:Insert Disclaimer Here:
After that, enjoy.
((()))
It was not. Loki cast around for anyone with even a fleeting resemblance of Janie, but he could see no one that could have even been distantly related. But that might have been because every person in the room looked like a respectable member of society. He meandered through the tables in a covert attempt to hear something that would point him in the right direction, but achieved nothing except learning about some sort of gala happening within a few months. Interesting, but useless.
Maybe he shouldn't have been looking for similarities. After all, he and Thor were…not related. At all. There went his mood.
Right about when Loki was ready to storm back out and demand a description of some sort from Janie, he glanced out of the corner of his eye just in time to see Janie enter, looking supremely amused by the disgusted looks the help was giving his outfit. He looked more like someone who should be working in the kitchens then the actual staff did, for Odin's sake.
Turning to shoot Janie a truly venomous glare, Loki happened to spot a table ensconced in a corner with somebody waving cheerfully at Janie from across the room. Presumably one was the brother, and thus his identification problem was solved. The waver looked rather terrifyingly like Heimdall for a moment until he stood with a smile and started towards Janie, which threw his dark features into a softer light. He was a bit too rounded to be the angry gatekeeper, despite being almost tall and wide enough, and had far too much hair. There was also a pale streak of a scar that went across his nose and perilously close to his eye, and Loki was fairly certain it was impossible for Heimdall to even get injured.
The other man, presumably Janie's brother, wasn't tall or short with a shock of bright red hair, a hooked nose, and more freckles than skin. He didn't look particularly pleased to see Janie, but when they made eye-contact Janie practically lit up with joy. It was odd, considering the feud that was supposed to be going on.
All of this speculation was promptly flushed down the drain when the large, dark, absolute-opposite-of-Janie man threw his arms wide opened with a joyous "Lil bro!" and smothered Janie's mildly frenzied "Waitwaitwait" in a bone-crushing hug.
What.
He glanced at the irritable redhead for a second, perhaps to see if he'd finally started hallucinating, but no, the man was glaring at the two apparent brothers with open suspicion and nursing his drink like their antics were a particularly aggravating everyday occurrence.
What.
The world had officially stopped making sense. Eventually the tabled man noticed their shared focus and asked, "Hey, you that friend of his?"
Stiffly shaking himself back to reality, Loki fixed his attention on the much less confusing man and corrected, "Acquaintance. May I sit?"
"Go for it man, anyone who can deal with that psycho deserves to sit down. Wine?" He brandished an expensive-looking bottle at Loki, who nodded affably as he slid into the russet seat and endeavored to look as befuddled as possible.
The man gifted him with a commiserating smile and stuck out his hand. "I'm Ralph, Ralph Craigs. Don't think too hard about those two, or your brain will break in half. I guess Janie didn't fill you in."
"Lukas Senna. I don't want to sound rude," Loki hedged, "but they don't quite look..." He let the sentence hang in the air.
Ralph didn't disappoint, scoffing, "Related? That's because they're not. Janie's adopted."
Loki's shock must have been far more visible than he had thought, because Ralph continued, "Yeah, it's weird, but where he's from being adopted is just like being born somewhere, and Krow wouldn't leave him alone anyway."
"Where is he from? He claimed to hail from Oklahoma." How fortuitous. More distractions.
"A friendly word of advice," Ralph leaned forwards conspiratorially, "whatever he says is a lie somehow. Don't believe a word he says unless he has at least three character witnesses and a random bystander backing him up."
Loki pulled up his best betrayed look. He was rather good at them, if he did say so himself. "So he's not from Oklahoma? Why would he lie about that?"
"It's nothing personal, his brain's just wired wrong, can't tell sometimes which question he's answering or which words make it out of his mind intact. We grew up in Oklahoma." He was just so earnest about everything, from his apologetic wince to offering up a wine glass. It was grating. "But he's actually from Iceland, or Norway, or something like that. I can't remember."
They refocused their attentions on the two 'brothers' as the taller one, presumably the Kiki people kept going on about, released Janie and started walking back towards the table. Janie looked like he was seriously considering running back out into the snow, but eventually trailed over to the table as well. Loki took the silent moment to ponder over his new discovery and sipped some wine.
Iceland? Norway? He'd been to both. Nice places, if one could overcome their near-constant state of being overrun by various unfriendly magical creatures. Their ale was better than the wine here, at any rate. Not quite as fruity.
Why had Janie been so adamant he was from Oklahoma, wherever that was, when he obviously wasn't? It wasn't a frivolous lie, he was genuinely trying to hide information from Loki. Excellent. He might even be clever enough to almost succeed.
Janie slumped into the seat across from a steaming Ralph and a scheming Loki, looking resigned to his fate, and started to listlessly flip through a menu in a valiant effort to avoid any kind of conversation. It wasn't going too well honestly, but Loki understood the sentiment.
The large man stuck his hand out across the table, much like Ralph had, and said, "Hey, I'm Croesus, but you can call me Krow."
"Lukas," replied Loki, reciprocating the handshake, which earned him an incredulous snort from Janie. "If you don't mind, how did Krow come from Croesus? They don't sound remotely like each other." It had been a while since he'd had to endure small talk, but it was about as tedious as he remembered. He could have brought up the adopted state of Janie, but that hit a bit too close to home.
Krow sent him a bright smile and toyed with a fork. "At school, they'd always read it as Crow-ees-us, instead of Cree-sus, and so I just started being Krow. Ralph gave it a 'k', because apparently he can hear the difference between a 'c' and a 'k', and here we are. Mom had a bit of a thing for mythology, as you probably figured out."
"How would I have been able to figure that out, exactly? I've only just met you." Loki sensed a new tidbit of information on the horizon, and so said, "Do you have brothers and sisters other than Janie?"
A single eyebrow shot up on Krow's forehead, and he turned to frown disapprovingly at Janie. "You told him your name was Janie? I thought you were working on that."
"Is my name," Janie grumbled from behind his menu, steadfastly avoiding all eye-contact. "I didn't lie to him."
"Yes you did Jay, you have to tell people your real name, not your nickname, or else they won't actually know who you are." Krow was also disgustingly good at being earnest. No wonder Janie hadn't wanted to come on his own. He probably would have choked on all the good will in the air.
"I am a man of many names," Janie, as he was currently known, declared as he tilted his chair back and swung his feet up onto the table. Ralph twitched.
"We both know that's not true, so stop trying to sell it to me." Krow sent him one last unimpressed look before turning to Loki, who, realizing Janie was blatantly using him as a shield and making it seem like a favor, shot Janie a glare. The little idiot just smiled merrily back at him and began to rock slightly on the two remaining legs of his chair.
"I know you have problems with trusting or whatever it is," Ralph, who apparently decided the conversation was his business, added, "but you have to tell people the truth."
It was like having two sentimental Thors at the table at once. A horrifying prospect if there ever was one, and Loki eased up his glowering ever so slightly. He'd want backup as well if he had to deal with these two.
The contest of wills between Krow, Ralph, and Janie was broken suddenly by the appearance of a nervous waitress who had come to take their orders. She looked like she'd rather be hiding than taking orders, but patiently stood there as Janie sent her a winning smile and ordered a fruit cup with just strawberries and a glass of milk and the other three hastily scanned through the menus. The waitress blinked in confusion for a moment, but moved on to her other customers shortly.
Krow politely asked for their famous Empire Burger, with everything and the usual side, which was evidently quite a lot judging from the surprised look from the waitress. He claimed he wanted to take leftovers home for his mother and wife who couldn't make it.
Ralph smiled shyly at her and asked if they still carried the tofu special? She smiled back and nodded, at which point Ralph asked for a special and a fruit platter for the whole table.
Loki had been trying to decide if it was a good idea to order the escargot, just to see what it was exactly, when Janie had leaned over and pointed at an entry labeled STEAK. They all looked absolutely amazing, but Loki ordered a rather expensive ribeye of some sort. This earned him an admiring look from the waitress as she complimented him on his taste, which he already knew was impeccable but smiled back charmingly anyway.
When the waitress left, looking pleasantly flustered, the oppressive atmosphere returned with a vengeance and Janie continued to sunnily ignore it. To be honest, it was getting ridiculous. Couldn't they just let each other sit in peace?
On the other hand, Loki still hadn't discovered the fabled 'real' name of Janie, so maybe this would work out. "So what is his name, then, if not Janie?" He asked innocently while blatantly ignoring Janie's suddenly blistering glare.
"Oh yeah." Krow transferred his gaze to Loki and declared, "He's Janus."
Loki looked dubiously at Janie, who was sadly bereft of a menu to cower behind and so shrugged and airily said, "It's a stupid name. I don't like it, so it's not mine."
Fair enough.
The conversation soon stalled, and the rest of the time before their meal arrived was spent awkwardly trying to coexist and ignoring the fact that Janie looked about ready to self-terminate from boredom. His feet were still up on the table, giving everyone a stellar view of the badly patched and mud encrusted soles slowly dripping onto the table. Ralph looked like he dearly wanted to shove them off.
Janie, noticing the ire being directed at him, started to hum a little ditty and made his feet do a little dance on the tabletop. He flicked some mud directly at Ralph, which whizzed past his rapidly reddening face.
Much to Loki's disappointment, Krow spoke up seconds before Ralph came to a boil. "Why don't you get new boots, Jay? These ones are falling apart."
"Hmm?" Janie looked up reluctantly and glanced at his boots. "'M broke."
"I'm broke, Janie," ground out Ralph.
"Really?" Janie, because Janus was an entirely too dignified name for him in Loki's humble opinion, sent the irritated man a concerned look. "You shouda gave me a call, 'cause I know lotsa tricks."
Ralph bristled. "You know that's not what I meant! You should have given me a call."
"Why? I though you liked to take the 'nitiative."
"Initiative! I like the initiative."
""Sactly Ralph, and I don't vanna interlude or anythin'," Janie had inexplicably started to roll his r's, and Krow looked torn between laughing and crying, "but I think you need some serendipitous-"
"Serious!"
"Spurious help with yer trust issues if ya don't tell friends yer broke."
The declaration shocked Ralph into gaping and before he could recover and respond, or, more likely, explode, Krow intervened. "Alright you two, stop it. We have a guest, and he didn't come to watch you wind Ralph up, Jay." He turned to Loki with an apologetic shrug as Ralph quietly hissed something at Janie. "Sorry about them. It's how they express affection."
Loki didn't mind. Wordplay was always entertaining, but if that was affection then Loki was a bilgesnipe. Speaking up, Loki assured Krow, "It's no problem. Although I am curious; why, exactly, does Janie have an accent?"
"He didn't have it around you?" Krow sent a suspicious look at Janie, who was delightedly waggling his toes in front of Ralph's nose from across the table. "English is his second language, so sometimes he has problems getting words to sound like he wants them to. He must like you if he's trying to be intelligible."
It must be so tedious to have to learn an entire language. Yet another reason he was superior to Midgardians. Loki decided to keep the conversation alive while they waited for Ralph to snap and murder Janie. "So Norwegian is his first language?"
"Yeah. Norwegian." Krow shot Loki a nervous smile and promptly changed the subject. "So where are you from, if you don't mind me asking?"
Janie chose to re-enter the conversation, momentarily ceasing his little game. "He's from Iceland," he chirped, "here on a business trip. He got lost on his way back to the hotel afore the storm, and I let him stay at my place til' it stopped."
The fact that Janie was willfully and maliciously mutilating the English language didn't even matter, because Krow was lying, and wasn't it just adorable that he thought he could get away with it? No matter. It wouldn't be half as fun to fish information from Krow, he probably felt so guilty about lying even the slightest pressure would have him spilling his guts.
Loki watched in detached interest as Ralph worked through the impulse to attack Janie with a fork, and Krow tried to talk both Janie and Ralph out of a fork-fight to the death. Norwegian didn't seem to be far off from the truth, but if Janie just spoke some off-shoot then Krow would have corrected him. What was close to Norwegian?
As Loki pondered, Ralph had finally had enough. He seized Janie's foot and sent his irritant tumbling towards the floor. Janie didn't seem too concerned by his situation judging by his unrepentant cackle, although he might have been laughing because he almost took out their food-laden waitress on the way down.
Either way, seconds before the disastrous collision the chair stopped in midair. Just stopped. It was quite perplexing, at least until Loki caught sight of Krow's outstretched hand. Janie had said he was a mutant, after all. Apparently he was telekinetic, which, according to Janie's comprehensive notes, was usually paired with…telepathy.
The restaurant had gone oddly silent, Loki distantly noted.
He didn't want to deal with another telepath yet. Loki sunk into a bit of a brood as he plotted various ways to keep that as the status quo. Now magic was once again an option, it shouldn't be too hard to whip something up.
"Hey," Ralph interrupted Loki's scheming by handing him his meal, "Is he telling the truth?"
"Mostly, yes." He sent the once more grounded Janie a challenging glare and added, "But I was not lost. I simply miscalculated the distance to my lodging and got caught in the blizzard."
"And he let you into his apartment?" Ralph was looking grudgingly impressed. "That must have taken some fast talking."
Loki smiled mysteriously and turned to his meal in tandem with the rest of the table. It looked delicious, it smelled delicious, and once he finally took a bite, it tasted divine. If anyone started to squabble and forced Loki to intervene they would be murdered. No two ways about it.
Luckily for the collective health of the table, everybody seemed to be too enraptured by their own meals to interact.
Except Janie. He was swirling his strawberries around, thoroughly saturating them with milk, and looking generally unimpressed with the world. But he wasn't trying to needle anyone into starting a screaming match, and that was a definite step up. The table finally, for the first time that night, relaxed.
Sadly, the silence just couldn't last. Krow glanced up at Janie from his demolished burger and scoffed, "What are you, a cat?"
Loki had never wanted to slam his forehead into the tabletop so much in his life. Was this what Sif and the Warriors Three felt like when Loki decided to join them? No, he had never been so blatantly obvious about his animosity. They had no excuse.
Janie just sent his company a lazy, half-lidded smile and started to…rumble. Was that a purr? Unbelievable.
Ralph almost choked on his salad, eyes wide. What did he think was going to happen, exactly? He looked like he was actually expecting Janie to turn into a panther and maul him. Which would be ridiculous. Amusing, but ridiculous.
Maybe Loki could arrange something…
The somewhat desperate scheme for entertainment was drawn short as Ralph turned quickly from the rather malevolently smiling Janie and asked, "So, how's Iceland this time of year?"
"Cold," Loki shortly replied. He didn't come here to socialize with stupid Midgardians, he came here to eat actual food. He couldn't comprehend how Janie had managed to survive on his diet for so long. Maybe that was why he was so scrawny.
"Oh." Ralph's pathetic attempt at conversation dwindled and left behind awkward, blessed silence.
Finally, a Midgardian that could take a hint! Miracles did exist.
"So is that why you came out to the US?" Krow, unfortunately, decided to cut through the rather oppressive atmosphere. "You looking to move out here?"
He was fishing for something, and Loki was game. "Perhaps. Although the snow has somewhat dissuaded me of the merits of New York."
"Yeah…but it's not usually like this. Usually it's a lot sunnier."
Janie decided to stop terrorizing Ralph and asked, "Hey, what's goin' on anyways?"
"We had a bit of an invasion." Krow flicked a dismissive finger at Janie and turned back to Loki, who was not impressed with that explanation.
Neither was Janie, apparently. "By what? Snow fairies? Old Man Winter?"
Krow looked rather like he had eaten a sour grape. "Jotuns."
Janie was looking unduly delighted at Krow's discomfort. "How bad?"
"Not that bad, actually," Krow shared a glance with Ralph, and apparently finding what he was looking for, went ahead. "They were too busy looking for this blue boxy thing to really go after anyone, so the damage is pretty minimal."
The Casket of Ancient Winters. It had to be, considering the blizzard. Was it lost when Thor, the immeasurable oaf, decided to be noble and break the Bifröst?
The conversation continued around Loki as he pondered the possibility. To launch the Casket into the void the bridge would have had to not only break, but shatter into millions of little pieces, perhaps snapping under its own weight and catapulting the control hub away. Asgard would be cut off from allies, trade routes, everything.
In other words, absolutely perfect. They would need alternate ways to reach the rest of the universe if they wanted to survive, provided to them by an ever so altruistic sorcerer, namely himself. A little hesitancy would be expected, of course, after the entire debacle with the jötnar, but they would be desperate enough to accept his help. And that was all he needed.
Or. Or the Casket of Ancient Winters was retrieved from the Bifröst, which meant Asgard was most likely razed to the ground by vengeance-seeking jötnar in order for it to have ended up on Midgard. The fools probably thought they were taking back what was rightfully theirs, only to have it tossed off of the remnants of the Bifröst by the disgustingly gallant Thor. He could work with that.
"And we caught a jotun," Ralph boasted. "We think it's the leader, actually. S.H.I.E.L.D. is questioning it now."
That snapped Loki back to the conversation fairly quickly. All of his scheming would be for naught if he had assumed wrong. There was a surprising number of 'boxy blue things' floating around the universe, and that jotun would be able to tell him everything he needed to know.
Before Loki could go about finding the location of their hapless prisoner, Janie narrowed his eyes at Krow and hissed, "You're working with them?"
Ralph flinched backwards as Krow winced and tried to explain, "It's not a permanent thing, bud. You know I wouldn't do that after what they tried to pull."
A few seconds passed as the two engaged in a battle of wills, until Janie grudgingly folded under the weight of his brother's gaze.
"I'm surprised they let you off their flying death trap is all." Janie seemed to accept their reasons, but grumbled darkly, "They're probably still up there with your jotun, skulking around and looking for people to disappear."
Loki couldn't help it, he glanced covertly up at the ceiling. As did Krow.
"You know what that is, Janie?" Ralph heaved a sigh and pushed his plate away, "Paranoia. Have you been seeing Dr. Kipper like you promised? Because he's supposed to be helping you stabilize, and you don't seem all that stable to me."
More distractions. That was alright with Loki. With a sidelong glance at Janie, he asked, "What is he a doctor of, exactly?"
Janie took a vicious bite out of one of his strawberries instead of answering as both Krow and Ralph shot him disapproving looks. When it became obvious to him none of them would stop staring until he answered, he shrugged and swallowed. "Medicine."
When Ralph took in a sharp breath Janie hurriedly corrected himself. "Mental medicine."
While Loki mulled over this rather unsurprising piece of information, Krow, Janie, and Ralph were having another staring contest. Most likely, Loki decided, a telepathic conversation of sorts.
He stared in equal parts irritation and fascination as all three faces progressively darkened. Were they so uncivilized as to exclude a guest from the conversation? That was just unacceptable. He hadn't had a good family drama he could laugh at in months, and it wouldn't be too hard to hear just a little.
With a covert flick of his wrist, Loki tapped into the very fringes of his host's awareness. All three were too embroiled in their discussion to notice or particularly care that they had an eavesdropper, but Janie's forehead creased in mild confusion. Probably an effect of Loki using magic instead of 'mental energy', as Janie's papers claimed was usually used.
What was surprising was the fact that Ralph seemed to be the source of the telepathy, not Krow.
"I'm serious." Ralph's voice was oddly faint, but insistent. "If you don't start taking this seriously we will take you back home."
"You're ignoring your guest." Janie's voice sullenly echoed around as if in a large cavern, which was entirely possible, Loki admitted, if Ralph had created some sort of mental meeting place.
Krow continued on as if Janie hadn't spoken. "You need to face up to the consequences, Jay. What you did was bad, and you need to work at earning our trust back."
"Bad is such an undescriptive word, don't you think? Makes it sound like I chewed up the rug or something. Are you going to hit me with a newspaper?" Janie was ignoring them with malicious glee, set on not discussing whatever they were alluding to.
Just as Loki was going to forcibly break up their little chat, and perhaps needle some answers out of people, Krow slammed his hand on the table and sent his water toppling over, spilling on himself and Ralph. Janie declared, "I'm late for work," and sped away from the table.
After offering Krow his napkin, Ralph buried his head in his hands and breathed in deeply. Krow cast him a reproachful glare. "You just had to bring that up, didn't you? We almost made it all the way to dessert this time."
Ralph glowered back through his fingers. "You try pretending he's stable when he's going for gold in emotional gymnastics."
Alright, Loki had been ignored for long enough. He rapped sharply on the table to draw their attention. "Yes, hello. If you don't mind me asking, what are emotional gymnastics?"
Instead of actually answering the question, Krow lit up and asked, "You and Jay are friends, right?"
"Acquaintances." Was the immediate reply from both Ralph and Loki, but that didn't seem to phase Krow in the slightest.
"Could you, I don't know, go talk to him? He seems to like you, and we're pretty much done here." His hopeful look dimmed somewhat at Loki's flat stare, but he forged on. "He doesn't have a shift tonight and I'm afraid he'll do something stupid."
How adorable, he was trying to appeal to Loki's better nature.
Ralph was also unimpressed with Krow's appeal, and so added, "We walked here so Janie's your only way to the hotel, unless you want to wander around."
Luckily for Krow, he had to go find this 'shield' before they decided to kill the jotun.
"Have a good evening, gentlemen." Loki smoothly stood and walked out as an argument escalated behind him. Before he could do anything, the alleged blue box had to be found. It was obviously magical, whatever it was, and wouldn't be too hard to find for someone of Loki's talents. He started to walk in a random direction and started to sweep the city for magical signatures.
Loki, to his eternal irritation, discovered New York was apparently a veritable hub of magical activity and decided to blame it on Janie. He was, quite frankly, a beacon in the middle of the city. It was a wonder nobody had bothered him yet.
Not that finding Janie would serve any sort of purpose for a mage, as far as Loki could tell he was just a big useless magical sponge. Now if someone else could tap into that magic…
For a moment Loki considered going after Janie. It would be good fun, but just another excuse to avoid doing actual work. The chance that he would be useful was astronomically small, and Asgard wasn't going to overthrow itself.
In fact, as far as Loki could figure, there was absolutely no reason for the two of them to ever meet again.
Mind made up, Loki turned his attention to two, no three very strong, very close together, and very airborne signatures. Of course Thor had to find the stupid thing first, what with his ridiculous hammer and charisma. He probably was the reason this Midgardian city was still standing. There was no way Loki could just waltz into Janie's flying death trap now, no matter how pathetic the defenses were. He didn't feel like being beaten into a pulp by Mjolnir until he had time to make preparations.
Loki glared off several shady looking characters and continued walking through the damaged and snow-smothered streets. He'd have to run into some sort of lodgings eventually.
On the bright side, that was most definitely not the Casket of Ancient Winters. That was the Tesseract, and he could do so much more with that sort of power. No wonder the jötnar had been trying so hard to find it. How did it even end up on Midgard in the first place?
No matter. Loki wasn't going to be able to get it any time soon, and that left him rather stranded.
New order of first business: find a base of operation. Loki could start putting out tendrils and find something else to both help him get back to Asgard and possibly help him exact revenge, because revenge was always given top priority.
Focusing back in on his surroundings, Loki spotted two rather miserable and wrapped up Midgardians trudging towards a building down the street. They hadn't noticed him, and he entered earshot just as one snapped at the other, "Why do we live here again?"
The other, unaffected by her friend's anger, sniffed haughtily and said, "Because we can. Are you saying you don't like having your own bathroom?"
"I never said that! It's just so far from everything."
"Get a taxi."
"The taxis aren't working right now, if you haven't noticed."
"Well, get a bike."
The complainer stopped and gestured pointedly at the impenetrable layer of snow.
"Rent a snowplow." The other stubbornly kept walking.
"I can't! Do you know why? Because all of my money goes towards your stupid penthouse."
The rest of their argument was cut off as they entered the building that was allegedly their place of residence. It was, as far as giant blocks of concrete went, a rather nice building, disregarding the missing chunk at the top that looked like something had crashed into it. There was a myriad of windows, some light and some dark, covering every side Loki could see. He sincerely doubted those two occupied the entire building, and so multiple rooms would have to be available. Like Janie's home, but infinitely nicer.
After a moment of weighing the pros, which were many, and the cons, which were negligible, Loki walked into the building and towards the man at the front desk, intent on getting a 'penthouse' for himself.
((()))
AN: So there was my un-reveal about Janie, there you go. You might want to get used to that feeling of being unfulfilled. But, on the bright side, I've managed to separate Loki off so he can go do plot relevant stuff now. Yay!