Albus had been drunk for three days. It wasn't really even helping. And it made the climb up the Quidditch stands rather difficult. Every step higher, he only became dizzier and dizzier. By the time they reached the top, he was nearly clinging to Scorpius for his life. "This is bullshit," he slurred as he fell into his seat. "Why the fuck do we all have to sit here and listen to this bullshit because of one fucking accident?"

Sitting cautiously next to him, Scorpius looked him up and down. His eyes were wide, as they'd been for three days when regarding him. But he hadn't said a word about Albus' chosen form of coping. He just stood by him, wiping puke from his hair when necessary. It was the most time he'd spent with his friend since the dark cloud of Louis had descended upon their life. It felt kind of nice. When Albus had the wherewithal to think about it for longer than a second, that was. "You don't mean that, Al. And your dad…he's just trying to help other people. Cut him some slack."

"Wait, Al, come back!"

Throwing his hands up over his ears, Albus shook his head. "It's not helping anything," he whispered. "He's not helping…."

"I haven't finished showing you my new move. You have to watch! This shit is going to be pure gold!"Laughing softly, Albus waved his hand back towards the pitch. "Give it a rest, Lil! You couldn't make it happen the first ten times, you won't make it happen now! Let alone in the middle of a match."

"I can't be here." Albus stood quickly, almost violently knocking Scorpius over. He'd pointedly avoided the whole Quidditch pitch for a year. He avoided the memorials and all the matches done in her honor. He avoided it all for this very reason. All of the ghosts were flooding back and he felt like he could be sick again. He fingered the flask in his pocket, knowing full well he'd emptied it before even beginning the climb. "I-I can't…."

"C'mon," Scorpius said gently, righting himself and steering Albus towards the exit. Albus eagerly rushed down the stairs, nearly topping over several times.

The only thing keeping him grounded was Scorpius' hand on his hip. Behind them, his father's voice could be heard booming throughout the pitch. He was starting his well-rehearsed safety speech, turning Albus' stomach even more. "Make him stop," he whined. "He's only making it worse…."

By the time they reached the grass behind the pitch, Albus' head was spinning. He pressed into Scorpius' chest to try and quiet all the voices.

"No, just wait one more minute, Al! You won't be disa- Oh, shit!"Albus merely laughed and shook his head, continuing to walk away.

Lily's scream wouldn't leave Albus' head. The alcohol quieted it for just a bit. But it never fully went away. Neither did the guilt. "I should have…done something." It had been the one time Albus forgot his wand. It had been the one time they were out there alone at night with no one else around to help. How could they have been so stupid? "It's my fault, Scor. It's my fault she died…."

Just as they had been back then, Scorpius' arms felt safe. His hold was tight enough to make him feel like he couldn't breathe, but somehow that was exactly what he needed. It pushed out those voices better than alcohol ever could. And just when it became too much, he would pull back and kiss him like he was giving mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. At least…that's how it used to be. This time when he pulled back, the kiss was weak. It was quick and friendly.

And Albus was just drunk enough to recklessly take more. He settled a leg between his friend's, trapping him with a subtle grind. He felt the breath leave Scorpius' lungs, invigorated and spurred on by it. Taking advantage of the parted lips, he deepened their kiss and slid he tongue over Scorpius'. He tasted familiar and safe. It tasted like the many nights spent in his hold, tears on his cheeks and cum on his chest. It tasted like regret and unhealed wounds.

But most of all it tasted forbidden, especially once Scorpius finally pushed him away. A string of saliva clung to his chin before he violently wiped it away. Like it was something rancid and offensive. "I get that you're grieving," he tried to say softly, his tone just on the edge of hard, "but you can't do that. It's not fair…. Not to me…not to Louis…. You wanted to be over because you couldn't handle any emotion but your sadness. You can't come kissing me like that now. Not now." He licked his lips and Albus hoped he was savoring the taste. "I want to be here for you, Albus. I do. But I can't be that for you. I know you're not there yet. You're not healed enough to give a part of yourself to someone like that."

Gently, like he might not fully mean it, Scorpius pushed Albus' shoulder. "Go sleep off the booze. You'll feel better sober, I promise. I'll come check in on you later."