like I'll get cold." I laughed, falling into his waiting arms. "I just want to spend some time with you now I've had a little time to reflect."

His free hand brushed my hair from my face; his smile was broad. The relief was even clearer now he was in his human form. His expressive eyes were clear, and the lines that had furrowed across his brow had gone from earlier. They were replaced by a serenity that spoke volumes.

I pushed myself up on my toes, wrapping my hands around his neck. Jacob smirked, almost as though he'd determined that this was why I'd asked him to phase back. In truth, it was one of the many reasons. Now I was free to kiss him, I couldn't get enough.

Jacob bent until his face was level with me. His eyes searched for something in mine, but I was impatient. I leaned into him, crushing my lips against his. This was my personal heaven, and I felt myself falling into him; molding myself to his form, pulling him closer. I wasn't being gentle either. As soon as our lips had touched I ached for more, my hands tangled in the hair at the back of his neck, pulling him into me.

My heart took off on a flightless path pounding in my chest. Something in me was pushing me forward. I tangled myself into him the feeling was like another kind of animal; this time though it felt right. Jacob's hands gripped my hips pulling me to him. I grunted lightly as my chest impacted against his. His hands roamed up over me again, leaving wild trails of fire in their wake; stopping only when he reached my neck. His fingers cradled me; holding me to him in our need for one another.

Jacob's hands were running through the locks of hair that fell just behind my ears, his large fingers knotting the strands as he held my closer. My body was screaming his name and I just could get enough, I ached for him.

There was so much desperation in this kiss, almost as though my sanity was attached to it. The incident moved to the back of my mind as the kiss grew more passionate. I was fueled by the need to forget. By the need to repress what had happened.

Jacob was also losing himself to this one moment. His hands had moved from my hair back to my hips, and worked their way up my body, pushing my back so I was bowed into his body completely. Pushing me so my chest was crushed against his; there was a magnetism between us, and it was creating a fire in my soul. Like this; he was all I could ever think about. Even with my eyes closed I could see his face tattooed on the back of my eyelids. We were lost to the moment.

Jacob came to his senses all too quickly, I moaned lightly and he broke apart from me fighting for breath; he buried his face in my neck as we fought for air.

"Nessie, honey,"

"I know, I'm sorry," I panted running my hands through his hair. "I needed you. I needed to forget."

"I always need you. I just don't want this to go too far."

"I know. I . . ."

Jacob placed his finger against my lips, lifting his head to look at me. I could still see the passion burning behind his eyes. For one second I wondered how much effort it had taken for him to stop. I knew that beyond a doubt, I had already passed the point of no return. I would never have found the effort to stop the kiss from progressing. Everything in me had burned, but it was with passion, it was my need for him.

"I am not looking for apologies." He said huskily. "I was as involved in this as much as you were. I have no regrets. I just don't think this needs to happen here. Like this. In reaction to what happened. You need to be ready. I need to be ready." He admitted brushing a strand of hair over my shoulder.

It all made perfect sense of course. He was right; this was all a reaction to what happened. It wasn't that I didn't want this to happen, because I did. Since our first kiss on the cliff; since the moment I knew I did not just love him; but was in love with him. I knew I wanted all of him, it was just when we made the decision to take our relationship further; it would be romantic, it would be perfect. Not in the middle of the forest fueled by the need to forget. I loved him all the more for stopping it; for respecting our relationship, for respecting me. If it was possible I loved him more for it.

He was more understanding than I deserved, and I knew that. His forgiveness stemmed from his love for me. I knew that ignoring the situation, pushing it to the back of my mind like I had done; would not solve the problem. It was a temporary fix, something that dulled the sting of my actions, but didn't rectify them. Those few blissful moments that I had been able to forget brought everything into perspective.

I had to fight this; I couldn't let it control me. My procrastination in hunting had made things worse; I knew I was stronger than that. My dad was right, I had to take some time to gain perspective before I went back, I was prepared for it now, and I expected it. Knowing whether it made me stronger; only time would tell, but I wouldn't let this beat me. I wouldn't dwell on what had happened anymore; because in retrospect, nothing had happened.

I was going to take a couple of days off, gather myself before I threw myself into the lion's den that would undoubtedly assault my sense and self control. I knew Anna would help me if I explained. I may even have to skip Trig altogether. It wasn't as though it was a class I took with Anna, so it wouldn't affect her.

Anna was in algebraic geometry, she had an affinity for Math, and it was college level applied mathematics. Something I could do easily but avoided so I wouldn't draw attention to myself. I was hoping I could transfer to that class, and then there would only be lunch to consider while avoiding him. Could I ask that of myself? I thought it was a reasonable boundary for now.

If, like my dad had mentioned, he seeks me out; I could change something more, consider not returning. It would be trial and error for a while. Testing my own limitations; it was a risk taking a human life into that equation but for now it was my only option, and I hoped that my family and Jacob's faith in me proved to be warranted.

Jacob chuckled at me bringing me out of my rearranging. I hated to imagine what I looked like while I was concentrating. His fingers moved to the small crease that I knew was furrowed in my brow.

"What are you thinking about so hard?"

"School, getting around this mess,"

"That's easy," he said pulling me to him. "Don't go back."

I laughed lightly. "I would like that, but I can't do that to Anna."

Jacob's hands brushed my hair over my shoulder and his head once again nuzzled into my neck. His breath rolled in waves over my skin. I sighed in content, all too ready to agree with him. I could definitely get used to days filled with spending time with just him again.

"Are you sure?" he whispered.

"No," I laughed wrapping my arms around his waist. "But it would be unfair. You know how ostracized she is because of me."

Jacob sighed and lifted his head so he could look at me again. I felt the strands of hair wave against my back with his lingering sigh. I could almost see the words dancing around behind his eyes. I was sure he was saying I was just like my mother, self sacrificing, always putting others before myself. Maybe he was right; but Anna had done no less for me.

"Anyway," I whispered. "If I leave school, we may have to move again. We've been here a while now. You know how it goes. Carlisle isn't getting any older."

Jacob rolled his eyes at me, standing up straight. He hated that reminder; he was always so fearful that the next move would take us further away from him. Something neither of us wanted.

"Fine but I'm staying close. I'll ask Seth to make sure Anna knows we're there. I don't want you to go through this again."

"When do you sleep?" I sighed. I knew that his double patrols would start wearing on him soon. It was another reason I had insisted he stayed with me the previous night. The same reason I would insist he would stay with me tonight. I didn't need him suffering because of me.

"Embry and Quil Patrol while Seth and I sleep. Leah and Eli are taking care of the Rez."

"You're wearing yourself thin, Jake. I'm fine at home; I don't think anyone will get through my family. They'd be crazy to try."

"It makes me feel better." he chuckled. He could be such a control freak sometimes it drove me crazy.

This time I rolled my eyes, but I wouldn't argue. It would be pointless. When it came to his pack, he knew how to utilize his resources. He kept Quil in La Push a majority of the time because of Claire. Embry didn't mind where he patrolled. I was guessing he enjoyed the closeness of Seattle to Darrington.

"Since you gained your Mom's stubborn side," he sighed, "what's this plan of yours?"

"Well," I grinned. "I was considering swapping the one class I have with him. The only class I don't have with Anna. That way all I have to worry about is lunch. Which will only be while I pick up food for us."

"Us?"

"Yes, I plan to spend lunch with you every day that you insist on being out there."

Jacob laughed and picked up my hand as he stepped away. It was time to head back home. Tomorrow I would start rearranging my schedule at school. It would make it a lot easier to bear if I didn't have to face the boy I had almost murdered. The absence of his scent would probably be helpful too. Although I knew his scent would have, by now, filled the place. It would be a lingering reminder, something I believed I could handle now that I knew what I was looking for.

We made it back to the house in record time, and just as the storm started hitting the mountains behind us. I challenged Jacob to a race as we sprinted; I knew that to get anywhere close to my speed he would need to phase.

How the tables had turned. As a child he would constantly challenge me, it was a ploy to get me to feed from the animals, and it had worked. Now, I was the one challenging him. I had so much more strength now and I enjoyed the freedom my speed afforded me.

Jacob agreed after mumbling about my uncles being bad influences; he disappeared into the trees and I once again heard the subtle sigh of his change. He came out from the trees and shook his shaggy coat out. His body crouched closer to the ground so he could get a lead when he took off.

"You want a head start?" I asked taunting him playfully.

Jacob shook his head and I could see the humor in his eyes as he waited me to call the start of the race. I called it and took off before the last syllable was all the way out of my mouth; I shot through the trees at my full speed, trying to contain the laugh I had building in me.

Running down the mountainside was a thrill, the gravity made my movements faster, pulling me down through the trees as the wind whipped my hair into a trail of bronze behind me. I never had to look back for Jacob, he was fast and easily kept up with me, his four paws pushed him forward, and I could hear his heart throbbing with excitement.

I won, and skidded to a halt just outside of the large house. I could feel the flush in my cheeks as I laughed and spun around just in time to hop out of the way as Jacob dug his claws into the damp earth beneath him. It made me laugh that much harder, this giant canine sliding across the grass beside me, his hind legs slightly spinning as he worked harder to stop. It was definitely a sight to behold.

I heard the muffled giggle from the porch over my own; it was a laugh I recognized well. One I was happy to hear. Anna, eyes wide, clinging to Seth, had her hand over her mouth as she watched Jacob shake out his fur. I smiled at her and slapped Jacob's shoulder as I passed him.

"Go phase." I laughed.

I hopped up the steps of the porch and wrapped my arms around my friend. I should have known she would come here before going home. She truly was the best friend I would ever have.

"Anna, I'm so sorry."

She didn't say a word, but squeezed me with as much strength as she could muster. I had worried her. Her silence spoke volumes; Anna had a sarcastic quip for everything in life. The only time she was ever silent was when she was holding back tears.

"Please don't cry." I whispered. "Everything is fine. I just need to be more careful."

Seth smiled at me knowingly and stroked the back of Anna's hair gently. Seeking his comfort she turned, and Seth pulled Anna into his arms, his hand held the back of her head as she buried her face into his chest. She broke down and cried, her sobs shaking her shoulders violently. Guilt struck me again. My thoughtlessness had affected everyone.

"She didn't know what to believe." Seth said gently. "There were a dozen different stories. All she knew was you weren't there and the entire school was talking about it."

Jacob leapt up the stairs as I stood uncomfortably next to my crying friend. I knew he could see the discomfort and pain in my eyes. His arms wrapped around my waist as he stepped behind me, pulling my back against him. I had never been the source of Anna's tears before and it hurt. I never wanted to be the source of her pain again.

"I have a plan to stop this from happening again." I whispered, laying my hand on her back. "I'm going to transfer into your class if they'll let me. It's the only class we don't have together and the only class I have with him. I figured avoidance is the best answer."

Anna finally emerged from Seth's shoulder; her red swollen eyes were trying to read something behind mine. I didn't know why she was looking skeptical.

"You're coming back to school?"

I smiled and nodded, hoping it was the right answer. It was. Anna threw herself at me again; she grasped my hands jumping lightly on her feet.

"Of course I am. You think I would leave you alone in there."

Anna laughed with a little more animation. I could see the relief as she let it sink in. She wouldn't have to spend her senior year alone. I would be there, like I always had been. She pulled me out of Jacob's arms and threw her arms around my neck.

"I don't care about school. I was worried about you, Ness. It's just that, if you're going back, I know you're alright."

"Of course I'm alright. I'm half vampire. It was never me I was worried about."

Anna stepped back, and smiled at me. "Seth told me what happened Ness. It's just a coincidence. If he comes near you again, I swear, I'll . . ."

"Anna," I said cutting her off. "He won't get close to me. I know now, he just caught me off guard."

We all stood silently and I didn't miss the look that passed between Seth and Jacob. I couldn't see Jacob's face but Seth's said it all. They were worried; it wasn't because what had happened. Jacob would never lie to me about his thoughts. They just knew that this wasn't as easy as I'd just made it out to be.

I put my hand on Jacob's cheek, showing him that I had seen the exchange. His hands tightened around my waist as the look played back to him again. The vision was filled with my concern. I didn't want this to go badly, and I was scared. I needed more time before I put myself back in his path.

"Do you guys mind giving us a minute?" Jacob asked.

Anna and Seth didn't hesitate and let themselves into the house. Jacob was about to reassure me, but I didn't need reassurances. I needed time and strength. Jacob pulled me down off the porch and sat me down on the steps. He sat next to me, holding my hand in his.

"Ness, I won't lie to you, we're worried. This isn't fear of you or what you're capable of. It's fear that this kid won't get the hint. You're strong, I don't doubt that, but I can only imagine how difficult that was for you today. If he pushes his luck . . ." Jacob sighed and shook his head. "Your mom told me how he would see this, that he would think there was an attraction between you. I can't pretend I'm alright with that."

"Jacob," my tone was a little reprimanding. "I love you. Not just because I'm your imprint, but because of who you are. No one will ever touch that."

Jacob chuckled. "I'm not worried about you. I know how men's minds work. He won't give up easily, and I'm worried it'll be painful for you."

I rested my forehead against his shoulder and picked up his hand in my own. It would be painful for me. I knew that, if he ever got that close again it would be hard to walk away from it. It would be even harder if I failed. But I had to try; I would never forgive myself for giving up now. I needed to know that I could do this; that I could abstain. Living a life of solitude because I couldn't trust myself was never really an option. One incident would not determine my future for me; and I wouldn't let it cloud me with self-doubt.

I had to come up with a plan. I couldn't avoid Matthew forever. Darrington was a small town; you couldn't avoid someone for that long in a town this small. Running into him again was inevitable. I just had to make sure I was prepared. I just hoped that when the time came I would have someone stronger with me. Someone that could keep me grounded.

"I'll be fine, Jake."

"I know you will, I trust you."

I couldn't help smiling at that. He had more faith in me than I had in myself.

A/N: Sorry guys, with the holidays my schedule has been insane; but I should be able to get back on track with the updates now! There was no beta for this chapter either, so I apologize for any mistakes you find ;)

The song for this chapter is; It's not over yet by the Klaxons. As always if you want to hear it there is a link to a media player on my profile :)

Thank you to my beta who should be returning from her vacation . . . she rocks. And to my friend Vicki; who shares my irrational hate of Ashton Kutcher . . . Admit it you laughed!

Thank you for the alerts and faves, and as always . . . THANK YOU TO THE REVIEWERS WHO ALWAYS TAKE TIME TO WRITE DOWN WHAT THEY THEY THINK, Y'ALL ENCOURAGE ME SO MUCH AND I LOVE YA FOR IT . . . YOU ROCK!!!

Until Tuesday

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