Chapter 12: Fear

I was falling.

If I was screaming, I couldn't hear myself. I was only aware of the intense pressure of the wind in my ears and the fact that I had just been thrown off of a cliff. Not even thrown, more like flung. My heart was in my throat and I wondered if I was going to die.

I hit the ice cold water with such force that it hurt my entire body. I could swim, or at least I thought I could. Under such fear and shock, I wasn't so sure. Although I told myself not to panic, I couldn't help myself and I began to do just that: panic. It made the water rush over my head faster and it made it harder to stay afloat.

The water was choking me and I wondered vaguely if this was the part where I would drown. Edward, I cried out in my mind. Edward! The water was so cold that I felt myself starting to go numb.

I forced myself to open my eyes, and I saw the water was dark and murky. This terrified me. Who knew what kind of creatures could be lurking around down there? There could be horrifying things, like lake monsters, killer fish, and vampires.

Where was she? Where was Victoria? Obviously I wasn't dead, unless this was hell. So would she come finish me off? The idea only made me thrash harder.

And then I felt an arm circle around my waist and I struck out at the figure, afraid it was Victoria or something else. Even in the ice cold water I could feel the cool skin, so it must be a vampire, right? Right?

The figure wrapped its arm around both of my arms to keep me from striking again and pulled me above the water. I came up, gasping.

"Bella!" I heard Edward's voice. "Bella, stop it! You're only making it worse!"

Edward? Was Edward in the water, too?

"Bella," his voice was cool against my wet ear, making me shiver. "Bella, listen to me. Climb onto my back."

I forced my eyes open. I found it strange that they had been open under water, taking in all things terrifying, but once I had broken the surface, they shut again. Now, the bright force of the sun was blinding me. I squinted painfully.

Was he out of his mind? Where was his back? I couldn't even see him. I felt so tired, so drained. I wanted to close my eyes again. He gave me a gentle push behind him and I fought to grab onto his shoulders, my nails digging into his back. It didn't seem to bother him.

And then we were moving smoothly. The wind blew against my face and instead of feeling pleasant, it felt painfully cold. As the fog cleared from my eyes, I realized that we were moving closer to the shore. Was I being rescued? I clung tighter to Edward's back, terrified of slipping back into the dark lake.

We had reached the shore in less than a minute and as soon as I felt the squishy sand beneath my feet I let go, dropping to the ground. Edward was on his knees next to me, as I gasped in the air. It burned my throat. I rolled onto my stomach and coughed more water up. How long had I been sucking in nasty lake water?

I noticed that I had begun to shiver violently.

Edward had picked me up and was heading back to the car quickly. His cool skin made me feel even colder and it hurt to be in his arms. Not only because my body ached everywhere, especially from the force of hitting the water, but because I didn't know if that was where I belonged.

Once we got to the car, he sat me on the hot pavement, as if this would help me and give me the warmth that he couldn't give me. It didn't help and I wished he wouldn't touch me. Didn't he understand that everything – everything - hurt? I leaned against the car wearily.

The wounds that had nothing to do with falling off of the cliff were starting to bother me. The salt from the lake had seeped into my shoe and was stinging the gash on my foot from the piece of glass. Was there even salt in lake water? Either way, it hurt. But worst of all was the burning sensation in my chest, right above my heart. I became aware of it for the first time, my hand reaching up to touch it, as I gasped.

It hurt more than anything. Why hadn't I noticed it until now?

Edward, who was by my side again, seemed to sense that something was wrong with me. He reached for my hand that was covering my chest and gently pulled it away. He reached for the zipper of my hoodie, but then thought better of it. "Bella, I need you to unzip your sweatshirt," he said instead.

I didn't want to. I didn't want to see what was on my chest and I didn't want him to see it either. I was afraid it would make me sick and I was afraid it would make him panic. I inhaled and looked away.

"Bella, listen to me!" Edward didn't just sound frustrated – he sounded scared. He hadn't stopped looking around since I had fallen and I knew he was searching for Victoria, if she was even still here. He kneeled in front of me and took the zipper and I unwillingly looked into his eyes. "I have to Bella, if you won't," he told me firmly. He unzipped it quickly and pulled it off of my shoulders. Without meaning to, I looked down.

Once I saw the deep, jagged lines going diagonal down my chest, it came back to me. Victoria had grabbed a fistful of my shirt, but that's not all she had grabbed. I shivered as I remembered her digging her nails ruthlessly into my chest, a warning, before she had thrown me over. I looked at it in horror now, as blood dripped down my chest, soaking my tank top.

A low growl escaped from Edward at that moment. He was on his feet in an instance, yanking open the backdoor of the car and I could tell he was fighting his rage. He pulled a sweatshirt from the backseat and kneeled before me again. He pressed the sleeve carefully to my wound.

I hit his arm away angrily. "Edward, that burns!"

He stared at me, before throwing the sweatshirt in the car. He then picked me up, ignoring my protests, and set me in the backseat, forcing me to lie down.

"I can sit!" I said darkly, as I tried to sit up, my head spinning.

He pushed me back down gently. "Lay down Bella. Please." He got in the front seat and began to drive away at an alarming speed.

I closed my eyes because it felt better that way, and heard him speaking with someone (Alice I was guessing) on his cell phone. I blocked out his angry voice and tried to stay calm. What had just happened was the closest to death I had come this entire trip and I could not take this lightly. Bitterly, I wondered why she hadn't just killed me. I realized this must be part of her revenge plan – scaring me to death and torturing me with annoying injuries.

Edward checked us into an inn, not far from the cliff but far enough. I could tell he was deeply shaken and I knew we were waiting for the others to meet us, so we could determine a plan immediately. I decided to shower and wash the blood and grimy lake water off of my body.

I stood under the thin spray that is typical of hotel showers, still shivering. I had turned the water as hot as it would go, and still, I could not stop shaking. I was still cold. I was vaguely aware of my skin burning, but I couldn't think straight. I needed to be warm, I needed to stop shivering.

After awhile, I heard Edward knock on the door, and open it slightly. Why hadn't I locked it? "Bella, you've been in there an hour," I heard him say. "Are you all right?"

I was now sitting on the floor of the bathtub, not really listening to him. I was still in shock from the cliff incident and my fear was increasing by the minute.

After a few minutes, Edward spoke again. "Bella," he sounded exasperated. "You're burning yourself!" I realized that he could probably feel the steam. I saw his hand reach in and shut the water off. I resisted the urge to turn it back on. I waited for him to leave, but instead, through the shadow of the shower curtain, saw him sit on the floor, right on the other side. I knew if the curtain hadn't been there, we would have been face to face.

I hugged myself, holding back the tears, and waited.

"Bella," I heard him whisper. "Bella, say something, anything."

"I don't know what to say," I mumbled and it was the truth. I saw the curtain move slightly and I knew he was tracing the pattern on it as he waited for me to speak.

"You don't even seem like you anymore," he told me and I was glad I was hidden by the curtain, so he couldn't see the painful expression that crossed my face.

"Maybe that's because I'm scared, Edward!" I whispered fiercely, annoyed.

"No Bella," he said and I realized that this conversation was a rare one, him letting his guard completely down. His voice was trembling slightly. "That's not why. I know that's not why. I don't know what to do anymore and that's why you need to talk to me."

"Maybe I don't seem like me anymore because after you left, I wasn't ever the same again!" I said in a low, angry voice. I didn't want to do this, I hadn't wanted to lash out at him for leaving because what good would it do? It would just make him become self critical and he would loathe himself. Some part of me wanted to spare him that. But this had come out without me even meaning to say it.

I didn't say anything more and eventually, Edward finally got up, and left. I let the tears fall. "Edward," I whispered, knowing he wouldn't hear. "Give me time." I didn't know how I was still managing to be so stubborn and so headstrong, but part of me was still devastated by Edward leaving. I realized that I was trying to protect myself. I was trying to heal.

After a few minutes, I slowly pulled back the curtain and saw a white rose lying upon the tiled sink counter.

A/N: All of the roses popping up in these chapters are there for a good reason; I'm not trying to be sappy. =P

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